Howie always had the best ideas. It seemed like the perfect solution to Nick, for now at least and he had quickly emailed Jacob Arabov knowing that he wouldn’t steer him wrong, after all he had designed pieces for JLO, Wyclef, and had made Nick’s chain. Jacob had swiftly replied with a phone call to Nick and the two had had a long conversation about what the ring was supposed to represent, he understood that Nick wanted the ring to be special, to have diamonds but he did not want it to represent an engagement ring. Of course it caused a few glitches, the preliminary designs Jacob had thought of being thrown out of the window because of that reason but finally after two more phone calls and numerous emails the ring was complete.
It was Jacob’s interpretation of Picasso's iconic symbol for love. The two hearts woven together in the Platinum band supposed to signify his heart with hers, the cluster of diamonds holding both hearts together. He just hoped that she would like it.
“What’s that?” Rachel asked as she plonked herself down next to him glancing at the screen of his laptop, making her own conclusions quickly. “Oh my God you’re going to ask aren’t you? Oh yay she’ll be so excited, Oh Nicky this is great… and I’m totally wrong… aren’t I?” She realised when she saw Nick’s panicked face.
“Kinda,” He mumbled noticing how red she turned at his confession.
“So what is it?” She asked confused.
“It’s for her birthday, it’s a promise ring,” he embellished handing her the laptop so she could get a good look.
“It’s beautiful, so can I ask what the promise is?” She asked as she handed the computer back to him, getting comfortable in her seat rolling her eyes when he shrugged at her. “Nickolas I really despair at you sometimes, you can’t give her a promise ring and not know what you are promising her. Is it a promise to marry her one day or…”
“I can’t marry her Rach. Not in the near future anyway so I guess I can’t tell her it’s a promise for that. So…I don’t know I guess I’m promising that I’ll always love her and that she is the person I want to be with. God do you think this is the corniest idea ever?” He said blushing.
“No I think it’s sweet and really thoughtful so what else did you get her?” She asked.
“What else?! This cost me nearly seven,” he told her making her almost choke on the drink she was taking a sip from.
“As in hundred or thousand?” She asked wide eyed.
“Thousand. What? it’s a Jacob Arabov original in platinum with diamonds, that doesn’t come cheap.”
“I hate to think what you would spend if you do ever decide to get engaged.”
“Not as much as Alex did,” he mumbled but she heard.
“Why? How much DID he spend?” She asked looking down to her own engagement ring.
“Nothing never mind…He would kill me Rach,” he said when she frowned at his secretive nature. “Just don’t loose it okay.”
“Oh god now I so will. So what is the plan for her birthday? Are we going out, staying in?” she asked.
“Whatever she wants to do. I think she said something about dinner at your Folks place and then going out after, Angel is flying in, she’s collecting the ring for me I don’t know about Aaron.”
“Still not heard from him?” Rach asked.
“Briefly but the reception was crap. I’m sure we’ll catch up at some point,” he shrugged. “How long are you guys staying in Nashville for?”
“Week. Alex is going on about buying a place for when we visit. I’ve told him we can stay at my parents place, and you and Adie have room, what? you do,” she said when he rolled her eyes at her comment.
“I was just playing,” he laughed.
“He’s adamant that when the baby is born that we will probably spend more time in Nashville, you know like split our time between Nashville and Florida so that my folks get to see the baby as much as Denise does. He keeps telling me that Grandparents are really important.”
“He was really close to his, they helped to raise him,” Nick told her.
“I know that, that’s why I’ve given up with arguing about it. I still feel that there is so much I don’t know about him, like every now and then he’ll show a piece of him I didn’t know was there and that explains why he is like he is. It’s frustrating and nice all at once because I want to know everything, I want him to open up but it’s just too much for him to do it in one large burst,” she told him.
“Why are you telling me this?” Nick asked cautiously.
“Maybe…She’s not going to think any less of you Nick. No matter what you’ve been through or done it’s in the past, it’s made you into the person she loves. Open up to her a bit,” she said softly, lightly stroking his arm.
