Brian finally told his bandmates about the separation when he saw them after a three month break. They’d decided to regroup and work on concepts for their next album. To the four of them, it felt as though this last album on their contract with JIVE had to be the pinnacle of their careers. Nick, AJ, and Howie wanted it because they knew the group could produce an amazingly successful album and blow everyone away—they just had to figure out how to do it.
Brian, though, wanted the success because it was all that kept him going now. Without Leighanne in his life, his focus shifted to Baylee and his work. His second solo album was set to drop in four months, and he was relentlessly working on perfecting it. Late nights spent at the studio tuning up the sound often left him too tired to think about how dismal his personal life had become. He heard from Leighanne every so often, and, even though they were only separated, she’d sent him her wedding and engagement rings. Not sure what to do with them, he’d locked them in a box and swore that, one day, he’d put them back on her finger.
One day, he thought, but not today. Or anytime soon because Leighanne seemed content in her own condo, working as a recruiter for a modeling agency. It wasn’t exactly the job she had been looking for, she told him over the phone once, but she didn’t want to leave Atlanta and Baylee quite yet.
Brian simply hadn’t had the heart to ask her, “What about me?” He was afraid that he already knew the answer to that.
“Brian! Hey, Brian!” Nick snapped his fingers in front of Brian’s face, pulling him out from his brooding.
“Sorry.” Brian sat up and tried to look more alert. “What were we talking about?”
Howie frowned at him, and AJ looked concerned. It wasn’t like Brian to simply lose track of what was going on. “Nick talked to a bunch of fans at Scorpion last week. You know, in LA?” He waited for Brian’s nod before he continued. “Anyway, they think that we should quit this pop/rock deal and go back to our R&B style. Apparently, it’s what’s in and will make us more successful than pop/rock will.”
“What’s JIVE’s take on this?” Brian asked after a couple moments of pondering.
Nick shrugged. “I wanted us to be in agreement on what we want before we take this to the execs. If we go in as a united group, maybe we’ll have more impact, you know?”
“I like our old sound,” Howie admitted. “Maybe it’s time we went back to it. We did try with Unbreakable, but I think we need to try harder. Maybe hook up with better producers.”
“Maybe we don’t need Dan anymore,” Nick suggested cautiously, glancing hesitantly at Brian because he knew that Brian loved working with Dan Muckala.
“Dude, it would be off the hook if we could somehow get a hold of Timbaland,” AJ said enthusiastically. When Howie and Nick agreed, he looked at Brian. “What do you think, Brian? Think we should ditch the rock direction and go for more mainstream?”
“Sure, whatever.” Brian shrugged and turned to stare out the window, his thoughts drifting back to Leighanne as he wondered where she was at the moment, what she was doing…if she was dating anyone. His heart clenched as he thought about the fact that they’d never established whether or not they were no longer exclusive. The connotation to “separation” probably implied that she was allowed to see other guys, he told himself. He just had to figure out a way to not hurt if she did.
Nick, AJ, and Howie exchanged worried glances before they turned to Brian. Howie placed a hand on Brian’s shoulder. “Brian? Is everything okay? Is something bothering you?”
Brian sighed before he looked away from the window to his friends’ anxious faces. “No. Actually, nothing is okay, and I don’t know how to make it right again.” Even as tears started to fill his eyes, he blurted out, “Leighanne left me almost four months ago.”
There was a shocked silence before Nick spoke. “That’s not true.” But, he knew it had to be. Brian wouldn’t be this distraught if it were a lie. “Brian, why?”
“Seriously, man. The two of you were in love. Majorly.” AJ wrapped an arm around Brian’s shoulders. “What happened?”
In between the sobs that escaped him, Brian managed to fill them in on what had happened two nights after the Unbreakable tour had ended. “And, now, she’s got her own place and a new job, and she’s happy. She sounds so happy when we talk on the phone. But she won’t see me. Every time she has Baylee over at her place, she gets her sister to pick Bay up and take him over. I haven’t seen my wife in nearly four months, and it hurts. Oh, god, it hurts so much.” He hadn’t been able to talk to anyone, not even his parents or his family, about what it really felt like without Leighanne. With his bandmates, he spilled it all out.
