Alex was the first to speak, I was still too floored, where the hell had this come from? It was so sudden, so unexpected…damn he was clever this was just a way to shit me up, to get me back for all the pranks that I had played on him over the years, well I was not that stupid.
“Nice one Kev, you had be going for a moment then but you should know never to mess with the master of practical jokes, you are so gonna pay for that,” I said a big grin crossing my face as I cut Alex off. My smile quickly faded when his face stayed the same a large sigh escaping his lips, shit he wasn’t joking. Howie was the next to say something, telling him that if that was what he wanted he wasn’t going to hold him back, that he understood, why were none of them trying to stop him? I just sat and stared while the others gave him their blessings and before I knew it all eyes were on me but I was only focused on one other piercing green set and I knew I couldn’t stay there so I just got up and left.
“Nicky,” he called after me just before I managed to slam the door.
***
“GO AWAY!” I yelled at the knock on the door but they were persistent and I pulled myself up from the bed and stormed over to the door pulling it open angrily expecting it to be Kevin or one of the others telling me to grow up and deal. I did not expect it to be her and I don’t know why but the moment our eyes met I burst into tears.
“Nicky C,” she sighed as she pulled me into her warm arms and I cried into her shoulder, eventually letting her lead me to the bed so we could sit down and I even managed to compose myself wiping my runny nose on my sleeve. “Nick there was a box of tissues right next to you,” she scolded.
“So,” I grumbled.
“This wasn’t an easy decision for him you know,” she said making herself comfortable by sitting Indian style on my bed.
“Whatever,” I said as I fell back against the comforter my legs hanging off the end of the bed as I laid sideways across it.
“Come on you douchbag I haven’t flown all the way out here for you to ignore what I have to say,” she said prodding me and I sighed as I sat myself up and looked at her.
“He wants to talk to you, said that you’ve avoided him for two days now and whether your meaning to or not your hurting him by doing that.”
“Well he’s hurt me,” I retaliated sounding like the spoiled brat I had once been, the spoiled brat that people thought I had grown out of, when in truth he had just been in hiding for a while. “Talk to him Kris, you can make him stay, he’ll listen to you,” I pleaded taking her hand and she smiled at me warmly before running her free hand down my cheek.
“No one can make him stay, he’s made his mind up Nick,” She told me softly.
“But why now? Things have just taken off again,” I asked trying to understand.
“Go and talk to him,” she told me holding out her key to their room and I looked at it for a few minutes before she pressed it into my hand and told me “GO,” more sternly and I made myself get up, grabbing my beanie hat and plonking it on my head before I headed to the door looking back at her before I walked through it.
I slowly made my way towards his room hoping that if I was slow enough we wouldn’t have time to talk, that the call would come for us to leave for the venue but when I looked down at my watch I was sorely disappointed, even I couldn’t walk slow enough to move ten feet in four hours and hesitantly I opened the door to his room.
“Kris? What’d he…oh hey,” he said realising it was me when he walked into the room from the bathroom.
“Hi” I said sitting down on the floor, leaning against the wall.
“You okay?” He asked and I scoffed looking away from him, focusing on a pair of sneakers on the floor, releasing that they still had the spaghetti stain on them from when I borrowed them last week. I should have known something was wrong then, he didn’t get angry, he didn’t yell at me to be more careful, god he didn’t even tell me to make sure I cleaned them before I returned them. “Stupid question huh?” he asked.
“That stain is never going to come out now,” I said and he looked at me confused before I pointed to the sneaker making him laugh slightly. “I’m sorry,” I whispered and again he looked at me confused.
“About what?” he asked dropping to the floor across from me leaning his back against the bed.
“Everything. Taking your stuff without asking, making fun of you, all the practical jokes, for calling you at stupid times in the middle of the night, for making you take care of all my problems, for not listening to you, for yelling you. I promise I wont do any of that stuff anymore just stay,” I begged.
“Nick,” he sighed looking away from me for a moment before he continued, “If you didn’t do any of that stuff you wouldn’t be my annoying younger brother that I love. I’m not leaving to punish you, I just…I’m getting older and I want different things now. You’re still young but when you get to where I am you’ll understand, I want a family and I want to be home to watch it grow,” he told me.
“But I’m your family. You guys are the only family I’ve got, you’re the ones who have always been there for me no matter what,” I whispered swiping at a tear as it fell from my eye.
“I’m still going to be there for you Nicky, You’ll always be an important part of my life but if I stay I know I’m not going to put my all into it and I can’t disrespect you or the fans in that way. You know me I’m all or nothing,” he shrugged.
“But whose going to be there to rag on my ass when I’m late, or not concentrating, or…or…” I lost it then breaking into tears like a pussy again.
“Buddy,” he said through his own tears as he moved and slung an arm around me shoulders pulling my head to rest on his. “I’ll rag on your ass down a cell phone how about that?” He joked after a few minutes making me laugh slightly.
“I suppose that will have to do.”
***
Normally I hated getting to this part of the show and tonight it was no different I actually was wishing it was the beginning again and not just the beginning gof the show but the beginning of everything. I knew we had been through a lot, sacrificed a lot, there had been so many tears, arguments, frustrations and battles but I would not change it for the world.
I looked over to Kevin when he started playing the piano and he winked at me before I started to sing, the crowd had been awesome joining in with me and us and I wondred how he could give this all up? I didn’t know whether I would ever be able to this was what I lived for, what I craved. I could feel myself start to get emotional again and knew that I had to just stop thinking or I wouldn’t be able to continue and I had made it this far, I was not going to ruin their night.
I sat down next to him on the piano stool like I always did during this point in ths song but unlike other times I rested my head back against his arm and held my mike out to the audience letting them finish the last of the song, knowing that if I opened my mouth nothing would come out.
This was it I realised, this was the last time I was ever going to be on the same stage as him and none of the fans in the audience realised how lucky they were, they were going to be the last people to see the Backstreet boys complete.
***
“He’s not coming you know, no matter how hard you stare at the door,” Howie told me when he realised where I was looking.
“Yeah I know,” I whispered slightly disappointed as I turned my head back to look at him. It had been three days since we had started recording new material and everyday I had turned up slightly early, making sure to grab a seat where I had a good view of the door. Every day I had been hoping that he would have seen sense, that the break we had just taken had been enough for him to recharge his batteries and realise that he had made a mistake. Everyday had been sorely disappointed though.
I felt my phone vibrate against my pocket and pulled it out smiling to myself when I realised who it was from.
It took while for the picture to download but when it did my smile grew wider.
Simply written underneath was, “I’ll always have your back!”