He couldn’t, he just couldn’t go there, it was too damn hard, the memories were just to damn painful, he had buried them long ago all he needed to do was forget about them, if he forgot then they couldn’t hurt him. In his naivety he didn’t realise that trying to forget, that running away would not solve anything, running from your problems only meant that they would eventually catch up with you.
***
She clicked the few buttons of her phone without even looking and then quickly bought it to her ear, groaning in frustration when it went straight back into his voice mail yet again. Two hours she had been waiting, she knew it had been a mistake to say she would pick him up after a shift, she was shattered, cranky and smelly and yet instead of being at home, in a tub surrounded by millions of bubbles with a huge glass of wine in hand, she was stuck there. In a brightly lit, busy airport arrivals lounge, a cup of watered down crap for coffee, with nothing to keep her occupied but her cell phone but the battery was soon going to die if the alert photo was anything to go by.
She was so tempted to leave him a voicemail, to tell him that she had waited around long enough and was heading home, that there were plenty of cabs that the three of them could share. She wouldn’t though, no matter how pissed off at waiting she was, it wasn’t his fault, he couldn’t control the weather, it wasn’t his fault that God had decided to let the torrential downpour occur over the airport add that to the fact that she had missed him like crazy.
She looked back up at the arrivals board but his flight was still flashing delayed and so she decided to get up and walk around for a bit, turning in surprise when she heard a familiar voice.
“What are you doing here?” She asked happily when she spotted Angel walking towards her with her suitcase.
“Typical of Nick to not tell you I was coming,” She said wrapping her arms around Adie in a hug.
“Why would you think anything different?” She joked back giving Angel a quickly squeeze before she let go. “You want a coffee?” She asked and Angel nodded as they headed over to the small booth.
“He still not in yet?” She asked.
“Shouldn’t be too long now, I mean the storm stopped half and hour ago.”
“Nick is probably crapping his pants now,” Angel laughed, smiling a hello to the vendor when they reached their destination.
“Rachel will have shoved a few diazepam down his neck by now. Vanilla latte right?” Adie asked and Angel nodded. “Two skinny lattes, one vanilla, one almond please,” she ordered. “So how have you been?”
“Good. Really good I just got a contract to be in the new campaign for Abercrombie and Fitch, it’s for their fall collection,” she said as they waited.
“Really? Well done so when I go to the mall and see a huge you in the window I can be all like hey I know her! Do you get discount? I love Abercrombie and Fitch for sweaters in the winter,” she said, smiling a thanks to the vendor when she was handed the coffees.
“I doubt it, my friend Neecee works for them in New York though so I can get you discount through her. How’ve you been?” She asked as they strolled back to the tables.
“Yeah okay. Works been crazy and although I hate to admit it I have been missing your brother like crazy. Don’t tell him that though!” She warned.
“He’ll have missed you too. He’s back for a few weeks now though isn’t he?”
“Just under three,” she smiled before taking a sip of her coffee, hoping that this would keep her awake enough for the long drive home.
“Did you enjoy Australia?” Angel asked as she added some sugar to her coffee.
“Loved it. I did the last time we went though, it’s just…it’s really chilled but you’re in a big city but people are so laid back and Nick was really chilled out, I think it was because he was by the water, and it was warm and he was enjoying the vibe at the concerts.”
“He sounds really happy at the moment well apart from when you talk about Aaron,” she grimaced.
“Yeah. He felt guilty for not answering his phone when Aaron called, I told him he shouldn’t have but you know Nick,” she shrugged.
“Yeah I know how he is, always feels like he has to protect us, sort out our problems. I think it did Aaron good though, I mean it’s like you said he needed something to shock some sense into him, to prove to him that he’s not invincible. He hasn’t been partying since, well he hasn’t gotten drunk since, he’s always been the designated driver, he’s working on his music, he’s getting more serious with Sage.”
“Sage? As in the herb? Has that replaced the wacky backy?” Adie asked slightly confused.
Angel burst into fits of laughter before asking, “What is wacky backy?”
“Wacky backy, you know a bit of puff, marijuana?”
“Where did you come up with those names for it?” Angel asked still laughing.
“You seem to forget when I was into all that crazy stuff I was in London. Tobacco is known as backy, wacky backy,” She shrugged.
