“Come on in Nick,” Rebecca said as she held open her office door so he could walk on through. He got up from his seat and followed her into the large airy room. It didn’t resemble a shrinks office that was for sure and maybe that’s why he felt so comfortable here, because it just felt like an informal chat with a friend.

The room was large and bright with huge windows that looked out on to the wooded area where he often walked Layla, he had often stood a the window gazing out while he released some of his troubles to Rebecca. There was a desk tucked neatly into one corner of the room, it was propped up against a wall so that no one would be able to be seated opposite it, a laptop was one of the minimal things that sat a top the deep coloured wood. The majority of the room was laid out as if it was a living room, two large suede cream couches graced the centre of the room, there were a few bean bags, a loveseat and a coffee table it almost looked as if things had just been thrown together because it was what the space allowed for. Nick knew it hadn’t been though, he knew that this had been very thought out, that this layout had been designed like this for a reason. There were no physical barriers that he could protect himself behind unless he physically got up and stood behind a chair, the coffee table was set off to one side, the chairs arranged in a hap hazard circle. Physical barriers weren’t needed here because if you needed to see a shrink it was pretty much a given that your emotional ones were already holding you back enough.

He walked over to the small fridge in the corner and took out a can of diet coke, making sure to pull out a bottle of water for Rebecca before taking the seat he always sat in, the smaller of the suede couches. He leant over and handed her the water as she had already sat down in the love chair, the same place she always sat. He liked how informal it was, that he didn’t even have to be offered a drink he just knew it was there to take, that she didn’t appear to think she was better them him because he had to go to her to analyse the mess that was his life.

Rebecca was older then he was, he wasn’t sure by how much but she had to be at least mid thirties. She had long blonde hair, green eyes and was very plain, a few freckles would occasionally sprinkle her nose if she had been out in the sun. She was quite petite, when she stood she only reached Nick’s shoulder and her informal nature flooded into everything around her. Nick couldn’t ever remember a time when he had seen her in a suit or formally dressed, he had only ever seen her in jeans, occasionally in shorts when the weather got really hot. Yet everything about her oozed professionalism.

“Thanks,” She smiled as she took the bottle from him and placed it on the floor.

“Before I forget Adie wanted me to see if you were free on Friday,” He asked.

“Yeah I have three o’clock free, would that be okay?”

“Yeah I think so, she uh wanted me to say sorry again for cancelling today.”

“It’s not a problem,” Rebecca replied with a smile, “Is summer a busy period in the ER?”

“She tells me it doesn’t matter what season or time of day it is because it’s always busy.”

“Do you not like her working?” Rebecca asked.

“Why do you ask that?”

“Just your body language…your voice it dropped a few octaves it was like you were almost scowling. Has the job been an issue for the two of you in the past?” She asked.

He nodded with a sigh. “It’s always been an issue. She loves her job and I admire her for what she does because I know couldn’t do it, I know a lot of people couldn’t do it but I worry about her. You know at first when we were first dating I was sure it was because she wouldn’t drop everything to be with me.”

“Because that’s what you were used to?” Rebecca asked.

“Yeah completely. I was so used to girls just dropping everything and putting their lives on hold to please me that it was definitely a shock when she didn’t. That’s who she is though, it’s a huge part of her and when I saw her at work a few times I realised I couldn’t ask her to give that up. She wouldn’t have anyway but I knew if I did ask it would be the end of us. I let it go for a few months but when I moved here, when we moved in to together it started being an issue again,” he said playing with the hem of his t-shirt.

“Why?”

“She lied to me, well…lie is to strong a word…she let me believe what I wanted to. She came home with bruising around her wrist, some on her side. She’s a kids nurse so I just assumed it was from some scared kid when they were trying to draw blood. Now I realise that a kid would never leave marks like those, I think I knew then too,” he admitted.

“So how did you find out that they weren’t caused in the manner you thought they were?” Rebecca questioned.

“Through one of her friends. I blew up at her and we had a huge row and she even left for a few days. I wasn’t mad at her though. I was mad at the situation but I took it out on her. It happened again at the beginning of the year and we argued over it yet it happened again a month ago but…maybe it was good that it did,” he trailed off as he stared out of the window.

“Why was the last time good?” Rebecca probed.

“Because I found out she was pregnant.”

“She told you because she thought she might miscarry?” She asked.

He laughed sarcastically, “Yeah you’d think. I walked in as she was having a sonogram to check everything was okay. She didn’t even call me, I was still on her contact sheet in case of an emergency.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“How did it make me feel?” he repeated his gaze still focused on the outside world. How did it make him feel? He hadn’t really thought about it too much, he had been wrapped up in how being a Father was going to make him feel to try and decipher how it felt to find out in the manner he had. “Hurt,” he whispered.

“Not angry? Not betrayed? Just hurt?”

He could only manage a shrug.

“Don’t clam up Nick, the only way you are going to get something out of these meetings if you put stuff in, if you hold back there is no point in you being here, I thought you understood that?” She told him firmly.

