[ - ]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Chapter or Story Microsoft Word Chapter or Story
- Text Size +
“Just Another Day”

Chapter Two: Shallow Image

Life to me, wasn’t worth any of the crap you had to deal with to get through each day. I didn’t have much in my life worth living for. My family was a disaster to put it in the most mild way possible. I had three guys I considered my brothers. Why they even put up with I never understood. My world constantly consisted of pain, disappointment, and abandonment. Just why bother, you know? Abusive parents, cruel fame knocking on my door, ignored by all members of the family by the time I was legally an adult. Except when mother dearest needed money, or bring me down with calls yelling how much of a screw up I am. Now I’m twenty two, four years after moving out and none of that has changed. As for fame, it was never what people thought it was. The world loved me. The world hated me. More often hated than loved. And they didn’t even love me actually. The truth was, they loved my image. Nickolas James Cordele. That was who they loved. Nick Cordele. Did they ever want me? Plain old Nick? Doubted it. I’ve been trying to hit fame since I was thirteen years old. It hit at seventeen, so five years now. My life was beyond what I defined as hell and I was sick of it all.

I knew there were some things not meant for me. I knew fame was because I had it. Loads of it. I’m the youngest member in the music scene’s freshest and biggest rock group since Nickelback. Maybe you’ve heard of us. I bet you have, or at least one of our songs. Rising Phoenix, was the name of our band. The last thing keeping me on the thread of sanity too. Music was my life. It was just a part of me. I write songs constantly and there was no bigger rush than getting up and performing. The tour bus always sucks though. I go fucking stir crazy on it and as my band mate, Scott liked to tell me, “I drive them all off the wall”. So when I ain’t bouncing off the damn walls myself, I always was writing in one of my notebooks ideas for new songs. Yes I carried notebooks around. I do even now. No I ain’t gay, I just use them to get all the bull crap out. If I didn’t I would have lost it a long time ago. Wait, did I ever have it? Heh oh well. I’m one of the lead singers, and I’m on the guitar. Typical shallow rockstar I bet you’re thinking. So from thirteen on all I had were the guys. Damn good thing too or I would have been gone long before now. Not trying to get your sympathy or any of that shit. Just a fact.

Fame hit us all of a sudden. One day we were doing gigs at clubs around Florida, and we got discovered, had a single and blew up. That simple and that crazy. There were four of us in the group. All of them thought I would never grow up and they all thought they knew what was best for me. There was me, Jay, Chase, and Scott. Scott was the oldest, about five years older than I was, he was on the keyboards. Him and I always butted heads. Heh. Now he didn’t have so much time to rag on my shit cause he was married and trying to start a family. There was my best friend Chase, three years older than me, and he‘s on guitar as well. He sang a lot of leads, but they gave the most to me. In my opinion he’s always had a better voice than me but no one else agrees with that. Chase and I just kind of I don’t know, clicked since we met and I was thirteen and he was eighteen. Lately though things were different cause he was married with a son now. And Jay closest in age to me, only two years older, and well Jay was the crazy out of his mind, drummer of the band. He lived for getting the fans hyped. Jay was getting over issues he had to deal with. But those I won’t share though, that’s a whole ‘nother story.

Now you may want to call me bitter. I dare you to then. I have a damn good reason to know the world hated me. I’m not going to delve into those though. Trust me though, I had reason. I don’t mean my screwed up so called family either. Can you believe they’re only the tip of the iceberg that is my hell? I wanted to just die. End all the shit now. Save everyone trouble of freaking out about me. Not bug anyone anymore. It would just be easier.

Enough with the pity party I’m having. That’s not what you wanna hear anyway right? I know it’s not. I ain’t much of a writer. I ain’t much of anything really. I’m just me, fumbling my way through the world as everyone enjoyed watching me fail.

So one night I was doing the usual. Out partying and shit. Trying to make myself numb. Drinking usually helped do that for me. I didn’t care if anyone saw me. Forget my so called perfect image. I didn’t care. I wasn’t perfect and I never would but everyone thought I was. I blamed it on growing up in the spotlight the past five years. Hell at its best. About a month before I got arrested for a DUI, my ex-girlfriend was still trying to ruin my life, and guess what? My mother called and bitched me out today too. And lets not forget how the world thought and proclaimed through magazines that I’m doomed to make the band fail in our height of fame. So I wanted to just make everything a blur. I didn’t want to remember, or bother the guys. They all had their own lives, I love them but I couldn’t keep running to them forever. So I went out. I had no one else to go to anyway.

By the end of the night everything was a blur. I remember calling Chase and I remember rambling on about something incredibly stupid. Oh yeah, I was rambling about how my image damage was going to hurt my younger brother’s career. Did I mention my brother Aaron used me to get famous? My mother was behind that. He became famous more cause of my status though but he still liked to pretend I’m not family now. It wasn’t always like that but the past two years it’s gotten that way. To think he used to be on my side. We used to be close. What did you say when no one in your family wanted you? What did you say when with the exception of three friends the rest of the world only wanted you for your fame and money? I just hated everything. With just cause.

