She hadn’t gone back when Alex had asked her to, instead choosing to walk around Hyde Park and try and enjoy the beautiful warm sunny weather in the city that had so much of her history. So much bad history she realised as she walked around the huge man made lake. Maybe she should have just steered clear, maybe that was why she hadn’t come back sooner, maybe going to Great Ormond Street yesterday had been a mistake, then again it wasn’t her going to GOS that had caused the argument, it had been Nick and his lack of trust. Thinking about that whole argument once again made her tense up, she could literally feel the headache brewing, all she wanted to do was forget but it just wasn’t that simple.

Forgetting never worked, she could repress, but not forget, after all she could still vividly remember the night he came clean about his infidelity, every time she thought about it she could still smell the vanilla candles she had been burning, could hear the plate that she threw at him smash against the wall, could see her own hurt and puffy red eyes when she had looked at herself in the mirror after she threw him out. That was where she had gone wrong, instead of having a back bone and telling him it was over, she had taken him back, albeit it took him a hell of a long time to make it up to her, but she had still let him.

She had thought about what he said and the more she watched the video of him and her together, the video he had given her on that day, the more she realised that everyone makes mistakes, surely everyone deserved a second chance? That was what she had granted him, a second chance. Three weeks after he had shown up on her doorstep, she did the same to him, the conversation had been a lot different though, ending with her staying the night at his new place. Two months after that she had moved in with him. Maybe that was where they went wrong, maybe they had been to hasty, then again things had certainly slowed down now.

He had stayed true to his word though, she couldn’t fault him on that. He had made so many changes in his life, positive changes, his weight loss, his healthier lifestyle, his decrease in partying and she knew that even though he said he was doing it for himself he was doing it mainly for her. He had been right in what he said earlier, he was committed to her, so why wasn’t it enough? Why couldn’t she settle for what he had to offer her? Then again why should she? Why should she settle for second best?

Her mind then wondered onto the topic she had been avoiding for the past two months or so. If he couldn’t give her what she wanted what was she going to do about it? Deep down she had known the answer all along, she had put it off though, hoping for another change in Nick, hoping he would change his mind, hoping he would realise how much he wanted her while they were apart. Today had changed all that though, he didn’t trust her and with that he had lost her trust, her patience, and her understanding.

He slowly shuffled into the hotel room and was presently surprised when he found her asleep in the bed, her long brunette hair cascading around her pillow, the duvet pulled up around her neck. He had been certain that her not attending the concert was a sure sign she had left but yet her she was, tucked up in his bed. He loved to watch her sleep, always had, her features were always so soft, she always looked so peaceful and that when he noticed the bags under her eyes, that she looked stressed even though she was sleeping, he was the cause of that.

He sighed when he moved across the room and began to undress. He didn’t want her to leave in two days, it wasn’t enough time to sort through this, yes they had all day tomorrow to sit and talk, but the evening was Alex’s gig and then she was leaving early to catch a flight back to Nashville while he was heading to Latvia. He was so sick of all of this, of being apart, of barely talking, all he wanted was to go home and do nothing but be with her for a few weeks, it would be at least another month before he could do that though. God that was if she didn’t go to Nepal, if she decided to do that then they were looking at the end of September and with the way things were he wasn’t sure they would last that long.

Tomorrow he needed to speak to her, he needed to explain why he did what he did, he needed to apologise, they needed to part happy, not brooding on this argument but right now all he needed was sleep and so he climbed into the bed beside her whispering, “I love you, god I love you so much.”

She opened her eyes at his words, she knew he thought she was sleeping but she was far from it. She felt him turn in the bed, his back now facing towards her and a few moments later heard his quiet snores.

Then and only then did she let the silent tears fall.

***

He woke up the next morning when he heard her shuffling around the room, surely it couldn’t be time to get up yet? He felt like his head had only hit the pillow ten minutes ago but when he finally managed to open one eye Nick was surprised to find that the room was bright, the open window letting in the warm sunshine. He sighed and rolled over rubbing the sleep from his eyes and then focused on her.

