It was too late to fly back to France, the Agents decided, and they hadn't heard the results of the ballistics test from Scotland Yard yet, either, so Paris arranged for three rooms to be made available, free of charge, for the four of them. Nick and AJ struggled through the tiny hallway in the mouth of the room to find themselves in a 12x12 square box crammed with two beds, like a classic hotel room, rather than the big open space suites they'd become accustomed to. Nick dropped his bags onto the floor. "Great."
AJ looked around, "This is it?"
"Apparently..." Nick squeezed between the foot of the beds and the dresser-slash-tv-stand and hoisted his bags onto the bed closest to the window, then looked around. It wasn't a bad room, as far as cheap, tiny rooms go, but it wasn't going to be very easy putting up with AJ in such a small, cramped area. Plus the paintings of sailboats on the walls were just annoying, and a little bit creepy.
AJ put his bags on the other bed and looked around too, then made a disapproving face. "Could she spare it?"
"I know, right?" Nick responded with a laugh. He sighed and threw himself back onto the bed, "God I could fall asleep on a bed of nails right now," he mumbled.
"Yeah, me too," AJ replied. He walked around the end of the bed to the desk in the corner and began rifling through the papers and booklets that were spread all over the place. He spotted a booklet entitled What To Do In London and opened it, flipping through to a page labeled 'Nightlife'. "Hey let's go clubbing," AJ suggested.
Nick sat up, "What happened to sleeping on beds of tacks?"
AJ held up the book, "There's a strip club across the street."
Nick raised his eyebrow, "Do you really, seriously, wanna spend the night looking at women who are getting paid to take their clothes off when we could be spending it here, in this room, sleeping soundly and getting rested up for the night???"
AJ looked at the booklet, then turned to look at his bed, then to Nick. "Yeah, kind of."
Nick laughed. "Jesus, AJ..." And laid back down. He sighed, "I'm tired, dawg." He closed his eyes and took a deep, relaxing breath, prepared to stay put for the rest of the night.
"They serve potato skins," AJ said. Nick continued laying there. "And coffee."
Nick sat up. "Coffee?" AJ nodded. "And potato skins?" AJ nodded. "And naked girls?" AJ nodded again. "This is a club?" AJ nodded yet again. "Are you sure? You sure it's not Heaven, cos it sounds like it to me."
AJ laughed, "It says it's a club."
"Okay let's go." Nick jumped up from the bed.
"It's sad that I said naked girls first, and you said no until you heard about the coffee, man," AJ commented, tossing the booklet down on the desk and grabbing his wallet out of his bag. He shoved it into his pocket. "I need ones."
"Me too," Nick answered, pulling his wallet out of his backpack. "Man I love coffee."
AJ rolled his eyes, "Are you a man? Good God, Nick, we're going to see strippers and you're focusing, again, on the damn coffee."
With that, they went out the door.
-----
Paris had struggled for several minutes trying to get herself situated on the sofa, but she'd finally managed to get herself into a semi-comfortable position. One of the bodyguards handed her the custom designed Juicy Couture iBook and she flipped open the laptop's screen. "Can someone get me the piece of paper next to my bed with Nick's email address on it?" she asked, holding up her hand and waiting for someone to drop it into her palm. A moment later, the paper arrived in her hand and she unfolded it, then hit the power button on her computer. She read the email address, musing over what the screen name could mean (it was a bunch of random letters, the first letters Nick's fingers had touched on the keyboard, actually, and therefore had no meaning). She looked up at the screen. It was still black. Paris hit the power button again, furrowing her brow. Still nothing. "What the hell.." she murmured. She pressed it a third time, harder this time, and finally it blinked on. The screen began to power up, and had just about opened when the entire screen turned blood red.
FATAL ERROR.
"What?" her eyes widened, "What the hell.." she clicked the mouse.
FATAL ERROR.
Paris tapped the keys, desperate, unsure what to do to fix it. Then the screen turned blue, and white letters scrolled onto the screen.
PARIS, I WARNED YOU TO BACK OFF. IF YOU DON'T STOP HELPING THEM FIND ME
I WILL MAKE SURE THAT YOU DON'T HELP THEM AGAIN. NOW, ABOUT THOSE TAPES.
Paris's eyes were wide. How was this even possible for someone to have hacked into her computer and cause this to happen...when her computer had been off, and right there beside her all day?
The screen turned red again.
HARD DRIVE ERASED.
FATAL ERROR.
The words blinked on and off the screen. Paris felt her heart beat fast... she pushed the computer off her lap, not even caring when it hit the floor, and laid back into the pillows of the sofa, her eyes wide and breathing unsteadily, staring up at the ceiling. She realized after a moment that she was shaking, terrified. "I want to go home," she announced suddenly to the bodyguard nearest to her. "Call the airport and book a private flight to Los Angeles, I'm not staying here anymore. I'm going home." She struggled to her feet with the help of one of the guards and set to work packing everything she needed to bring along.
