Howie opened his eyes as he felt the gleaming sun peaking through the curtains. He squinted looking at the clock, it was already late in the afternoon. His head throbbed like he’d been clobbered by a hammer the night before. Frankly all he wanted was to lay there and drown in his pain. He didn’t want to see AJ, he felt so angry if he saw him, he would punch him.
There was a knock at his door and the door opened before he could even say anything. “Hey there…how you doing?” Kevin asked as he took a seat next to him.
“I blew it twice. With Leigh and now with Millie…I’m a failure” he sighed taking a pillow and putting it over his head.
“I know you Howie and I’m hoping you did it because you felt something for her. I know you’re a good guy cause…come on you waited a whole year to marry Leigh. Just give her time to cool down.” Kevin patted his friend on the leg “I hate to do this but, she gave me this…” he reached in his pocket and took out the locket.
Howie sat back up and extended his hand as a warm current ran through his body at the sight of the locket “I bought it for her in San Antonio, because the mugger took the one her mother had given her.” his eyes swelled up, he wanted to be a man and not cry. But he had been fighting the tears back ever since she had asked him ’why she was hurting so much’ “Fucking AJ” he suddenly got up and stormed downstairs.
AJ laid back on the sofa watching Nick play Xbox 360, he had a bag of ice over his head. His leg was propped on the coffee table and he groaned at the pain emerging from his temples.
“You screwed up royally this time. I mean most of the women you’ve been with have hurt you, but Millie is one of your closest friends, you’ve known her forever. You hurt her on purpose…and Howie in the process.” Nick’s eyebrows scrunched together as he rolled his eyes and continued to play. “Right little man…” he got a huge squeal followed by a smile, by the green eyed child in his jumper.
AJ huffed “Whatever” he groaned, when he felt a shadow over him he just retorted “What the fuck?” he was startled by Howie standing over him. “What do you want?“ he snapped.
“You should of just told her. I mean why make the poor girl come all the way out here…why put us through this?” Howie threw his arms in the air, his face red with anger. “You didn’t call her…the whole trip! The morning she did call you, you were short and ready to do someone else, then you just hung up on her. I could see the hurt in her eyes…you’re an ass!”
AJ yelled back “I didn’t really think that you were going to go and fuck my fiancé.” he stood up to Howie. “Don’t pretend to be the victim…why didn’t you just tell her then? Because you knew what I had asked you was wrong…how could you explain sleeping with her, cause I asked you to…I mean maybe not the second time…but the first…yeah! You knew damn well if she found out you would be the bad guy. Your not that innocent…ya know!”
Howie looked at him, placing one hand on his side “AJ, I’m not going to lie at first I was going to do it because you asked…because I was your friend. Then somehow the more time I spent with her, I fell for her and I did it…because it felt right. I‘m an idiot! I‘ve always done everything I‘m asked to.” he shot the others an accusing glance and began to walk away.
“Howie you can’t be mad at me, cause you got a taste of her…and now she left you…” AJ began.
“Yeah I can, cause you were a fucking coward” Howie poked at AJ’s chest “You couldn’t be man enough to just tell her…” another poke. “That…you didn’t want to marry her.” Poke again.
“That’s what you were supposed to do for me. I’m your best friend remember? Not her…ME!!” he raised his eyebrows.
Howie placed his hands on his side “I don’t think this has anything to do with me not telling her, this is all about me sleeping with her. The thought that someone else got to be with her other than you, is killing you. I don’t understand…you always whine that you don’t have someone special in your life, that you want to settle down and right when you find someone…all you do is push them away.”
“Bullshit, I love her…and I still want to marry her.” he crossed his arms.
Everyone’s eyes flew upon AJ then Howie “What the hell are you talking about, she’ll never marry you now. She knows what a dick you are…there is no use in hiding behind that bad ass attitude, your fingernail polish and that awful eyeliner.” Howie laughed mockingly “You’re always clarifying that your not AJ the insensitive, cheating and deceitful persona, that your Alex the kind hearted guy that no one understands…but quite frankly at the end of the day their both the same asshole.”
“Oh yeah well you shouldn’t be talking cause if you would have been the sweet D that everyone knows you are. You would have told her the truth, before fucking her…”
Howie lunged at AJ letting him have a fist in the eye. AJ fell back and swiftly stood up letting Howie have a fist which landed on his mouth. The twosome rolled around cursing and swinging at each other, the commotion making Mason erupt into wails. Nick and Kevin struggled to separate the twosome and were finally successful Nick holding AJ back, while Kevin held Howie.
Howie struggled to get loose, and finally Kevin carefully let him go “You just have no respect for anyone. I care about her and I thought you did too. Now she thinks I‘m just like you, because of you and your stupid ideas. Because your selfish…but this is it Alexander…we are no longer friends. Our friendship is over as of now.” Howie grabbed his keys, stormed out to his car, turned on the engine and sped away.
AJ placed the bag of ice over his eye “He’ll be back…right?” breathing hastily, he looked at Nick and Kevin.
