Chapter 1
“That’s a wrap everyone.” Director Matt McDermitt yelled after he’d gotten the last shot he needed.
A round of applause was released from all cast and crew as the Backstreet Boys finished up yet another video that would soon hit the airwaves. “I Still” was the third song to have a video made for it off the Never Gone album, which was a good thing, but Nick Carter didn’t see it that way. It’s poetic words about not being able to move on from a past relationship hit a little too close to home.
Who are you now
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow
What do you do
At this very moment
When I think of you
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that
No matter how I fight it, can't deny it
Just can't let you go
Had he been a little more eloquent with his words, this song could have been a page torn from his diary, if he kept one that is. Those words tortured Nick to the core. He was haunted by a relationship that had not only made him somewhat notorious to the public, but had also shattered his heart in the process. He loved Paris Hilton, or at least that’s what he told himself in order to put up with all of her less appealing qualities. Looking back now, he knew it wasn’t love he’d experienced but that didn’t stop the doomed relationship from following him long after it was over.
He didn’t want to think about her. He didn’t want to carry her ghost with him everywhere he went, but he couldn’t help it. She was everywhere. Everything he saw, everything he heard, and everything he felt reminded him of her and the huge mistake he’d made by getting involved with her. Everyone he knew told him not to do it from the very beginning. They told him she was no good. They told him she would only hurt him. They were right. Nick didn’t heed the warning of his loved ones and learned his lesson the hard way.
It had been over a year now since his highly publicized break-up and Nick felt that he’d truly learned his lesson, but he’d made the mistake and no one would let him forget it. No one trusted him to make his own decisions anymore when it came to dating. He’d become quite the partier after the break up in an attempt to rid himself of the pain and show the world that he was strong, but the plan sort of backfired. All the short term flings and the one-night stands made the people closest to him even more certain that he was incapable of having success in the romance department. That’s where the trouble started today.
After the video shoot his best friend and band mate, Brian, approached Nick. Brian had been talking to his wife Leighanne about how much he was worried about Nick. Lately it seemed like there was more bothering the young man than usual and though he seemed to be hurting more and more, he was talking to Brian less and less.
It had been very hard for Brian to watch his friend hurt himself over and over again, especially when he himself was so lucky in love. He had recently celebrated his 5th anniversary and considered his wife to be his everything. She was the reason for his strength and he owed her all of his happiness. That’s the kind of relationship he wanted for his best friend. He wanted Nick to be happy the way he was, but to him Nick was young and a bit foolish.
Nick always went for the wrong kind of girl and the same thing always happened. Well not this time. Not if Brian could help it. Tonight was the Video Music Awards and since the guys were presenting, attendance was a must. So far Nick was the only one without a date and Brian saw it as the perfect opportunity to set him up. Leighanne had a really nice friend she thought would be perfect for Nick, but when Brian approached him about it, Nick went ballistic.
Nick had purposefully not found a date for the evening. He couldn’t make a wrong decision or pick the wrong girl if he didn’t have a girl at all, right? Apparently not. Even when not having a date at all, it seemed Nick couldn’t do right by his friend and the last thing he wanted was a pity date. “Hell no,” was Nick’s answer to the question.
The response had been immediate and very hostel. Nick felt a little bad, but only a little. He was already on edge from having to hear the song that seamed to laugh in his face all day. The shoot was supposed to have ended the day before, but took longer than planned and it was now lunchtime. The day had been awful for Nick and he didn’t want to deal with being set up on top of it.
In fact, if he could have, Nick would have skipped the awards all together. But the guys were presenting tonight and they needed him. No matter what was going on in his personal life, Nick always did what was best for the group, so he would attend the awards. But he’d be damned if he was going with some Mary fucking Sue that Brian plucked straight from the congregation at church on Sunday with hopes of reforming poor messed up Nick. And those were the exact words that followed the “Hell no,” he’d given Brian.
The argument that followed was the nastiest one he and Brian had ever had, and lately they’d had some pretty bad ones. This time the argument ended with Nick walking off the set. He wandered the streets of Downtown LA and eventually found himself in the middle of a deserted plaza. There were trees and benches and a fountain in the center. Nothing particularly pretty, but it was quiet so it seemed as good a place as any to sulk. Nick plopped himself down on a bench and remained there for hours.