-----
Nick and AJ were walking across the street to the club after trading in their cash for dollar bills at the front desk of the Hilton. The receptionist had given them funny looks, but hadn't said anything as she counted off the singles for each of them, and they waved good-bye to her and headed out the door. Now, they'd walked around two sides of the hotel to the back, where the club was located, in the basement of another building. Nick was buzzing with excitement, but not over the idea of the strippers, but over the coffee.
"God I'm so excited," he crowed, "I've gone like three days without it, and I'm having awful withdrawals."
AJ rolled his eyes. "Did you know that technically coffee could be considered a drug?"
Nick blinked in surprise, "What? No it isn't... It's coffee."
"Yeah, but coffee has caffeine in it," AJ supplied.
"Yeah? No crap? You don't say..." Nick chuckled.
AJ sighed, "Caffeine is an addictive substance, therefore it's a drug. The fact that you're having withdrawals from it tells me you're addicted."
"I ain't addicted to nothin', no how," Nick argued, as the two of them reached the other side of the street. "There's no such thing as Coffee-holics Anonymous."
"How do you know?" AJ asked, "Did you ever look it up?"
"No dawg!" Nick squealed as they paused in front of the club, "It'd be stupid, that's how I know..." Nick looked at the club. A couple of guys pushed by him, looking at him a bit funny, then jogging down some steps that led to the basement. Nick looked down them. There was a large black guy bouncing at the door. He looked up at the sign. "Polari," he read, looking up at the sign. "What the hell?"
AJ paused, "That's...unique."
"I've heard that word before somewhere," Nick mused, "Polari... polari... where've I heard it?"
"Did you and Paris party here once?" AJ asked.
Nick shook his head, "No I don't think so."
AJ shrugged, "Maybe you read about the club somewhere in a magazine or something. C'mon, let's go inside." Nick shook his head. "What? What the hell is wrong with you? We're here and now you don't want to go in? C'mon."
"No dawg, I got a funny feeling about this." Nick watched a couple more guys wander by him and down the stairs. He looked at AJ. "They're all looking at me."
AJ shook his head, "Nick, they're probably thinking you're retarded for hesitating. C'mon, let's go. The ladies must be something else, this place is getting flooded." AJ grabbed Nick's sleeve and dragged him towards the steps.
"I know I've heard that word before," Nick mused, allowing AJ to pull him along down the stairs. He rubbed his chin with the hand AJ wasn't pulling. AJ nodded to the bouncer, who raised an eyebrow as they passed by, then smiled. Nick glanced over his shoulder as they stepped into the dimly lit club to see the bouncer was watching them go in. "Dawg, I got a seriously weird ass feelin' about this place," Nick insisted.
"Will you please just relax?" AJ said, "It's a freakin' strip club, what could possibly be wrong with it?"
"I dunno!" Nick insisted. Just then a waiter went by carrying a tray with four steaming hot coffees balanced on it. "Oh my God, coffee." Nick forgot all about his insecurities and began pushing through the crowd of guys, following the waiter with his hot coffee.
AJ rolled his eyes and looked around. The room was packed. Suddenly a guy appeared at his shoulder, "'ey chap," the guy said, folding his arms across his chest, "You the Backstreet Boy? That one, Alex McLean, aren't you?"
AJ blinked in surprise. He hadn't really expected being recognized. But hey, it was pretty cool. "Yeah, yes I am," he answered.
"Oh fancy that!" the guy exclaimed, "That's a blow! It's just dolly seeing you here, outside the glossies and all."
AJ nodded. He'd understood maybe a third of that. "Right, dolly," he repeated. Damn, he thought, the Brits talk in a whole other language.
Nick followed the waiter right to the bar and sat at a stool. "Hey," he called the bar tender over, "Dude... hey!"
The bar tender walked over and looked at Nick. "What can I get for ya, dish?"
Nick paused, "Um.. no. No dishes, just some coffee."
The bar tender looked at him like he was nuts, but turned and grabbed a mug and filled it to the brim with steaming hot black coffee. Nick took it and grinned down into the cup. "Oh God I've been lookin' forward to coffee for three days..." He took a long sip.
"'at'll be two pound," the tender requested.
Nick nodded and tossed it onto the counter, then lifted his mug and turned his back to the bar, looking at the crowd. Across the room the stage was dark, it was between performances, he guessed. He glanced to the side to see if there were any honies - though why they'd be at a strip club if they weren't lesbians he'd never really understood but okay - and that's when he saw the two guys were down the end holding hands. He smiled. Yeah he wasn't gay but he was fine with it. Kinda weird they'd come to a strip club, though. He looked the other way, and saw two more guys that were together... and... Nick paused. "Uhh..." And suddenly he knew exactly where he'd heard the word Polari before.
He jumped up, putting the coffee cup back down on the bar and rushed back to where he'd last seen AJ. AJ was standing there talking to a guy who looked like a punky David Spade. Nick smacked his forehead, but couldn't help but giggle because... well, AJ had no idea he was being hit on, clearly. Nick ran over to him and grabbed his arm... This had to be done delicately. "AJ," he said, pulling his arm a bit, "AJ... I need to tell you something."
The David Spade guy looked at Nick and his eyes widened as he smiled. "You're here too, fancy that!"
AJ looked at Nick, "Nick, this is Lars."
