- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:

 

Adie has a realisation as Nick questions the longevity of their relationship

Adie looked at the clock, ten fifteen am, her shift had only started two hours previously and it was already turning into a shitty day. Topkay had been readmitted overnight with increased work of breathing which had led to such severe respiratory distress that he had required intubation and ventilation. At first Adie had been certain that he had re-coarcted, that his aorta had narrowed again but the echo had showed that it was not the case, it had revealed something far more sinister. It looked as though the four pulmonary veins that drained oxygenated blood from the lungs back to the heart were not working correctly, this had therefore caused fluid to accumulate in his lungs which was the reasoning for his respiratory distress. He had been rushed to surgery to see what the exact cause of the problem was and whether or not it was simple enough to be fixed.

“Stop staring at the door,” Lou commented when she realised Adie was waiting for any news on Topkay.

“I can’t help it, I’m worried,” She sighed.

“He’s gotten under your skin hasn’t he?” Lou asked knowingly.

Adie nodded, “Why do you think that is? Why do some patients and their families effect us more then others?”

Lou shrugged as she changed a diaper on her patient, “I guess we form bonds with some people, we see stuff we like about them, we feel sorry for them.”

“His Mom’s amazing, six kids in seven years, I don’t think I could do it, I have enough trouble taking care of myself,” Adie laughed.

“It’s culture out here though isn’t it? Large families are the norm here. Can you throw away that spiro, it expired yesterday,” Lou asked.

“Sure,” Adie said as she picked up the bottle, frowning when she read the date, “It says the twenty sixth on it.”

“Yeah and today is the twenty seventh,” Lou told her.

“No it’s not,” Adie corrected.

“Uh yeah it is,” she said a small burst of laughter escaping her lips when she misread Adie’s frown. “It’s okay Aid we all have senior moments sometimes but if you keep frowning like that you are going to look like a senior with all the wrinkles.”

“You’re positive it’s the twenty seventh?” She asked.

“Yeah, you can check my diary if you want. Are you okay?” Lou asked noticing how serious Adie had quickly become.

“Uh…yeah I uh just forgot someone’s birthday. I’m going to be in the shit now,” she played off. She was just about to excuse herself when Sean calling her name from the entrance to the OR caught her attention and from the look on his face she could tell that the day was going to get a hell of a lot worse.

***

Nick looked down at the cell phone in his hands. He tried to calculate the time difference, early morning in L.A meant it would be around two o’clock in the morning tomorrow in Nepal. It would be to late to call Adie, she would probably be sleeping, but he couldn’t let the day go without sending her something to let her know he was still thinking of her, even though the day for her had passed. He quickly typed the message and hit the send button before he made himself get out of bed, there was no use wasting the day by just lying there, over analysing things.

Twenty minutes later he was in the gym taking all of his anger and frustration out on the punch bag. It had been three months since he had seen her last, and even though he had been busy with the tour, even though his days had been filled, his nights had been cold and lonely. He would find himself alone in his hotel room, or in the back room of the bus, sleep alluding him, his mind running a mile a minute of thoughts of her, thoughts of what he would have been doing if they hadn’t have lost Molly.

“My god Nick Carter out of bed before noon! Did I miss hell freezing over?” Kevin asked making Nick abruptly stop the pummelling he was giving the punch bag.

“Sup?” Nick nodded as he took a swig of his water.

“You look like hell Nick,” Kevin told him seriously, the smile quickly fading from his face.

“Thanks,” Nick scoffed as he restarted his relentless beating again. He could feel Kevin watching him, his eyes almost burning through Nick but it didn’t stop him, this was the only way that was working to get out all the frustration. He punched the bag a bit harder but when he lashed out again to hit it when it rebounded back all he swiped at was air. He focused his attention on Kevin he had grabbed for the bag, a pensive expression on his face, one that Nick had been very used to in the past. It meant he was either in big trouble, or that Kevin was about to impart some wisdom, and at that point the didn’t know what was worse.

“You had breakfast?” Kevin asked and Nick rolled his eyes, “I’ll take that as a no.”

“I’m not hungry,” Nick grumbled as he threw the gloves off.

