December 30, 2005
Dear Journal –
Oh man! The holidays were CRAZY! We were so busy with family stuff…it was insane. Baylee had a blast and got completely spoiled! We went to visit all sorts of family and I think I have had enough turkey and ham to last me through the whole year!!! I think we have all gained about 50 pounds, or more!
We haven’t gone to see Leighanne’s family yet…our plans are to do that next week. Anyways, we had the big Littrell dinner, on Christmas night. Do you have ANY idea how many people that consists of? There’s my grandparents, parents, all the aunts and uncles, all my cousins with their spouses and children…the family farm was CRAWLING with people! I love our family holidays. That farm has been in the family for generations and all our family gatherings are held there.
No one really lives on the farm, anymore, but most everyone helps with the upkeep, when they can. It’s a ways outside of Lexington, but it is SOOOO worth the drive! We actually have pigs and chickens, plus a huge corn field! Back in the day, they had cows, too. Anyways, it takes a lot to keep it running, but we have a lot of family, too. Surprisingly, everyone finds time to help out. I just wish I had more time, to spend there because I have always enjoyed being on the farm.
I even took Baylee up, into the loft, and played Hide-and-Seek in the hay! It was a blast, but Leighanne told me, when we were done, that we smelled and needed to take a shower! Kevin was standing there, at the time, and made some smart remark something like “Oh, that’s not from the hay, Brian just naturally stinks!” Now, I expect that stuff from Nick and AJ, but from my own flesh and blood? Come on…where’s the love?
Speaking of Kevin…the family holiday went really smooth. He was acting pretty normal…not all uptight and grouchy, like he has been. It was almost like we never had any of those fights. We even had a wrestling match, in the back yard, like we used to do, when we were kids. I know, now, that there is something behind his recent behavior. But, what is it? Whatever has been going on stopped, over the holidays, and it was nice.
After we got back, we had the Backstreet holiday. That went pretty darn well, too. I am hoping that Kevin is permanently back to his old self and the attitude doesn’t return, after the holidays are over. Anyways, AJ and Nick took Baylee to the toy store and let him pick out whatever he wanted. I swear those two men spent more on my son, then they did for their own families! Okay…our house is huge and Baylee has a really big room, plus a toy room and I STILL don’t know where we are going to put all this stuff! Yeah…it’s that bad! We all had a nice dinner, though, and had a good evening. It wasn’t too over the top, but it was pleasant. Kevin and I brought our families, Howie brought his girlfriend Leigh, Nick brought Ashley (who is now, the official girlfriend! Whoot…go Nickers!), and Denise came with AJ. Everyone got along, really well, too!!!
YIKES! Look how long I have been sitting here writing away! Leighanne went out, with her friends, and is due back at any time. I promised that I would clean the kitchen and straighten up the family room…I guess I better run and do that, huh? You know…I think Nick’s procrastination habits are rubbing off on me.
-Brian
I snapped the journal shut.
So dad loved the farm, huh? Sounds like I used to enjoy it, a bit, myself. Perhaps I should be a little more open, to this idea. I wonder if there are any pictures, from those family holidays. Why does this have to be so hard, though? I miss my dad so much and I wish I could have him back, just for a day…just ONE day. Sure, I see him in my dreams, but it’s not the same. This trip, to the farm, is just going to make me miss him more! I’ll have to remember, to climb up into the loft, while I’m there.
I sighed, loudly, sitting up. It had already been a week, since Morgan’s outburst and I was no closer to figuring out what had caused it! Sean and I had been trying, like hell, to get her to open up…we were getting absolutely NOwhere!! Whatever it was, had caused her whole attitude to change. The first time I scored better on a test, than she did, I was all happy and excited. The second time, I was a little suspicious…but then, the third time? Yeah…I knew something was really wrong. Sean and I were beyond surprised to find that she actually did try out for cheerleading and were completely shocked when she MADE THE SQUAD!!!
Morgan didn’t show up, for our runs, anymore so I just sat, in my room, reading instead. I still had a half hour, before I needed to start getting ready. Running my fingers, through my hair, I let out a frustrated sigh.
“Screw this! I can’t take it, anymore!” I huffed, getting up and pulling on a shirt. I grabbed my stuff, and headed downstairs. Nick and Mason must have still been sleeping because no one was downstairs. I opened the front door and flipped on the front light. Within 15 minutes, I was knocking on her apartment door.
“Hello, Baylee, dear.” Lisa greeted, opening the door.
“Where is she?” I asked, a bit irritated. I tried not to sound so upset, but I couldn’t help it because Morgan was driving me nuts. “Is she back to normal, yet?”
“She’s in her room and what do you mean ‘back to normal’?”
“She’s been acting funny, ever since she got called to the principal’s office, last week.” I explained, looking at her with confusion.