Some time had passed, quite a bit really, but Nick still sat perched on that bench in the downtown Los Angeles plaza. For a while he’d had solitude but then the lunch crowd came. Nick watched the strangers scamper about in a hurry, laughing with each other, talking on cell phones, or enjoying various forms of lunch. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry, but at least they looked happy, something Nick Carter definitely was not. Soon enough the lunch crowd dispersed, back to the cubicles from whence they came, and Nick found himself alone again, at least for a little while.
It was that time of day when the lunch rush settles down but the kids haven’t been released from school yet and things are quiet. It was late October, so it was a bit chilly, but even in the dead of winter southern California never really gets that cold and Nick had walked off the set so soon after wrapping that he was still dressed in the clothes from the shoot, which were more than enough layers to keep his body temperature adequate.
Nick’s depressing thoughts were soon interrupted as a woman pushed a stroller into the plaza. She hadn’t seen Nick at first but he watched her carefully from the moment she crossed his path. Though he’d sworn off the sex without love theory and starting a relationship was the last thing from his mind, Nick was still a man an immediately sized the woman up.
She had chin length reddish-brown hair that had been clipped out of her face with little silver clips. It looked a little messy, but it worked for her. Her face was kind of pretty, but it looked very tired. She looked about thirty, but Nick guessed she was younger than that anyway. Her body was nothing special. She looked about 5’8” and by normal standards was thin. Not Hollywood thin though, like Paris. This woman had a little more weight around her stomach and hips, probably thanks to the sleeping toddler she had in the stroller. Everything about the woman seemed just average.
The woman checked on her baby and realized that he had fallen asleep. Nick could tell that she was relieved to find him that way and when she smiled, Nick smiled as well. The woman then pulled a book out of the stroller’s underbelly and sat down on a bench directly across the plaza from Nick. Nick’s mind began to create all kinds of stories about the woman, making up his own answers to the questions he wondered about her. Nick stared at the woman for so long that eventually she felt his eyes on her and glanced up from her book. She looked puzzled for a moment but then sent him a warm smile.
Nervous about being busted, Nick didn’t return the smile, but rather cast his glance down to his lap and didn’t look back up for a good five minutes. Finally, when he figured it was safe, he looked up again and sure enough the woman was once again entertained with whatever piece of literature she’d brought with her.
Sulking just wasn’t the same when you weren’t alone and Nick thought about leaving, but he didn’t really have anywhere else to go. He was safe here in the fact that it was all but empty and the only people he had seen were the white-collar working class type. Not exactly Nick’s demographic, so he’d been lucky to not be recognized yet. He’d hate to ruin that now, especially since his bloodshot eyes gave away the fact that more than just a few tears had been spilled that day.
He wiped at his sore eyes and salt-crusted face and that’s when he realized that the stranger across the way had stopped reading her book. Their eyes met again and she once more greeted him with a smile, but this time there was a look of curiosity behind it. So much for not being recognized. Nick thought dismally. He forced a weak smile back this time, not wanting to appear rude to a fan, but it was hardly that infamous Nick Carter grin. It must have been enough though to make the woman think it was ok to approach him because when he smiled she set her book down, quickly checked on her son, and then slowly walked across the plaza.
Nick grumbled negative thought after negative thought, slowly making himself angry and defensive, until the woman was standing directly in front of him. He waited for the OHMIGOD YOU’RE NICK CARTER and was rudely pulled from his pessimism when the woman spoke. “Are you alright?” she asked softly.
Nick was surprised by the question. He stared blankly at the stranger, just as a deer stares frozen in the beams of an oncoming car. The woman’s maternal instincts took over and she smiled warmly at him. “Just thought I’d ask in case you needed some company,” she explained.
Nick forced a smile and unconvincingly replied, “I’m fine, thank you.”
“Suit yourself,” the woman said with a bit of a smirk.
Nick tried not to let his mouth hang open from the sheer surprise he felt as the woman walked away. She went back to her bench, reopened her book, and that was that. She hadn’t recognized him after all. That was sort of a relief, but kind of sad at the same time. Fan encounters were always a bit of an ego boost and Nick could have used that at the moment. Nick frowned. If he was hoping for an ego boost to cheer him up, then why had he turned her away when she talked to him?
