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“I miss my mom so much! I mean, I’m happy that dad is getting help but…I’m so mad at him because he was the reason my mom got taken away from me!” We sat down, at the bottom of the stairs, to talk.

“Oh, Mason,” I tried to swallow the lump, in my throat. Mason hadn’t really talked much, since everything happened. All I could do, right then, was pull him into a hug and let him cry.

“It’s not fair.” Tears streamed, down his cheek and, on to my shirt. “I hate him so much but…I want him back so badly. Everything is so messed up and I can’t do anything about it. Why did this have to happen? My…my mom…she’s gone and there’s nothing I can do! Why didn’t I stop them? Why didn’t I answer the door, instead of her?”

“It’s not your fault. You can’t blame yourself. I know it’s easier said, than done…I blame myself a lot for stuff too.” I rubbed my hand over his back, keeping my arms around his shaking body.

“There are so many things that…that I wish I could tell her! It’s all a dream, right? None of this even seems real…I keep looking around, like I am only spending the night with you, not living here! I want to go home…I want my mom back…I want everything to be okay,” his crying increased, as did his grip on my shirt.

“I know, Mason. I understand how you feel…” My words trailed off as Mason flung my arms away and stood. He glared down at me and began to yell.

“NO! YOU DON’T! You’ll never understand! You dad isn’t in rehab because he got your mom killed! It’s not the same…it’s completely different and you’ll never know!”

“Shhhh, it’s okay, Mason,” Morgan had appeared, turned him to her, and pulled him into her arms. “We do understand, Mason…maybe on different levels, but we do. Baylee was your age when he lost both of his parents, unexpectedly.”

“But…it was different…” Mason insisted, still shuddering with every breath.

“The circumstances? Yes…you’re right, they are different. But the feelings are the same. The loss, the hurt, the confusion, the guilt, the insecurity…all that is the same. He’s not trying to make light of your feelings, Mason, he is trying to let you know that he has felt that pain and knows how hard it is to cope.”

“But it’s just so different…his dad wasn’t the reason!”

“Yeah…that’s because his dad was killed, too. He had to watch his mom suffer, Mason. Did you think about that? Your mom died fairly quick…his dad died almost instantly. You’re watching your dad struggle for his life, in rehab…he had to watch his mom struggle to live. At least you still have your dad. You two aren’t as different as you think.”

That’s Morgan for you…when it comes to this kind of thing, she is blunt and to the point. I know Morgan was trying to show Mason the similarities and how I really did know what he was going through, but it opened up all those old wounds. My stomach churned as tears started to roll down my cheeks. I had tried, so hard, to keep them from falling, but once they did…I couldn’t stop them, anymore. I found myself breaking into a million pieces, shoulders shaking and breathing ragged.

“I’m…I’m sorry Baylee…I just…”

“Come on,” Morgan pulled me up, by the arm and started leading us up the stairs. I wiped away my tears, with my free hand, as we made our way to my room. “You two need to sit and talk. Listen to each other. You have to be building each other up and helping each other through…not trying to tear each other down or prove who has gone through the worst. Just…talk. I’ll be downstairs, if you need me.” I watched her leave my room and I knew she was right.

“So…” I sighed, sitting on my bed next to my cousin. I tried to slow my breathing back down and regain my composure.

“It’s just so hard. I…I don’t remember losing Uncle Brian and Aunt Leighanne. Sometimes, it’s hard for me, to remember that Nick isn’t your dad.”

“You know…it is for me too. I think that’s why I felt like I had to fight with him all the time. It helped me to remember that he wasn’t my dad…I was so afraid that I would end up forgetting my dad. Nick is amazing; he can be a very good listener and extremely understanding. I rebelled against him…partly because I didn’t want to get too close.”

“I guess, it’s a defense mechanism, huh? I’m already afraid of forgetting my mom and I don’t even have a female guardian.” Mason let out a small laugh. I looked over to him and we locked eyes.

“I want to be there for you Mason. I didn’t have anyone, even close to my age that knew what it was like. The first year was horrible for me.” I explained, resting a hand, on his shoulder.

“But, then you met Morgan, right?” He smirked at me and I smirked back.

“Yeah.”

“Did it really help, having her to talk to?” He questioned. I could see the confusion and uncertainty, in his eyes.