She was sat at the small table, reading a newspaper and sipping on what he presumed to be a cup of steaming coffee. She was dressed in a light white linen knee length skirt, a red halter neck top, her hair pulled back so it was off her neck, a pair of large sunglasses sitting a top her head. She still hadn’t realised he was watching her as she tucked one of her feet up underneath her, getting more comfortable, a small sigh escaping her lips as she fiddled with her ponytail with one hand, something she always did when she was concentrating, next the hand came down and her pinkie finger ended up in her mouth as she lightly chewed on the nail. She was so predictable, or was it just because he knew her so well? He knew next that finger would come out of her mouth and she would inspect her hand, scrunching up her nose when she got a good look at her chewed nails.

He loved to watch her, especially when she didn’t know he was. He loved all of her kooky traits, they way she would laugh out loud at stupid things, yell at the TV in frustration at medical programmes, cry at the drop of a hat at commercials, the way her eyes would sparkle when he told her he loved her. Lately though that sparkle had disappeared, he felt as though he didn’t even know the person who sat before him. All they ever seemed to do was argue. They needed to fix that.

He was just about to sit up and tell her that he loved her, that he was sorry about what had happened yesterday but his chest protested at being kept in such a flat position over night and he ended up having a massive coughing fit. His hacking obviously caught her attention and she was by his side in an instant, patting his back once he managed to sit up. Once he stopped she didn’t say anything just got up and walked into the bathroom. Great so I’m going to get the silent treatment all day now!

She returned quickly a glass of water in her hand, “Drink this,” she said offering it to him. He took it eagerly and downed nearly the whole glass wondering how he hadn’t realised how thirsty he was earlier. “Better?” She asked sitting down next to him on the bed again.

“Yeah, thanks,” he smiled, closing his eyes when she touched her hand to his forehead.

“You don’t feel as hot now, maybe you’re over the worst,” she said removing her hand.

“Yeah, maybe,” he agreed. “Are you…are you okay?” He asked hesitantly.

“I’m fine,” she said monotonically as she removed herself from their close proximity by standing and grabbing her purse, fishing around for her cell phone when she heard it go off signalling she had a text message.

“Are you sure? You know I’m sorry about yesterday don’t you? Did you get my messages?” He asked, knowing that there was no way she could not have gotten the three voicemails and twelve text messages he had sent her.

“Yeah,” she replied as she read what someone had sent her.

“Are we going to talk about it?” He probed becoming slightly angered at her disinterest.

“Maybe later, I need to get going if I’m going to met Lou in time,” she said shoving the phone back in her purse quickly, throwing the strap over her shoulder as she looked for her flip flops.

“You’re going out?” he asked confused.

“Yeah,” she replied, not looking at him as she found her shoes and placed her feet into them.

“Don’t you think we should talk?” He asked again swinging his legs round so they were now placed on the floor.

She sighed before turning and looking at him, “I need to speak to her about Nepal.” She sighed again and shook her head when he scoffed at her. “Don’t start Nick,” she warned.

“So we’re not even going to talk about this? You’ve just decided that you’re going? I don’t get a say?”

“No you don’t. It’s two months Nick, it’s not like it’s a year long tour,” she bit back.

“It’s my job Adie,” he told her again, rubbing his face with his hands.

“Yeah and this is my job.“

“What time will you be back?” He asked.

“Not sure.”

“Can we go to dinner? Talk there?” He offered.

“You’ve got the restaurant opening,” she reminded, “I’ll be back in time for Alex’s show,” and with that she walked turned and walked out of the door, not even saying a goodbye and when he heard the door slam he fell back against the bed, letting out a frustrated moan.

***

“What’s with you?” Brian asked as they posed for pictures outside the newly opened Gaucho Restaurant in the 02 Arena.

“Nothing,” Nick replied as he plastered on his “I’m so happy to be here” look, when in reality all he wanted to be doing was sorting things with Adie. Thinking back to their encounter this morning he realised that she had just used this as an excuse and if he hadn’t have been still half asleep he would have told he would cancel this. He hadn’t though and now he knew she was thinking that work was more important then her, just another nail in the ever looming coffin that seemed to hold their relationship.

“Yeah right,” Howie chastised as he also smiled for the photographers.

“Are we actually going to stay and eat?” Nick asked trying to change the subject, he really wasn’t in the mood for steak or for posing for pictures with fans who happened to be eating and was hoping it was like the many film premieres he had been to. Make a quick appearance, smile for the cameras walk in through the front door and then straight out the back.

“I could go for steak,” Brian shrugged.

“Yeah I’m hungry, why are you not?” Howie asked as they were ushered inside and Nick just shrugged. “Well what else are you going to do? Go and bug Alex before the show?”

“No…I was going to go back to the hotel,” he said.

“She’s not there,” Rachel said as she walked up behind the guys, Denise beside her. “I am so in the mood for steak, when I said I could eat a cow earlier… I really meant that,” she joked with Denise making her laugh.

“Who invited you?” Brian joked poking her stomach.

“Don’t take that tone with me Littrell, I’ll sit on your ass!”

“Why isn’t she there?” Nick asked tugging at Rachel’s arm to get her attention.

“Beats me,” she shrugged as they were seated, “She just text me and asked if I could bring her leather jacket with me. She’s just brooding Nick, she’ll be fine once she gets here, she’ll have just needed time to think today,” she tried to reassure but the thinking was what he was worried about.

***

“FUCK MARSHA IN THE EYE!”

She was so drunk, so, so drunk, that was the only reason she was screaming along to the song and swaying out of time, normally he wouldn’t of had a problem with it, everyone had to let go and enjoy themselves occasionally but tonight…she was starting to embarrass herself.

She had turned up twenty minutes late missing some of the show and from the moment she staggered up the stairs he knew she had been drinking, she was so much more at ease with him, with everyone. He had been taken aback when she made her way over to him and announced that she wasn’t wearing panties and how long was she going to have to wait to get a drink. He knew better then to tell her he thought she had had enough and quickly grabbed her a vodka and coke, her flirtatious attitude towards the bar tender ensured that her glass was kept topped up all night. Normally it would have turned him on but given the circumstances he was just getting more and more pissed off.

She had avoided him purposely all day, ignored his calls when he wanted to know what time she would be back and now she was acting like nothing had happened. He knew that in the morning she would be back to how she was earlier with a hangover on top, it was her way of ensuring they didn’t get a chance to talk.

“WOOOOOHHHHHHH, YEAH! FUCK NICK IN THE EYE!” She yelled and he saw how she looked to him out of the corner of her eye, a smirk escaping her lips, purposely trying to get a rise out of him.

“Don’t react to it,” Leigh warned grabbing at his arm when he made a move towards her.

“She’s embarrassing herself.”

“Let her embarrass herself, here hold this a second,” she said handing him her glass as she took of her shoes, screaming in surprise when she felt the cold ice fall down the front of her top. “BASTARD!”

“Payback is a bitch Leigh,” he laughed.

“What? What payback? What did I do to you?” She asked trying to fish it out of her top.

“All the prank phone calls you and Howie gave me, all the heavy breathing,” he reminded.

“That wasn’t us,” she said smiling when she successfully retrieved the ice, “That was Rachel and Alex, they kept doing it to us too.”

“He told me it was you guys, that bastard, oh he is so going to get it now,” he smirked as he took more ice from her glass and began throwing it at his band member who was currently on stage, giggling widely when he actually hit him. The jesting carried on for a good half an hour until Nick’s fingers started feeling numb and when he spotted Adie flirting with the bar tender, leaning over the bar giving him a nice view of her cleavage.

“I think you’ve had enough to drink,” he told her as calmly as he could after he made his way over to her.

“I think…..you’re WRONG!” she slurred, almost tripping over her own feet as she made her way back to the edge of the balcony. He sighed heavily taking another long swig of his own beer before making his way back towards the crowd. She was becoming louder and more rambunctious by the minute and a few people towards the back actually kept turning to tell her to shut up.

“Can you tone it down a bit?” Nick asked her.

“I’m having a good time!” She exclaimed necking the rest of her drink.

“Yeah but people have come here to see Alex sing not you. You’re distracting.”

“And your not?! You…throwing ice at him,” she hiccupped pointing an accusing finger. “I’m just showing a bit of suppor…singing along…like karry…karry…where you sing along!” She told him as she placed her empty glass onto the table behind them. “Distracting would be doing this!”

He couldn’t believe his eyes, he really and truly couldn’t and he wasn’t the only one, Rachel’s mouth not the only one gapping open in shock and surprise. He could hear Alex’s chuckle reverberate around the room when he obviously caught sight of what was going on but Nick cut her short but quickly yanking her top down and grabbing her arm pulling her towards the nearest exit.

“You’re hurting me!” She whined when they were outside but he didn’t answer just kept on pulling her along. “Nick let go of me!” She yelled, yanking her arm free from his grip. “What the hell is wrong with you? That’s gona bruise,” she said rubbing her arm.

“What the hell is wrong with me?! What the fuck was that?” He asked angrily his face red.

“They’re called boobs, you of all people should know what they are, you’ve seen enough!” She said. He didn’t reply just grabbed for her hand and began marching her towards the exit of the arena where he knew there would be taxi’s. “Where are we going?” She asked trying to free herself of his hand but he kept a tighter grip.

“Back to the hotel and you are going to bed to sleep this off.”

“No I’m not.”

“YES you are,” he told her as they reached the taxi’s.

“NO! I’m not, you’re not my father you can’t boss me around, you might be king of the pop world but you’re not king of my world!” She told him swaying slightly.

“Yeah don’t I know that. Look at you, you can barely stand,” he told her throwing his hands up in exasperation.

“So?” she shrugged.

He shook his head in disgust before telling her to “get in the car.”

“No.”

“Get in the car Adie!”

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“You know what? Fine don’t but you’re not going back in there, so you either stay here or come back to the hotel.”

“I’m not going back to the hotel.”

“Then where are you going to go?” He challenged and instantly he realised he had made a mistake.

“I should have stayed out with Lou tonight when she asked,” she hiccupped swiping the tear that fell away.

“Then go,” he said out stretching his arm, pointing to the cab. “GO! Cause right now I can’t stand to be around you!”

He watched as she stared him down for a few seconds before turning, very unsteadily and clambering into the nearest cab only when it was out of sight did he let out a frustrated yell, kicking the nearest lamp post in agitation.

“Women problems?” A random guy asked.

“How’d do you guess?” Nick asked sarcastically.

“Smoke?” He asked offering the pack to Nick. He had quit for two years but if he ever needed one, no craved one, it was now and he gladly accepted with a smile of thanks, lighting up and closing his eyes as he took the first drag.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. So are you going to follow her?” He asked.

“I have no idea where she’s gone,” he shrugged.

“Won’t her phone be in her bag?” he asked pointing to the small clutch that Nick had thought to pick up when they left the club. “Couldn’t you call the Lou person?”

Nick took another drag of the cigarette before fishing around inside the purse, finding her phone almost immediately, sending a quick text message to a person he had never met. He stood and chatted for a few minutes before he felt the phone vibrate.

He read the message and quickly flipped the phone shut, stubbing out the reminder of the cigarette, thanking the guy and getting into his own cab, only hoping that there was going to be something left to salvage when he finally caught up with Adie.