As usual when they all attempted to check in together it was utter chaos. There were too many tickets, too many people and too many bags, it was like trying to work your way through an assault course all in view of the ever intruding paparazzi and he knew that by this evening there would be pictures of him picking his nose. But what could you do? If you had an itch that happened to be up there you had to scratch it.
“Nick you’re up,” Howie told him, waving him over to the check in desk. He went to push the trolley with his and Adie’s bags and cases on it but managed to take out Alex’s ankles on route making him yelp in pain.
“Jesus Nick watch what you’re doing,” he hissed whilst rubbing at his now skinned ankle.
“Sorry,” he apologised trying to not laugh when he saw that Rachel was. He made the rest of the few feet towards the desk uneventfully and smiled at the women behind the desk.
“Passport sir?” She asked and he went to grab it from his carry on bag realising that Adie had it when it wasn’t on top of the cases like he thought it would be. He looked around and spotted her in the middle of a hug with Brian who had just happened to arrive with Leighanne and Baylee.
“Babe?” he called getting her attention when she pulled back from Brian, “Passports, they’ll need you for check in too,” he said before he turned back to the women apologetically. “Sorry.”
“No problem sir,” she smiled before reeling off the security questions that he could answer without even thinking. Yes he had packed his bag himself, no there was no way anyone could have gotten hold of his bags since he had gotten here, no there was nothing in his carry on luggage that shouldn’t be and by the time these monotonous question shad been answered she was by his side, Baylee clutching her hand.
“Here you go uncle Nick,” he squeaked handing him the passports she had obviously given him.
“Thanks bud,” he said with a smile before handing them to the women he looked them over, glanced at Nick and Adie quickly before handing them back with the two boarding passes.
“Enjoy your flight.”
“Thanks,” Nick said quickly before moving out of the way so Leighanne and Brian could check in. He was just about to make some catty comment about how much make up these women seemed to have to wear to Adie but he noticed that she had semi stalked off to where he sister was sat, Baylee hot on her heels. He sighed heavily. She had been like it ever since he returned to Nashville a week a go, ever since the night that they had talked, since the night she had wanted to plan the rest of their lives.
“Hey it’s only a fourteen hour flight Nick no need to get that stressed about it,” Brian joked slapping his friend on the back and Nick semi smiled, if only that were the reason he was feeling the way he was.
***
“Can we talk?” She asked biting her lip a dead give away that this was going to be a serious discussion, something that was more then likely going to make him uncomfortable but what could he say? No? It wasn’t really an option.
“Sure,” he said trying to sound less uneasy then he actually was. He let her grab his hand and lead him back through the kitchen and into the living room where he took a seat, noticing immediately how she sat opposite him. It was a rare occurrence, only happening in situations such as these, or when she was pissed off at him, another indication that this conversation was going to be about something he probably would want to avoid. God he felt like a naughty school boy who had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been, and now he was facing his punishment.
She went to say something about three times but each time she stopped before she uttered a single word, almost she was guilty of something and he felt his heart plummet, had she been unfaithful? Was she just like all the rest who had stabbed him in the back?
“What is it Adie?” He asked sitting forward in his seat.
She looked at him, her chocolate eyes full of confusion before she uttered, “Where do you see us going?”
It wasn’t what he had been expecting and it made him feel even more confused at her behaviour.
“I..I’m not” he stuttered, “What do you mean?” he asked.
“It’s a simple question Nick,” she huffed shoving some unwanted hair behind her ear.
“Are you…are you breaking up with me? It’s because of the tour isn’t it? You can’t do the long distance-” he started panicked that it was what she was planning.
“No I’m not breaking up with you, I just want to know where you see us headed,” she said again.
“You mean marriage don’t you? I knew it, I knew it was bothering you ever since we’ve gotten back from Alex and Rachel’s wedding, you’ve been-”
“I’ve been what?” She asked indigently.
“Distant.”
“Distant? How the hell have I been distant? You’re the one who’s been in Florida for the past month and a half,” she said shrilly pointing accusingly at him.
