One am Nashville meant it would be two pm China finally there was one perk about working the graveyard shift she realised. So she eagerly made her way to the break room, poured herself a cup of coffee and fished her I Phone out of her pants pocket, hitting one on the speed dial and then she sat patiently, waiting for the call to connect.
“Hey Sexy,” he whispered huskily when he answered making her melt at just the sound of his voice.
“Hi baby. God it’s so good to hear your voice,” she said finding herself tearing up.
“What’s wrong?” He asked concerned.
“Just had a bad day that’s all and I miss you,” she admitted calming down enough so she wouldn’t cry.
“I miss you too, loads and loads. You want to talk about your day? Anyway weren’t you sleeping for most of it I thought you were on nights?” He asked once again confused.
She chuckled before answering, “Yep I’m stuck in the hell hole that is the graveyard shift on a Friday night. I uh…I didn’t get the job,” she told him with a solemn sigh.
“Oh baby so you’re disappointed huh? Did they say why?” He asked.
“There’s a women with more experience in running the unit, she used to do it in Toronto so naturally they went with her,” she said pulling her feet out of her comfy blue croqs and placing them on the coffee table as she made herself more comfortable.
“Just try again next time,” he told her.
“Yeah,” she agreed half heartedly. “How’s your day been?”
“Okay, we’re just heading out to sound check in about an hour just got done with lunch, boring run of the mill stuff,” he told her. “Is it a busy night?”
“Not yet but I’m sure it will pick up shortly,” she said eyeing the clock above the doorway, give it another hour and it would be heaving with all the drunken revellers getting into fights as they exited the clubs. God just thinking about it was giving her a headache.
“Yeah I bet.”
“Adie? Major trauma heading in ETA three minutes,” Helen said sticking her head through the door.
“Got to go?” Nick asked obviously over hearing.
“Yeah. I’ll try and call you later. I love you,” she said blowing him a kiss down the phone as she quickly put her feet back in her shoes and made her way towards the break room door.
“Love you to now go and save some lives,” he said making her smile as he hung up and left her to get back to work.
***
He hung up the phone just as Brian made his way in, his cheery demeanour making Nick inwardly scowl, this was a lot harder then he thought it was going to be.
“You want to play some tennis?” Brian asked making Nick raise his eyebrow to his friend, tennis rackets weren’t usually high on the list of things when touring, in fact Nick couldn’t remember a time he had ever seen a tennis racket on tour. Obviously sensing this confusion Brian picked up the Wii control and waved it at him.
“Not really in the mood,” he shrugged.
“How about some sonic the hedgehog?” Brian tried again and Nick relented knowing that this was Brian’s way of trying to spend some time with him, one on one just like the old days. It was a rare occurrence now, for two people who had once been so close, who had literally been each others shadows they had really drifted apart, and the more Nick thought about it the more he realised how much closer he was to Alex and Howie rather then Brian. Thinking about that made him sad, Brian and he had once shared such a close bond, Nick truly felt as though he was a brother but things had all changed when Leighanne had turned up.
Nick had been resentful at first, damn right hurt that he had been so easily replaced and this frustration had been taken out on Leighanne, he wouldn’t acknowledge her, would shoot her filthy looks when he knew no one else was looking, he was trying to push her away, make her feel unwelcome and uncomfortable. It had back fired big style, pushing her further into Brian’s arms, alienating Nick more and more when he would complain about her “annoying” habits to the others. He was basically told to grow up and deal, that he was being a spoilt child and maybe he was but deep down he was only acting out because once again something that was his, his one true best friend had been taken from him and he felt just like he had back in school, alone.
Of course he never told anyone this, kept it completely to himself just like he did so other many things and of course to others it just made him seem like he was being a brat. Things had only gotten worse throughout the black and blue tour and then they hadn’t spoken at all when Nick had decided to pursue the solo album. Kevin had been the one to mediate when it was clear there had been a major breakdown in communication but things hadn’t been the same on the Never Gone tour, Brian spending all of his time with Leighanne and Baylee, Nick out partying hard with Howie. In fact it was only when Kevin decided to quit that they had truly spoken properly about how they both felt.
It had been the penultimate night of the never gone tour, they had been in Australia and had bumped into each other in the bar in the wee hours of the morning, insomnia claming both of them.
“Can’t sleep either?” Brian asked as he sat across from Nick who was swirling the brown liquid around in his glass, his eyes heavy like his heart.
“No. I just don’t understand why he has to leave, things are just picking up again, it feels almost like it did at the start and he drops this on us, he’s being selfish,” Nick whined as Brian sat down.
“No he’s not,” Brian defended. “One day you’ll understand Nick.”
“Understand what?” He huffed knocking the drink back, wincing as it burnt his throat on the journey to his stomach.