“I think you really fucked up this time AJ…” Kevin blurted and made his way back to the living room. Nick stayed quiet, nodding his head in disapproval and joined Kevin and Mason.
Almost a week later Millie wiped her face as she sat on her bed, her father had painted the room a neutral color hoping that he would always have the company of one of his kids. The house was new and he hadn’t been living there long, but it was nice and cozy. The walls were a beige color and the bed was a Queen size, with an oak head board. Pictures of Millie and her brothers as kids were up on the walls.
She really liked living with her father, he had always been giving, tolerant and understanding with his kids and his wife. It just hadn’t been enough. The longer and harder she thought about the past, the more the memories resulted in proofs of their slow parting. Why was love so complicated? How come sometimes one loved more than the other? Howie…she began to think. His smile clouded her thoughts. Howie.
Her phone sang again ‘He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar’ the song drifted into the air as she quickly pressed the button on her phone to answer the call. “Hello”
“Hi honey…” her mother giggled on the line. “Sorry I haven’t called. How was he trip…I’m so sorry we had to leave you all alone the other night waiting for your ride.”
“Hi mom…don’t worry about it. I got here fine. How are you doing? How are the boys?” she asked, struggling to listen over the background noise.
“Listen this is a very quick call…your brothers and I came to an agreement that since you’re the closest one to your father and your already there. That you should give your father the news.”
Millie struggled to hear her mother, a party song and giggles on the line “What are you talking about mom?” she sighed there was no emotion in her voice, her mother really annoyed her sometimes. Ever since the Howie and AJ incident, she couldn’t stop getting faint memory spurs. Memories that weren’t happy. That made her mother look like a monster.
The woman had always been the free spirit, the one that only worried that her hair was gray less, her face wrinkle free and her clothes were all expensive. She hadn’t seemed to interested in knowing how her father was doing or even how she was. “I’m getting married Millie…I need you to tell your father please. You’re his favorite child anyway. I can send for you to be here if you want.” she giggled, as though she had told Millie some kind of joke.
The anger flushed through her veins and she felt her cheeks burn. “You are so selfish…it hasn’t even been six months and your already…” her voice cracked as she began to cry and shout into the phone. “Dad is devastated, but you don’t bother asking how he’s doing. I had my heart trampled on, but that doesn’t matter either right mom. As long as it’s not one of your precious boys…well I’m not telling him shit! And when I get back I’m moving out…” her fathers voice startled her as she hung up the phone.
“Is everything ok? Was that your mother? Why were you talking to her like that?” her father asked, she could tell he still loved her. The sparkle in his eyes gave it all away, she took a deep breath the tears still spilling from her eyes. As if being broken hearted wasn’t enough, now she had to put her father in the same condition.
“Dad…mom is going to get married. That’s all she wanted to say.” her fathers eyes narrowed and he plopped onto the bed. “Dad?” she questioned trying to read his expressions. “How did this happen dad? How does someone that you love and give everything too treat you so crappy?” her eyes swelled up with tears again.
“I don’t know, sometimes they really don’t mean to. Maybe she’s just confused honey. You know your mother she’s never been good with…”
She interrupted her father “With all due respect you just got divorced and she is going to marry another man…dad…stop putting her on a pedestal and realize that mom is a ungrateful. Bitch!” she shouted, then stormed to the living room, slouching on the couch. Laying down and closing her eyes she felt the tears run down her face.
The house phone rang this time and she answered it, with a sniffle “Hello”
“Millie please don’t hang up…it’s me…AJ!” he waited. “I know that I hurt you…I’m an ass Mill…but Howie isn’t to blame…don’t blame him please.”
AJ waited for an answer, but there was a click, followed by silence “Mill…Mill…” AJ sighed hard as he held the receiver in his hands, hearing the operator confirm that Millie had hung up on him.
“You have to give her time, I wouldn’t want to talk to you either.” Nick informed patting AJ on the back “So are you happy to be back in your own house?” he raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah and no! I thought Howie was going to stay with me for the while, but he decided to stay with Kevin and Kristen who’s back. He won’t talk to me either, I‘m the one with the black eye.” AJ sighed putting a cigarette in his mouth and lighting it up.
“Just give them time, they will come around. Hey your coming to my 4th of July party at the club out by the beach, it’s this weekend. Uh…the only thing is that Howie will be there and I also invited Sarah who said she would try to bring Millie. So maybe a chance to talk or maybe a chance to stay clear from each other. Well I gotta go…babysitting with Howie tonight. See ya” they shook hands and Nick was out.
AJ paced the living room, the guilt had now swallowed whatever anger he had towards Millie or Howie. He had put them in that situation in the first place, if he would have just flown her out or if he would have just told her over the phone that something was going on, they wouldn’t have met and fallen for each other. He had to find a way to make things better, he was just a little confused about his own feelings.
Howie chuckled at the drooling green eyed baby “Alright Mason…your mom and dad are gone. I’m hoping your going to take it easy on us tonight right?” the child giggled
“Yo, I’m back. Stopped by to see the trouble maker, he’s really down. He misses you and is really upset that you decided to stay here at Kevin’s instead of with him like you two had planned.” Nick shrugged taking Mason out of his jumper and shooting him up in the air like a plane.
