When Adie woke up the following day for the first time in a long time she didn’t feel like crying, she didn’t feel like her world was crumbling, it was as if letting go of her secret had lifted this huge weight she had been carrying around for five years. It felt good and with a contented sigh she rolled over reaching her arm out to the body she expected to find when she did.

That was why she panicked when Nick wasn’t there.

She sat up quickly praying that last night hadn’t just been some cruel dream because it had hurt so much to be that truthful with him, she didn’t know if she could do it again if it hadn’t been real. She soon realised it wasn’t a dream because she was in his bed, well their bed? Was it still their bed? They hadn’t really discussed her moving back in, she had been so exhausted after spilling everything to him that she had fallen asleep on the couch only waking briefly when he scooped her up in his arms and carried her to bed.

She remembered waking in the middle of the night and smiling because his hold on her was so tight, his face so peaceful as he slept contently next to her, his breathes coming out in even strokes as his chest rose and fell. So where was he now? She looked towards the bathroom but the door was wide open and she couldn’t see or hear him moving around in there, so that meant he was either down stairs, in his studio, or even out of the house. She was just about to get up and investigate when the door to the bedroom opened slowly and he stuck his head in the room, he smiled when he realised she was awake and walked through.

“Hey you’re awake.”

“Yep,” she yawned as she fell back against the pillows, “Time is it?”

“A little after one,” he told her as she sat down beside her on the bed.

“As in pm?!” She asked exasperated making him laugh.

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Because you looked so peaceful,” he told her as he sat down on the bed next to her moving in to claim her lips in a kiss, a kiss that she deepened by extending her hands out to his head to hold him in place, her finger tips playing with the short hairs at the nape of his neck. She pulled back after a few moments and could feel the own blush in her cheeks as she looked at his now swollen red lips.

“Sorry,” she apologised.

That made him laugh, “What are you sorry for?”

She shrugged as she looked down to her lap. He giggled some more as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and placed another quick kiss to the side of her head.

“Where were you?” She asked grabbing his other hand as she played with his fingers.

“Woke up about eight and when I realised it was going to be hours before you decided to surface I took Layla for a run,” he said.

“You’ve lost more weight,” she noticed as she trailed one of her hands down his visible toned chest, a stark comparison to the man she had met only four years ago.

He nodded proudly, “Another ten pounds.”

“God I think that’s what I’ve gained,” she grimaced.

He laughed yet again and she wanted to bottle the sound so she could take it with her wherever she went because it was just so infectious, so child like and it was one of the things she hoped that their daughter would inherit from him because every time she heard him laugh it made her smile. He un-tucked his arm from around her and moved onto his side as he slid down the bed, stopping when he was eye level with her stomach. With a grin he lifted up the jersey and for the first time he got a good look at her pregnant stomach, leaning down gently to place a soft kiss on it.

“Have you felt her move yet?” He asked as he rested his head on his free hand while the other drew lazy circles on her belly.

“Not yet,” she replied as she ran her hands through his hair.

“Not even butterflies?” He asked his eyes remaining on her tummy.

“How do you know about butterflies?” She asked intrigued at his choice of words.

“I’ve been reading up,” He admitted.

“You have?” She asked slightly taken aback by his admission.

“Yep, she’s about eighteen centimetres long now and you might start to feel dizzy because your blood volume has increased and your heart has to work harder. You can’t really here me in there yet though can you?” He asked her bump before looking up to her when he heard her tears. “Sugar puff,” he sighed moving back up the bed so he was eye level with Adie.

“This isn’t real, this is my imagination because this just feels…just feels…how can we go back and behave like nothing happened?” She asked sniffing back her tears.

“This is real,” he told her as he kissed her left cheek. “You are here and so am I,” he said as he leant in and kissed her other cheek, “And we are going to make this work.”

“You should hate me, you should have shut the door in my face yesterday, it can’t be this easy Nick, it just can’t be,” she told him shaking her head at him.