“That there is a lot more to life then all of this.”
“This is all I know Bri, all I ever have known since I was twelve so I’m sorry if I’m apparently not seeing the big picture here,” he bitterly said making Brian sigh.
“You know what this is exactly how I felt when you wanted to do your solo stuff. I didn’t understand that it was something you had to do, I didn’t get why you couldn’t just have a break like the rest of us. Everyone is different Nick, it’s those differences that make us who we are, we all have different aspirations and we are all at different stages in our lives, you might not understand now but maybe down the line when you get married, or want to start a family-”
“Yeah like that’s ever going to happen, why would I repeat the same mistakes my parents did?” He said again making Brian sigh mainly in worry for his friend.
“You might not want it now but in a few years-” he tried.
“I’m not like you and Kevin and Howie for that matter. My family life sucked but I have learnt from their mistakes.”
“You’re going to miss out on a hell of a lot then Nick. You need to get past this,” Brian told him bluntly.
“Don’t tell me what I need,” he nearly slurred the past four drinks catching up with him.
“I’m trying to help you, I’m worried about you Frack I’ve been worried about you for quite a while now,” he admitted softly his eyes supporting his speech.
“I’m fine,” Nick said brushing the comment off looking away from Brian when his stare became too intense.
“Look I was an ass with the whole solo thing and it wasn’t fair of me to get angry at you and expect you to hang around and wait until I was ready to get back in to the studio. I know that now. You know at the time I was so focused on being a Dad and getting to live out another one of my dreams that I was to blind to see that you were still young, that the solo album was kind of like your baby and one of your dreams.”
“Crappy dream though wasn’t it,” he mumbled placing the glace he had been twirling in his hands down on the oak coffee table between them.
“Look if you are going to sit here and throw a pity party you can throw it for one,” Brian said making a move to stand and leave Nick in his bad mood, he didn’t expect Nick to stop him.
“No…wait-” he pleaded making Brian sit back down. Nick didn’t say anything for a long time, or rather the words didn’t come out for the longest time even though Brian could see he was trying. The blonde had always had trouble verbalising how he felt, he found it difficult to trust people, didn’t like to get too close in fear of being hurt and whether he wanted to admit it or not Brian had hurt Nick. “Everything’s changing Rok,” he mumbled quietly.
“That’s just life Kaos,” he replied even managing to get a small smile out of his friend when he called him by his nickname.
“I don’t like change.”
“Yeah we all KNOW that. This was a tough decision for him you know and you avoiding him isn’t helping,” he informed.
“Adie already told me that. She said that I should enjoy the rest of the tour I have with him because he won’t be on the next one, there will be another one won’t there Bri? This isn’t it is it?” He asked quietly almost as if he were afraid to utter the words and that’s when Brian realised what this was all really about.
“Even if it’s just you and me Nicky there will still be a tour, I promise,” he meant it too.
An hour later and Brian was pumping his hand in the air in victory at winning another race over Nick who was scowling as he threw the controller down in frustration.
“Even with less time to practice I can still beat your ass!” Brian chided playfully.
“Whatever Littrell,” Nick mumbled as he fell to the couch and pulled out his sidekick contemplating calling Adie back but when he calculated the time difference he knew she would be to busy, after all it would be nearly two am in Nashville, and two am on a Friday, well now Saturday, spelt craziness in the ER.
“I don’t think she would be too impressed if you woke her now,” Brian said taking a seat next to Nick.
“She’s working anyway,” Nick told him.
“Call her then,” Brian prompted.
“Nah. She’ll be too busy to talk now, she probably be covered in puke or something, that’s usually what I’m told when I call her at work either that or that she had her hands inside someone’s chest and can’t get to the phone,” he said scrunching up his nose in distain, Brian doing the same.
“Thanks for sharing.”
“You should hear some of the stuff she tells me. It’s gross man I don’t know how she does it,” he said shaking his head.
“She’s got a good heart and quite clearly a strong stomach,” Brian joked making Nick laugh. “She still working in the ER?”
“Yeah she had an interview for something to do with cardiac surgery, like the after care but she didn’t get it.”
“Aww man bet that sucked. I didn’t know she was interested in Cardiology could be useful to talk to her for the foundation,” Brian said mainly to himself, filing it away for later.
“Yeah that’s where she originally worked in England but it was to far to travel in Nashville, they moved it to where she is now though. It would have been great, she would have enjoyed it and I wouldn’t hate her going to work,” he said as he grabbed for his water bottle.
“Why do you hate her going to work?” Brian asked confused.
“Because she is dealing with so many psychos, the amount of bruises she’s come with are unbelievable but she just shrugs it off like its nothing. It’s caused way too many fights. Why are you laughing?” He asked indigently.
“Because I never thought I would see you like this,” Brian said.
