Chapter 43: Going the Distance
“What are you doing, Mazi?” Riley asked, noticing Quinn was on the sofa as she walked into the living room from the kitchen of Quinn's house. Riley had been there for about half an hour but hadn't noticed Quinn was even there until now, even though she had walked through the living room when she came in. Quinn had been acting strange lately, and the fact that she hadn't greeted Riley was not all that surprising. Riley studied her unusually quiet friend; she was flat on her back, staring up at the business card that she held between both of her index fingers. It was the same card Riley had found her studying intently the day before at her desk. It was the same card Quinn had been carrying around with her for days. Quinn’s long blonde hair was fanned out over the cushion of the couch and her legs were bent at the knee. The long, floral print maxi dress she was wearing concealed the lower half of her body. Riley noticed Quinn sigh and then take a very deep breath.
“Thinking,” Quinn looked over at her briefly before returning her attention to the card. She didn't seem at all startled by her assistant’s presence, after all, Riley coming and going from her house was a regular occurrence. But still, every time she heard the click of her front door, she secretly hoped it would be Nick coming to tell her that he was sorry and that everything was going to be alright. That he didn’t mean what he said about being done, that he still wanted her to meet him in Europe; she didn’t really know how many days and nights had passed since he had left her house after their huge blowout about Jake, or she was pretending not to know so it would make her feel better. Quinn had replayed the whole situation over and over in her head and kept hoping to find answers and understand why this was happening. She knew that their fight really didn’t have anything to do with Jake, that in actuality, it had everything to do with the baggage that not only Nick carried, but that she had been hauling around as well, and the feelings that she had been fighting so hard from the moment she had met him. It was probably a long time coming, Nick had finally reached his threshold for her bullshit and she couldn’t really blame him for that; she had always feared it would happen. Things were broken, and she was painfully aware of the fact that she had done the most of the damage in their relationship. Quinn even knew what she should say to Nick, she had said it over and over in her mind, but he never showed up so it stayed there. Quinn knew he was gone, already somewhere in Europe, and it made her feel empty inside.
“Mazi,” Riley spoke loudly, snapping Quinn out of her daze. “Don’t you have a meeting with James this afternoon?”
Quinn sat up, looking at Riley with confusion, “Oh, do I?”
“Yeah, and you’re late, you were supposed to be there 10 minutes ago,” Riley reminded Quinn.
“SHIT!” Quinn shouted as she shot up off of the couch, moving more quickly than Riley had seen her do in days.
Riley was very aware that something had happened between Quinn and Nick after they had left her at the Edison that night, but Quinn was not talking about it and Riley wasn't asking. Riley hadn’t seen Nick since then, which was weird considering he and Quinn were together constantly when he was in Los Angeles. In fact, Quinn seemed completely oblivious to everything that was going on around her. Riley had admittedly been hovering a bit more than usual, making excuses to be spending more time at Quinn’s home than she really needed to be for work because she was concerned about her friend. She watched Quinn closely as she got up, ran into her office and almost immediately returned with a large shoulder bag and began tossing her belongings that sat on the console table behind the couch into it as she slid her feet into some flat sandals, cursing her own negligence regarding the time and her calendar. “Don’t forget the signed syndication agreements, James will want those today.”
“Got ‘em,” Quinn confirmed as she shoved some papers into the bag and flung it over her shoulder, then grabbed her keys and a pair of large sunglasses.
“Oh and Quinn,” Riley stated, causing the other woman to turn around. “Hang in there, it’s all going to work itself out. Everything will be fine, I promise…”
"Are you talking about my meeting with James?" Quinn asked.
"No," Riley answered, it was pretty obvious that Quinn knew what she was talking about and she hadn't really tried to play it off like it had something to do with James, which she normally would've if she was trying to hide something. Sensing that she may be ready to open up a little, Riley pushed a little more, "I mean it, everything will be fine..."
“I hope you're right,” Quinn replied softly, noting the concern on her friends face. She needed to talk to someone about this, and she knew that Riley could probably help her but she wasn’t quite ready to tell her everything that had happened the night she and Nick had fought. “So you know, I’m not fine, I can’t even pretend to be fine this time…”
Riley noted that Quinn was still holding the business card she had been staring so intently at in her hand. “Good.”
“Good?” Quinn asked.