They listened to him without saying all the trite phrases people say when they don’t know how to help a person in pain. Instead, they let him say aloud everything he’d been going through internally, and, when he was drained of it all, he laid his head on the table and waited for them to say something.
After several moments, Howie shook his head. “I still can’t believe it. You’re not divorced, right?”
“Nope. I don’t even want to think about that. If it happens-” He swiped at tears that fell from his eyes. “If we do get a divorce, it’ll be because Leighanne puts it into motion. I can’t do it. I just can’t.”
Nick laid his hand over Brian’s on the table. “Brian, you know we’re here for you, right? Whatever you need, we’ll help you out.” He paused and bit his lip. “Uh, I don’t want to but I gotta ask. Are you still in love with her?”
Brian sniffed back tears and lifted his head to look at Nick out of puffy, red eyes. “She’s my one, Nick. She has to be. She was my best friend, my soulmate. She gave birth to my child. I don’t know how I could not love her.”
“She also left you, destroyed you, and it’s pissing me off to see you like this. I want to find her and-” Nick broke off when Howie and AJ glared at him. “Sorry.”
AJ shook his head. “Didn’t you guys think about couples therapy or any of those other options before separating? I mean, it sounds pretty drastic to think of you guys going from all happy together to totally separate.”
Brian rubbed at his eyes wearily. “AJ, when she told me all those things that night, she’d already made up her mind that we should be separated. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about her over the last eleven years, it’s that, once her mind is made up, you can’t change it, no matter how hard you try.” He sighed shakily. “God, I wish I could go back and fix whatever made her change her mind about us.”
***
I know, I know. It was stupid to wish with all my heart that I could turn back time and make things all better. Obviously, this was how things were supposed to work out between Leighanne and I, and they did. It took me a long time to admit that, when I looked back on our years together, I could have seen it coming. Unfortunately, now that it had hit me, there wasn’t much I could do but deal with it.
With my fellow Boys and my family supporting me, I started to work on making myself happier. A few weeks after I spilled my heart to my friends, AJ pulled me aside and told me that I couldn’t go on the way I had been. It was obvious that Leighanne was happy with her life, and I definitely deserved to be the same. Not only for myself, he said, but for Baylee, too. After all, Baylee couldn’t live the majority of his time with a hollowed out shell of a man; he needed a father.
A few days passed before I found that AJ was right. I did deserve better, and, more than that, Baylee deserved better from me. I started making the effort to be a better father, and, slowly, I saw that my son became a happier child because of it. Baylee’s performance in first grade had been suffering, but, once I worked on turning my life around, he seemed to improve, too.
I took him to Disney Japan again because he’d always loved it. We went to the beach, visited Nick in Tampa, and spent a lot more time in Kentucky. My parents spoiled the both of us, and we lapped it right up. Baylee had always loved my parents, but he grew even closer to them through all of this.
Eight months passed and work on the new Backstreet Boys album began as promotions on my second Christian album stepped up. As excited as I was about the album and as awesome as it was to take Baylee with me everywhere since it was now summer, I had completely forgotten that, with promotions would come media probes into my personal life. They caught me off guard and, with no idea what to say, I finally admitted to the press that Leighanne and I were separated.
As unprepared as I was for the questions from reporters and DJs, though, I was completely stunned when the first pictures of Leighanne with another man appeared on the Internet. Almost at the same time, I received a petition for divorce from her lawyer.
The life that I had worked so hard to fix seemed to crash again.
Adrift by starbeamz2
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks for the interest, everyone! I know this is kind of a strange story to tell, but I'm glad you guys like it so far. I doubt that this is going to be a very long story, but I hope, either way, you like it!