“You have no idea how much it helped. I could be myself around her and I opened up to her. Once I started talking about how I felt and all the emotions that were bottled up…it was like finally being able to breathe again.” I explained, thinking back to the first time that I met her.

“Wow. I know what you mean about feeling like you couldn’t breathe. I always feel like I’m suffocating…like I can’t control my own body anymore. I keep breaking down, at night, when I think about her. My eyes won’t stop letting out tears…I sit on my knees for hours, because I can’t get up. It’s like a part of me is missing…I’m not a whole person anymore.” Mason’s tears began to flow, again, as he described something that I knew all too well.

“It’s like…you are so dependant on someone and then, POOF, it’s all over but the crying. You keep expecting it to not be real.” I laughed, sarcastically.

“Just like you said, at the hospital…you keep thinking they are going to walk through the door and everything will be okay, again.”

“But you know what?”

“What?” He sniffled as he looked up at me.

“That has to be the worst thing I have ever gone through…BUT…if it weren’t for that…I wouldn’t have moved out here, to live with Nick. If I didn’t live with Nick…I wouldn’t have met Morgan, and she is the best friend anyone could ask for. I wouldn’t have met Sean either and he’s just as good of a friend…I don’t open up to him as much, but he’s still a great friend.”

“So you’re saying that…”

“…that they aren’t kidding when they say God has a reason for everything. Sure, things like this suck and you may spend you entire life and never get over them…but you’ll never know what you might have missed out on.” Okay…um…that was wise and all but where did it come from?!? I don’t think like that! I don’t ever come up with those smart, insightful things.

“Baylee? You, totally, just sounded like Morgan!” Mason chuckled loudly. Yep…that’s where it came from. Sometimes it’s like I share a brain with that girl and it’s, kind of, creepy!

“I know! Where did that come from?” I joined him, in his laughter. “I am so not, even, that smart! You know what she told me the night you came home with us, and I was crying about how nothing, ever, goes right?”

“What?” He smiled and turned towards me. I cleared my throat and in my best Morgan voice I told him.

“A lot of things have gone right. It’s just hard to see those things, right now. Your emotions are clouded and it’s okay, but if life was all rainbows and fluffy bunnies, how could you appreciate it?”

“That’s what she said? The best she could come up with was rainbows and bunnies?”

“Yeah, she said that, alright. Then, I told her I didn’t like fluffy bunnies,” I snickered, thinking about that night.

“You had her there, huh?” Mason nudged me, with his elbow.

“That’s what I thought, until she said,” I turned on my Morgan voice again and continued, “Okay fine, rainbows and fuzzy monkeys, sunshine and chirping birds, fuzzy monkeys wearing furry Batman slippers…whatever!”

“Monkeys wearing Batman slippers?!?” Mason looked at me and laughed loudly.

“And that…” I said pointing to him “…is what I did. She made a very good point and yet was able to crack me up.”

“That’s why you told me about it, huh?” He rolled his eyes and I just smirked. It worked, just as well, on him, as it did on me.

“Shall we go back downstairs?” I asked, patting his shoulder.

“Yeah. I feel a lot better. I guess I just needed to let out some frustration and stuff.” Mason and I rose to our feet. Just as he reached for the door knob, I pulled him into a hug.

“You can talk to me anytime, Mason. Okay? Don’t hold it in anymore…I don’t want you to suffocate yourself. This is why I am here…to help you through this.”

“I know that…I just forgot for a minute,” he smiled, hugging me back. “You think she is waiting up, for us?”

“HA! More than likely,” I nodded as we headed down the stairs. “She worries a lot. I am sure she is up to, at least, see how we are doing.”

“Oh, I am so going to tell her about your impersonation of her,” he snickered, walking into the living room.

Sure enough, Morgan was stretched out on the couch and watching a movie. The volume was turned all the way down and the captions scrolled across the bottom. As I walked closer, I saw Mason hold a finger, to his lips. She wasn’t watching the movie…she had actually fallen, back, asleep while she was waiting for us.

“Good night, Morgan,” I whispered, pulling one of the blankets, over her. I turned off the TV and got down onto the floor. “Night, Mase.”

“Night, Baylee. Thanks again.” It didn’t take long before we were both asleep, too.