“I felt like I had been stabbed in the back again, I felt like a fool but the worst thing was I felt like my world was going to fall apart if she told me I wasn’t the Father.”

***

Night shifts were a killer, they were Adie’s Achilles heel, something that she had always struggled with even from being a student. Now that she was getting older it just seemed to be getting worse. She had tried everything, laying in bed till as late as she could stand the day before she started the run, having a nap before she would leave but it made no difference she was still lucky if she managed three hours sleep the following day. Three hours was quite clearly not enough and if she was on a run of four or more she soon found herself grumpy, irritable and damn right pissed off with the world and everything in it.

Maybe it was a good thing that she was only doing one this week as a favour. She had hoped that as it was a week day that she would be able to put her feet up for at least half an hour here and there but the night had been a lot busier then usual, the pile up on the freeway the cause of that. Sure she had been banned from the trauma room not only by her OB but by her charge nurse but that still left all the minor ailments, such as plastering broken bones, administering pain meds and straps to twisted ankles, dealing with the drunks and the homeless. She literally had not stopped and then she had the pleasure of the drawing the short straw this morning and had ended up in “The Box” from five till eight am.

“The Box” the term used for triaging. Every nurse hated it. You were the first medical person someone would see as they walked through the door, so in Adie’s case it meant sitting with people, listing their ailment, applying pain meds where appropriate and categorising people according to urgency of treatment. Yes she was the one with the power but she was also the one who made others wait, something people would get pissed of about rather quickly. It often made her laugh when people would demand to be seen for their in grown toenail as soon as they arrived, one guy was adamant he should be seen for the small graze on his arm over the women whose finger was hanging on by a thread. He had soon backed down when Adie had removed part of the women’s dressing to show him.

She looked at the clock and a small smile spread across her lips. Five minutes and she would officially be out of here!

“Ohh a smile at this time in the morning means only one thing, is it nearly home time?” Marissa asked as she took a seat at the desk next to Adie.

“Hell yeah! I am so looking forward to croissants, and Jerry Springer reaffirming to me that my life isn’t as messed up as the crazy’s he manages to find for his show.”

“Aww but you can’t have your glass of wine though can you?” Marissa said patting Adie’s tummy.

“You know what I have non alcoholic wine so I can try and fool myself,” She told her back with a laugh.

“Your crazy Aids. I think you’re the only person I know how starts drinking at nine am.”

“Yeah but when you think about it it’s really our nine pm. There is logic, I know lots of people who have a glass of wine after their day at work, it’s just my day finishes in the am rather then the pm,” she shrugged. “I think Nick thought I was an alcoholic when we first started living together though, you know until I explained my logic to him.”

“How is it going with you two?” She asked.

“Okay,” Adie said nodding her head. “I’m kind of avoiding him at the moment. He’s only got eight days until he has to go back on tour. I don’t want to get too close to him because it’s going to hurt so much more when he leaves.”

“Can’t you go with him?” Marissa asked.

“All the holiday hours are booked for this month. I’ve got time off in September to fly out and see him, that was the plan anyway but I am going to be the size of a house by then,” she laughed.

“Then I think instead of avoiding him you need to spend more time with him,” She suggested.

“I know I should.”

Another annoying thing about night shifts was always the traffic on the way home, there was always loads and everyone in front of Adie was either super nice and let everyone single car out at junctions or was a complete slow Norris who seemed to think the highest speed they were ever allowed to drive was twenty. Her usual journey time of thirty minutes back to the house often turned into at least forty minutes and occasionally she would not end up in bed until ten thirty, two hours after she would leave the hospital.

On this occasion though it was like the Gods had been listening in on her conversation with Marissa because she made it home in record time and as she made her way up the steps to the front door she could see that the TV set was on in the living room, signalling to her that Nick was up. It was a rarity for him and on more then one occasion she would have to either sleep in the spare room or kick him out of the bed when she got in from her night shift because there was nothing more annoying then finally drifting off to sleep only to be woken half an hour later by him yawning loudly, or tripping over something when he got up.

Layla had obviously heard her coming and Adie braced herself for the excited barking that was sure to ensue as soon as she opened the door. What she didn’t expect was Nick’s agitated yell for her to “Quit fucking barking!” She dropped her bag to the floor and threw her keys in the giant bowl that stood on the side board as she stood out of her shoes, making sure to lean down and pet Layla.

“Why’s Daddy so grumpy huh?” She asked Layla softly so he wouldn’t hear her before she slowly made her way into the living room.

He was sprawled across the couch, his hair sticking in every direction, his eyes looked bleary and the scowl that was present was enough to let her know he had either just woken up or that he hadn’t actually been asleep that much the previous night. The three cans of diet coke, the two coffee cups and the fact that he was tuned to a movie that was at least three quarters of the way through was the give away that it was the latter. Now all she needed to figure out was why he had had a struggle to sleep because, next to Howie, sleep was Nick’s favourite past time.

“Hey you,” she said happily before leaning down to place a quick peck to his head.