“If you are going to carry on pushing yourself like you just were you need to eat. You’re not doing anymore working out until I see some food cross your lips,” Kevin told him sternly. Nick had tried to defend himself, when that didn’t work he made it clear to Kevin that he was a grown man who could make his own decisions and when that didn’t work, he angrily made his way to the showers.

Half an hour later they were sat in a secluded booth in Denny’s.

 “I’ll just have some toast and a coffee,” Nick told the waitress as he handed her back the menu.

“He’ll have the works and so will I,” Kevin told the waitress, before looking back to Nick with a forceful look and Nick sighed before changing his order.

Once the waitress left the conversation dried up quickly and Nick picked up the packet of sweet and low, doing what he always did when he felt uncomfortable, he fiddled with things.

“How many hours have you been working out a day?” Kevin asked but Nick just shrugged. “Two? Three?” He asked and Nick just shrugged again. “You’re looking good Nick but if you are going to be working out more then three hours a day you need to put the calories away to sustain that.”

Nick just chuckled sarcastically.

“What? What’s funny?” Kevin asked.

“Four years ago you were on my case about not exercising and now you're on my case about working out too much, I can’t win,” He sad seriously with a shake of his head, his attention still focused on the packet of sweet and low.

“I’m not saying that you need to stop exercising I’m saying that with how much your working out lately, not eating is dangerous,” Kevin reiterated.

“How do you know how much I’ve been working out? For all you know today could have been the only day I’ve worked out this week,” he tried to defend.

“Well from the way you worded what you just said I know your lying. I know why your doing it, I know your angry-”

Nick cut him off, “I’m not going because I’m angry, I’m going because it’s the only place where I can forget about everything for a while.”

Kevin raised an eyebrow to him, “Really? Seemed like you were pretty angry this morning or did the punch bag just look at you wrong?”

“I’m fine Kevin, I don’t need a babysitter, I don’t need an intervention, I just need…-” He hesitated.

“Need what?” Kevin asked but Nick remained quiet, “If you tell me I might be able to help.”

“Forget it,” he replied with a shake of his head, “Are you still coming tonight?”

“Yeah I’m still coming tonight but you’re not just going to get away with changing the subject that easily. I know you miss her-”

“At first I did, I let her sucker me in to believing that this was what she needed, that she would go away, deal with how she felt and she would come back and be who she was when I first met her. It’s all bullshit because she’s not doing any of that and I don’t know who I am more angry at, her for leaving or myself for letting her go,” He bit out, as he made eye contact with Kevin for the first time since they had sat down.

“Have you told her that?” Kevin asked.

“I’ve had a five minute conversation with her in three months Kev and I'm pretty sure they only reason she told me she loved me was because I said it first. So no, I haven’t told her.”

“I think you need to.”

“My Mom said the same thing,” Nick admitted not missing the shock in Kevin’s eyes.

“Your Mom?” He questioned. Nick nodded,

“Yeah, I went to see her before we started the tour again. With what’s happened…life’s too short Kev, I know what’s she’s done in the past hasn’t always been great but she’s my Mom and I don’t want anymore regrets, I don’t want to wake up one day and it be too late.”

“How is she?” Kevin asked, smiling a thanks to the waitress when she placed the coffee on the table.

“Good. Really good. Am I doing the right thing?” He asked Kevin.

“If it feels right to have her back in your life, then yeah I think you are,” Kevin answered misunderstanding the question.

“I didn’t mean about my Mom. Am I doing the right thing in waiting around for Adie to be ready?”

***

Adie sat and stared out at the vast blackness before her. She looked at her watch sighing when she realised it was four am. She had to be up for work in less then four hours but sleep just hadn’t seemed to come, not after everything that had happened that day.

“It’s not good is it?” She asked when she had made her way over to Sean.

“Three out of four of his pulmonary veins are stenosed, they’re not draining the blood back into his heart properly,” He told her sombrely.

“What about balloon dilatation?” She offered, knowing that he would have already thought of it.

He shook his head,“They’re too badly stenosed, it wouldn’t do anything, he’d need them dilated every two months, it wouldn’t be fair, it would just be putting off the inevitable. I’m going to bring him back out, I’ll go speak to his Mom and then I’ll come and extubate him.”