Nick thought about it for a moment. She sounded sincere, she obviously wasn’t some kind of psycho fan and she didn’t appear to be looking for a date. Hell, she was probably just an average stay at home mom with some loving husband off at work for the day. The more he thought about it, the more she appeared to be the most “normal” woman he’d ever seen and he suddenly found himself very curious to talk to her. Finally, he decided that maybe the brief company of a total stranger, that had no idea who he was, might just be what he needed, and he slowly walked over to the bench where she sat. The woman didn’t realize she had company until Nick sat down beside her and he very much startled her when he said, “That must be a good book.”
The woman jumped but quickly regained her composure and held up the cover revealing the Jane Austin masterpiece, Pride and Prejudice. “It’s a classic.” The woman said with the same warm smile she’d offered him before.
“I’m Nick,” Nick said extending his hand.
“Rachel,” the woman replied as she accepted the handshake.
For a moment the two sat on the bench in silence. Nick wasn’t sure what to say. The voices in his head had only told him to go talk to her, they didn’t exactly tell him what to say. Finally he sighed and asked, “So, is it really that obvious?”
Rachel smiled. She didn’t have to say anything because Nick already knew the answer, but she still responded in a playful tone. “I thought I was having a rough day until I saw you,” she teased lightly.
A hint of a smile escaped Nick’s lips. “Have you been out here long?” Rachel asked.
“I don’t know, an hour or two… or three?” Nick said.
Nick tried to play his answer off as if it weren’t a big deal, but there was desperation in his eyes. It’s like he was screaming for help yet the world couldn’t hear it. But, for whatever reason Rachel did hear it and she wanted to help any way she could. Rachel placed her book back in the diaper bag and stood up. “Come on,” she said to Nick gesturing for him to follow her.
Nick looked at her very confused but still rose to his feet without asking questions and followed Rachel as she began pushing the stroller through the plaza. “Where are we going?” he asked.
“We’re just walking. It helps. Trust me.”
They walked in silence through the plaza and down the street. Nick thought it was crazy that he was desperate enough to follow a complete stranger on a walk to nowhere and wondered how he ever let things get this way. He watched his feet as he walked alongside Rachel occasionally glancing her direction. Eventually, his thoughts turned toward this odd woman next to him. She was friendly and sincere and didn’t seem the least bit uncomfortable. She hadn’t even asked him what was wrong. She seemed perfectly content just to be walking. Nick was immediately drawn to her and felt the desire to spill his most intimate thoughts as if he knew she would understand him. As he looked at her again she seamed so peaceful and calm and that’s what he was hoping she might bring to him.
As they walked Nick’s prayer was answered and he could feel himself begin to calm down. He looked at his watch and was surprised when he realized that they had been walking for nearly 20 minutes. He wasn’t sure how the time had passed so quickly, but they had walked in a giant circle and were now standing in front of the same bench they had left nearly half an hour ago. Rachel sat down on the bench and looked up at Nick. “Feel better?” she asked.
Nick was surprised. He really did feel better. This time when he smiled, his eyes didn’t seem so sad and Rachel smiled back. “Glad I could help,” she said, having read his thoughts.
Nick’s curiosity was eating away at him and he could no longer resist so he again sat down next to Rachel. “I don’t understand,” he began to say. “How did you? Why would you…” he stopped suddenly realizing he wasn’t sure exactly what he was asking.
Rachel smiled. “In my experience words only get in the way. Nothing helps me more than just having someone there, knowing I’m not alone. It’s nice to be able to return the favor for once.”
“Thank you,” Nick said, “I really do feel better.”
“Good,” Rachel said and sighed when her son began to stir in his seat. “He’ll be waking up soon.” She said, then looked at Nick and smiled, “Nap time never lasts long enough. I should probably head back home now.”
Nick looked down at the sleeping child that he’d forgotten was even there and suddenly realized just how far this woman’s life was from his. She seemed so wise, but compared to a spoiled, egotistical bachelor such as himself, she probably is. “I’m sorry to have taken up so much of your time,” Nick said realizing that for someone like her, ‘naptime’ was probably very precious.
“Don’t be silly,” Rachel replied. “It’s been my pleasure.”
Rachel stood up and pointed the stroller in the direction of home. “It was nice meeting you Nick,” she said and began to walk away.
“You too,” Nick replied, and he meant it. “Goodbye.”
Story Notes:
I took this one down a while back because I hate having something unfinished posted, but since a couple people have asked me to put it back and once in a blue moon I still randomly write a new chapter (like today, *gasp*) I decided to post it again. Maybe I'll get some new readers this time around, and hopefully some new inspiration to finish it!
