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I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to handle this. I paced back and forth in the waiting room of the hospital, holding a sleeping Addy in my arms. I was waiting for some news – I had never dealt with anyone close to me getting raped. I had no information right now, and it was making me go crazy inside.

Finally I saw a doctor walk out, “Mr. McLean, correct?”

“That’s right. What’s wrong, is she okay?” I frantically asked.

“Mentally, I’m not sure. In a situation like this, it usually takes a long time to heal. She’s capable of speaking; she’s fully of aware of her surroundings, but she’s telling us no information.”

I nodded, not sure how to take all of this in.

“Physically… she’s bruised up a bit but nothing that won’t heal within the coming weeks. But there’s a downside. According to some tests we did, we… we believe she may have been impregnated during the process of her rape. I have to ask you, sir, did you have any sexual intercourse with Stephanie recently?”

I looked down at Addy, who was still in my arms asleep, to make sure she was fast asleep. I nodded, “Yes. Yes we did. About four nights ago.”

“Then it’s not determined yet whether the baby is yours or his.”

I just put my hands on my face, and took in a deep breath. “When will you be able to determine?”

“We’re unable to tell yet, sir. I’m sorry. We’re not even 100% positive that she is pregnant yet. The tests haven’t been finalized. Within the next week, we should receive more information. Until then, all we can do is hope and pray.”

I nodded and just sighed. I can’t have another child right now, I just can’t. Why does this always happen to me?

I need to stop it now. I’m not the one who just got raped. Oh, shit, what to do… what to do.

“Does she know?” I had to ask.

“About the pregnancy?” the doctor asked.

I nodded.

“No,” he shook his head, “And it would be better if she didn’t for now.”

“Okay. Can I see her?”

“I suppose so. She is still in a state of shock right now, so anything will set her off. Would you like to leave her with me?”

I had almost forgotten Addy was still asleep in my arms. My arm had become almost numb from holding her so long.

“No, I’ll lay her down on a chair, thank you.”

He then led me towards the door. I saw her lying there, and it was as if she was sleeping but her eyes were wide open, staring off into something unknown.

“Steph?” I whispered, as I put Addy down on a hospital chair.

“Steph, it’s Alex,” I whispered again. I saw her head move a little bit, but she still didn’t say anything. And then suddenly tears poured from her face, “I feel so violated.”

I didn’t know what to say. I put my hand to hers, and for a split second she grabbed it, but then she quickly released.

“I can’t do it…” she pushed my hand away, “He… he touched me everywhere.”

“You know me, Stephy. It’s just Alex.”

“I know.”

“I won’t touch you, okay?” I told her warmly.

She nodded, “I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t be sorry for anything.”

“No, I should.”

“We’re going to get you through this,” I told her, “You’re going to be fine, you know?”

She just shook her head. I wanted to kiss her, hug her, hold her hand, anything… but I didn’t want her to freak out.

“Do you want me to stay here tonight?” I asked her.

She wiped a few tears falling down her cheeks, and held back the ones getting ready to come, “No, I’ll be okay.”

“You’re not okay. I’m not leaving you here.”

I saw a hospital blanket in the corner of the room and went over to put it on top of Addy. Then I sat down on the chair next to her, and tried to make myself as comfortable as possible.

“I’m sleeping here, no questions. I love you, Steph. People who love each other don’t leave during situations like this.”

I saw her nod and try to close her eyes. But I had a feeling the both of us wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight.