Howard sat on the bed he looked at his clock and it read three in the morning. He huffed, lately he could only sleep for a couple of hours and then he would be wide awake racking his brain about what was going on in his life. The birthday party had come and gone and there was no sign of Millie. Was she ok? He also knew that AJ was trying his best to make up with Millie, and that scared him too. Then again ever since he had seen Leigh, she consistently called him and he found himself enjoying the sound of her voice and her laughter. Thinking of how nice it would be to have a wife to come home to again.
On the other hand, he couldn’t stop thinking of Millie, her dark hair, her innocent smile and how she easily told him she loved him. He sighed hard, ever since the beach party and her spectacle, they hadn’t seen each other and he had given up on calling her, so he wasn’t sure where they stood. Sighing again he took the phone from his dresser. He looked up at the ceiling “What do I do?” He asked like he expected an answer from above. After a couple of minutes he went to dial, just as he was going to push the button, his phone buzzed in his hand. He smiled at the name flashing on the screen.
Millie hovered over the toilet, droplets of sweat covered her forehead as her stomach jolted with each spew. After a couple of minutes she flushed the toilet and gradually stood up. She had been feeling sick for quite some while and she was afraid of what it was, although it slightly filled her with joy. Putting her weight on the side of the sink, she slumped, feeling a wave of electrifying pain through her belly. Her body fell to the floor as she clutched her stomach, the wave of pain coming and going, like the movement of the ocean.
“Honey are you ok in there?” there was a knock at the door.
She jumped at the sound of her fathers voice. He wasn’t supposed to be home yet, but he did occasionally stop by to check up on her. “I’m…” she gritted her teeth, forcing herself to stand up and open the door. Gasping at the sight of blood on her nightgown. “NO…pain…shooting pain.” she yelped falling into her fathers arms. “It hurts”
AJ swirled the drink in his glass staring at it thoughtfully. “You look like your heads going to explode. What’s going on?” Nick asked placing his arm over AJ’s shoulder and stumbling over the stool to sit down. “You’ve been like that since the party.”
“I just can’t get through to her, I try calling and she hangs up. I tried going to her house and Mr. Nunez gave me a whole lecture of what an asshole I am. So I left.” AJ knew he had done something wrong. Millie had been his friend first and then his girlfriend, he hated the fact that he hadn’t been honest with her. Things wouldn’t have been so messy if he would have just come out and said it ’I can’t marry you, Millie’ he recited it in his head. If he thought clearly still to the day he hadn’t told her. He hadn’t had a chance to explain why? He loved her but as a friend, the little sister he never had. Yeah that was it!
“Well maybe you just have to keep trying. I mean if you care about her.” Nick waved down a bartender and ordered another drink “You gonna have something man?” Nick asked him as the bartender leaned over also waiting.
AJ stood up, gulped what was left in the cup and nodded “No, it was just coke. I’m going to look for her right now. I have to talk to her and make her understand. I have to help them get back together…I have to get my best friend back. This is my fault. See ya” he walked off.
Nick looked at his watch as he yelled out to AJ “But it’s like three thirty in the morning” but he got no response and he watched AJ walk out of the club.
Howard chuckled “So it didn’t work out huh? That is to bad, you’ll find someone else.” his smile wiped off as he went into deep thought.
The voice was soft and sleepy “What if I realized that it’s you Howard…the man I want to be with. That maybe we can work this out?” she giggled nervously as there was a long pause on the line.
Howard moved the phone away from his mouth, looking at the ceiling again, searching for an answer in the darkness. He sighed softly “I’m sorry, I would…” he paused again, trying to scan for the answer in his mind “I would like that…but I thought that you had the papers worked up already?” his eyebrows scrunched up as he waited for her answer.
“Oh…I had just said that Howard. You know that it’s hard to just get a divorce, but I was angry because you never asked me what I wanted, you just assumed that I wanted to be like Leighanne and Kristen. I want to be me…and if I can do that and you can be a Backstreet Boy then we can try this again. What do you say?”