“Yes, that's good. I’m glad that you aren’t acting like everything is fine. You don't always have to be perfect, and it's okay not to be fine, you don’t have to pretend to be fine with me…”
“I know,” Quinn smiled weakly as she looked at Riley. “I just need to get through this meeting…then I can come home and crawl back into my hole.”
“Or find your way out of it…you don’t have to wait for him to come to you, you know,” Riley reminded Quinn. “This is the 21st century…”
“I’ll think about it,” Quinn tried to assure Riley, which was met with a look of disapproval from her, as she opened her front door. “Look, I’ve been thinking about it, okay? It's all I can think about...”
“Okay,” Riley repeated, looking down at the card that Quinn was clutching. “You know, you could use that card.”
“That’s part of what I’ve been thinking about,” Quinn opened her hand and looked at the card herself. “It’s the travel agent…Nick gave it to me when he gave me that plane ticket…”
Riley hadn’t heard any of this, she knew that Quinn was planning to meet Nick in Europe in a couple of weeks and touring with him for a while, that she had been researching some different places they could go for a little getaway when he had a couple of days off here and there. But knowing Nick, that business card was Quinn’s invitation to go to him anytime, almost like a magic carpet that would just take her to him whenever she wanted to go. It was obvious that Quinn knew exactly what the card meant too, otherwise, she would not have been so intently focused on it and unable to put it down. “Maybe you should go…”
“My flight isn’t for a couple more weeks, hopefully by then, I will be ready,” Quinn admitted.
“You could go now,” Riley suggested, soliciting a very fearful look from Quinn. “Look Mazi, I know you’re scared…you have a lot going on right now, and things are not exactly good between you and Nick. I don’t know exactly what happened the other night but I do know you are miserable and that little card in your hand could possibly make it better. You don’t have to wait…call and change the ticket…just go to him.”
Quinn was quiet, she had been thinking the exact same thing but couldn’t commit to the idea in her mind even though she knew that the first step to repairing all of this was to go meet him in Europe now, and not in two weeks, all she had to do was call the number on the little card. Every time she got close to calling, she shoved the card back into her pocket or her desk drawer or anywhere out of sight so she could try to temporarily forget it existed. If she changed her ticket, everything could change…possibly for the worse. But still, she held onto that glimmer of hope that things could be better, which is why she couldn’t bring herself to throw the card away or chuck the idea entirely. For once, Quinn wanted to fix this, mostly because she knew if she didn’t, she would lose Nick completely and that could not happen.
“Maybe you just need some time alone with Nick, some time together away from L.A. and all of the bullshit here. You could have privacy in Europe, without distractions. You have a backlog of columns so you wouldn’t even have to write if you didn’t want to, you were planning to go anyways, everything is kosher here so you have no excuse not to do it. You need to really talk to him, and let him talk to you and really listen to what he says, and listen to yourself. He loves you, Mazi, he wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with him. There is absolutely nothing holding you back from doing this…go to him, you need to be the one make it right this time…”
“I’m not sure if I can,” Quinn confessed quietly, she wasn’t sure if she could do what it would take to really fix this; it would mean opening herself up to Nick in a way that she hadn’t done with anyone. It would mean telling Nick things that were difficult for her to talk about, and she didn’t know if she could do it once she was there, face to face and alone with him. It all seemed so simple in her mind, but she knew that it would be so much more complicated than that if she were to actually get on an airplane and show up wherever he was in Europe. “Look Riley, I’ve gotta go, I’m already late…will you call James and tell him I am on my way?”
