Do you believe that was me, oh about twenty years ago?  Some days I still don't believe it.  Not after all the shit I've done in my life.  Man have I been a major ass hole.  Some things I've done over the last few years, though, have reminded me of that day in Miss Carlene's class..  They've reminded me of the realization Miss Carlene pulled from me.

I would be nothing like my father.

My mom and the guys tell me I'm doing a good job at that, but I'm still not completely sure.  It's a lot harder than I thought it would be.  Who knows where the fuck I'd be if it weren't for all of them though.

It took a lot to get me here, and I still have doubts.  I have doubts that I'm doing a good job.  I have doubts that I'm not going to fuck it all up.  They all tell me to relax and go with the flow, but I still have my doubts.  I do it all for TJ though.

My life would be completely different if it weren't for TJ.  We're a little team now, AJ and TJ.  But I guess you're wondering who TJ is?  Tucker Jaydon, my son.  He's almost one, and he's amazing.

Not many people thought I would have kids.  I'm not sure I thought I would either.  I was scared to fuck my kids up, scared of being like my father.  The truth is I love kids.  They just scare me.  I think Kevin and Brian's sons Mason and Baylee are awesome.  They're not mine though.  I get to play with them and send them back home.

Tucker is a completely different story.  I get to do it all, and it's even more amazing than I thought it would be.  Fucking hard, but it's amazing.

A lot went into getting here though.  I guess it all started with Sam...

I walked down the aisle, not really paying attention to where I was going.  It was after midnight, who in their right mind would be grocery shopping at this hour?  Well, besides me.  A little secret...I like grocery shopping in the middle of the night.  Less people, less chance of being spotted.

CRASH

Oops.  I guess that's why you need to pay attention.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry," I let go of my shopping cart and rushed over to the person I'd just crashed into.    She was gripping the shopping cart handle, I assume trying to keep herself from falling over.  I reached out and grabbed her elbow, "Are you okay?"

She nodded and slowly looked up.  Her hazel eyes, filled with tears of pain, bore right into me, "My cart just hit my shin."

I pushed the cart away and crouched down in front of her.  Her long tanned legs were right in front of me and I examined her shin.  I reached out and my hands wrapped around her silky calf, my thumbs gently rubbing her shin.

"I...think...I think you're going to have a bit of a bruise," I finally managed to say to her.  I took a deep breath and stood up, examining her smooth legs as I went up.  My mind couldn't help but wonder what she had under those shorts...

"Damn, that's going to suck."

"What?" I couldn't figure out if she'd said anything else, I was too busy in dreamland.  I let my mind wander to the shorts again.  Did she have panties on underneath?  What kind were they?  Or maybe she was commando...

"The bruise...it's bikini season," she looked at me like I was a total dumbass.  Oh right, she was talking to me.  I needed to stop letting little Alex do my thinking at the moment.

I don't think the look on my face at that moment helped much.  The mere mention of a bikini from this girl...I'm surprised I didn't start drooling.

She watched me for a few more seconds and sighed, "Okay then.  I have to finish up here, so have a nice night."

Damn.  I scared her.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and went back to my cart.  I couldn't concentrate on shopping any more though.  Her legs kept popping up in front of me.

I walked down the remainder of the aisle and turned into the next aisle.

"Try not to knock anything down this time," someone giggled.

I looked up and there she was again, inches away.  I'd just about run into her shopping cart again.  I really needed to start paying attention!

"You really should pay attention to where you are going."

Why the hell wasn't I saying anything?

"Sorry, it's been a long day.  You probably think I'm a complete jack ass?"

She slowly shook her head, her dark brown hair brushing the tops of her shoulders as she did.  I was a little surprised she hadn't recognized me yet.  Maybe that was a good thing though.

"I'm...Alex," I put my hand out to shake hers.  I decided that would be a safer bet than AJ.  I didn't want to set off any screaming tonight.  Well, not that kind of screaming.

She took my hand, "So is that what you go by when you're not working?"

Ah, so she did recognize me, "I wasn't sure you knew who I was."

"I wasn't sure at first...You weren't how I though you might be.  But how could I not recognize a Backstreet Boy?  I'm Samantha, by the way."

"Nice to meet you Samantha.  Midnight grocery shopping?"

"I was bored.  Plus, I just got home and I needed to have something in the house."

"Need to make sure you have food to feed the boyfriend?"

Could I be any more obvious?

She shook her head again and I just watched her hair swing back and forth over her shoulders.

"No, but I was hoping to have someone over to cook for..."

She couldn't possibly be asking me out.  I'm the one that does that!  Get the fuck over it AJ, she's hot!  Fine, I'll play along.  This could be fun.

"Really?  Have someone in mind?"

She nodded and the grin on her face was...hot.  If I wasn't careful I might just have to do something right there in the middle of the grocery store.

"What do you say, Alex?  Wanna come over and I can cook for you?"

Damn I was really hoping that cook didn't actually mean cook.

She stepped closer to me, her face just inches from mine.  I could feel her breath on my face.

"Fuck..." I whispered under my breath.  I got a hold of myself then and shook it off, "I have to..shopping...food."

It was useless.

That was the day, or night really, that I met Sam.  Damn I got lost in that woman.

The grocery shopping I was supposed to be doing?  Never got done.  Well, not that night anyways.  We got a few necessities, and we were out of there pretty fast.

Who would've thought that I would end up with a two year relationship from that one meeting in the grocery store at midnight, let alone a son?

People ask me sometimes if I would change things if I could go back.  Honestly I'm not sure.  I wouldn't have Tucker if I hadn't gotten involved with Sam.  On the other hand, I wouldn't have had to put up with Sam all this time.  Too bad the relationship didn't stay good.