After his breakdown in Alex and Rachel’s back yard Nick had been so exhausted that he had ended up sleeping for the rest of the afternoon in one of their spare bedrooms, only waking when Rachel told him that dinner was ready. He had wanted to say that he wasn’t hungry, he really didn’t feel like any interaction with anyone, but he knew it was just easier to give in, so he had pulled himself out of the comfy bed and headed towards the shower first in an attempt to feel a bit better. The table had been full of conversation between the other two couples but Nick had been unusually quiet, choosing to keep Mason entertained then join in with any adult chit chat. The others had chosen to ignore it, knowing that he didn’t need to be fussed on now, that had been done earlier to get up to finally admit to himself how much he was hurting and now he just needed to try and work through everything in his head. Maybe that was why, at three o’clock in the morning he was sat in wide awake in the living room, staring at TV that was muted so not to wake the rest of the household up.

His mind just seemed blank, he knew what he wanted but he just couldn’t figure out a way to get her back, she seemed pretty certain that it was over, that there was just no going back. He had started to remember snippets of their unplanned meeting the night before, the way she smelled, the pink stethoscope slung around her neck, her hands on his head, the way her voice had sounded so soft and inviting, the way in which she surprised him by admitting that she missed him. Well if she missed him why couldn’t she give them both another shot? Why couldn’t she look past their problems? Why couldn’t she realise that they could get past them? Why couldn’t she see how happy they could be?

“Can’t sleep either?” Rachel asked from the doorway, making Nick turn his head to look at her.

“I kind of slept the day away,” he told her as he moved his feet so she could sit beside him. “What’s your excuse?”

“Two tiny feet under my rib cage,” she sighed.

“Only a couple more months though,” he said.

“Yeah,” she said rubbing her hand over her large rounded belly. “How you doin?”

“I just want her back Rach. Do you know how it feels to love someone so much and then find out they don’t feel the same about you?” He asked letting Rachel grab his hand.

“Listen to me, she does love you. I don’t know why she felt the need to do what she did, but she does love you. I’ve never seen her…trust me from the way she talked about you, acted around you, she loves you Nick,” she said squeezing his hand.

“That was enough for me but it wasn’t enough for her. Maybe she was right to do what she did, because she deserves the best Rach, she deserves everything and I don’t know if I can give her that. I don’t know if I am ever going to be ready to marry her, to have kids with her, and that’s what she wants.”

“Why though? Why do you feel that you can’t?” She asked and Nick just shrugged and remained silent, not looking at her. “The whole marriage thing I kind of understand, you know it’s not for everyone at the end of the day all its is, is just a piece of paper, a ring and name change, just you because you haven’t married doesn’t mean you love her any less. The whole kids thing though I don’t get because you would make an awesome Dad Nick, you really would. Baylee adores you, I was watching at dinner when you had Mason and I want you to have that kind of relationship with my baby. You know I think right now that would be enough for Adie, she’s always wanted a family Nick.”

“That’s what scares me the most. It’s different when it’s other people’s kids, you know you can hand them back and you don’t have any responsibility towards them but when it’s yours…I just…I don’t want to screw up and have them resent me for it,” He admitted.

“Do you still love your parents Nick?” She asked.

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

“Even after all they put you through and I know I don’t half of it but from what I’ve heard from Alex…you know it’s the same with him, he resents his Dad for walking out but he still loves him, even though he’s not in his life anymore I know he still does. He’s already told me that he’s going to be the best Dad he can be because he’s learnt his own dad’s mistake.”

“I’ve tried stuff like that though, I’ve tried being different, I’ve tried learning from other people’s mistakes. I changed so much for her, I changed my whole life style for her and it wasn’t enough,” he said referring to his weight loss, his decrease in partying and his whole outlook.

“That’s your problem right there, you were doing it for her and not yourself. If you want to change it needs to be for you.”

“What if it’s too late?”

“She loves you so it’s never going to be too late.”

