She took a deep, soothing breath before reaching up a quivering hand to knock on the door in front of her – the door that lead to the reason for her early departure from tour. Her knuckles never made contact with the door, however, because she began to lose her nerve and started to retreat, nearly giving up on her mission.

            Yet, as fate would have it, the portal in front of her opened before she even had a chance to turn and walk away. “Paige?” the soft-spoken twang hit her ears, causing her to flinch as she realized she had no choice but to continue with her plan.

            “Ummm, Brian, hi. Look, I know you really don’t want to see me – especially at 7 in the morning, but I was kind of hoping I could talk to Baylee and tell him goodbye before I leave,” she requested, not daring to look him in the eyes, just in case the action might upset him and make him refuse her plea.

            “You want to see Baylee?” he asked, completely thrown off-guard. He had no idea that the woman in front of him – the woman he had made a conscious effort to avoid all tour long – had been spending time with his 5-year-old son without his knowledge.

            “Yeah. I didn’t think it was right to just leave without telling him why I was going,” she explained, finding the intricate pattern in the hotel carpet rather interesting as her eyes followed the lines created by the unique, inconsistent shapes.

            “Wait, you’re leaving? Where are you going?” he questioned, panic rising from the tips of his toes to the top of his head. She couldn’t leave before he had a chance to make things right.

            “Look, Brian, you and I both know you don’t want me here. You’ve been rude to me all tour long. And when you haven’t been flinging insults at me, you’ve been ignoring me completely, so don’t pretend like you suddenly care. You don’t have to waste your breath. The tour stops in Colorado later today, and I’m just going to stay there when the tour leaves. You win. I’m tired of fighting – tired of caring. I just want to tell Baylee goodbye and then you won’t ever have to see me again,” she broke down, willing the tears in her eyes not to fall and reveal her true feelings.

            “I…” he began to protest, but she cut him off, finally meeting his gaze.

            “I know you hate me. I know you could care less about me. But, can I give you some advice? Even if you forget everything else about me, at least remember this. Don’t take a single day with Baylee for granted. He needs his father now more than ever. Don’t let him ever have to question your love because you never know when he won’t be there to say ‘I love you’ to. You never know when your last day might be with him. Don’t waste it,” she preached, her tears spilling over as she thought of the son she had lost.

            “Wha…” Brian started again, only to be cut off by the excited squeal of his little boy.

            “PAIGE!” Baylee shouted, running up to the woman who had become more than just a friend to the young child. She instantly picked him up into her arms, hugging him close and making him giggle in the process.

            “Hey Bayles. What’s crackin, kid?” she kidded, winking at the growing boy in her arms. “How’s my little man? Did you have fun seeing your mom last night?”

            “Yeah! We went to the movies. We saw this cool movie about a robot. He goes to space. I forgot his name, but he was so cool! And I get to go to the zoo today! Do you want to go? Erica said we could go like we did last time. We’re gonna go as soon as we get to Coreado,” he excitedly announced, his smile revealing just how excited he was by the day’s upcoming events.

            “Colorado,” both adults corrected, glancing at each other briefly before Paige returned her attention the squirming child. She could feel Brian’s eyes watching her every move, but she didn’t let that intimidate her.

            “Right. Oh! Let me show you my drawing! It’s a bear!” Baylee declared, pulling Paige further into the room as soon as his feet were on the ground. Brian just stood there, amazed by the fondness his son seemed to have grown for the woman. Especially after Brian had made her life so miserable she was leaving the tour 2 months early.

            “I’m going to go talk to AJ for a second. Will you two be okay?” Brian asked her, already opening the door in his attempt to escape from the overwhelming emotions rushing through his confused mind.

            “Go ahead. I’ll stay with Bayles, here, until you get back. That alright with you, kiddo?” she asked the miniature version of the man standing before her as he continued to talk about his most recent creation.

            “YEAH!” he exclaimed before returning to his previous task of talking the woman’s ear off with all his childish chatter. “And then we ate dinner at Chuck-E-Cheeses! Mom let me play all the games. And I got this cool bear…” he told Paige, his excitement growing with every word.

            Without wasting another second, Brian was out of the room and next door pounding on his best friend’s room. He knew that AJ would have the answers to Brian’s questions – he just wasn’t sure he really wanted to know. After all the things he’d said to Paige while she had been on tour with them, he wasn’t sure he was ready to hear the truth.

            “Jesus freaking Christ! It’s seven o’clock in the freaking morning and I just got to sleep less than 3 hours ago. This better be good, Rok,” AJ grumbled, rubbing his tired eyes with the back of his hand as he attempted to hide an obvious yawn.

            “It’s important,” Brian insisted, pushing his way into the room and closing the door before finishing his statement. “It’s about Paige.”

            The serious tone in his brother’s voice immediately alerted AJ to the gravity of the situation. “What’s up, man?” he asked.