Millie’s whole body shook as the sweat droplets now fell over her face, she bit down on a rag her father held to her mouth and with the other caressed her hand. Her body jolted as she felt the pain waves, her knees were bent her heels almost touching her butt and a tall older man stuffed his fingers inside of her. “Oh god Nunez…”
Her father looked down at Millie “It’s ok baby…it will be ok” her held her hand.
“Nunez you should have taken her to the hospital” the man retorted “Your daughter is pregnant” his face was still straight, no nice smile after giving such news.
“So what is the problem?” Her father asked almost in a whisper not to alarm Millie. She stopped struggling as she saw the long faces and pushed herself up to look over her body, she quickly put her legs together. Gasping at the amount of blood on her bed, she pulled out the rag from her mouth and screamed.
“MILLIE!” AJ yelped as he frantically ran up the steps and found that the door was unlocked. The house was dark and the only light on was coming from her room. He could hear voices and crying. The sobs were coming from Millie. He breathed hard, as his body slowly made way towards the light. He felt like he was floating, his heart thudded against his chest hard, so hard he had to rub it. “Millie” he said one last time before his eyes widened in horror at the scene.
Howie smiled “Alright I’ll see you for the concert. Yeah it will all be at the will call. Alright then…” silence filled the line as he heard her say ’I love you’ he couldn’t say it back, his mouth opened to do it, but nothing came out. Not those words. “Bye” he responded and pushed the end button, the phones light switching off and leaving him in the pure dark. “What am I doing?” he told himself out loud.
He laid back down, staring at nothing. Wondering if giving his marriage another chance was actually the right thing to do. What would Millie say? Would she care? He found himself missing her again. Thinking of the tickling of her hair against his shoulders, her breathing in his ear and the sweet sound of her voice telling him she loved him. There was an aching in his chest, it visited him every time he thought of her. He would give anything to just see her. “I cant…” he told himself, surrendering to giving Leigh another chance. He closed his eyes.
AJ paced the hospital hallway, his hands itching to grab the phone and call Howie, but he had promised he wouldn’t. He took a seat rubbing his temples, they ached. He closed his eyes and all he could see was Millie in such an uncomfortable position and the blood on the bed. He shook his head without being able to make out what was wrong. Why so much blood and all the different orders the doctors were giving. “AJ…your shaking are you ok?” he heard the strong voice echo in his mind.
He looked up startled, Mr. Nunez looking down at him with concerned eyes “I’m fine sir… Is she going to be ok? What the hell was wrong with her?” the man’s face changed and he looked away “I need to know. I have a right I’m…still her…friend.” he kept himself from saying ‘fiancé’ or ‘best friend’ he didn’t think he had the right to say that. Although they never got around to talking, it was obvious that she didn’t consider him anything in her life anymore.
Her father turned around with a stern face he pointed at AJ “This is all your fault…Alexander…you could have just been honest. She wouldn’t have gotten to know your friend. You aren’t her friend…fiance…nothing…a friend doesn’t do this to another friend.” the man backed down when he saw the pain stricken look on AJ’s face, the tears began to stream down his cheeks.
“I know…” he sniffed and wiped away the stubborn tears with his arm “I fucked up Mr. Nunez, but you know that I care about her. I love her, not like that…I don’t think…but she’s my best friend and I would have never hurt her on purpose…I didn’t know…it was going to…I’m sorry” he took a seat covering his face with his hands.
“I’m sorry son…I need some air.” he placed a hand on AJ’s shoulder and walked away.
Millie kept a straight face, the pain was still killing her but the words that the doctor had just said hurt more. She was going to have a baby. Howie’s baby. She heaved with disgust, her hands searching for the trash can by her bed, but all she could do was heave. Her chin shook as the tears streamed down her face, she couldn’t get the man to ever tell her he loved her and now she couldn’t even carry a baby inside of her. Maybe he or she would have loved her back. Now she wouldn’t know.