***

She looked at the clock, and sighed in relief only two more hours to go until she could collapse into her nice warm cosy bed for the whole entire day and on the plus side of that was that tonight was her last night shift and she wasn’t due back for another five days. The whole five days thing was a bit of a downer when she really thought about it though, it meant five days of being on her own, of thinking about him and about how she was going to cope with the child that she was carrying. For the first few days it hadn’t seemed real, yeah she had the constant reminder because of the morning sickness but she had tried not to think about it too much, but today she had her first OBGYN appointment and she knew that as soon as that was over, as soon as this whole thing was confirmed by sonogram there would and could be no denying it. It was a miracle that she had been able to keep it secret for this long.

She knew that Chelle was becoming suspicious, that her excuses of being tired and stomach bugs were not going to cut it for much longer and she didn’t know why she hadn’t come out and told her. Chelle was her best friend and Adie knew that she wouldn’t be judgemental, she probably wouldn’t be shocked and she knew it would probably lift the huge weight that seemed to be currently crushing her but she just couldn’t seem to get the words out. She felt like she needed to tell Nick, that because it was his child she was carrying he had the right to be the first one to know but she just didn’t know how to tell him that in seven months he was going to be a Father. It was so difficult though because the only times she had seen him had ended unpleasantly and had played on her mind for days, she had found herself second guessing what she had done but she was well aware that this whole pregnancy really complicated the situation she was in now. He hadn’t wanted to be a Father, that had been their whole problem, now he was going to be one whether he liked the idea or not, and even if they were still together it wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. She needed to time it right, but the longer she left it the harder it would be to tell him and the likelihood was that he would either guess or find out via someone else anyway.

She could feel the bile start to ebb it’s way up from her stomach, and quickly called Chelle to take over plastering the child’s leg for her before she made her way towards the bathrooms. She couldn’t wait for this part to be over, the sickness was really starting to take it’s toll of her, making her feel even more exhausted, as if the lack of sleep worrying about her future wasn’t enough. Once she finished emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet she flushed it away, and walked out of the stall, inwardly sighing to herself when Chelle was resting against the sinks.

“You should go home,” She said as Adie rinsed her mouth out.

“I’m fine it’s just a couple more hours,” Adie replied as she looked at her pale complexion in the mirror, noticing the huge bags under her eyes.

“I can get you some ondansatron if you want,” She offered but Adie shook her head as she didn’t know whether the anti sickness drug could harm the child she was carrying. “I don’t think anyone is going to mind if it’s going to make you feel better,” Chelle said and that was when Adie knew her friend was beginning to connect the dots, she had to get out of here and fast.

“No I’m fine, really, I feel better now it’s all up,” she said as she wiped her hands on the paper towel.

“Well if your infectious you shouldn’t be here,” She pointed out.

“I think it’s stress related, I mean you don’t have it do you?” Adie said.

“Yeah that’s right I don’t,” Chelle said and Adie could detected the hint of sarcasm in her voice.

“Did you finish the plaster?” Adie asked as she headed towards the door.

“Yeah but ortho want another X-ray, I think your going to have to hold for it so they can get the angle right,” Chelle told her and Adie knew that she was completely busted now. There was no way she was going to be able to ask Chelle to hold for the x-ray without her getting more suspicious then she already was and she had no other excuse she could use.

“Oh…I uh…” she stammered.

“Are you going to start being honest with me?” Chelle asked.

“What do you mean?” Adie asked her back to her friend as she reached for the handle of the door.

“I’m not stupid Adie please don’t treat me like I am. Just tell me,” Chelle said as she places a hand on her best friends shoulder and with that touch Adie could no longer hold it in, the frustration of holding this huge secret inside finding its way out through her tear filled confession.

“I’m pregnant. Oh God Chelle I’m pregnant by the guy I walked away from.”

***

“You’ve been quiet today,” Kevin told Nick as he sat beside him on the lawn chair.

“Don’t really have a lot to say,” He shrugged.

“Well that’s a first,” Kevin joked and Nick even managed a small smirk before it quickly faded and the pensive look returned.

“Do you think I’m a screw up Kev?” He asked as he just stared out in front of him, not really seeing any of the garden.

“No I don’t think you’re a screw up. I think you make some bad decisions sometimes but everyone makes bad decisions Nick and that’s how we learn.”

“My life just seems to be one bad decision after the other though,” he sighed.