“Well serves him right to be alone now. I don’t want to even see him in pictures right now.” Howie rolled his eyes as he took a sip of his coke. “Tell me you invited him this Saturday?”
Nick placed Mason on his hip, like he was a pro at babysitting. “Well I had to, he’s down and we really don’t want him relapsing do we. Plus Millie might be there too…I invited Sarah and they are close friends remember. I can’t separate all my friends just cause you guys have some altercations.”
Howie looked at him puzzled “What is it with you and being the voice of reason lately. Did they swap you? I mean…no offense but…”
Nick smiled as he interrupted Howie “No…I’m still the same old dumb Nick. It’s just I can be smart too, when I want.” he chuckled as the baby bonked him on the head with his toy. “So what are you going to do now? You’ve got a lot of shit on your platter…”
“I tried calling her, but when she hears my voice. She goes silent and well hangs up right away. She told me to fuck off the other day.” Howie sighed bowing his head.
“Like I told AJ things will work out…I mean you and him have been friends forever and we still have to work all together. Millie is his best friend too. You and Millie love each other I just know it.” Nick raised his eyebrows with a teasing smile.
“I don’t love her Nick. I just hate that I hurt her, I really need to see if I can…”
Nick interrupted him “Denial…” he shouted, just as he placed Mason back in his jumper, the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it!” he yelled. He opened the door to find himself staring at Leigh, who had a wide smile on her face. “HEY LEIGH!” he said loudly, hoping that Howie would hear him.
Howie heard him indeed, he took a deep breath as he made his way towards the door, his stomach flipped at the sight of his wife. She WAS still his wife, he hadn’t signed anything, yet. “Hey…uh…hi Leigh” he didn’t know what to say, usually he greeted her with a kiss and called her baby. He hadn’t seen her in a couple of weeks and his baby was now someone else.
She was looking as beautiful as he remembered her, her long brown hair was up in a ponytail. She wore the usual small amount of makeup, a black suit, with a bright pink blouse under. Her heels clacked against the tile as she entered the house. “Hi Howie…” she smiled nervously “I was in town, thought I would give you a visit. I heard the news about the taxes…so I knew you were here.”
“I’ll be outside with Mason!” Nick informed taking the child back in his arms and disappearing through the sliding doors, although it was evening already the sun still hadn‘t gone down.
“So how have you been?” Howie fiddled with his fingers nervously, he was happy to see her. Somehow he couldn’t stop wishing that she was Millie, so he could apologize and make everything better. He shook the thoughts from his head and focused on Leigh again.
Leigh smiled and let out a exasperated sigh “Listen, I know this is very weird. Erm…I just wanted to make sure that your doing fine. I know that I just bombarded you with the news, but I was driving myself crazy and I needed to let you know. So that when you got back home you wouldn’t be surprised to see my things out of the house…you know?” she raised her eyebrows, her face waiting for an understanding.
Howie swallowed hard, she hadn’t asked him for a divorce in the best manner. It had been about fifteen minutes before going out to a stadium full of screaming women and he would have to dance around like his life was nothing, but pleasing. “I understand, it wasn’t the best timing, but you told me the truth. How’s teaching?” he asked with a smile.
She smiled back a look of relief came over her face “It’s good, I was chosen to come down to a seminar. Things are good, I got my own apartment and…uh…I…I met somebody.” she cleared her throat.
Howie’s heart fell to the floor, he was slightly hurt that she was already with someone, but then again he had done the same thing. He had just kept the hope that maybe he could rekindle their marriage and then hurting Millie would have been justified. “Well that’s good. I just want you to be happy and if its not with me…then…”
“I’m sorry…I just met him, so don’t think that I asked for the divorce because of that. We are in different worlds me and you! I want to teach, stay put in one place…well with the occasional travel if I deserve it.“ she giggled, then became serious again, “You travel so much, your never around and if I want to be with you…I have to give up MY dream, and follow you wherever you go. I don’t want to do that Howard. So my only solution was…”
Howie understood her, she was right he was discarding her goals and what she wanted. He had been a Backstreet Boy for so long that he was used to the traveling, Leighanne and Kristen had always traveled with Brian and Kevin, so he assumed that his wife would do the same. “No, I’m sorry! I never thought about that…”
She looked at her watch “Well I have to go…but I’ll be back in town sometime this summer. I’ll bring by the papers so you can sign.” Leigh kissed his cheek and gave him a big hug “You’re a great man and your going to make someone happy. I’ll always love you Howie…Bye!” he watched her climb into the rental and drive off. Biting the inside of his cheek, he tried to keep the knot in his throat from exploding and just falling to the floor to cry like a child.
Everything was settling in now, Leigh was gone…she had left him. He was getting a divorce, because he didn’t have time for his wife, because he had been selfish. His best friend had lost all his respect and he didn’t want to be near him at the time. He was an asshole. The worst part was that he was falling in love. Falling in love with Millie, whom wanted nothing to do with him. Millie. I love Millie. He thought to himself with a sigh.
