Nick sat on the couch of the bus with the whole gang and watched a movie. He really wasn’t in the mood to sit and watch the television screen. His mind kept wandering off into his thoughts of Julie. He was staring out the window when he felt someone tap his shoulder. Nick awoke from his daydream and looked to his left and saw Howie looking at him.
“You looked a little lost,” Howie said straight faced.
Nick shrugged and yawned. “I’m okay.”
“What’s eating you, man? You’ve been moping around for weeks. Don’t think that none of us haven’t noticed because we have.”
“Nothing’s going on. Ya’ll are just being paranoid.”
“I think I’ve known long enough to know when you’ve got a lot on your mind.”
Nick shook his head and gave Howie a half smile. “Nah, man, I’m cool.”
Leigh took Howie’s hand and kissed him. “Leave him alone, honey.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m trying to be there for him, but he’s being stubborn.”
“Leigh, control your man,” he joked.
“Just let it go, sweetie,” she said.
“Listen to the woman,” he said as he stood up. “I’m going to check my E mail.”
Nick went up front to his bunk and got out his laptop. He took a seat in the front lounge area and drew out a sigh of relief. The area was completely vacant and all the lights were off. He turned on his computer and watched the scenery go by as he waited for his computer to load. His wireless card kicked on and almost immediately, he was online. Nick scanned through his MySpace and saw nothing exciting, so he went to his personal E mail. He was in the middle of reading an E mail from his sister, Angel when he heard the chime of his AOL Messenger come on. Nick diverted his attention to the messenger box that had popped up. It was Julie. His heart pounded as he stared at her screen name. He didn’t know if he should answer or pretend he was away. Nick shook his head and clicked the box off the screen. He went back to reading the E mail when he heard another chime. Julie was being persistent.
SexyBeachBabe: Nick, I know you’re there. Stop ignoring me.
KaoticNick: I’m not ignoring you.
SexyBeachBabe: Yes, you are.
KaoticNick: What do you want?
SexyBeachBabe: Don’t get pissy with me. I need to talk to you.
KaoticNick: Oh, now you want to talk to me?
SexyBeachBabe: Nick, don’t be like this.
KaoticNick: Give me one good reason why I should talk to you.
SexyBeachBabe: Because we agreed to remain friends.
KaoticNick: What if I don’t want to be friends.
SexyBeachBabe: Stop being a fucking prick and let me talk to you.
KaoticNick: Fine, go ahead.
SexyBeachBabe: I was online the other day and Angel said you weren’t doing so good.
KaoticNick: Don’t believe everything you hear.
SexyBeachBabe: Why would she lie to me? She’s your sister.
KaoticNick: Sometimes she worries too much.
SexyBeachBabe: So, you’re telling me you’re okay with this?
Nick sighed loudly and stared at the screen. The truth was that he wasn’t okay. He missed Julie a lot and it was killing him that they weren’t together anymore. She was the first woman he’d fallen for since he’d left Paris, but she left him hanging right before the tour started.
SexyBeachBabe: Nick? Are you there?
Nick continued to stare at the screen. He was tempted to sign off and leave her high and dry, the same way that she left him. A sigh escaped from his lips as he began to type.
KaoticNick: Yeah, I’m still here.
SexyBeachBabe: You didn’t answer me.
KaoticNick: So?
SexyBeachBabe: Stop trying to be a tough guy and talk to me. I thought we were going to be friends.
KaoticNick: Why did you leave me?
SexyBeachBabe: Nick, we’ve been through this.
KaoticNick: Why did you leave me?
SexyBeachBabe: You know why.
KaoticNick: Say it!
SexyBeachBabe: Because Kyle came back from New York. Why are you trying to fight with me?
KaoticNick: Because you left me like the drop of a hat to be your ex boyfriend. You know he’s going to screw you over.
SexyBeachBabe: Do you want me to call you? Maybe we should talk about this offline.
KaoticNick: Fuck, no, I don’t want you to call me!
SexyBeachBabe: Why are you being like this? You seemed fine with it when we broke up. What’s changed?
Nick felt sick to his stomach just thinking about the day they broke up. He held everything in that day. His heart ached for her, but at the same time he wished he’d never met her. He heard the chimes of the messenger still going off, but he didn’t bother answering back. He shut his laptop and set it aside. Nick laid his head in his hands as he tried to calm down from it all. He felt sick and dizzy. All he wanted to do was forget the whole thing even happened. His thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing in his pocket. His cell phone was going off. Nick rolled his eyes and opened it, already knowing who it was.
“What!”
“Nick, talk to me, damn it!” It was Julie.
The sound of her voice made it hard to breathe. He tried to swallow, but the lump in his throat prevented him from being able to do so. His stomach tied in knots as he gripped onto the phone.
“Nick, please,” she pleaded. “I do still care about you.”
“You don’t care about anything but yourself,” he spat.
“Nick--”
“How could you do this to me?” he shouted. “I gave you everything I had within me and you tossed me to the side like a dirty sock!”
“Look, I didn’t know Kyle was going to come back. I didn’t want things to end like they did. Nick, I do care about you. I really do.”
“You left me and you ended this. I never wanted it to end.”
“I don’t understand why this is suddenly upsetting you now. Why didn’t you just tell me the truth to begin with?”
“Right, that would’ve made it so much easier,” he said in disgust. “You sicken me.”
“Would you have rather I cheated on you like all the other whores you’ve been with?”
Nick scoffed at her remark. “Fuck you!”
“Well, it’s true. Nick, I could have cheated, but I chose not to. That should prove to you how much I do care.”
“If you’d care at all, you would’ve stayed!” he shouted as he stood up.
“Nick, please stop. This isn’t helping,” she said as she began to cry.
“Fuck this,” he said then hung up his phone and threw it down on the floor.
By this time, Nick was already in tears. He couldn’t control them. He turned around to find Howie standing behind him. Nick ran his fingers through his hair and went into the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror and lightly punched the door as he cried. He felt like he was going insane. Nick tried to catch his breath, but his sobs seemed to take control of him. Before he knew it, he was leaning over the toilet, emptying the entire contents of his stomach. He retched loudly until there was nothing left in him. Nick gasped for air as he continued to cry. He flushed the toilet and stepped out of the bathroom. Howie was waiting by the door and stared at him in concern. Nick pushed past him and grabbed a bottled water from out of the mini fridge. He could see Howie leaning against the doorway at the corner of his eye.
“Stop staring at me,” he said as he opened his bottled water.
“You need to talk to me or one of us.”
Nick shook his head. “No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. Look at yourself. Stop holding this all in. You’re only going to make yourself sick.”
“Too late,” Nick said with a chuckle.
“Smart assed comments are only going to piss me off,” he said softly.
Nick turned around and looked at him. “Then get pissed off. I don’t care,” he said as he brushed past him.
Howie grabbed him by the arm. “Stop trying to be a badass.”
Nick jerked his arm away from Howie and scowled at him. “Good night,” he said then went into his bunk.
Author's Chapter Notes:
The screen name used in this chapter is NOT Nick's real screen name. I do not know Nick, nor do I talk to him on the net.