“Like what?”
“Love sick, smitten.”
“What because I don’t like seeing her get hurt?” Nick asked.
“Yeah but there is other stuff too. You show an interest in her when you were talking to Leighanne earlier you said on more then one occasion, Adie likes that, or Adie has those. Adie’s been there she said it was great, Adie said that this kept her patient occupied and quiet maybe Baylee would like it.”
“You were the same with Leighanne,” he scoffed folding his arms across his chest.
“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing Nick, I think she’s good for you so don’t mess it up.”
“Why would I mess it up?” He asked his voice increasing by a decibel.
“How many times have you been separated from a girl on tour in the past? What’s the first thing you do when you’re lonely?” Brian asked raising his eyebrow.
“That was in the past. I’ve changed you know, I’m not who I was back then, hell I’m not who I was three years ago when I meet her. I think she’s the one Bri.”
“You think?” He asked sceptically, “Or you know?”
Nick rolled his eyes, looking away as he quietly admitted, “I know.”
***
Nick nodded his head along to the beat, his eyes closed as he concentrated on how he could make the work better, this programme was the best gift she could have gotten him, every time he used it he drifted off into his own world, totally oblivious to what was going on around him. Maybe that’s why he jumped so badly and nearly yelled when someone patted his shoulder.
He turned his head quickly and caught Howie hysterically laughing at him, trying to be quiet so he wouldn’t wake up the rest of the occupants on the tour bus.
“Are you trying to kill me?” Nick asked as he whipped the headphones from his ears.
“I wasn’t trying, if it happens its just a bonus,” he joked as he grabbed some water from the small fridge, “Want some?”
“Nah I’m good.”
“Can’t sleep?” Howie asked.
“Yeah,” Nick yawned as Howie sat down on the couch across from him.
“What you working on?” He asked being nosey as he always was.
“Just something for Adie’s birthday. Did you…when you…never mind,” Nick said quickly trying to replace his headphones before Howie could say anything. Ever since his admission to Brian he had never been more confused, it was almost like he confessed it to himself for the very first time. She was the one, he knew that, if he was totally honest with himself he had known for a long time, since he had first told her he loved her in Melbourne. She was special, she loved him for him, she knew the real him and he knew that when his stardom faded, that when all of this was over, she would still be there for him. So why couldn’t he show her how much he loved her? Well he could but not in the way that she wanted, he couldn’t commit to her fully but then hadn’t Howie been in the same predicament? After all he and Leigh had been dating a hell of a lot longer before he proposed and he never saw Leigh ragging on his ass about it.
“What? You looked like you needed to ask something important,” Howie prompted.
“Did you know that Leigh was the one? Like right away?” He asked.
Howie thought for a moment before saying, “No I don’t believe people who say they do, there is so much that you need to know about a person before you know you can spend the rest of your lives together.”
“When did you know?”
“I don’t know when it happened, I just did, like I woke up one morning and I knew I couldn’t be without her and you are so going to take the piss out of my now I’ve said that aren’t you?” He said taking a sip of his water.
“It may be used against you,” Nick agreed, “Why did it take you so long to ask her to marry you then, if you knew she was the one?”
“I…are you going to ask Adie?” Howie asked a smirk crossing his face.
“No!” he said quickly shaking his head, god no he wasn’t going to do that.
“That’s the problem isn’t it? She wants it and you don’t?”
“Yeah,” he admitted, “Am I being totally stupid over this?”
“If you are not ready Nick then you’re not ready, Leigh and I were together for six years before I proposed.”
“Leigh wasn’t ragging on your ass about lack of commitment though was she?” He said.
“Yeah she was, she was always on my case about it like I’m guessing Adie is. Just explain to her why you can’t right now,” he offered but Nick knew it wasn’t that simple.
“I don’t know if I ever will be ready, I can’t just keep stalling her Howie if this is something that’s a huge deal for her…what if she decides to leave if I don’t ask?”
“Then I would say she is being totally unfair, if she is going to give you an ultimatum do you really want to be with her?”
“I just…I don’t know what I can do to make this better. She’s drifting away from me, I can feel it you know, we’re not as close as we used to be, she’s distant and she’s only acting happy I can’t remember the last time I saw a genuine smile from her. I don’t know what I can do to show her that I love her and I do want to be with her,” He admitted.
“Get her a ring,” Howie offered making Nick scowl, hadn’t his friend just heard what he had said? He couldn’t get married right now.
“I just-” he tried but Howie cut in quickly.
“Let me finish. I wasn’t talking about an engagement ring I was talking about a promise ring or an eternity ring. That might be enough for her to show her that you do want to be with her forever but right now you just can’t get married.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Nick admits to Brian that he thinks Adie is the one
Chapter End Notes:
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