“I’m not talking about that kind of distant,” he said watching as she stood up and began to pace, another sign that this was not going well. “You’ve not let me in, you’ve been so serious so just come out and say it, it’s about the marriage thing isn’t it?”
“Well maybe I’m giving you a taste of your own medicine, you’ve never opened up to me about things,” she almost hissed, something that he hadn’t been expecting. He hadn’t been expecting this, for her to be so angry and bitter and they still hadn’t gotten down to what this conversation was really about, well she hadn’t come out and said it but he knew. It was about planning their future, she always had to have a plan, had to have a goal in mind when he was more then happy to just plod along, to see where they ended up. He had always hated structure maybe it was the ADHD.
“I…you’re right I haven’t but its complicated,” he tried to explain, not wanting to get into this now, he still had a hard time opening up to people, trusting them with his emotions and although he loved her, he just wasn’t quite ready to tell her, not yet, something she was obviously pissed off about if her face was anything to go by.
“Yeah it’s been complicated for the past three years. I’m not asking for much Nick I just want to know what’s going through your head, where you see us going?” She asked looking back to him. Not asking for much? Hell it would be easier for her to ask for the world, at least he would be able to buy that for her, breaking down his brick wall was going to be difficult. There was no way she could just get a wrecking ball and plough straight through it, she had already tried that and failed no it was something that needed to be dismantled brick by brick. Exploring too much too quickly was just…it just caused him to much pain, too much upset but she didn’t seem to understand that.
“Why do you always have to have a plan for everything? Why can’t we just carry on with what we’re doing? If this is about the whole marriage thing I’ve been straight with you, it’s not like its come as some big shock,” he argued back.
“So what? This is going to be our life together? You’re happy with things the way they are? This is all I can expect?”
“So its not good enough for you? Is that what you are saying?” He said also standing now.
“Maybe,” she said throwing her arms up in exasperation.
“Fine is this isn’t good enough then tell me what you want,” he yelled startling the dog who whined and ran into the kitchen.
“I want to get married-” she started softly.
He sighed heavily before saying, “Adie-”
“Hear me out okay?” She asked and he stayed quiet letting her continue. “I know for some reason you can’t do that right now, maybe not ever and you have your reasons but there is other stuff that we can do Nick, things that were are kind of on a clock for,” she told him.
“Like what?” he asked.
“Kids.”
He felt like another bomb had been dropped on him, there was no way he was ready for that type of commitment either, not really. Yeah he loved kids, loved having Baylee around but it also felt good to hand them back at the end of the day. He could barely take care of himself so how the hell was he supposed to be responsible for another life that would depend on him for everything?
“This is because of Jay and Rach isn’t it?” he asked, knowing instantly it was the wrong thing to say when her facial features hardened, her eyes become darker and she shook her head at him.
“No. I’ve always wanted kids Nick and I’m not getting any younger,” she tried.
“Rach is thirty she got pregnant, hell both Leighanne and Kristin managed to get pregnant in their thirties,” he argued.
“Yeah and all of them were married in their twenties,” she countered raising an eyebrow to him.
“Why do you always have to compare us to everyone else?” he asked.
“You’re doing it!” she yelled outraged pointing an accusing finger to him.
“You know what? I get the feeling that you think you got the wrong guy, that maybe you would have been better suited with Alex,” he said childishly, he didn’t expect her to do what she did next and he couldn’t in all honesty say that it didn’t hurt.
“Maybe I did!” He hissed instantly averting her eyes from his hurt ones, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean that,” she said making her way towards him but he backed off.
“Lets say you did get pregnant, now really isn’t the best timing in the world, I’m just about to go on tour,” he told her trying to make her see but it backfired on him.
“Yeah until September, I doubt I would even get pregnant straight away anyway.”
“I’ve got my solo stuff coming out after that, probably another small tour,” he tried again.
“Alex is doing it,” she pointed out as she sat on the coffee table.
“Rachel is going to tour with him, we both know you wouldn’t do that, not with a newborn,” he countered, knowing he had her then. She wouldn’t do it, she was already trying to convince Rachel that it was a bad idea, that newborns needed stability, routine, things they quite clearly were not going to get when touring the world.