“Sure,” Riley replied, letting Quinn off the hook. After all, Quinn hadn’t told Riley to go to hell or that she was wrong when she suggested Quinn go to Nick. Quinn was strangely calm and not at all defensive, she seemed so vulnerable and wounded. That was something, it was progress. “Good luck with James, sounds like he has all of this figured out for you, so that is one thing off of your shoulders, one less thing to think about…”
Quinn nodded as she closed the door behind her, drawing in a deep breath as she felt the sunshine on her face for the first time in days. She slipped her sunglasses on to shield her eyes from the offensive light and shivered at the warmth of the sun on her skin as she wrapped her jacket around her. Sighing, her mind wandered to other big thing that was going on in her life; her career. James having everything figured out for her was a whole different beast she hadn’t even begun to consider, but for some reason, she hadn’t been able to think about it at all, she was far too consumed with what had happened between her and Nick. Although Quinn knew she should be thinking about her career, it was the last thing on her mind…
- - -
Riley had assumed correctly, James was going to take the lead and plot out Quinn’s new career path. Quinn was confident that she was in good hands if James was in the driver’s seat and helping her make decisions, that he would protect her and look out for her best interests. There was no doubt in her mind that she would succeed in a way she had never imagined and go straight to the top if James had anything to say about it. He had always been invested in her, believed in her, in many ways, he had always been her biggest fan. But by the same token, that is what scared Quinn most, that because of those things, James would help her to elevate her career to a level that she had never even considered, and that could change everything. Quinn knew she had some talent, but that she wasn't the best writer out there; she had always thought that luck had played a greater role in her success so far. She had always been extremely lucky when it came to her career; the stars had been aligning for her regularly ever since she started writing her column back in college. James offered something she didn't possess herself but needed desperately, a little direction and guidance from someone with more experience than her, after all, she had only been writing professionally for a few years. As a matter of fact, James had successfully predicted what would happen with every step he suggested that she take; her coming to Los Angeles had been in his plan for her ever since he had first found her column in the University of Texas student newspaper, and as a result, what he had said would happen once she finally gave in and came to work for him at the L.A. Times was happening now. The majority of writers had to wait their entire lives for a break like this, or any of the other breaks Quinn had experienced in her career, and most of them never got even one.
There was a time when Quinn had wanted everything James was offering her on a silver platter, but now, it all seemed less important, even insignificant compared to the other things she had going on. James was so excited when she had come into his office, going on and on about the stack of agreements that had been pouring in on top of those he had already given her to sign. Quinn took the pen and signed them all, without really looking at them, she trusted James and she knew he had looked over them and had legal look over them. When she finished signing them, she handed the pen back to him and smiled, hoping that the additional syndication offers were the purpose of their meeting and she could get out of there, “Is that it?”
“Actually, no,” James smiled. “When I told you that things were starting to happen for you, I wasn’t kidding…something came in just yesterday morning, which surprised me even a little.”
Quinn was almost completely zoned out as James began to go on and on about some book deal, she couldn’t even begin to think of what she would write a book about right now. She caught that it wasn’t a deal to publish her columns, which was something she had vowed never to do, but for her to write something original and completely unrelated, and that was about the extent of what she tuned into that James had said. The only thing on her mind was Nick; she wondered what he was doing and how he was doing it. She wondered if he was missing her too, if he was still hurting like he had been when she had last seen him. He was so visibly shaken, not only by his run in with Jake, which she still didn’t have all of the information on, but by his behavior toward her. She was still shaken too, even moreso now than she was when he left her, by all of it, including her reaction to him. She had been so eager to please him, so willing to do anything to make him stay, which was very out of character for her. Nick had been rightfully angry, and very frustrated, and displayed his anger so aggressively, at first by shouting at her, then by throwing things, and finally by physically possessing her. It was almost like something inside of him flipped before her very eyes. She couldn’t shake the look on his face as their bodies connected on her kitchen floor and she didn’t understand why she didn’t stop him sooner, or why she wanted him to keep going until she saw the look on his face. It was something she wanted to forget. He almost looked like he hated her. In a way, she assumed he probably did, or that if he didn’t he should. Quinn had always been a firm believer that just as passionately as you could love someone, you could feel the flip side of that emotion just as much, especially when you were hurting. Nick was hurting and it was her fault, Quinn knew she had to stop this; she had to tell him how she felt about him.
“Mazi,” James said somewhat loudly, snapping her out of her own thoughts. “Are you listening to me? A book deal…with a major publisher, artistic freedom…anything you want…everything you want...”
Quinn just looked at him, unable to speak. She couldn’t do this, not now. For the first time since she had met Nick, she knew she needed to do the right thing. For once, she had to put him first, ahead of her career, ahead of her own head trip. “James, I can’t…”
“Sure you can…you’ve got this, Mazi! I’ve loved every idea you’ve ever pitched to me for books…and with this deal, you can do any of them, hell you could do all of them!” James' excitement was evident in his tone. “We need to get you hooked up with a good attorney, you’ve got to protect yourself…I know someone, in New York, he deals almost exclusively with the publishing world and-”
“James, just stop,” Quinn stated strongly, interrupting him. “I can’t do this right now…I appreciate you so much and all that you are doing for me, I really do. I know you have really gone to bat for me here and it means a lot to me, but I can’t do this,” Quinn motioned around the room, “any of this right now. I’ve got something more important I have to take care of…please understand.”
