Chapter 10

When Ali woke up the next morning, Nick had already left the house, leaving her a note on the kitchen counter that told her he had things to do and that he would be back later that afternoon. It made Ali a little worried that she hadn’t talked to him since they got back from the clinic the day before, and that he had already left without telling her where he was going. She knew it was none of her business, but still, she was used to him always letting her know what he would be up to during the day, and the fact that he had just left made her a little thoughtful. Nick had always been very supportive and protective, but ever since she had gotten the terrible news about the cancer two days earlier, he had been acting a little more distant and quiet than what Ali was used to. This was a time when she needed him more than ever, and she was starting to worry that her situation was scaring him away. She desperately needed him to be there for her, he was the only one she knew she could trust and rely on, and the one person she depended on. He was also the one person she had ever truly loved, although she was still trying to figure out what kind of love she had towards him.

Hours passed, the sun started to set, and there was still no sign of Nick. Ali had tried calling him several times, but his phone was turned off. During the day, she had been starting to feel the effect on the chemo therapy, spending several minutes in the bathroom, hanging over the toilet seat, throwing up, thinking that the situation could have been a little better if only Nick was there holding her hair back like he used to do when she had gotten too much to drink.

The night approached too fast, and before Ali knew it, she was lying in bed again, exhausted, forcing her eyes to stay open just in case Nick got back. Just before she drifted off into a restless sleep, she thought she could hear the front door to the house open, or maybe it was her dreams fooling her.

The next day, Ali was set for another chemo treatment. It meant that they would have to leave around noon to be at the clinic in time. But as soon as she got out of bed that morning, she knew that Nick had already left to go somewhere. It was something about the way the house seemed awfully empty when he was not there. And just as she had predicted, there was a note on the kitchen counter again, explaining that he had gotten caught up the day before, and that he had some unfinished business to take care of that day. There was no mentioning if he would be back to take her to the clinic or not. After calling Nick constantly for an hour, and leaving him message after message on his answering machine, Ali picked up her phone and dialled another familiar number.

“Hello” AJ’s voice sounded groggy, like he hadn’t gotten out of bed yet.

“AJ…. It’s Ali.”

“Ali! Hi… how are you feeling? Is everything alright?” She could hear the concern in his voice.

“I’m ok… It’s just… you don’t happen to know where Nick is, do you?”

“No… sorry, I don’t. Did anything happen?”

Ali sighted and popped down on the couch in the living room. “No…. I don’t know. It’s just, I have another chemo treatment in a few hours, and he was supposed to take me, but he’s not here and I can’t reach him. In fact, I haven’t seen him since the day before yesterday.”

“Really? That’s not like Nick…”

“I know he’s been sleeping here, cause his bed is not made, and someone definitely slept in it, and he’s been eating cereal too. It’s just that I get tired really fast, and I don’t have the energy to stay up and wait for him or get up early enough to catch him before he leaves.”

“Have you tried calling him?”

“Yea, his phone is switched off…”

“That’s strange… Listen, give me thirty minutes and I’ll pick you up and drive you to the clinic.”

“Really? Are you sure that’s not too much to ask?”

“Ali… how many times will I have to tell you? You’re my friend. Nick isn’t the only one you can ask for favours. I’d be glad to help. And I mean, it’s important that you’re following the treatment plan.”

“Thank’s AJ.”

“No problem honey. Just give me thirty minutes and I’ll be there.”

A few hours later, Ali found herself sitting in the same room as she had two days before, with a needle in her arm, feeling the clear fluid treatment enter her body. It was a strange feeling, knowing that her life depended on those few drops. It seemed almost ridiculous that something so small could be so powerful. She knew she still hadn’t experienced the full extent of the side effects yet, and she knew that once she started having the treatment regularly she would get worse. The thought of feeling constantly ill scared her, and she prayed that Nick would stay with her, and that whatever it was that he was going through was just temporarily.

“So, what exactly is going on with Nick, Ali?” AJ asked once they were on their way home a short hour later.

Ali sighed. “I really don’t know… He’s been acting really distant the past couple of days. I haven’t even talked to him since we got back from the clinic two days ago. I’ve been calling his cell, waiting up for him, but I’m too tired to keep myself up all night.”

“Do you think he’s scared?”

“I think he’s terrified.”

AJ nodded. “You know, he lost you once, and he just got you back, and now… this… I can understand is he feels insecure about this situation. But you know what? He’s Nick, he always comes around sooner or later.”

“It’s just… I need him AJ, now! And as hard as this might be to him, how do you think I feel? A few months from now, I might not even be here, and if that’s the case… I wanna spend those last months with my best friend. He’s all I’ve got, you know.” Tears started forming in her eyes, and she looked down at her hands, quickly blinking them away.

“Hey… you’ve got me.” AJ reached over and gently touched her hand. She looked over at him, giving him a small grateful smile as AJ continued. “But this is more than just spending time with your best friend, isn’t it?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… He means more to you than that, doesn’t he?”

Ali didn’t answer.

“There’s nothing wrong with having feelings for someone, Ali.” AJ continued. “I mean, you’ve known each other since forever, it was bound to----“

“AJ! Please… don’t.” Ali shook her head in frustration. “Everyone thinks they know how I feel about him, but they don’t ok? Not you, not Nick, not anyone, not even me. All I know is that he means more to me than anyone else, and I am so scared of losing that. I’m scared of losing him.”

“But you do love him?”

“Of course I love him, but there are more than one kind of love, and right now I’m too freaked out to even begin to consider what kind of love I feel for him. It’s too much right now. Everything is too much right now.” She was fighting back her tears now.

AJ nodded. “I understand. But you really should talk to him Ali.”

“How can I do that when he’s not even there?”

“I don’t know… We’ll find a way.”