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"Shit, Amanda, what the hell do you want now?" I yelled at her.

She wouldn't go away. I wanted her out of my life. She was supposed to be a one night stand, and it turned into a 6 month stand. Almost 7 months.

"I want you to love me!"

"I don't," I replied, dryly.

Tears were welling up in her eyes, and I felt guilty. I did love her... no, not love. I cared about her alot.

Before I knew it I leaned over amd my lips connected to hers. That shut her up. Oh, God, I loved this. Our tounges intertwined and I grasped onto her arm. Her nails were digging into mine, and I don't know why I thought that felt so good. If it was anyone else, I'd pry their nails off of me.

I didn't want this. I SO didn't want this.

Okay, maybe I did. I do want this because she's so beautiful. I pulled off of her and finally took a breath, and looked at her face. At everything; the shape of her face, her nose, her mouth. It was all beautiful.

I didn't want a relationship.

"Fuck," I backed off of her.

"No problem," she grinned and I just looked at her.

"No, I can't do this. I care about you, Manda. I don't wanna fuck things up. I don't... want you to get hurt."

She grabbed her jean jacket off the counter and walked out the door.

Shit... why do I mess things up so bad? All the time?

Speaking of time... damn. I have to pick Adelynn up from daycare, I didn't realize it was already 4 o'clock.



Driving in the car had always been a way for me to get things off my mind or think about shit. I nearly sucked in all the cigarette smoke at once and just slowly blew it out. Relaxing. Cigarettes make me relax.

I sighed and picked up my cellphone and dialed a number, then heard a familar voicemail.

"Manda, I'm sorry. You know I love ya," I said in a friendly tone, not the actual "I love you." "And I'm sorry I always fuck things up. I really don't want you getting hurt. 'Cuz I'm real confused right now. Call me."

I hung up and breathed a breath of relief. Now I don't feel so bad.

I threw my cigarette out the car window as I pulled up in front of Addy's daycare center.

I punched in a code at the front door so it would open for me and I went down the hall to the third door, which was the "3 and 4 year old" room.

I saw her right away... she was sitting at the little desk coloring away at a picture. And Josh was sitting right next to her. I rolled my eyes.

"Adelynn, your father's here," I could hear one of the teachers say.

She looked up at me and smiled, "Daddy, look! It's a pretty picture!"

I went over and sat down next to her in one of those damn kiddy chairs. The thing my ass doesn't fit very well into. I looked at Josh and just smiled, "Hey, Josh."

"Hi," he replied, not looking up from the paper he was drawing on.

Maybe he wasn't a brat. Maybe he was just shy. He has like split personalities, it seems like. Who knows.

"You ready to go?" I looked at Addy.

Her tounge was curved around her lip and her head was somewhat tilted to the side as she colored. She was real serious about that kinda stuff.

"Yep," she put the finishing touches on the picture.

As we were driving in the car, I couldn't help but peek in the rearview mirror every once in a while. It felt good... it felt good to be able to take care of somebody else and do a pretty damn good job at it.

I was so used to being taken care of and I never had to do anything for myself. There was always somebody. Growing up, my mom and my grandparents did all my shit. Laundry, cooking, cleaning. On the road, you never have to do anything for yourself. It just all gets taken care of.

Since she was born, it had all changed. For the better.

"Daddy?" she interuppted my thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"I don't wanna go to school tomorrow."

She did the pouty lip. That damn little face... she just makes it look so sad.

"You wanna go golfing with Daddy tomorrow?"

Her face lit up and I kinda regretted asking her. Now there was no backing out of it. And sometimes the people would get a little annoyed having a 3 year old running around. The way I look at it; I payed enough money to join the damn golf club. I should be able to bring my kid.

"Your gonna have to wake up early...," I grinned at her.

"Dat k!" she smiled even wider.

"Okay, you can come."

"Yay!" she started clapping her hands.

I got to learn how to say 'no', man.