"Hi Lars," Nick said. He looked at AJ. "I gotta talk to you."
"What?" AJ asked.
Nick shook his head, "Alone dude."
"What? Okay..." AJ shrugged at Lars, "Nice meeting you dude." Lars nodded and tipped his cap, looking a bit disappointed, and Nick hurriedly pulled AJ to the door. "What the hell is wrong with you?" AJ asked, "The show hasn't even started yet."
"I know," Nick said, pulling AJ out the door and back up the stairs, "But trust me on this one."
AJ followed Nick, sighing, "Nick, all I wanted was to check out some nice women, okay?" Nick started laughing as soon as they were out of ear shot of the club, and doubled over, grabbing his knees and wheezing. AJ blinked in surprise. "What the hell is funny right now to you?"
"I remembered where I heard the word Polari, AJ," Nick responded, looking up at his friend. AJ held up in hands in confusion as though to say 'what the hell'. Nick laughed harder, "Polari is a language," he said, pausing to giggle.
"A language?" AJ asked, "Like... Poland?"
"No, no," Nick laughed harder, "Like gay slang."
AJ paused. "Gay slang."
"Yeah.... That was a gay strip club."
AJ looked back at the stair well looming behind them. "And Lars..."
"...was hittin' on you," Nick finished, cracking up.
"And they all thought we were..."
"...gay," Nick replied, "Together."
AJ's eyes widened, "JESUS!" he shoved Nick away from him, just in case someone was looking. He shook his head, "Jesus.... I don't got a problem with being gay, you know," he said, "But I don't want people to think we are. Especially not together." He looked at Nick. "Well."
Nick giggled, "Remember Jimmy Licks? In Australia?"
AJ started laughing. "So we've been to a gay strip club... Guess we've done everything now."
"Except get coffee," Nick pouted. "I had like three sips back there."
"Should've asked for it to go," AJ said, walking around the hotel.
Nick sighed. "I need coffee, dawg... When am I gonna find some coffee?"
-----
When the guys got back to the hotel, they found Agent Focque standing in front of their hotel room door, about to knock. AJ was startled to see her there. "Ivana," he said, "What're you doing?"
She looked up, and seeing Nick with him, replied, "I was just checking in on you two. With the murderer lurking about I don't want to take any chances..." She paused. "What've you two been up to?"
Nick started laughing, "We tried to go to a strip club," he answered.
Ivana's eyes widened and she looked at AJ. "What?"
AJ shrugged. "There's a strip club across the street," he said, "Nicky here wanted to head over, so I figured I'd tag along."
"What the hell?" Nick squealed, laughing, "AJ, I didn't wanna go, I wanted to sleep. Then you teased me with promises of coffee."
"Well," Ivana said, her voice chilled, "I guess you're both doing fine, then. I'll see you both in the morning." And with that, she walked away towards her own room.
Nick raised an eyebrow, "What the hell's up her ass?" he asked, "She didn't even wait to hear that it was a damn gay strip club."
AJ shook his head, "I dunno, she's getting kinda weird if you ask me." He slid the key card into the door and stepped inside.
Nick followed, "Weird? Weird how?"
"I don't know.." AJ hesitated, he looked at Nick. "Can you keep a secret?"
Nick rolled his eyes, "The master of telling everyone else's secrets like it's nobody's business asks me, Fort Knox, if I can keep a secret."
AJ shrugged, then barrelled on. "Well, you can't tell Agent Bryant."
Nick raised an eyebrow, "What is it? You're the Masquerade Murderer?"
"No," AJ shook his head, "I slept with Agent Focque."
Nick's jaw dropped, "DUDE AJ!!! Agent Bryant told you-- you-- Oh my GOD! SHE'S the girl you locked me in the janitor's closet all night for?!"
AJ blushed, "Kind of."
"AJ!!!!!! You can't sleep with her! We're working with her! We're trying to solve a case with her!"
"So???" AJ's eyes widened, "Austin Powers slept with Beyonce in that one movie and they were solving a case together!"
"You are SOOO not like Austin Powers!" Nick cried, "I can't believe you!" he paused, "Wait, she's acting weird, but you slept with her?" He laughed, "AJ?"
"She wasn't acting weird when I slept with her," AJ said, "Now that I have, though, she's being..." he paused, "Posessive."
"Posessive?" Nick asked.
AJ nodded, "Yeah, like.. she wanted to move to America so we could go out together."
Nick laughed, "Nice."
"I'm serious," AJ replied, "She offered to move in with me back home. And she got kind of weirdly jealous when Paris called me the other morning about the renovation, and again just now in the hall. Did you hear how iced she got when you told her we went to a strip club?"
Nick nodded, "Yeah, but..."
"She's just being weird is all," AJ answered.
Nick shrugged, "She's a woman, they're all weird."
"Yeah, well.." AJ sighed, "I guess you're right." He flopped down onto his bed. "What's on TV?"
Nick grabbed the remote and laid down on his own bed, "I dunno. Probably nothing much."
Saving the Day for Blondes 2: The Amazing Story of How Nick Apprehended The Infamous Masquerade Murderer Without ANY Caffeine In His Body! by Pengi