“What are you doing here?” Morgan’s voice interrupted, before her mom was able to answer. Lisa took that as her cue, to leave the room.
“I came to talk to you.” I gave her the ‘duh’ look. Really, she should have already know the answer, to that!
“Well, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” She tried to hide it, but there was something in her eyes. I could see it. Her words weren’t reflecting her real feelings…something was seriously wrong. “Honestly, Baylee…I don’t think we should hang out anymore.”
My mouth dropped…I was dumbfounded! What did she mean by that? Was this some kind of mean joke? “Huh?” My voice came out as more of a squeak, than anything.
“Trust me,” her eyes floated, down, to the floor. “it’s for the best, that we don’t remain friends.”
“Are you two okay?” Lisa questioned, coming back into the kitchen. “What’s wrong?”
“Baylee was just leaving.” Morgan replied, looking up at me sternly. “Weren’t you…Baylee?”
“Uh…” I tried to swallow the lump that had settled in my throat. I blinked, a few times, thinking that Morgan would start laughing and tell me that she got me good. Her face didn’t crack though. “Ye…yeah…right…leaving…” I just looked at her, for a moment, with scrunched eyebrows and a frown.
“Well…bye then!” She rested a hand, on her hip, waiting for me to leave. I finally got my legs to move and when they did…boy did they! I ran all the way home and right up to my room. I slammed the door shut, throwing my backpack across the room. This was a mess! My whole life is a freakin mess!
“How could she!?!” I screamed, into the emptiness of my room. I wiped a stray tear as I began tearing through my stuff. I slammed things around, as I gathered everything that reminded me, of her.
“What is going on, in here?” Nick questioned, barging through my door, a concerned look on his face.
“It’s none of your business!” I screamed, as I whipped around, coming to face him. “Just stay out of it! It’s not like you even care! Thanks for pretending though!”
“Whoa, wait just a dog on minute! Why don’t you just start by telling me why you aren’t on your way, to school?” He raised his eyebrows, looking to me, for an answer.
“I’m not going to school! I just can’t…not today.”
“Uh…yeah…you are.”
“NO I’M NOT! My best friend just dumped me! ‘It’s for the best.’ She says…what the fuck does she know?!? Huh?” I screamed, with everything in me, as I tossed a teddy bear that she gave me, across the room.
“Morgan what?”
“She told me that we shouldn’t be friends anymore! How can we not be friends anymore? I don’t get it…we’re supposed to be friends forever! You don’t understand! She’s the only thing that keeps me sane! I can’t lose my best friend…it’s not fair!” I collapsed, to the floor, leaning against my bed and letting my head fall into my hands.
“I know how you feel. Losing a best friend is the worst. You feel like a part of you dies.” Nick’s voice was soft and sympathetic, as he took a seat, next to me. “I don’t think Morgan can stand not being your friend, Baylee. She’ll come around. You said she hasn’t been herself, lately. Just give her time…she loves you, too, you know.”
“Why? Why does everything have to be so messed up, Nick? I miss mom and dad, Aunt Kristin is gone, Uncle Kevin is a mess, Mason has to live with us, I don’t want to go to the stupid farm, you can’t even have your own life because of me, my best friend has been acting weird and now she’s rejecting me…will ANYthing ever be normal?”
“Aw, Bay,” Nick pulled me into a hug. I was breaking down, like a stupid little baby, and I was powerless to stop it. Crying in front of Nick was something I didn’t do…I hated showing what a wimp I really was. “Normal isn’t in our vocabulary. I know it’s never been in mine. You know how messed up my family and life have always been. I know how frustrating it is because there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“It’s like my world keeps crashing down, around me, and I don’t have any control, over anything.”
“Yeah…that sounds about right.” Nick nodded. “I think we need a vacation. Too bad that ours is going to be on a stinky farm…with a grumpy old Kevin.”
“This really is going to suck, isn’t it?” I sighed and slumped my shoulders. At least, I wasn’t the only one dreading this trip.
“Um…I don’t know. It’s going to be interesting, that’s for sure.” Nick’s face reflected his uncertainty about the whole thing. I could tell that he was nervous about the trip…I’m pretty sure that we all were, except Mason, maybe.
“Do we have to go?”
“Ha…you know we do, Bay.” Nick scoffed, shaking his head. We both ran our fingers through our hair, with the same hand, at the same time. Sometimes, you would think that we really were related by blood…maybe not father and son…but uncle and nephew, or something.
Since when did I lean on Nick, for emotional and moral support? You know…he really helped me feel better, though. I can see why he was my dad’s best friend. I really should open up to him more…you know, and give this whole relationship a chance, to go back to how it used to be. Hmm…maybe I’ll think about that some more.
Author's Chapter Notes:
*bites nails* I'm a little worried about this chapter...I hope none of you decide to throw rotten fruit, at me!
