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Christmas was so wonderful, we spent time with all of the families including the backstreet family. AJ and Cierra got engaged. We were all excited. Lexi really enjoyed getting to play with the twins in the snow. She had to show them the pony that Santa had brought her. His name was Comet and he was jet black. Kevin had been so excited about getting her the pony he almost let it slip. I had finally bought Kevin the Baby Grand Piano he had been wanting. I'm not sure who was more excited on Christmas morning Kevin or Lexi. When the movers showed up with the Piano Kevin was like a little kid. He paced around in circles waiting on it to be set up. When they had finally got it in place and leveled Kevin sat down and ran his finger over the keys. He played until it was time to go to Mama Anne's. Kevin had gotten me a diamond eternity necklace. It was beautiful. Lexi wanted to spend the night with her grandmother and Mama Anne said she didn't mind, so Kevin and I headed back to the house around 8:30.

"So Boo, we got the house all to our selves tonight? Any ideas?" I gave him a grin.

"Oh, I can think of plenty. What about you?"

"Well, I thought I would go slip into something a little more comfortable while you grabbed a bottle of wine from the kitchen. Then I thought that my husband could give me a little glimpse of the upcoming tour on that new piano while I sat by the fireplace? What'cha think?"

"Sounds good, I want you to hear the song that we all wrote for you girls anyway. It was going to be a surprise for all of you at the first show, but I want you to hear it." Ok, well let's go inside then. I said hoping out the car and heading towards the back door.

I went to the bedroom and found the new gown I had bought when I had been Christmas shopping.

"Hey sexy" I said stepping up behind him as he was sitting on the piano bench. I draped my arms over his shoulders and leaned into his back. He smelled so good.

"Hey darlin" He turned around and brought me to sit in his lap. "Wow, you look beautiful."

"Thank you"
"Your welcome." He gently kissed me on the forehead.

"You wanna go pour the wine"
"sure" I got up and walked over by the fireplace. Kevin had spread out the blankets and pillows on the floor.

"Is this for me?" I said, noticing the single white rose on the pillow.

"Umm Hmm" He looked over at me. I walked back to him and gave him his glass of wine and kissed him on the lips. "Thank You Boo"

"You are more than welcome. Are you ready for your concert?" He grinned.

"Oh yes. Can I jump up and down and scream your name. I could even take my gown off and throw it at you." We both started to laugh.

"I don't think so, the only one taken that gown of you is me, and if that happens now, there won't be a concert." He gave a wicked grin. "Besides I really want you to hear this song."

"Ok, I'll be good." I turned to walk back to the fireplace. I picked up my rose and sat down in the middle of the pillows. Kevin looked over. The fireplace was glowing behind me and the candles he had lit were flickering in the dark. Slowly he began to run his fingers over the ivory keys. He was such a wonderful musician. I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds coming out of the piano. It was so soft and sensual. My body began to tingle. Then that voice cut through the air.

That same voice that makes my heart stop when he says my name. The same one that sends chills down my spine when he whispers in my ear. The one that sings our daughter to sleep and clams her fear. I sat there in amazement as his words filled the air.

It seems like yesterday when I said, "I do"
And after all this time
My heart still burns for you
If you don't know by now
That you've my only one.
Take a look inside me
And watch my heart strings come undone
I know I promised you forever
Is there no stronger word I can use
To reassure you when the storm
Is raging outside, you're my safest place to hide
Can you see me, here I am
I need you like I needed you then
When I feel like giving up
I climb inside your heart and still find
You're my safest place to hide
You see colors no one else can see
And every breath you hear a symphony
You understand me like nobody can
I feel my soul unfolding like a flower blooming
When this whole world gets too crazy
And there's no where left to go
I know you'll give me sanctuary
You're the only truth at all
You're the road back home
Can you see me, here I am
Standing here where I've always been
And when words are not enough
I climb inside your heart and still find
You're my safest place to hide
My safest place to hide
My safest place to hide
I know I promised you forever
There's no stronger word I can use
To reassure "I can see
And the to like unfolding promised reassure forever
Is am
I you here road outside, won storm
Is not find
You're giving only my watch inside your my hide
My this use
To the seems my by climb inside to find
You're I a do"
And been
When always one always giving like give all
You're me, see you
If me hide
My see climb