“Alright stop,” He said quite harshly making Nick look to him, “I’m not going to sit hear and listen to you get down on yourself. Yeah you’ve had a rough ride Nick, you’ve been put through the ringer by your parents and by ex girlfriends, yeah supposed friends have stabbed you in the back, yeah Adie left you but sitting here and moping about it and feeling sorry for yourself isn’t going to change any of that.”

“That’s amazingly helpful Kev,” Nick shot back snarkaly.

“Do you want her back?” He asked.

“Of course I do,” Nick replied.

“Then you need to prove to her that you are someone worth being with, that she needs to be with you and so far all you’ve done is turn up where she works drunk after knocking yourself out. What kind of message does that send to her?” Kevin asked raising an eyebrow to him.

Nick sighed in frustration, “Not a great one.”

“No,” Kevin agreed.

“I just don’t know what I can do, we both want different things how can it work when we are both so different? You know she wants to settle down and have a family and all that stuff and I don’t want that,” Nick said playing with the toggle on his hoodie, a habit he had when he got uncomfortable talking about things.

“You don’t want it or your scared to want it?” Kevin prompted but Nick stayed silent confirming what Kevin thought. “Look man, you need to get past what’s happened with your parents and with your family and move on, because right now it’s holding you back and it’s not had your past it’s about to take your future from you and do you really want that?”

Nick shook his head, sniffing slightly and Kevin moved his seat so he was sat dead opposite his friend placing a hand on Nicks leg before continuing. “You need to talk to her, you need to let her in because if you did then maybe she would understand why you’re like this and why it takes you so long to trust people. You know she’s not going to judge you or think bad of you Nick, I know I’ve only met Adie a few times but I can tell she’s not that sort of person and I think she would be really good at helping you through this. That’s why I don’t understand why you won't talk to her, You talk to Kris, you talk to Leigh, I think Rachel is starting to see the true you know but all those people don't matter, the only person who really matters is Adie.”

“I just don’t know where to start. I don’t know if she’ll even talk to me,” Nick mumbled.

“You don’t know until you try. Are you staying tonight or are you going home?” Kevin asked.

“I should really go, I need to deal with Brent,” He sighed.

“What you going to do about them?” Kevin asked.

“I think Adie was right, they’re just using me for my studio and right now I really don’t need them here. If I’m going to get her back…I have to get her back so I have to make some changes.”

***

She sat and studied the picture in her hand, two tiny hands, two tiny feet, arms, legs, a head and a body. That was her baby, that was their baby, the child that was growing inside her, making good progress according to Dr McManus, a healthy strong heart beat, no visible problems and according to the size the Doctor concluded that the conception date had to be around the end of March which put her due date 27th November, a mere five months away. Now it all seemed real, this time next year her baby, their daughter, would be almost seven months old and all Adie could seem to think about was how she would have share her time between two houses, how she would have to grow up knowing her parents had been separated before she was even born.

“So when are you going to tell Nick that he has a daughter?” Chelle asked handing Adie a cup of tea, the comment making Adie tear up yet again. “Sweetie…he has a right to know.”

“I know that,” she snapped. “I know he does and I don’t plan on keeping it from him, just…do you know how hard this is going to be to tell him? You know the whole time I was having the sonogram all I wanted was to look over and see him there, to feel him hold my hand and squeeze it when she told me it was healthy, to see him smile when I was told I was having a girl,” she cried, letting Chelle grab her into a hug.

“Look you don’t know how he is going to react to this. You know he could surprise you, knowing that this is real and this is happening and that your having his baby might be the kick up the butt he needs. But until he knows…you can’t keep this a secret forever honey, I would say you got a few weeks at best before you start to show and you need to tell him before then,” Chelle offered rubbing her friends back.

“I just don’t want him to think that I’ve done this on purpose because I haven’t. God this should be such a happy time in my life, I’m about to become a Mother, it shouldn’t be like this,” she continued to cry.

“You need to tell him,” Chelle reiterated.

“I know. I know I do and the next time I see him I will, by the end of the week he’ll know,” She said pulling away, not realising that in less then twenty four hours Nick would be standing right in front of her.