Next thing I knew I was waking up at Chase’s the next morning with a pounding headache. For a moment I was very disoriented cause he lived in Atlanta actually, but was staying in his LA apartment because we were recording for our new album over the next few months. I groaned and sat up slowly. I could hear his two year old son Cameron babbling on in the other room to Chase and his wife Anabelle. All I wanted was the world to stop. That was impossible but…It didn’t stop me from wanting it any less.

I hated myself for wanting it so bad. Pathetic, thy name was Nick Cordele.

**************

So that evening I was staying at Chase‘s. My place wasn’t far but he wanted me to stay that night. Heh, more or less because he wanted to keep an eye on me. The others were paranoid I would make Jay’s mistakes and do the stuff that landed him in rehab. Like I’m that stupid? Damn I’ve got a load of my own mistakes to make. There was a lot I needed to figure out. Things I wanted to figure out. I was having a load of trouble doing that too. Everyone thought I was a happy go lucky guy who liked to party like crazy. There was a lot going on with me that no one saw. No one saw through my fake smile. No one saw the darkness I hid inside. I was good at it. Been practicing since I was just a little kid. Hell sometimes I wondered if I even had a real smile anymore. I didn’t even know. The guys didn’t see through it either, it was that convincing. They knew what went on that no one else saw. They knew what I was dealing with but, they didn’t know how I was dealing. They thought I was alright, I knew I wasn’t. Who knew if I ever would be. Actually, correction, I knew I never would be, just no one else did. So I played it up as being insane and happy. Why bring the guys down? They couldn’t help, I was alone. Part of that was my fault I knew, it had to be, but I couldn’t screw up the guys’ lives with my baggage the way I screwed up my own.

While Chase tended to Cameron, Anabelle was cooking dinner. I use the term cooking lightly. Word of fucking advice? Never go to the LaMont’s home for dinner. Not if you want real food. Instead of the rubbery substitute you get there. Now they’re my friends, well closest thing to family I got but, neither of them could cook worth a damn. Made me feel so damn bad for Cameron. Now I can’t cook either, but at least I ain’t gonna torture you with that. I use the handy speed dial to call in, or I take you out someplace. When I’m alone then it’s whatever frozen food I got stocked in the fridge. Man, usually I ate those “Kid’s cuisine” TV dinners as I watched 24, the one series I attempted to keep up with in my crazy life. So when I’m at Chase's, I usually fed the damn monster they call a dog. Litty Leigh, it’s called. Most evil freaking cocker spaniel I ever met. Those things used to look cool to me too. Damn deceitful dogs. I never did anything to it but it liked to bite the hell out of me. So I feed the so called food there to it. Stupid thing deserved it. All freaking Cockers hate me. My ex had one too that hated me. Now I loved dogs but those things were evil.

So I was attempting to entertain myself. Watching TV in the living room and laying back on the couch. My hangover had pretty much gone away thankfully. Then I spotted Chase's cell phone on the coffee table. Now that was not smart on Chase's part. He knew me. He knew how I worked. I always got into his stuff. I’m nosy, sue me. I’ve gotten into his net accounts when I get bored. His fault for having passwords that were far too easy. See mine were hard, no one could crack mine cause mine are so random.

Besides I was bored and I knew everyone in the address book in his cell anyway. Met them all at some point or another since I had known him around eight years and counting. Friends, record company executives, our manager, religious people, (did I mention Chase once wanted to be a pastor? Just a side bar of info for ya.), family…and wait what was this? I then spotted a number I didn’t recognize. The name said “Calypso”. The name alone was enough to get me curious. It’s not something you hear everyday. Names fit the people, so she’d be one of a kind too I bet. Hmm so who was this? Heh well I wanted to find out. So I just called. I figured why the hell not?

***********

I was attempting to study when the phone rang. I almost lunged for the phone. I needed the break. Another fight with my parents and I was pretty much locking myself up in my room. Eighteen years old, almost nineteen and I was still forced to do so. I wish I could afford an apartment, a dorm room. Something! Lordie have mercy I wish I did. I tried to sketch something out to paint later but I couldn’t concentrate. I adjusted my glasses, pushed a strand of hair out of my face as I checked the caller id. The guy I met yesterday? Calling already? I had completely forgotten about him in all honesty. I thought he would too. I had been hoping it would have been Sebastian or Izzy but I would take whatever came. Yay salvation!

“Hello?”

“Hey, who is this?”

I raised a brow and frowned. Ooook this wasn’t Chase, that or his voice sounded years younger at least, all of a sudden. Great, probably a prank call. I was willing to give him ten minutes and if he messed with me I was so gonna hang up.

“This is Calypso, and who is this on Chase's phone?”

I heard a low chuckle. “A friend of his.”