“I love it I am so calling it that from now on, oh… no I’m not smoking it,” she said quickly when Adie raised a questionable brow to her.
“Good to hear it. So who is this Sage then?” She asked trying not to snigger at the name.
“I know, the name totally random right? Makes her sound like this stuck up bitch from the hills or something but she’s really not. She’s really nice, grounded, doesn’t take any shit from him and as an added bonus I actually like her.”
“Did you like me the first time you met me?” Adie asked.
“No I still don’t,” Angel joked making Adie laugh. Everybody took her totally the wrong way, thought that she was stuck up, pretentious, a bitch it was all an act because she was the sweetest and most caring of the Carter girls. Trouble was she put on this bitchy front as a way to protect herself, but then again all of the Carters had these masks and they knew how to use them well.
“Well I think you’re a bitch,” Adie retaliated throwing the empty sugar packet at her playfully.
“I’m not a bitch, I’m thee bitch!” She said snapping her fingers making Adie laugh and smile widely when she saw who was walking up behind her.
“No one is arguing with that!” Nick said loudly making his sister turn around quickly and shriek.
“Nickel!” She said excitedly standing up so she could throw her arms around her big brother.
“Angel!” He mimicked hugging her back, rubbing his shoulder when she pulled away from him and smacked him, “What was that for?” He asked.
“For not telling Adie I was coming.”
“I did…didn’t I?” He asked looking over to his girlfriend.
“Nope you didn’t,” she told him, also getting up so she could make her way to him wrapping her arms around him in a hug. “I’ve missed you.”
“Me too,” he said leaning down to give her a kiss.
***
It felt so good to be home, to be back sharing a bed with her again, to know that he could roll over and she would be next to him but there was that niggling thought that it was only for three weeks and then they would be separated again. He heard her sigh in her sleep as she moved to make herself more comfortable before the pattern of her even breathing started. He watched her sleep for a few minutes before he pulled himself up and out of the bed slowly so not to disturb her, throwing on a pair of sweats before heading out of the door.
He made his way downstairs slowly, only turning on a light when he reached the kitchen so he could navigate the room with ease without tripping over the dog who, as usual, was his shadow after he had been away for so long.
“I know, I know I missed you too,” he said leaning down to pay her some attention, wiping his wet cheek after she licked it. He quietly made his way to the laundry room where he had dumped his luggage as soon as he walked in earlier and retrieved the bag from the inner zip of his suitcase before making his way back to sit on the island in the kitchen.
He pulled out the various items, placing the balloons that still needed to be blown up next to the banners that he would hang as he pulled out her birthday card. The drawings had taken ages, up to the point where he still needed to finish some of the colouring tonight but he knew she would love it and would also be expecting it. He had been giving them to her ever since they first started dating, any type of occasion she would get one, like her birthday, Christmas, valentines day, their anniversary and he knew she looked forward to them. The card set out like a comic strip following the adventures of Nurse Lushtush, a nurse set out to fight crime and save the day with the super power of her pen torch! It only had three frames and only told part of the story but by Christmas she would know the ending to this story and then he would start a new one on valentines day.
It took him just over an hour but once the last frame was coloured, he slipped the card into the envelope and sealed it shut, leaning it against plant pot. Then he went about blowing up the balloons he had bought, almost hitting the ceiling when he heard someone call his name from behind.
“Jesus Christ Angel!”
“Sorry,” She yawned, “What are you doing?” She asked as she made her way to the refrigerator, grabbing some juice.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” he sarcastically asked as he blew up a balloon. She stuck her tongue out at him in retaliation before sitting on the stool next to him.
“Banners? Balloons? Just like Mom used to do for us,” she remembered a small smile playing on her lips, that smile turning into a frown when she saw Nick frown and roll his eyes. “Don’t do that, it wasn’t all bad.”
“Are you talking to her?” He asked as he tried to tie the end of the balloon, failing miserably letting the balloon almost deflate completely in his attempt.
“Kind of. I’ve called a few times and so has she. I mean you’ve forgiven Dad why cant you forgive Mom?” She probed.
“I’m not getting into this now Angel,” he said, his tone even.
“So is this how its going to be forever?” She asked staring him down.