I stronger been
And stronger my safest you I come still no It raging crazy
And me, words there's too safest inside place safest I storm
Is you you go
I my reassure you're a climb yesterday place am
Standing where I enough
I safest feel home

Chorus: all said to then
When the me, me you your whole sanctuary
You're back hide


You can time up
I you I word blooming


When after like here you're place understand symphony
You and my feel truth you safest feel and you've gets flower colors no
Can your to where like place my heart the know needed heart still every here like I you here left when find
You're I've look I've where outside, when now
That you
My are to hide


I heart strings safest world see see this word still soul know you up
I hear I I hide


Chorus:
Can don't like my forever
There's use
To no can
I I am
Standing inside I to heart hide

place my hide


Chorus:
Can need burns can no you breath when place know undone nobody safest still raging there else and at you'll promised for place to me
And when I place here safest hide
You're to a heart know to heart
Take

You when the storm
Is raging outside, you're my safest place to hide
Can you see me, here I am
Standing here where I've always been
When I feel like giving up
I climb inside your heart and still find
You're my safest place to hide
You're my safest place to hide



I sat there with tears in my eyes as he rose and came to sit in front of me. He gathered me in his lap holding me tight. I could feel his body trembling.

"Cass, while we were writing this song, all I could think about is you. You are everything to me. I couldn't live if I didn't' have you in my life." His hand tilted my chin up so that we were looking into each other's eyes.

"You gotta listen to me ok?"

"I just nodded." He sat me back down and settled down in front of me never losing eye contact.

"Baby, the thought of ever losing you just drives me crazy. I love you so much. You really are the air that I breathe. I would come back from death itself just to be with you. You are so much a part of me and I just need you to know that nothing will ever stop me from loving you. I will always be here for you, even when we have to be apart you will feel me here." He placed his hand on my heart. "Do you feel that?" I just nodded. "That's me darlin, me living and breathing right there. Like it says in the song. I climb inside your heart and still find You're my safest place to hide. Cass, this is home, right here with you. I can stand out by the stream and know that nothing will ever take me from you, I'll always find my way back to you." He reached out to wipe the tears falling down my cheek. I could see tears in his eyes glistening with the firelight. I reached out and stroked his face.

"Oh Kevin. I love you too. When you go away on tour or on a promotional trip. I feel like my world stops. Almost like I can't breath. I was blessed the day I met you and was given the world the day you married me. You have given me so much more than I could ever repay you for. I want you to know that I feel the same way." I placed my hand on his chest just above his heart. "This is my safest place to hide. You arms give me all the strength I need. I too find everything will be fine when I'm at the stream. When you're gone I go to the stream to be close to you. I can feel you there. I sit and remember our wedding and the night that we created Lexi. I talk to Scottie and I feel closer to you. Kevin you make my life complete. I don't know what I would do with out you, but I pray that I never have to find out. I have always been and will always be yours and yours alone" I stopped and looked at him. He reached out and placed his finger over my lips.

"Let me make love to you baby, let me show you what you do to me." He gently pulled me down to lie beside him. "I love you Cass." He began to kiss me and his hand slipped the strap of my gown down.



Mama Anne was more than happy to keep Lexi while Kevin and I flew off for our New Years Eve mini vacation. Kevin wouldn't tell me where we were going. It was such a beautiful flight and Kevin had so much fun pointing out things to me. When it was finally time to land he had to let the cat out of the bag. We were staying in a private cabin in the Pocono's. We had so much fun just spending time together. We called Lexi every night to tell her goodnight and she would tell us all about her adventures for the day. Kevin and I had spent all of New Year's eve on the slopes skiing and I would watch Kevin snowboard. He was so athletic; I loved to watch the way his body moved with the flow of the board on the snow. We knew exactly how we were going to spend the evening and every fiber in my body tingled with anticipation we ate dinner and headed back to the cabin around 8pm.

"Having fun darlin." He said as we walked hand and hand thru the snow toward the cabin.