            “She’s leaving, did you know that?” Brian inquired, pacing the small hotel room in an attempt to ease his frustration. “She’s leavin’ ‘cause of me,” he added, his twang coming out in full force due to his highly-emotional state.

            “Yeah, man, I know. Why do you think we were out partying it up until 3 this morning? We were trying to convince her to stay, but she wouldn’t listen. She’s as God-damned stubborn as you are, and it was a pain to even get her to agree to go out with us last night. She was so upset that we had to practically drag her out of her hotel room,” AJ nodded, grabbing the bottle of water off of his nightstand and sipping it slowly as he fought his tired mind.

            “And did you know that she’s been spendin’ a lotta time with Baylee?” Brian continued to rant, not even acknowledging AJ’s jab. “When did she start talkin to my son? And how did I not know about it? It’s like all of a sudden they’re best buddies?”

            “It doesn’t surprise me, after all she’s been through,” AJ yawned, leaning back on the bed and closing his eyes as he listened to his friend state his dilemma.

            “What do ya mean?” Brian asked, his brows knotted together in confusion. He knew he was missing part of her story; he just wasn’t sure what part that was.

            “Well, let me think, man. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the poor woman just lost her husband and son in a car accident a few months back,” AJ sarcastically stated, rolling his eyes at his friend’s cluelessness.

            “She has a son?” Brian asked, his face testament to his shock.

            “Had. He was in the car with her husband when Shawn died. TJ was rushed to the hospital and died several hours later in ICU, just before Howie, Nick, Serine and Casey showed up. That’s why she went into shock. Casey told us all this shit before she ever came on tour, dude. Where the fuck were you?” AJ elaborated, shooting a questioning glance at his band mate.

            “I… I haven’t really been myself lately,” Brian admitted, ashamedly, afraid to meet his band mates eyes in fear of seeing his disappointment and shame.  

            “No shit!? Really?” AJ scoffed.

            “So what do I do? I don’t want her to leave ‘cause of me. I don’t want her to leave at all,” Brian begged his younger brother for an answer.

            “You like her, don’t you? Holy shit! You have a crush on her!” AJ exclaimed, his eyes gleaming as he watched the redness creep up his best friend’s neck and face, causing him to stutter over his response.

            “I… It… I don’t…” Brian tried to refute, though the entire rebuttal was futile. His blushing face gave AJ all the encouragement he needed to prove that his theory was correct. “What do I do?” Brian repeated when he realized there was no answer that would save him from immediate and future embarrassment.

            “Talk to her man. Apologize, beg, get on your knees, if you have to. You can’t let her leave. Not yet,” AJ ordered, jumping off the bed and pushing his friend out the door before he could argue.

            “AJ, I can’t just… I mean, I have to… It’s not like….” Brian tried to contest with no luck. “What am I supposed to say?”

            “Tell her you’re sorry for being an asshole – she’ll take it from there,” AJ instructed. “And then come and tell me how it went!” AJ added before slamming the door in the older man’s face.

“Thanks for your help, Alex,” Brian sarcastically mumbled, trudging his way back to his room, which held the person he knew he had to make amends with before it was too late. Before he lost her forever.

Upon entering his room, the first sound to hit his ears was the sound of laughter coming from the living room. “No more tickle monster! No more tickle monster!” Baylee squealed, laughing harder than Brian had heard in a long time. Just hearing his son’s playful laugh and Paige’s own laughing responses was enough to give him the extra push he needed to make his presence known to the other occupants in the room. As soon as he walked into the room, however, his plans changed when Baylee ran to his father’s side, using his legs as a shield against Paige’s tickle monster.

However, Paige immediately stopped her pursuit of the small child and straightened up when she noticed the other man’s presence. Looking at the man in front of her, she noticed a soft, almost tender smile crossing his face as he watched them interact. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your game,” he quietly declared, the smile on his face growing as his son began to come out of his hiding place behind his father.

“Daddy! The tickle monster was trying to get me!” Baylee announced, giggling.

“It was? Did you get away?” Brian asked his son, Baylee’s glowing smile contagious and spreading onto Brian’s own handsome face. Paige just stood there in shock, watching as the man in front of her gave her the smile she had been waiting all tour to see. The very smile that had gotten her through so many hard times when she was younger. The same smile she had grown to love as a fan. The Littrell smile she had come to see spreading across Baylee’s own face during several of their various ventures together. She just never expected to see Brian smiling at her.

“Yeah!” Baylee exclaimed, his eyes sparkling with happiness. “It was chasing me and then you came in so I hided behind you and it couldn’t see me!”

“Hey, B, why don’t you go hang out with AJ for a little bit. I need to talk to Paige for a minute, okay?” Brian suggested, looking up at Paige as he said her name, noting the look of shock crossing her features.

“Okay!” his son cheerfully agreed, already making his way to the adjacent room where AJ was undoubtedly trying to listen to their conversation through the paper-thin walls.  