Once the breathing tube had been removed it had only taken an hour for Topkay to slip away peacefully in his Mother’s arms. Adie had been ready to console her, she had been ready to hold back her emotions so she could focus on Topkay’s grieving Mother but she found herself rather astonished to the woman’s reaction. Yes there had been tears, yes she hadn’t wanted to let go of the baby at first but after an hour she had managed to console herself and with a kiss to his forehead and a whispered prayer she handed the baby back to Adie. Once all the decisions were made about what was going to happen to his body and Adie had handed his Mother the death certificate she had spoken to her about her reaction.

“I’ve lost three children, one from Malaria, one was still born and one from a heart problem. I was very angry at God but after a while I began to understand his reasoning, they are all in a better place now, free from suffering. I just have to concentrate on the family I have left because they need me to be strong, I still have six other children to look after as well as my husband.”

Adie was broken from her thoughts when she heard the rusty hinge of the door open and then close. She turned her head to the side and smiled when she spotted Sean, taking the beer from his hand when he offered it to her.

“Thanks,” she smiled.

“Can’t sleep either huh?” He asked as he took a seat next to her.

“Not really. It just seems so unfair,” she sighed.

“That’s life though. As hard as it is to believe I think things happen for a reason. Maybe…I don’t know maybe seven children was just going to be too much for that family, maybe it’s better that he didn’t survive a life time of poverty as harsh as that sounds.”

“I know what you mean. It just doesn’t make it any easier,” Adie told him as she took a slug of her beer, eying Sean suspiciously when he his eyes bored into her, almost like he was studying her.

“What?” She asked self consciously.

“I really like you Adie, would you maybe want to go out to dinner with me sometime?” He asked.

She was completely floored, that hadn’t been what she had been expecting, and then it dawned on her. Maybe what Lou had said was true, maybe she had been sub consciously flirting with him, sending out signals, signals that had attracted his attention, attention that wasn’t wanted.

“I…I…” she stuttered, “I’m really flattered Sean but I’m kind of seeing someone,” she told him.

“Kind of?” He probed and she looked away, playing with the label on her bottle of beer.

“At least I hope I’m still seeing someone,” she said softly as she retrieved her phone from her pocket when she felt it vibrate. She quickly slid her fingers across the screen to unlock it and her eyes fell against the message.

Love ya sugar puff x

Four words, four simple words. Nothing said about Molly, nothing said about the day but she knew that was why he had text her, after all back in the States it would only be early morning on the twenty seventh. She placed the phone back in her pocket, and looked to Sean questioningly when he made his next comment.

“So it still works,” Sean said.

“Huh?”

“The phone,” he gestured making her realise what he meant. He had been the one who had manage to tweak her settings on the second day that she had been there, she could now send and receive text messages, and even make calls if she wanted. Not that she had, she had tired but she just didn’t know what words to put in a text message to anybody, let alone Nick. She didn’t know what words would be meaningful, what words would make him understand and yet he had managed to do it in four. She didn’t even realise she was crying until Sean handed her a tissue.

“Sorry,” she apologised.

“For what? It’s been a shitty day but there was nothing more you could have done, don’t beat yourself up over it.”

“It’s more then that, yesterday was a shitty day for more then one reason,” she admitted before she blew her nose.

“Want to talk about it?” She sighed shakily as she wiped the few remaining tears from her eyes. Did she want to talk about it? Not really but she found herself telling Sean anyway,

“My baby was due yesterday.”

He nodded his head slowly, “I’m sorry, miscarriages must be hard.”

She could have left it at that, could have let Sean believe what he wanted, that was why she was so shocked at herself when she blurted out, “I didn’t have a miscarriage, Molly was still born.”

“Adie I’m so sorry. Can I ask when?” She looked down to the beer in her lap, at the mess she had made of the label before she answered him.

“It’s fourteen weeks tomorrow,” she admitted.

"You’ve been here for twelve weeks,” he told her, the maths obviously working out in his head, “Adie what the hell are you doing here?”

She shrugged, as she wiped the tear from her face, “I don’t know Sean, I really don’t know. I think I’ve made a big mistake.”