"Yep, this has been the best, no worries or fans. Not that I mind the fans, it's just I like having my husband to myself without screaming teenagers telling them how much they looovveeee him." I began to laugh.

"Well, what can you say, you are married to the sexiest pop star."

"Oh please." I giggled.

"Oh so that's how it is huh." He said. He dropped my hand and took off running ahead of me.

"Hey, where are you going?" Just as I finished my sentence he scooped up a handful of snow and threw it at me.

"OH you are so dead mister." I picked up a handful of snow and began to run after him. I reared back and threw as hard as I could. It hit him square in the chest. "How you like that Mr. Sexy?" I began to scream as he began to run towards me. I tried to turn and run but he was faster than I was and tackled me in the snow. He was lying on top of me.

"I love it Cass, almost as much as I love you." He began to kiss down my neck.

"I love you too." I said as he continued to kiss me. "Oh don't stop." I moaned.

"You like that huh?" He said stopping what he was doing to look in my eyes.

"Oh yeah."

"What else do you like Cass?" His eyes began to darken with desire.

"I love everything you do to me boo, the way you touch me, how you're so gentle with me. I love the way you make love to me."
"Wanna go inside."
"I'd love to." He stood up and pulled me up beside him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and bent down to kiss me. My legs became weak as his kiss became more and more passionate. I moaned against his lips. He bent down and scooped me up into his arms.

"Wanna go make a baby?" He turned to go towards the house.

"Oh yeah..."I said as I began to kiss his neck. We rang in 2005 making love to the sounds of the fire works bursting in the air outside the cabin, the sparkle of lights illuminating the movement of our bodies together, two hearts becoming one.



"MOMMY, DADDY, MOMMY, DADDY" Lexi was barreling out the front door yelling as we drove in the driveway. She was in Kevin's arms as soon as the door to the car opened.

"Hey princess, miss me much?"
"Bunches and bunches daddy." She said wrapping her little arms around his neck.

"What about me?" I said inching up beside her.

"I missed you too mommy. Did you bring me a present?"

"Why of course we did, it's in the back seat." She slid out of Kevin's arms and ran to the back door of the car.

"I'm kinda hoping we brought back more than just a present." He placed his hand on my stomach.

"Me too boo, Me too."

"A PUPPY!" Lexi squealed. "You got me a puppy..."She lifted the little puppy out of the basket.

"Yep, couldn't leave it all alone. She was the last one left." Kevin bent down next to her and rubbed the puppy's head.

"OH thank you mommy and daddy. I love her. Can I name her?"
"Yep, got any ideas." He asked.

"How bout, Sophie? Do you like that daddy?"

"Yep, I'd say Sophie fits her well. Now lets get all this stuff in the house."

Sophie and Lexi became inseparable she slept in the bed with Lexi and even attempted on multiple occasions to get in the bath with her. We were so glad that we had gotten her.

We flew back to Orlando the last week of January. We had so much fun catching up with everyone. AJ and Cierra had decided that the big wedding thing was not their idea of fun, so they had snuck away on New Year's Eve and got married in Las Vegas. He seemed so happy. Lisa and Nick brought the twins over to play with Lexi and Lisa would stay while the boys went to rehearsals. Life was so great. I had decided to fly out to New York to catch up with the tour in February to spend Valentine's day with Kevin. My dad was going to take Lexi to Disney for the weekend. Cierra and I were going to leave on Friday.



"Hey girl, how are you?" I hugged Cierra's neck as we met in the airport.

"Good, how bout you. You're looking good."

"Thanks. I'm so excited. I hate to be away from Kevin. I feel so lost without him."

"Girl I know what you mean. I know that AJ and I have only been married a little over a month. But I love him so much. I can't wait to be in his arms again."

"Ahhh....newlyweds." I mocked.

"Hey, I know two people who've been married for awhile now that still act like they're newlyweds."
"Well, what can I say; I love him more and more each day. So any big plans for you two for Valentines day?"

"Not sure, AJ seems to be hinting that he's got something planned but I'm not sure what. Just thought I'd play it by ear once I get there. How bout you two?"