I laid back on my bed, amused yet very confused. “Oh yeah? Got a name?” I put a cd in the cd player. A greatest Hits cd from my favorite group, No Doubt. Been liking them since I was seventeen when I finally heard their music even if they had been around for years before that. All I cared about was the music. I didn’t watch MTV or VH1 or see those music videos. It ruined it for me. I just listened to the radio and my cds. And I never really looked at the cd jackets ever. That was it. I also was one of the few people who have never been to a concert, there was always an issue stopping me. And I just didn’t care about entertainment news. Why should I? My friends did, my mom did, but I just didn’t. Everyone thinks I’m weird because of that. Maybe I am, I don’t know. Yes I’m different, freaky, shy, all of it. Outcast defined me. It really bugged me sometimes.

“Hello? You got a name?”

“Yeah but do I have to tell you?” He replied teasingly. “Your name is…..interesting you know.”

I smiled a bit at his tone. “Technically? No, but I’m curious. And yeah I hear that tons, you tend to with a name like Calypso Rayne, call me Cally.”

“You know what happens to curious peoples?”

“They eventually find out info?”

Then he laughed at that one. I was surprised I wasn‘t nervous but I felt more at ease on the phone. All it took was a simple hang up to escape. Not like in person meetings. I couldn‘t help but laugh too, his laugh was infectious. You wouldn’t understand unless you heard it yourself. Trust me, it was like, a manly giggle. All cute yet guyish, tee hee. “No those are investigators like private eyes, and tabloids do, the curious stay curious.”

I laughed some and put this pouty tone in my voice. “That would be mean to make me stay curious.”

“Maybe I am mean like that.”

“nah you don’t sound it.”

“Lucky for you I ain’t. Cally you said right?”

“Right” What was it that was keeping me on the line? I wasn’t sure but there was something, I was sure of that.

“You can’t tell him I called or he’ll bitch me out for taking his cell and calling you.”

“I won’t.” Chase kept my number, that surprised me. I changed the song to “Don’t Speak” and I hum along. Lord I’m just a boring wallflower, why did he even think I’d be an interesting friend? I mean honestly, he had to meet better people than me every day. And who was this guy that was for whatever reason keeping me on the line? It may be a prank. I kind of sighed at the thought, and prayed it wasn’t that.

“You promise?”

“Yep.”

“Alright, I’m his best friend, Nick.”

I started doodling an idea for a painting on one of my drawing pads. “That’s interesting. And you wanted to call me because?” The sketch began to form a lonely girl sitting atop of a field staring up at the stars.

“Because Chase doesn’t add new numbers often so I wanted to see who you were and why you were special. That and I’m bored out of my fucking mind.”

I smiled just a little. “Well I’m bored too so it works out.”

“Cool then so while Anabelle tries to cook something and it might end up poisoning me I can talk to a sexy girl that has to be cool if he has her number on his cell.”

Sexy? Oh bezel my jezels that was something I had never heard when describing me. I knew then I better savor it now, cause when he saw me it wouldn’t happen again. I’d be to friend status like with any other guy I met. Well, it didn’t matter with Chase since he was married anyway, but Nick seemed interesting. I wondered to myself just what did he look like? Did he always call random people? I liked the randomness of it. I knew it was only over the phone and we‘ve barely talked during the call about anything important but there was just something about him. “Chase’s wife?” I should warn him now. “And thanks but I’m not sexy trust me.” I said with a laugh I forced to sound natural.

“Yeah that’s her, and I’m sure you’re sexy. All girls are in their own way.”

“You haven’t seen what I look like even.”

“So take a pic with your cell and show me baby.”

I snorted at that one. Wow this guy came on strong. So why didn’t I hang up? Why did I like it even? He was not getting a picture though. No way. That and I knew I looked horrible. My hair was in a tied back mess and I was in boxers and an old sports jersey. I adjusted my glasses before they slid too far down my nose. “No way I look horrible. Besides I don‘t even know what YOU look like.”

“You don’t?” he sounded a bit taken aback. “Yeah right”

“No I don’t, and you’re not gonna see me right now. I look like crap.”

“I got this theory that the more a girl thinks she looks like shit, the sexier she must be so you better be careful before you go and turn me on or something.” he teased and was that flirting I was detecting? I was so hopelessly naïve when it came to this stuff. Good lord I didn’t know how to handle this. Help! I had one experience under my belt…which I never wanted to think of or talk about. It wasn’t huge but it hurt all the same. Even now, a whole year later. But why was he flirting? Probably cause he was a guy and didn’t have a clue of what I looked like. Guys flirted with their female friends sometimes. I knew that much but I never got much of it ever. This was new. It would die out fast though. My silence caused him to speak up again.

“Errm bad time to ask this but you’re legal right? I’m twenty two and….”

“What, you don’t like jailbait?” I chuckled, teasing back. I decided I may as well use this as some kind of learning thing anyway. Since it wouldn’t last long and all.

“I’ve been in enough trouble man.”

“Yeah I am. Barely, I‘m eighteen, nineteen in September.”

“Sweet.”

We ended up talking for three hours. Three hours straight, about random things. Things that were stupid and small but he made me laugh. I couldn’t help but smile. But I couldn’t let this guy get to me in the way he was trying to. I don’t even know him. The thing was so…weird. Then again so am I right? I don’t know. Besides, once he saw me, he wouldn’t want me. I’d be just a friend.

That’s all I ever was, that’s all I would ever be.