***

Nick sat outside on the deck at Alex and Rachel’s L.A home. He spun the small box of cigarettes around on the table before he picked one out, placed it to his lips and lit it with the lighter he had also stolen from the coffee table that was in the living room. The show had been great, and Kevin coming out at then end had been the highlight of the evening not only for the fans but for all of the guys as well. It felt like old times, and for the first time in weeks the smile on Nick’s face had been real, that was until the end of the show when he realised that he was going to be the only one without someone to congratulate him for a great tour. All he wanted was to walk off the stage to find her there, to see her smile, to feel her wrap her arms around him and tell him he had done a good job.

He hadn’t wanted to mingle with everyone else afterwards, he hadn’t wanted to accept the offer of the get together back at Alex and Rachel’s but he wasn’t stupid enough to decline. He knew he was being watched, he knew it would just give Kevin more ammo is he didn’t turn up and so reluctantly he had shown up but he had managed to segregate himself without anyone noticing and for that he was thankful.

He thought back to the first ten minutes of arriving, he thought back to how Howie had gathered everyone in the kitchen, he thought back to how his stomach had lurched when Howie had announced the news. He had been grateful when he was close to the door and due to all the excitement, all the hugs that the couple were getting he had managed to slop away unnoticed, the temptation of the cigarettes on the coffee table being too much.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy for his friend, because he was, he was just also filled to the brim with jealousy. All he wanted to know was why? Why had this happened to him? To her? To them? Hadn’t he already had to deal with enough crap and bad luck in his life? What was he being punished for? Why did everyone around him get to be happy? Why didn’t he deserve that happiness? He heard the patio doors slid open and knew that his hiding place had been busted, he quickly tried to conceal the cigarette in his hand, figuring it was only going to give Kevin more of an excuse to rag on his ass. That was why he was so surprised to hear Howie’s voice.

“Relax it’s not Kevin, I thought you quit,” he said as he sat down beside Nick.

“Yeah well,” he sighed as he took another drag, “Congratulations.”

“I’m sorry,” Howie apologised. Nick scrunched up his face at his friends choice of words the confusion evident in his voice when he asked,

“Why? Just because I lost…it doesn’t mean you have to be sorry about being happy.”

“I know that and that’s not what I’m sorry for. Rachel just figured out why you’ve been distant today. I’m sorry none of us took the time to realise Nick and I’m sorry for my impeccable crappy timing. If I had known there’s no way I would have said anything today.”

“It’s fine,” he shrugged.

“No it’s not. Do you want to talk?” Howie asked.

“Not really,” Nick said as he took another drag.

“Alex is going to pissed you stole his cigarettes,” Howie tried to joke but it just fell on deaf ears. “Have you spoken to Adie today?”

“I text her this morning, haven’t gotten anything back from her though. Maybe that’s my answer right there,” he said gruffly.

"What’s the question?”

“Whether or not we’re going to make it.”

Howie was just about to say something about Nick’s comment when the doors slid open again and Alex joined the pair, he looked from Nick, to the cigarettes and then back to Nick again.

“You’ve could have at least asked Prick,” he mumbled as he picked the packet up and lit one up for himself.

“You used to steal mine all the time,” Nick reminded.

“Yeah till you quit. Don’t fall back into the habit now man, do you really want Kevin ragging on your ass again?” He asked as he exhaled.

“He’ll only find something else to rag on anyways,” Nick whined, wincing when he heard the unmistakable deep voice behind him.

“I only rag because I care, now put the damn cigarette out,” Kevin told him as he walked into Nick’s view making Alex snigger, “You too Alex, put it out.”

“Dude this is my house and believe it or not I’m thirty two now, you can’t tell me what to do,” Alex retaliated, flipping him the finger playfully which made Nick laugh slightly.

“Yeah you can’t tell us what to do, you’re not our real Dad!” Nick giggled back to Kevin, who just shook his head at the pair of them. That was when Nick heard the door open yet again, “Jesus guys I came out here to be by myself for a while, I didn’t want you all following me,” he said jokingly.

“Alex? Nick?”

It was Rachel but her voice was shaky, tear filled and when Nick turned in his seat and saw the tears falling as she clutched the telephone he knew something bad had happened.

Chapter End Notes:
DUN DUN DUN! What's happened?!!!!!