It was obvious to James by the way Quinn spoke and the look on her face that she was serious and she needed some time. “Fine, how long do you need? A few hours? A couple of days? This offer isn’t going to be here forever…”
“I’ll sign it today if you think it’s good, I just need to take care of some personal things…” Quinn stated again as James handed her the piece of paper with a grunt. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back.”
Picking up a pen laying on the table, she signed the document quickly and stood, picking up her bag and placing it on her shoulder, “I’ll have Riley email you some columns for while I’m gone…I have enough to last through the rest of my run in the Times if need be…”
James nodded as Quinn stopped for a moment, and turned to smile at him quickly before thanking him again as she took her phone out of her bag and walked out of his office, leaving James in shock. The woman that just left his office, so visibly distracted yet focused was the same Quinn Mason he had known for years, however, for the first time ever, she was putting her personal life in front of her column. In a way, he was proud of her for finally doing it, she had been so focused on her career at the expense of her personal life ever since he had met her. But on the other hand, he was afraid of how that would impact his plan for Quinn's career.
- - -
Nick felt AJ's eyes on him as the large SUV they were traveling in made their way back to the hotel after the show in Hamburg, Germany. Nick knew why AJ had been looking at him in that way all day long and understood why. He didn't want to try to explain it to him, he knew AJ wouldn't understand; hell, he didn't even understand it himself, but their confusion was over two totally different things. Nick knew AJ wondered why he had been hitting on girls at every bar or club they had been to since they started the European leg of the tour, and why he had let things go as far as they had with the one the night before. AJ had gotten so angry at him that he had stormed out of the club, cursing Nick as he walked out for screwing up...again. AJ didn't know that everything was fucked beyond belief between him and Quinn and that it was probably too late for him to make up for what he had done and Nick didn't want to tell him what had happened. Another thing AJ didn't know was that Nick was wondering why he couldn't force himself to let things go as far as he had originally planned with the woman he met last night, and the other women he had been meeting every other night since he had arrived in Europe. Nick had been trying his damnedest to have sex with someone else to help him forget about Quinn and he was failing miserably, and it wasn't because the women didn't want him. This had been his method of dealing with problems in not only his past relationships, but in his life in general for years. Why couldn't it work now, when he really needed something to make him feel better?
Nick had always been a flirt, always been able to meet women and charm them to do just about anything he wanted them to do. And he usually had them do just that, whatever he wanted, just because he could. But now, he just couldn't. He thought that by getting out there and sleeping with someone else that it would make him forget about Quinn for a while, that it would make the ache in his chest go away. But instead, he had found himself in the same situation night after night, his chosen target ready and willing to go back to his hotel or bus with him and fulfill whatever carnal desire he pleased. The problem was he didn't want them, he wanted Quinn. He couldn't even force himself to leave the bar with any of the incredibly beautiful women he had met, the furthest he had been able to go was a a hot and heavy make out session with the blonde he met the night before, and that had only gone as far as it had because he was half drunk and she bore a striking resemblance to Quinn. But she wasn't Quinn, she didn't even compare to her, just as none of the others had and he knew it instantly when he kissed her. He tried to forget that it felt different and kept going, but ended up pulling away from the woman and leaving the back of the club abruptly. Last night, like the nights before, he went back to his hotel alone, with the ache in his chest just a little stronger and a nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach more prevelant. He had always been somewhat of a cheater, always been more concerned with getting his rocks off than the woman he was in a relationship with, until now. It had been strange to him that he hadn't had the desire to be with other women since meeting Quinn, and he had assumed it was because of the chase, his infatuation with her and the fact that she was practically out of one of his fantasies. But even after reality set in and he began getting to know more about her, he still couldn't take her off of the pedestal, even with all of the things they had been through. Quinn Mason was still it for him.
"So are you regretting that shit you pulled last night yet?" AJ asked.
"No," Nick lied, even though it had been all he had been able to think about all day. That and the fact that he still felt ashamed for what he had done that night, for the side of himself he had shown her. "Go ahead and say what you need to say, get it off your chest because it isn't going to make things any worse than they already are..."