"Kevin promised me a dinner for just the two of us. I can't wait. I just want to see him."

"Yeah I know what you mean." We chatted the whole flight. When we got to the airport Jimmy was waiting for us. We got to the hotel and went to our rooms. The boys were at the venue for sound check. Kevin had left me a note on the pillow.

"Hey Darlin, I'm so glad you're here. I can't wait to have you in my arms tonight. I've missed you so much. I hope you don't have any big plans for this weekend; I want you all to myself. I think there's a little project we need to be working on. I hope you're up for it. I love you so much and I can't wait to see you at the show later. Remember when we sing Safest Place, I'm singing it just to you. I love you Cass. Kevin."

I sat on the bed and pulled his pillow into my arms. I could still smell him on it. I sat there thinking about how lucky I was, remembering what he said about our little project. Oh, wait a minute. I got up and went and got my purse. I pulled out my pocket calendar. I began to look back. Wow, I can't believe it. I was late and I hadn't even realized it. Could it be? The Pocono's? I wanted Kevin to be with me this time when I took the test. I sat down at the desk and began to write. Jimmy came and met me at 6:30 and walked me to the venue. Cierra and Leigh were already there; Susie and Lisa were flying in later that night.

"Hey girls." I said as I took my seat at the side of the stage. I loved how the boys had the stage set for this tour. It allowed Kevin to be at the piano, which just happened to be right next to where I was sitting.

The boys were performing and I couldn't help but smile with pride. They had worked so hard on this album and everyone loved it. The fans were great. During the intermission Kevin walked over to the side of the stage.

"Hey darling." He bent down to kiss me. I slipped a note in his hand. He looked confused.

"Just read it right before you sing Safest Place ok?"
"Ok. I love you. I can't wait till were alone." He quickly kissed me and went back to the piano.

"I can't either boo." I whispered. They sang three more songs and I watched as Kevin opened the note.

I watched as he about fell off the piano bench.



Hey boo,

About that project, may already be complete. We can find out together if your up for it.

The other 4 looked at him like he had lost his mind.

"Hey Train, what'cha drinking over there." AJ piped up first.

"Yeah Kev, you alright."

"Uh yeah. Hey guys, give me a second." He stood up and walked over to me.

"What'cha' doing train?" Nick asked. Kevin pulled me up onto the stage and kissed me hard and long.

The audience started roaring.

"WHOA THERE TRAIN, this is a PG rated show." Brian started.

"GETTA ROOM" AJ joined in.

"Hey man. We gotta show to do." Nick reminded.

"Well, I gotta wife to kiss." Kevin said and returned to the piano and I went back to my seat, and there it was. "It seems like yesterday when I said, "I do". By the end of the song Kevin and I had tears in our eyes. We both new that in a few hours one of our dreams might be coming true.

Kevin grabbed me as soon as he was off stage and yelled at the others.

"See you guys later. JIMMMY?" He was shouting.

We headed straight to the room. Once in side Kevin took me in his arms and began to kiss me. I broke away to catch my breath.

"I missed you too boo."

"Woman, what'cha mean telling me something like that when I'm working."

"Well, I thought you might've wanted to know?"

"I do, when can we do a test?"
"Well, actually I went and bought one before Jimmy came and got me to go to the show." I took it right before I left."
"AND?"
"And, I didn't go back and look. I wanted you here for the results. I want to see your face?"
Kevin took off to the bathroom. I started to walk towards the door. He came out with the test in his hand. I saw the tears in his eyes. He slowly walked over to me and dropped to his knees. He wouldn't look me in the face. I began to feel tears burning in my eyes. Maybe I should've checked before I went, and then I would have known. I felt his arms wrap around my waist and pull me too him. He placed his head on my stomach.

I could feel him sobbing.

"Kevin, baby it's ok. All that means is we get to practice a little more." I ran my hands through his hair.

"No Cass."
"No what do you mean no, Kevin. It's ok honey. It takes some time to get pregnant."
"No baby that's not what I mean." He placed his forehead to my stomach and I could barley make out the whisper, but heard it.

"Hi baby, it's daddy." I collapsed to my knees in front of him and we held each other and cried.