Chapter 9

Aaron’s POV

 I awoke the next morning, feeling like a I got hit upside the head with bat. I groaned, grabbing the side of my head and turning over. I was welcomed by Rose, putting her hand over mine. I slowly opened my eyes and met her green ones.

“Hi there.” She whispered, smiling. I smiled back at her, loving the way she looks at me in the mornings. I don’t ever want to loose something so beautiful and pure in this world. I leaned over and gave her a sweet kiss on her forehead, while running my fingertips over her face. I then sat up and looked over to the other side of me. Then it hit me like a bullet. The drama we went through yesterday. That’s why my head hurts so much. Jesse elbowed me in the head. Damn him for my migraine. I wouldn’t even thought…no…I wouldn’t have even imagined Jesse would do something like this. Of course he loved Katie with all of his heart and soul, just like I love Rose, but I didn’t think he would try to take his own life because of it. He once told me he would die if he ever lost her. I told him he wouldn’t. Cause there’s more to life after death. That death was a part of life. And if something ever happened to Katie…anything….life still goes on. He’ll have the memories to what was the best time of his life. And of course he argued with me. That’s what friends do, they don’t want to listen. Now after what Jesse pulled last night, makes it even harder on me. Just like I said they don’t want to listen, because they think they know how they really feel and doesn’t care about what you have to say. What’s going on with Jesse, is a very big matter. What frightens me the most is that he won’t listen to me and I’ll fail as a friend. We’re supposed to be there for each other. I will give an arm and a leg to make sure he gets through this. If not, what is my calling? Definitely not a friend.

 I pulled myself out of bed and hurried downstairs to find Jesse. After what happened last night I’m not taking any chances. I’m not gonna let this boy out of my sight. We’re gonna be little bathroom buddies, until this all blows over. Well….maybe not but you get my drift. I skidded into the kitchen, calling his name. Finally I spotted him outside on the bench swing. I took a deep breath and sweet relief. I opened the backdoor and saw Jesse curled up on the bench, and blanket around him and some coffee in hand. I sat down beside him, pulling the blanket over me as well. Kinda nippy outside.

“Hey.” I said giving him a weak smile. He glanced at me. I could tell he didn’t sleep at all last night. Dark circles took over his eyes and exhaustion just swept over him.

“Hi.” Jesse said in such a tiny voice I had to strain my ear muscles just to hear him.

“Um…are you okay?” I asked then suddenly regretted it. Stupid. Stupid. Aaron when are you ever going to learn? Don’t ask that question!! Of course he’s not okay. If he was OKAY, he’ll be in a happy mood, chipper maybe. No if he was chipper he might as well be called psychotic.

“No.” He answered. I nodded. Understandable.

“Jesse, please tell me what your feeling. I want to know so I can help you.”

Jesse shook his head, “You wouldn’t understand.”

I snorted upon hearing that. How dare he, “I wouldn’t understand?”

“No.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

Jesse looked at me, “Is it?”

“Having the same feeling you are, feeling nothing matters in the world, a world where you nobody wants you or cares! I’ve been there. I’ve lived it. I’ve always told you everything. Absolutely everything. Now don’t give me that you won’t understand bullshit, just like you did just now!”

“Actually, there’s one thing you never told me. I had to learn from another source. A source called the media. Something you should have told me.”

“What?”

“When you started doing drugs. Sneaking around, lying, breaking promises. You know the usual shit you put me through.”

“So this is payback, huh?”

“Isn’t a bitch, Aaron?”

“That is a whole entire different thing.”

“Bullshit. You know why you started doing it. Because you were broken up over your family. You only did it cause it made you feel better.”

“I also tried to do exactly what you tried to do last night. I told you that didn’t I? I was suicidal too. Remember that? It was you that helped me. It was you I put my trust and thanks into. You‘re the reason why I‘m still living.” Finally I was greeted by silence and Jesses hazel eyes staring back at me, “Just remember one thing. I was in your place too. Instead of pills I had a knife. I held it in my hand so tight. I cried and cried telling myself just to do it. Just do it. Did I? No. I didn’t. And you know why? Because I  couldn’t. I was too scared to die. I wanted my heart and my soul to get better and if you remember, I know I do, that that day I went over to your house and cried and told you want I tried to do. And when I told you, I looked into your eyes and seen that you started to cry too. I then realized something, I didn’t want to die, because I didn’t want to loose you. I didn't want to loose my best friend."

“How did you do it, Aaron? How did you do it?” Jesse asked, his voice thick from all the tears that were blocking it.

“I kept on walking through the front door. Never ever go through the back. And if the front door won’t open, break a window.” I told him. Jesse squeezed my head and nodded.

“I’m so sorry I had to put you through that, man.” I nodded and pulled him for a tight hug.

“It’s okay. It’ll be okay. And you know me man. I don’t make promises I can’t keep. I promise you’ll be okay. All I need is for you to trust me.”

“I do. I do trust you, man.” Jesse sobbed into my shoulder. I pulled him back and gave him a small pat.

“Hey, I have an idea. I have a therapy session with Sandra this afternoon. Why don’t you come with me. Talk to her too.”

Jesse raised an eyebrow, “Are you serious? Now you want to put fucking therapy shit through my head.”

“Um…yeah I do!” I laughed, “Look, I’ve been going to Sandra since I was sixteen, pretty much ever since Nick forced me too. She’s helped me so much. She always knows what to say. I even pick up a few tips from her. What do you say? We can go together. No matter what you’re not in this alone.”

Jesse took a deep breath and stood up, “So…when’s the appointment?”