As soon as he was gone, the awkwardness once again settled over the room, and Brian could see Paige visibly preparing herself for any kind of verbal attacks he might be getting ready to throw at her. “Paige, I… I just wanted to… Paige…” he stuttered, unable to find a good segue into the conversation he needed to have with her.

“Look, Brian, it’s okay. I won’t be seeing Baylee anymore, so you don’t have to worry about me influencing your son. You won’t have to deal with me anymore,” Paige interrupted, thinking Brian’s talk had to do with her relationship with Baylee.

“What?” he questioned, completely thrown off guard by her thought process. He couldn’t believe she thought he was mad that she had built a relationship with Baylee. If anything, he was glad Baylee had had someone to turn to while he had been lost in his own misery.

“I’m leaving tour, Brian, and if you don’t want me to keep in touch with Baylee, I won’t. But you’re going to have to tell him why I haven’t called. I just can’t do that to him after I told him I would call him,” Paige explained, lowering her gaze to the floor in front of her.

“Paige, that’s not what I wanted to say,” Brian sighed, frustrated with the difficulty of the situation he suddenly found himself in. “I wanted to… I just… I needed to…I’ve been…” he stumbled, clearly getting frustrated by his inability to say what he wanted to say – what he needed to say to make things right. Taking a deep breath, he finally managed to get the words out. “I owe you an apology. Several, actually.”

“What?” Paige asked, not sure she had heard him correctly.

“I’ve been a total jerk to you all tour long, and there is no excuse whatsoever for my behavior. And now, because of me, you’re leaving the tour and going back home, away from all the people who care about you. And I know that I should have done this a long time ago, but I just couldn’t let you leave without saying I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for all the cruel words. I’m sorry for making you feel like you weren’t welcome. Most of all, I’m sorry I never took the time to see the amazing person everyone else got to see,” Brian explained, his eyes shining with sincerity and pain.

“Why? Why did you treat me that way? Even after you’d apologized to everyone else, you still treated me like crap. Why?” Paige questioned, tears running down her delicate cheeks, causing Brian’s own heart to break even more.

“I was scared,” he admitted. “I didn’t want to feel anymore. I didn’t want to face up to all the mistakes I had made in my life. Leighanne leaving me was inevitable, but I just didn’t want to see it. And then you came along and everything changed. Suddenly I was feeling again, whether I liked it or not. You were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life, and I hated that you made me start feeling again. So instead of facing up to all my imperfections – all my flaws – I took my anger and frustration out on you. And by the time I realized what I was doing, it was too late. You already hated me. So I thought it was better to keep pushing you away than to have to face the fact that I blew it. That I had screwed up yet again. But you were right yesterday. I have no right to treat people that way. I just needed a good slap in the face to make me see that.”

Paige stood there, attempting to process his words, but finding it hard to grasp on to any of the concepts he had just pointed out in his mini-speech. “So you hated me because I made you feel?”

“I never hated you, Paige. I was just… confused,” Brian corrected, chancing a look at her face as she fought to understand everything he had just confessed.

“Was it really so bad to start feeling again?” she asked, looking into his eyes as she asked the question on her mind. It was the same question she should have been asking herself, but she didn’t have the answer. She just hoped Brian did.

“No. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had never really stopped feeling at all. I was just yelling instead of laughing. I was depressed instead of happy. I just thought I had stopped feeling, but I never had. Just seeing you, knowing all that you had lost and how you were still smiling and laughing, was enough to make me realize I was feeling – that I had never stopped,” Brian responded. “Look, Paige, I know I have no right to ask this, but I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay. For Baylee. For Serine and Casey. For the guys. But mostly, for me. I want to have the chance to get to know you like everyone else does. I want the chance to make things right. And I can’t do that if you leave the tour.”

“Brian, you were right when you said I was using the tour as excuse not to move on. I kept telling myself, ‘As soon as I get home, I’ll move on.’ But I was only deluding myself. I was using the tour as an escape from reality. It’s time for me to start living my life again. It’s time I found my place in this world without Shawn and TJ,” Paige declined, forcing herself to be strong.

“Please stay,” Brian begged. “You can find your place here just as well as you could at home. At least here you have people who care about you and who can help you through your pain.”

Paige looked at him closely, noticing the sincerity and force behind his emotions. Closing her eyes, she fought to control her tears. “I have to go, Brian. I have to.”

“Please stay,” he pleaded one last time, reaching out and grasping her hand in an attempt to get her to meet his gaze again and, ultimately, convince her to stay.

            “Brian,” she sighed, looking at him with tearful eyes. As much as she wanted to stay, she felt like she couldn’t. What if she stayed and Brian reverted back to his old ways? What if she really couldn’t move on with her life and still tour?

“Just stay for another week,” he pleaded, trying one last attempt to get her to agree. “Don’t make your decision yet. Wait a week, and then, if you still want to leave, I won’t argue,” Brian persuaded, shooting her his most charming, hopeful smile.