She turned to look at the wall, clutching her stomach and sobbing loudly. Pain shooting in different directions of her body. The doctors words winding in her mind. Something about fallopian tubes, baby lost, maybe no more babies and that she could have died. The words just came and came until she had a headache and she found herself wishing, that she would have just died. That her father wouldn’t have come home from the fire station to check on her, that AJ wouldn’t have carried her out of the house. That she would have died in the bathroom on that cold floor. Died.
A couple of minutes later the doctor stood over AJ “Hey kid…where is Nunez?” he asked pushing at his shoulder.
AJ opened his eyes as he felt a light shove on his shoulder, “What?” he rubbed his sleepy eyes. Then jumped up when he realized that it was the doctor. “Doctor…how is she?” he waited, but the doctor hesitated to answer.
The doctors gaze fell upon the older man in the dark red uniform, Mr. Nunez, who made his way towards the twosome. “I thought you were called back to the station.”
“I was but I explained and they understood. I have to report later today. How is she?” they both looked at AJ, the doctor reluctant to talk about the situation in front of someone he considered a stranger. “It’s ok…he’s her…best friend.” he gave him a semi smile, then gave his attention back to the doctor.
“Millie suffered a ectopic pregnancy…which is rare it usually happens with women thirty years of age and up. One pregnancy out of sixty. The egg planted itself in her fallopian tube so as it was growing it was causing her very bad pain.” the doctor shook his head sympathetically while AJ’s mouth fell open “The good thing is that she’s good, we didn’t have to remove the tube, we were able to save it.”
“My poor girl!” Mr. Nunez rubbed his hands together nervously.
“Look it could have been worse, sometimes these things rupture and the tube is removed…or many other things…of course when I told her about it she was disappointed and emotional, so we had to sedate her. I‘m sorry Nunez. I tried…” Mr. Nunez placed a hand on the doctors shoulder and gave him a nod.
“I need to see her…please…” AJ pleaded his hands almost in prayer form. Her father gave him a nod letting him know it was ok and he made his way down the hall towards the room. He could hear the beeping coming from each room he passed, the smell of sickness, the walls closing in on him. He stood at the door as he saw her, she had woken up and was in fetal position her body shaking with sobs. He didn’t know what to say. What if she got angry and he just made things worse? What if she started screaming?
“I can hear you breathing” he heard her hoarse voice say, she hadn’t turned around to face him yet. “Close the door, one beeping is enough to tolerate.” she wasn’t the same cheery Millie he knew. She sounded angry and bleak. He closed the door and walked over to her, she looked up at him with her swollen eyes “I should…have…died” she almost whispered as she broke into sobs again.
“No…” he reached out to her and took her in his arms “No Millie…never say that.” he caressed her hair “We all love you…your dad could never live without you.” he rocked her back and forth sitting on the side of the bed.
“There was a…baby…growing inside of me…I lost my only connection to him…I couldn’t even carry his baby…I can’t even get him to say he loves me. YOU didn’t even want to marry me. Is that not reason enough to want to die?”
“He does love you…and I love you. Don’t beat yourself up.”
He let her go as she sat up slowly “This is my fault. For drinking that night remember…I drank so much and maybe that affected everything…I’m…so…I…”
“Stop doing that. The doctor says that no matter what you did, this was unpreventable Mill…it could have happened to anybody. Please…stop blaming yourself.” He tried smiling at her, but got no response.
“AJ you didn’t call him did you?” she gave him a stern look. “He shouldn’t know.”
AJ shook his head “No…I wanted to, but I didn’t.” their eyes met “You should tell him though…he has a right to know.” he furrowed his eyebrows, he knew that his last comment would anger her.
“He has no right! He doesn’t even care! Plus I wouldn’t have the guts to tell him. Please don’t tell him AJ…it will be our secret.” she gave him a pleading look.
“I don’t know if I can keep something so important from him, we’ve made peace again and well…”
She took his hands in hers and looked him straight in the eyes “AJ please promise me that only my father, you and I will know about this. You’re my best friend too…right?” she waited for his response, her eyes wide open.