“I love you and I could never hate you Adie, I might have been really pissed off at you but I could never hate you,” he said sitting up against the headboard as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder making her lean into his shoulder. “You know it’s not going to be the same because it didn’t work last time, so it has to be better than last time, we have to be better because we aren’t the only ones involved now, we have to be better for her,” he said softly rubbing his hand across her still showing belly. She tried to reply, to tell him that he was right but she just broke down into sobs again. It made him chuckle slightly as he pulled her in closer, placing kisses to her head.

“I made you an appointment with Rebecca, she managed to squeeze you in today before my session,” he said as he grabbed her hand and started playing with her fingers.

“Today?” She sniffed.

“Yeah your session is at five and mine is at six.”

“Can’t we reschedule? I don’t really feel like it today,” she told him. She had told him last night that she had just wanted to forget, she had told him everything anyway so what was the point in rehashing the whole story for a third time and getting upset again? She had screwed up, had killed her unborn child and for what? Some bastard who had cheated on her and made her feel like a fool. She was always going to feel guilty that she didn’t stand up to him, that she didn’t fight for what she believed in, no amount of therapy was going to change that.

He sighed at her words, dropping her hand from his, “No, we’re not cancelling.”

“I didn’t say cancel, I said reschedule,” she said becoming defensive.

“No Adie. We need to work on this, on us and the longer you put it off the harder it is going to be. She’s not going to judge you, she’s really good at making you see things about situations that you haven’t before,” he told her.

“She’s not going to certify me insane, lock me up and throw away the key?” She half joked making him laugh.

“Not without my consent,” he joked back wincing when she hit him in the stomach. She was just about to say something when the phone began to ring and he leant over and picked it up. “Hello?…Yeah she’s here and she’s fine…I think so…she lugged it all out of here she can lug it all back!” He laughed and Adie knew by his tone that he was talking to Chelle. “I’ll let her know. See you tomorrow.”

“Chelle?” She asked as she reclined back against him.

“Yep she was worried about you,” he told her his hand coming to rest upon her abdomen, caressing it gently making her smile.

“Why are you seeing her tomorrow?” She asked.

“How else is all your crap going to get back here?” He asked.

“So I can come back?” She whispered, her eyes meeting his when his finger pulled her chin up.

“I never wanted you to leave,” he whispered. “Seriously baby you need to stop this because I’m scared you are going to dehydrate,” he joked when she started sobbing again. He wiped the falling tears from her face and rested his forehead against hers as he leant in to kiss her softly but just as he was about to pull away she grabbed onto his head again and deepened the kiss like last time.

The only difference this time was that she didn’t pull back blushing, instead she moved more onto her back, bringing him with her, opening her legs so he could rest comfortably between them. He carried on the kiss, sliding his tongue inside her mouth when her lips parted to allow access, shivering slightly when her hands found their way underneath his t-shirt, her nails scratching down his back. He pulled back from the kiss and sat up slightly pulling the offending material off his top half before he found the hem of the jersey she was wearing, moving it further up her body and she took the hint lifting her body slightly so he would have enough room to slid the garment over her head.

He stared down at her for a few moments, marvelling how her body had changed in only a few short months. Her breasts, although they had never been small, were now much fuller but the biggest change had to be her abdomen because it was now quite obvious that there was a child in there, his baby was in there and he couldn’t remember a time when she had looked more gorgeous then she did right now.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered leaning down to kiss her again, one of his hands trailing down her side, coming to rest on her hip, making her lift her leg slightly the movement causing friction against Nick’s quite obvious erection, making him moan into her mouth. He pulled back from her mouth, smiling up to her as he moved his way down her body, making sure to kiss, suck and lick at every available opportunity, noticing immediately how she winced when he reached her breasts.

“They are really tender,” she told him when she realised he was looking at her questioningly. He smirked up at her before he cupped her left breast in his hand, massaging it gently with the other hand, occasionally planting kisses on it, making a moan escape from her lips as she closed her eyes at the sensual sensation coursing through her body. Her hand rested on his head, her fingers weaving through his hair as he worked his magic on her other breast and she sighed deeply in anticipation when he started his decent again. He licked his way across the waist band on the pair of boxers she was wearing before he started to tug them down her legs and when they were tossed across the room he slowly kissed his way up each of her legs, missing where she wanted him the most as he made his way back up to her mouth.