“So I’m supposed to put my life on hold for you? How is that fair?” She questioned.
“What did you expect I was going to say today? You knew that this year was going to be hectic did you just think I was going to say yeah lets have a baby now? Throw all that in the mix as well? You’ve got to be crazy to want that at the moment,” realising how it sounded all to late.
“So I’m crazy to want a future with you? That’s nice to know,” she sarcastically bit shaking her head in agitation at him. God this was not going well she was turning around everything he was saying, putting her own spin on things, making him sound like an utter dick. He was trying to be rationale, there was no way now was the right timing he was leaving for a ten month tour in a matter of days and then after that the others were already talking about heading back to the studio.
“Stop changing what I’m saying,” he warned.
“Well lets put a different spin on this. So what would of happened if I had come home today and told you I was pregnant?” She asked.
“Why are we doing this? You’re not pregnant.”
“Just say I was, how would you feel?”
He was quiet for a few seconds, not really knowing what to say to that. He wouldn’t have a clue how he would have felt, not really and he told her that, “I don’t know.”
“It’s not difficult Nick, would you have been happy or not?”
His silence was enough answer for her.
She shook her head at him before saying, “I suppose now you’re going to tell me that along with not getting married you don’t want kids either.”
“It’s not that I don’t want them Adie just right now is not the best time, maybe in a few years-”
“Yeah I’m sure then you’ll be ready,” she added sarcastically before she stalked out of them room trying to hide her tears but he saw her slyly try to wipe them away as she left his sight. He sighed deeply before making himself follow her into the kitchen. He watched as she picked up her purse and found her keys, finding his voice when she started to head towards the front door.
“Where are you going?”
“Chelle’s and don’t even think about following me or calling me,” she told him as she left him behind in the kitchen, making him wince when she slammed the door.
He watched her from across the isle knowing how much damage that one fight had caused, it had been enough to drive her away for three days, and he had almost caved and called her but he stopped himself knowing that if he had gone against what she had asked she would have stayed away longer. As it had been he was unsure whether or not she was going to accompany him to Japan but she had turned up two days ago, things were by no means fixed though.
They hadn’t even had the amazing make up sex that usually occurred after fights, he had tried but each time he had been pushed away with another excuse of needing to pack or being too tired and last night he hadn’t even tried, climbing into bed beside her already asleep body. The flight from Nashville to LAX hadn’t been fun, spent mostly in silence, the few words spoken about the plan when they reached their next destination. As soon as they had met up with the others she had eagerly gone to speak to Rachel and Leigh, leaving him with Alex and Howie and the bags to check in. He had been hoping that on this flight maybe they would get the chance to talk, to make up and land in Tokyo semi happy but Baylee had thwarted his plan.
“Can I sit next to Adie?” he asked looking from her to his parents, making Nick inwardly sigh.
“You’ll have to ask her kiddo,” Brian told him as they all made their way towards the departure lounge.
“Of course you can sweetie,” she had told him with the first genuine smile he had seen all week.
So now he was sat next to Jen, bored and they were only three hours into this mind numbing and also butt numbing long flight, thoughts of the previous week plaguing his mind.
“Whatever you did just apologise,” Jen told him without looking up from her laptop.
“Why is it me that did something?” he asked indignantly. “She’s no angel you know.”
“Look I need you on top form and when you are quite clearly stuck in your head I know it’s not going to happen, just make sure it’s sorted by first night okay?”
“Whatever Jen, who died and made you queen on the world?” He asked starting to get pissed off at her as he threw the headphones over his ears and became engrossed in the film that was playing.
***
The turbulence had started at seven hours into the flight, the few jolts every now and then making Baylee let out a few gasp of surprise. He had been quickly placated though and had carried on colouring which suited her as it gave her more chance to broad about their argument.
It had ended with her walking away before she said or did something she knew she would regret, god the words had even been on the tip of her tongue and she kept repeating them in her head.
Did she really think a break from each other would be good? She wasn’t sure and that was why she left, spent three days at Chelle’s bitching about him, asking whether she was wrong to feel how she did, her best friend trying to assure her that no it wasn’t wrong but she also needed to look at Nick’s point of view. She had tried to understand but it just always seemed that everything had to be done to his time scale, to meet his needs, well what about hers?