"Oh is that a fact? Well let me tell you something, you have been a complete ass ever since we crossed the pond. I don't get you, you were so happy to be back in L.A., back with Mazi, then you get here and you are pulling this shit...you aren't acting like a man in love, you are acting like a guy with something to prove. I'd like to hear your fucked up logic for this crap you are pulling. So tell me, what the hell are you trying to prove?" AJ spat, causing the two body guards in front of them to turn around and glance at them.
Nick was thankful that Brian and Howie had opted to take the other car, and that they hadn't been going out with him and AJ at night and that they weren't hearing this conversation. It was bad enough that AJ knew about his shameful, self destructive behavior, he couldn't handle it if anyone else knew. "What would I have to prove? You seem to know it all...I was happy in L.A. with Mazi...yeah, I guess that's true, up until the last few days I was there. In case you didn't know, fucking Jake pulled some shit - not about the media shitstorm, but some other shit. Quinn and I had a huge fight and I showed my ass. Now I don't even know what the hell to say to her so I haven't talked to her since I stormed out of her house after acting like...fuck, I don't know what that was but it was awful...and even then she didn't want me to go. But I was so embarrassed that I couldn't face her, I had to get away from her because being there with her just made it even worse. She thinks this shit is her fault but it's not, it's me..."
"And you really think that a night with some nameless piece of ass is really going to make all of that better? Come the hell on, man..." AJ reprimanded.
"Look, I don't bust your balls when we go out and you have an occasional drink, so don't bust mine about this, just let it die. I'm trying to work this out on my own," Nick ran a hand through his hair as the car stopped in front of the hotel. "What I've been doing is going to stop, it's not working, last night was it...I'm done. It used to work but it's not any more, this time...this time is different...it's-"
"Because you love her, she's it for you," AJ finished Nick's statement for him. "So, please, just stop, it doesn't matter what you did in L.A., or how much of an ass to her you were, you need to talk to Mazi, tell her all that shit you just told me...make her understand why you acted that way. Man, I know it's coming from a good place, you've just got to get yourself in check."
"I know," Nick admitted as he got out of the car.
"She loves you," AJ said quietly as they walked in, which was met with a look of doubt by Nick. "She does," AJ reiterated as they entered the hotel, then he stopped walking suddenly. "See, she wouldn't be here if she didn't..."
"What?" Nick asked, confused as he looked up to where AJ gestured. Quinn was sitting in one of the club chairs in the lobby of his hotel, surrounded by luggage, sleeping peacefully. Nick glanced at AJ, he didn't know what to think, he couldn't believe that she was there. He watched helplessly as AJ walked away, passing by where Quinn was sitting, as he made his way to the elevator bank, leaving him completely alone with her in a crowded room. Seeing Quinn caused a feeling of relief wash through his body; he knew that her being in Germany meant that she was taking a huge step, she was chasing him. The warm feeling was fleeting though, quickly replaced by fear and anticipation; what would she say when they inevitably talked about everything? How could he listen to her without being transported back to such an unhappy place? And what could he possibly say to her to justify his behavior? He had so many questions, and on top of everything else he was feeling, it was overwhelming.
Nick stood there, frozen just ten feet away from her, watching as her eyes fluttered open and she looked around the room, confused momentarily by her surroundings. In that moment, realization of where she was must have hit her and their eyes locked. It was obvious by the look on her face that she was overwhelmed too. She stood up, stretching slightly as she bent over to pick up her handbag that had been sitting next to her in the chair. She placed one of her hands on the top of the handle of her suitcase as Nick began moving toward her slowly. When he reached her side, he was surprised to find her hand outreached, waiting for him to take it.
Chapter End Notes:
I even surprised myself with this update, I have been trying to get it together to sit down and write this chapter and it finally came to me and I got this one out pretty fast once I actually started writing it! I hope you guys enjoy it, there is a lot of stuff happening here that is effects these characters going forward...and not just in Casual. If I decide to do a second story, there are a couple of things happening in this chapter will potentially be a big part of it.
As always, thanks for reading and reviewing. The couple of little encouragement reviews I received this week really got me in gear and pushed me to get this one out! Thanks for all of the kind words and motivation, it is much appreciated!