She pulled away before he could claim her mouth in yet another kiss though, making him look at her. “You’re such a fucking tease,” she told him matter of faculty, which made him burst out laughing.

“You’ve always known that,” he shrugged as he leant in to kiss her again and this time she let him, almost panting into his mouth when she felt one of his long fingers slid inside of her, god he had amazing fingers. “You’re so wet,” he moaned huskily in her ear when he pulled back from their kiss. She wanted to tell him that she had been horny for weeks, that surely he had read in the books that she was at the stage in her pregnancy where she craved sex? All she could muster up was a low moan when he added another finger inside of her, moving them together at a torturously slow pace.

He kissed his way down her body again and she almost screamed when she felt the cool air from his mouth hit her clit when he started to blow on it, the good feeling amplified when she felt his wet tongue slid across her. Her hands were immediately tangled in his hair as she pulled his head further towards where she wanted him, her breathing increasing when he withdrew his fingers and replaced them with his tongue. His strong hands held her hips in place and when his nose nudged her clit for the forth time, she felt herself come, spilling her wetness into his waiting mouth. He kept tonguing her prolonging her orgasm for a few more moments but that wasn’t enough for her and she wanted to feel those amazing sensations coursing through her body again.

She pulled at his head and he started trailing his way back up to her body, letting her roll them both so he was flat on his back. He watched as she undid his belt and worked her way down the button fly of his jeans, pulling the material down his legs and tossing them across the room when she was finished. She made her way back up his body, taking his hard erection in her hand she pumped him hard a few times, loving how dark his eyes turned when she did. Adie knew she couldn’t hold on much longer and so she quickly straddled him and taking his hard member in her hand she placed it at her wet opening, gently sliding down on him with a small contented sigh. She reached out her hands for his and once their fingers were intertwined she slowly started to ride him.

He watched her as she threw her head back and moaned when he thrust up to meet her, had it seriously been three months since they had done this last? It felt so dammed good but he needed more, he needed to be deeper, wanted to make her scream his name like she used to. He caught her off guard when he flipped them both over and she screeched at the sudden change in position but she quickly adjusted and bought both her legs up so he could slid in that bit deeper. Their hands were still intertwined as he pinned them above her head as he began to thrust inside her quickly, making her breath increase as she started to moan every time he filled her.

“I’m so close Nick,” she whimpered when he let her hands go so he could reach down to apply some pressure on her swollen clit.

“Just let go,” he whispered as he leant down to kiss her feeling his own release spread through him as her walls clenched together.

“Oh god,” she moaned when the full impact of her orgasm hit her. She clung to him as she tried to catch her breath, loving the feeling of his warm breath against her skin as he buried his head into the crevice between her neck and shoulder as he too recovered from his own pleasure.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispered after a few moments, his breath still ragged and at first she thought he was still recovering from their passionate lovemaking but then she felt the moisture on her shoulder. She didn’t want to ruin the moment, didn’t want to say anything that might make him clam up and stop this display of emotion she had never seen from him so all she did was wrap her arms tighter around his shoulders as she pressed kisses to the side of his head moving with him when he moved off of her and rolled a little onto his side. His face was still buried in her shoulder and although she could hear no noise she could tell he was still crying because of how his shoulders would shake every so often.

She had wanted this for so long, wanted him to show her some emotion, to prove to her that things did get to him, that he was still capable of feeling, of hurting and now that he finally was? It wasn’t like how she expected it to be that was for sure. She had expected for their to be some tear felt break through where he would bare all, where she would finally understand him, where everything would change and they would move on and be happy and…god it was such a naive thought , a stupid idea but she thought it would get him past his phobia about marriage. It was none of those things though, and the only thing she felt was regret because she was the one who had reduced him to this, she was the cause of his tears, the cause of the hurt he was finally feeling right now and she felt disgusted with herself.

She didn’t now what she could do to rectify that, to take away the pain she had obviously caused him over the past month, two days and seven hours so she did the only thing she could at that moment.

She apologised.

“I love you and I am so, so sorry that I hurt you.”