“You’re so hypocritical. You didn’t talk to her for how long? During that time did I ever get on your case about it? Did I ever tell you to get over it, to forgive her and talk to her again?” He asked getting slightly angry.
“I’m not saying that Nick, I’m not saying you should forgive her or talk to her but don’t get angry or have that look on your face when you remember stuff about her, don’t act like there were never good times because there were loads of them,” she told him.
“Yeah well there were more shit times then good though weren’t there?” He chastised.
“You’ve stopped going to therapy haven’t you?” She asked him.
“It’s not like I can go when I’m touring,” he said, it was a huge excuse. He knew that if he asked then Grace would have easily been able to set up and convenient time for both of them to continue their sessions over the phone, hell he had paid her enough. He had stopped going long before though, it had been almost seven months, ever since they had started delving in to the stuff that he had buried so deep, stuff that really hurt, stuff that he wasn’t willing to share with anyone, not a stranger, not his girlfriend, not his siblings and not even the friends he called brothers. It had just been too hard so like always when things got rough, he gave up, quit.
“Why are you doing this?” She asked him.
“Doing what?”
“Running from everything, hiding from it, just because you try not to think about it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen Nick, it doesn’t stop effecting you.”
“What’s the point in dredging up the past again? Isn’t that what you said to Leslie before?” He said challenging her to disagree.
“I did say that, because at the time it hurt to think about it, I was hiding from it but I’ve learnt that talking about it, analysing it with someone else who can maybe put a different spin on things helps. You know you were the one to tell me a problem shared is a problem halved maybe you should take your own advice,” she said to him placing a hand on his arm which he pulled away quickly. “You can’t keep this inside forever Nick.”
“Look it’s late I want to finish this and get to bed okay?” He said ignoring her last comment. “Can you get me the ring so I can wrap it,” He said going back to blowing up the balloons. He watched as she trundled back up the stairs shaking his head at her. Where did she get off offering him advice when she had been more closed off then him a few years ago? She was young, hadn’t been what he had been through, there was no way she could compare her feelings to his, there was no way he was going to bring up all that shit again, rehash it all to others. Everyone else had their own problems that they handled without passing on to others and that was just what he was doing.
“It’s beautiful,” she said handing the box to him.
“You think she’ll like it?” He asked trying to act as if the past ten minutes hadn’t happened.
“Yeah I think she will. You’re not going to give it to her like that though are you?” She asked as he began to place a bow on top of the ring box.
“Why not?” he asked naively.
“Think about it Nick, it’s her birthday you guys have been together a while, you’ve been on tour, you hand her a ring box, add all that up and what do you get?” She asked.
“Proposal,” he sighed. “So how am I supposed to give this to her?”
“Firstly do not just hand her the box. You could tell her that it’s a promise ring before you give it to her so she knows or there is the third option.”
“Which is?” He asked when she trailed off.
“It could pass for an engagement ring, You coul-”
“NO.”
“But-”
“No,” he said shaking his head.
“Why not? She loves you, you love her you’ve been together for three years, you live together…it’s the next logical step.”
“I can’t, I’m not ready,” he said honestly.
“Are you ever going to be ready?” Angel asked.
“I don’t think that really concerns you does it?” he bit back.
She just looked at him for a while, studying him, it was almost as if she was trying to work out what was going on inside his head but she of all people knew that Nick had an amazing poker face and could conceal his emotions easily. She could look for a hundred years and never be able to tell what he was thinking or feeling and the thought made her sad.
“You’re my brother and I care about you and I want you to be happy,” she softly said.
“I am happy,” He answered quickly.
“Maybe, but how long is Adie going to be happy with this? How long is she going to put up with you being closed off? How long is it going to take for you to sabotage this relationship Nick?”
She knew she had gone too far when he scooped up everything in his hands and walked away from her, taking everything up stairs more then likely to his studio. Just like always he shut himself off when someone called him on something, running from his feelings rather then facing them.
One of these days he is going to realise, Angel thought to herself as she drank the rest of her juice.
It just might to too late by that time though.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Nick asks for advice on what to get Adie for her Birthday
Chapter End Notes:
As Always reviews are not mandatory but welcomed!
