One of the phrases in the English language that most prepares you for humor of the best kind is "he was stuck between a rock and a hard place". For instance, before I've even described to you the situation at hand you're probably already laughing, right? Of course, you probably already know that by "him" I mean Nick Carter - aka Agent Carter, honorary officer of the FBI. Pretty much anything including him is bound to be a pretty hilarious situation.
Then again, too, you're probably expecting funny. I mean this IS the sequel to a story about how Nick accidentally joined a terrorist mob, right?
And so it begins.
Nick was stuck between a rock and a hard place. In most literary cases, this is a figurative line meaning that the person in question couldn't decide between two very hard choices. However, in Nick's case, it's quite literal.
"GUUUUUYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSS!" Nick kicked against the outside of the bus, moving his legs like he was running. He could vaguely hear his sneakers squeaking as the rubber bottoms rubbed on the metal. "GUYSSSSSSS!!!!!" He reached his arms out as straight as they could go, trying to reach the metal frame of the shower stall. It was so close, if he could just reach that, he might be able to pull himself through. His fingertips grazed the metal, just barely reaching the curve of the other side. He tried to pull, but the grip wasn't good enough and his fingers slid down. "Crap," he groaned, trying again, stretching his arms as hard as he could. "GUYYYYYYYSSSSSSSS??? Fellaaaaaaaaas? Helloooooooo?!" He kicked harder against the bus, hoping they'd hear him. "C'mon you guuuuuys!"
Suddenly the door flew opened and the Boys' manager, stood in the frame, arms on his hips.
Nick bit his lips and let his arms dangle. "Aw fudge," he mumbled, pouting.
"What in the name of hell are you doing?" Jeff asked, raising an eyebrow and folding his arms over his chest.
Nick looked around, "Well, I can explain."
"Please do," Jeff responded.
"Well... see, it's like this..." Nick paused, thinking. "I had this really bad craving for french fries, and---"
"French fries, again? Didn't you learn your lesson LAST time you snuck out to get McDonald's french fries, Nick?"
Nick hesitated, "Well.. kinda. Except this time I'm not gonna get kidnapped by a bomb-making psychopath with a horse laugh or her father, and the odds of me being sent to the depths of the Hudson in a Hummer are pretty much slim to none considering we're not in New York City." He grinned.
"Smart ass." Jeff paused, "I should leave you there like that."
"Noooooooooooo!" Nick whined, "C'mon, my stomach hurts. Help me!"
Jeff crossed the bathroom and took Nick's hands. "You know, when I signed the contract to be your manager, I had no idea I was signing to be a parent turned zoo keeper." He puleld Nick, leaning away from him to use as much of his body weight to pull with as possible. Nick didn't budge.
Suddenly AJ appeared in the doorway, groggy and his hair a mess. He yawned sleepily, then his eyes popped wide opened. "What the hell?" He took in the scene for a moment. "Jesus, Nick, what the fuck were you doing?"
"Just.. yanno.. hangin' around..." Nick replied. He rolled his eyes, "Dude, AJ... help Jeff, please. Ask questions later."
Jeff turned to AJ, "Get Brian and Howie and have security go push from the other side. He's really lodged in there good." AJ snickered and left the room. "You might want to consider a diet," Jeff added to Nick, "You can start by stopping with all the McDonald's french fries."
"They do seem to be a cursed food," Nick answered.
A few minutes later, AJ returned, followed by Brian and Howie. Brian covered his mouth, laughing. "Oh my gosh I thought you were kidding!"
"Nick.." Howie shook his head, "How in the hell does one get his ass stuck in the tour bus window?"
Jeff rolled his eyes, "He was getting french fries." All three Boys groaned.
"Nick!" Howie sighed, "Don't you remember what happened LAST time you snuck out to get french fries?"
"Yeah, and like I told Jeff ---" before he could relay what he'd told Jeff, Nick felt a large hand on his rearend, pushing him forward. "HEY.. EASY ON THE GOODS BACK THERE!" he yelled, kicking his foot at the hand. On the other side, Drew, the head security guard, dodged Nick's kicking leg and continued pushing, despite his loud protests.
Jeff motioned for the Boys to help him, "C'mon you guys, form a chain and we'll try to pull him as they push him from out in the parking lot."
"This is gonna hurt, huh?" Nick asked.
Jeff shrugged, "Next time think of that before you get your ass lodged into a window." Nick pouted.
The Boys lined up behind Jeff, AJ wrapping his arms around the manager, Howie's around AJ's waist and Brian's around Howie's and all four of the men pulled, putting all their weight into it as Drew shoved from behind. "This is sooo like that episode of Winnie the Pooh when Pooh gets stuck in Rabbit's door, remember?" he asked, giggling.
Working together, they finally managed to pull Nick free from the window's grasp, and they fell backwards with a bang, Brian on the bottom and Nick landing on the top of the pile. Then they all started shouting at once.
"That hurt!"
"Get off me!"
"Hey watch where you're putting your hand!"
"Jesus why the hell're you hard, Howie?"
"Shut the hell up!"
"I SAID get off of me!"
"My arms, what'd you guys DO to me? I stretched, like Gumby."
"Kevin would SO kill you if he knew you snuck off for fries again."
"OW!"
"Hey, hey now!"
"Kevin isn't here, now IS he?"
Jeff got up and evacuated before the other four could detangle themselves. "Thanks, Jeff," Nick shouted, but he was already to the front of the bus, more than likely.
"Thank him later," AJ grumbled, "Just get this guy here off me." He pointed at Howie. "He's all turned on and shit."
"You woke me up, thank you," Howie snapped back.
"I turned him on," AJ nodded.
Brian shoved AJ and Howie off him and stood up. "Well.. that was.. eventful." He looked Nick over, "What the hell made you crazy enough to try that stunt?"
Nick shrugged, "I knew ya'll wouldn't let me go by myself to get fries, and I just wanted some alone time, that's all."
"Last time we left you alone," Brian observed, "You came home with the mob."
"This is true, Carter," AJ pointed out, nudging Nick. "We can't exactly be expected to be really comfortable with you being by yourself after that display...now can we?"
Nick shrugged, "I guess not." He pouted, and looked down at his lap. He sighed. Yeah, he'd brought the mob home with him last time, but he'd also beaten the mob, hadn't he? The guys lives had been saved by him, Nick! He was an honorary agent in the FBI! And he couldn't even be left alone for ten minutes to go get french fries? And the fellas wondered why he felt like he had to sneak out the bathroom window? He shook his head... wishing that for once in his life the fellas could give him a little respect. Sure he was blonde, but hey... sometimes good things come in blonde packages.
"So um..." Howie paused a moment as a silence fell over them. "Did you.. bring any food home with you?" he asked.
Nick shook his head, "No.. I was on the way out when I got stuck." Nick's cheeks turned red. There was a brief pause before all four of them started laughing.
Saving the Day for Blondes 2: The Amazing Story of How Nick Apprehended The Infamous Masquerade Murderer Without ANY Caffeine In His Body! by Pengi