She had been so angry at first that she thought about not going to Tokyo with him, but after a few days of cooling off she had returned home knowing that she needed to be there for him when this tour kicked off, she could stew some more when they were half a world apart, hell maybe that would be the break that they needed, maybe then he would realise what he wanted. She just hoped that his wants would eventually mirror hers, I mean who couldn’t want one of these? She thought to herself as she looked down at Baylee.
She knew he had been pissed off when he asked to sit next to her, even saw the attempt at hiding the eye roll but she didn’t want to sit next to him for fourteen hours and pretend that everything was ok when it clearly wasn’t, she didn’t want people seeing how distant they were from each other, didn’t want to have to explain it again. Rachel had already realised as soon as they had made it to LAX asked her what was going on. She had played it down, said they had a stupid argument the night before and just hadn’t had a chance to make up yet, she couldn’t deal with trying to explain it all to her, she probably wouldn’t understand anyway, because she had it all.
She was suddenly snapped from her thoughts when the plane jarred suddenly making Baylee start to cry. She tried to soothe him but as the turbulence increased he just got worse and she knew that all he would want would be his Dad and just as she was about to call for him he appeared smiling. She quickly stood from her chair and moved so he could slide in and take care of his scared son, leaving her to find a spare seat. She spotted one quickly next to Howie and was just about to make her way there when she heard his chant.
“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” he whispered to himself. His eyes were clamped shut, his hands gripping on to the arm rests so hard that his knuckles were completely white and no matter how mad she still was with him she knew she couldn’t leave him like that. She reached up and carefully undid the overhead compartment to retrieve her bag so she could pull the tablets out of the front pocket.
She slipped into the seat beside his just as the seatbelt sign pinged on but he hadn’t noticed her presence and just fumbled with his belt, quickly clasping it in place with his eyes remaining closed. She bit back a chuckle as she snacked her fingers through his giving his hand a slight squeeze. He opened his eyes at the contact, looking at her sheepishly.
“Take two of these,” she said handing him the strip of tablets.
“Is it rat poison?” He sarcastically asked as he tried to take them from her but she pulled the strip away at his sarcastic comment raising an eyebrow to him.
“You know I can put these back in my bag and let you suffer,” she told him before lowering the pack to his reach again.
“Sorry,” he apologised as he took the tablets and shoved two in his mouth before downing them with his bottle of water, his eyes closing again as he waited for the diazepam to work it’s amazing calming magic. It only took a few minutes before his nervousness seemed to ease and in reality it was more likely due to the turbulence decreasing then the medication working but his grip on the arm rest and her hand began to loosen and after ten minutes his eyes opened.
“Better?” She asked as she lightly stroked her thumb over his knuckles.
“Much,” he told her with a smile. “Sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologise about a fear of flying.”
“I wasn’t saying sorry for that. Can we call a truce?” he asked.
“I just can’t forget about this Nick,” she told him through a sigh.
“I’m not asking you to. It’s just I have a lot going on right now and I just want to enjoy this next two weeks with you before you have to leave. I love you Adie I’m sorry if you don’t feel like I do-”
“I never said that,” she said quickly her tone becoming dangerously accusing and angry again making Rachel look to the pair of them, turning her head away when Nick threw her an apologetic smile.
“I never said you did but deep down that’s what its about if you are honest with yourself. I do love you and I just have a lot of issues when it comes to the stuff we were talking about. I know I don’t talk to you about it and I’m closed off and have no heart in my hollow tin chest,” he joked making her actually smile at him.
“You do have a heart Nick it just needs mending though doesn’t it?” She asked tracing her finger over his chest.
“Yeah,” he agreed.
“Might help to talk about it,” she prompted making him turn his head away from her and sigh. He was quiet for a few minutes, his breathing becoming so even that she was sure the diazepam had worked so well he had actually fallen asleep but when he squeezed her hand she knew he was just a bit drowsy.
“I promise I’ll work on it,” he told her.
Author's Chapter Notes:
The truth telling leads to arguing
Chapter End Notes:
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