“Hey,” he replied but his tone was not happy, he didn’t even turn to look at her when she remained behind him.

“You okay?” She asked as she took of her scrub top, revealing the black tank top she wore beneath it.

“Fine.”

“You don’t seem fine,” she tried again throwing the scrub top against the back of the couch.

“Tired,” he shrugged never once taking his eyes of the TV.

“Well I don’t think the three cans of coke and coffee would have helped with that,” She tried to joke.

All she got in response was an “Hmm.”

“I’m going to make some breakfast, You want some?” She asked moving in the direction of the kitchen.

“Nope.”

She looked back over her shoulder but all she could see were his feet hanging up and over the back of the couch. He was definitely not his usual self, he hadn’t even asked her about her night and that was something he always would do without fail. Instead of questioning him about his moody behaviour she decided to let it go because she was exhausted and didn’t want to risk getting into an argument when all she wanted to do was try and crash out for a few hours. She was hoping that by the time she woke up he would have dealt with what was bothering him and be in a happier mood.

She walked into the kitchen and grabbed the croissants out of the bread bin, placing the two pastries into the microwave she set the timer for thirty seconds and then walked to the refrigerator. She pulled out the butter and jelly along with the milk and walked to the centre island of the kitchen placing all her items of the counter top before making her way back to the microwave when the bing informed her that her croissants were indeed ready. She quickly spread the preserves over the warm breakfast pastries and sniffed in the appetising scent before she grabbed a bowl out of the cupboard and poured herself some sugar puffs. Usually two croissants were enough to keep her hunger at bay but recently she had found that she was needing more and more to keep her from snacking during the day, maybe that was why she seemed to be growing by the day.

After she had placed all her items on a tray and grabbed a glass of juice she made her way out of the kitchen, she lingered just outside the living room for a few seconds, she thought about going in but knew he probably just needed to be alone for a while. He obviously heard the stairs creek as she climbed them because he called out to her.

“Where are you going?”

She carried on walking, yelling her answer back to him so he could hear, “To bed.”

“But you always watch Jerry Springer first,” he reminded.

“You’re watching a film, I’ll watch it in bed,” she replied stopping where she was.

“No you can watch it here, I can finish this later,” he said flicking the TV over so she could hear the arguing that ensued as the crowd cat called.

“It’s fine sweetie, I need to get my feet up anyway, I’m starting to get cankles,” she tried to joke and maybe that was why she was so shocked at his sudden outburst.

“If you don’t want to fucking sit here with me then just say it,” he said making his way to the bottom of the stairs.

She shook her head in disbelief and carried on up the stairs, knowing that within a matter of moments he would walk through the door to their room to try and continue arguing with her, well she wasn’t going to be dragged into it, not now, she was to god damned tired.

“I’m not going to argue with you Nick,” she told him when she heard him enter the room. She calmly placed the tray on the cabinet next to her side of the bed before she pulled out the pyjamas that were under her pillow.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He demanded.

“I’m not avoiding you,” she said turning so she could see him.

“Yeah you are.”

“So because I decided that I would change my routine so that it would benefit you and so you could finish what you were watching I’m avoiding you? It can’t be that I’m dog tired? That my feet hurt? It’s because of you, that’s a bit self centred don’t you think?” She mentally screamed at herself, why couldn’t she ever just keep her mouth shut, why did she always let herself get dragged into his petty little arguments? It was too late now though, he knew he had her.

“It’s not just today Adie and you know that.”

Again he had her, what was the point in trying to argue with him anyway? Just because they weren’t speaking to each other didn’t  mean it would make his departure in eight days any easier and if she was honest with herself that was what she was trying to do. Softening the blow of him leaving but distancing herself from him before he left so she didn’t feel like he was going to be ripped from her, well she had tried that before and it hadn’t worked, she had still been miserable, so why did she think it would work this time?

She sighed deeply as she looked away from his penetrating gaze. “I’m sorry.”

“So it’s not just my imagination?” He asked as he walked closer to her.

“No it’s not,” she told him as she sunk down on to the bed. “I don’t want you to go,” she mumbled, her eyes focusing on his feet.

“You know I have to,” he said softly, his anger melting away almost instantly at her confession as he reached for her hand. “You can always come with me.”

“Nick,” she sighed.

“I know, I know you don’t want to give up work. But there’s always the phone and I’ll be home for our anniversary and then I’ll be home again for three weeks in September and then by the time I’m home for good she’ll be almost cooked,” he smiled placing his hand on her stomach.

“What if she’s early?”

“We’ll just have to hope that she takes after me and not you in timing. But if she does decide she wants to meet us early then the minute you feel anything, you call me and I’ll be on the first flight. I don’t care if I’m half way the through the opening song, I’ll leave and I’ll be there.”

“Did you manage to get me an appointment for tomorrow?” Adie asked.

“Yeah it’s at three.”

“I want you to come with me,” she told him as she leant into his shoulder.

“You do?” he asked a little taken a back by her admission.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I don’t want there to be anything between us by the time she comes.