“I’m going to kill K for assigning me on a case with Grasshopper-”
“Anger without merit is like a flower without trees.”
“UGH! What the fuck does that even mean?!” Emerald rolled her eyes, as Pearl tried her hardest not to laugh. She’d have to tell Nick about this when he returned. He’d get a kick out of the fact that a new mission had come up, and K’s idea had sent Emerald and Grasshopper to handle it. “Anyway, thanks.” Agent 005 disappeared from the screen.
Once she did, Pearl couldn’t stop laughing. No one ever understood a word 004 said. A mission with him would be a test of anyone’s patience. Now that there was no one in the field needing her at that moment, she went back to her latest project. Several items littered her work table. Among them were a set of fake nails, various chemicals Red had put together for her, and her toolkit. Before she could actually start working again, the main screen above her computer lit up once more.
A sign came into view, slowly rising up so that she could read it.
“Where in the world is Nicky Sandiego?” Nick’s voice sang, from behind a handmade sign saying the same thing. She started laughing again. The sign lowered, revealing Nick’s face, as Pearl heard someone else entering her lab. Still, her attention was kept on Nick in amusement. “Alright, we’re gonna play a little game. I want you – and I know this is crazy, but you don’t have to if you don’t wanna play… but it’d kinda fuuuun – but anyways, I want you to tell me, where you may think that I’m at right now. Hence…” He held up the sign once more. “Nicky Sandiego! And no cheating and looking up my trace, Pearly! What does this look like to you?” The camera panned to a hotel room window, looking out upon the city for a moment. Nick giggled, as his face came back into view of the screen, and began to sing. “So tell me… where in the world is Nicky Sandiego? Watch your back!” And the video ended.
“That boy is insane,” Pearl said to herself, still chuckling.
“But sooooo hot,” Lancy added, sighing. K stood next to him, shaking his head. “So where… in the world… is… Nicky Sandiego?”
K grinned, and Pearl raised a brow, as K did something she didn’t expect, something she’d never thought she’d see coming from him. In fact, it was more typical of Nick. K began to sing. “Ooh whop, do be do be, ooh whop…” And then, much to her shock, Lancy joined in. “Ooh whop, do be do be, ooh whop…” The two of them sang together, in perfect harmony, no less.
K’s hands snapped in time with the beat Lancy continued to carry alone, while K started singing a song she’d never once imagined him singing. Having a feeling this would be more than epic, Pearl turned the small camera on her desk towards the two men.
“Well, she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina.
She's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize.
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China.
Tell me, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?”
“Ooh whop, do be do be, ooh whop…” Lancy continued, beginning to shimmy to the beat. He had jazz hands going, as well, with spirit fingers to top it off.
“Steal their Seoul in South Korea, make Antarctica cry ‘Uncle!’
From the Red Sea to Greenland, they'll be singing the blues.
Well, they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle.
Tell me, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
“She goes from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,
Chicago to Czech and Slovakia and back!
“Well, she'll ransack Pakistan and run a scam in Scandinavia,
Then she'll stick 'em up down under and go pick-pocket Perth.
She put the ‘Miss’ in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima.
Tell me, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?”
K began dancing as well as he sang, completely oblivious to Pearl, who was staring in astonishment. He was doing what she would best be able to describe as a turtle dance. It was quite awkward, the way he wiggled from side to side along to the melody. His arms moved in synchronization to the beat that Lancy kept going. The two were completely into their little performance, a smile brightening the face of their normally far-too-serious leader.
K paused, belting powerfully, “Whoooooaaaa, tell me where in the world, tell me where can she be?”
Lancy leaned in, his voice blending evenly with Kevin’s. Pearl wondered if it was a requirement to have a singing talent, as well, before joining HimTak. If so, she was curious as to how she got in, since she had the vocal skills of a howling cat. It seemed like all of her fellow HimTak members had amazing vocal talent.
“Botswana to Thailand, Milan via Amsterdam
Mali, to Bali, Ohio, Oahu!”
The two beat-boxed together, breaking down the song a bit before jumping back in.
“Monday through Friday at Five!
Well, she glides around the globe, and she'll flim-flam every nation.
She's a double-dealing diva with a taste for thievery.
Her itinerary's loaded up with moving violations.
Tell me, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
“Whoooooooa, tell me… where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?” The two started clapping their hands to the beat, and Pearl, laughing almost hysterically, joined in. She couldn’t wait to show this to Nick. This would probably be some of the best blackmail they’d ever come upon.
“Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Watch your back!”
Pearl stared as K brushed himself off, once again professional as ever. Lancy winked at her before checking a text.
“Oooh, Di…” He wandered off, his fingers rapidly texting as he walked out of the lab.
Pearl regained her composure, raising a brow at her superior, as she went to her computer, stealthily shutting off the camera. She felt it was best K didn’t know she had actually recorded that escapade. K looked at her odd expression. “What?”
She shook her head. “Nothing, nothing…”
“I used to be Aladdin at Disney World, remember? I am capable of letting loose once in awhile.”
She snickered. “Right, boss.”
“What’s the status on Emerald and Grasshopper?”
“They’re moving in now.”
“Good. Now, the reason I came down here. There’s been word from Italy. I need you to hack into the mainframe of the Biblioteca Ambrosiana.”
“What was stolen?”
“Da Vinci’s Codex Atlanticus – twelve volumes of his writing and drawings. And as with the other thefts, there were virtually no witnesses, no prints. I need you see if you can’t pull anything up. The fact that this girl’s been like a ghost isn’t something I’m fond of.” He headed out of the lab as her fingers few across the keyboard, entering in what she needed to rapidly.
“Oh, and Pearl?”
She glanced up. “Yes?”
“If you send that video to Carter, I’m going to have to kill you.” With that, he left her lab.
Pearl shook her head as she began her work. “How does he always know?”
± ± ±
The sky was blue over the wide, open ocean, with just a thin layer of cirrus clouds up high in the atmosphere. A cool breeze whipped over the waves, forming whitecaps on the surface. It was the perfect day to go out sailing, free as a bird.
But inside the vessel that was crossing the sea from Africa, it was a different story. The air was stuffy and stale, almost suffocating. The only light came from the tiny, round portholes that passed as windows. Bodies were packed together in tight rows, sweat glistening on their dark skin. Even without the chains that bound them to their seats, there was little room to move. His legs were cramping up; he had never felt so claustrophobic. All around him, he could hear the sounds of discomfort – sniffles, coughs, moans. Someone was crying. Someone else was throwing up. He tried to hold his breath so that he wouldn’t smell the stench of vomit mixed with the odor of perspiration coming off the overheated bodies behind and in front of him.
“Damn,” muttered Jay, accidentally elbowing Opal as he bumped the armrest they shared. “I hate flying coach.”
“Me too,” said Leo, from Opal’s other side. Lucky motherfucker had gotten the window seat. “But it was all we could get on such short notice. The flight was almost completely booked.”
“No shit,” said Jay, looking around. He was no longer enjoying himself on this little world tour. They had just spent three days in Juffure, a small town in the tiny, Western African country of The Gambia, tracing the roots of the Dancing Men clue they’d found in Paris. As it turned out, the clue, poorly translated into the Mandinka language, was the opening text of the novel Roots, by Alex Haley. “Early in the spring of 1750, in the village of Juffure, four days upriver from the coast of The Gambia, West Africa, a man-child was born to Omoro and Binta Kinte…”
That was all they’d had to go on, but they’d had no choice but to go, once they’d realized the next clue had to be somewhere in Juffure. The vagueness of the clue – even in a small village, there were lots of places the next clue could be hidden – coupled with the fact that not even Opal, nor Leo, could speak the native African language, had made Jay worry it would take them forever to find it. He had pictured them searching primitive huts with thatched roofs and dirt floors, trying to interpret the clicky-tongued gibberish of people in loincloths who spoke like Starvin’ Marvin.
What they found instead, when they arrived in Juffure, was a tourist trap. Apparently, Americans, inspired by Roots, came there regularly to take the “Roots Heritage Tour” led by an African man who spoke amazingly good English, then visit the nearby Museum of Slavery. The tour guide had led them straight to the clue.
Deciphering it had taken longer, but as always, Opal had come through. The decoded clue had been in Spanish, a huge relief after the obscure language of the previous one, and once translated, it was revealed to be an excerpt from Love in the Time of Cholera, a novel by a Columbian author, Gabriel Garcia Marquez. That had led them out of Africa and on the way to their next destination, the city of Cartagena, Columbia.
And what would they find there? Another clue? The missing books? Or their crook, herself? Jay wondered where it was all leading. There seemed to be no pattern anymore; there had been no thefts in Paris or in Juffure, and no clues left in Munich or Milan, where the other group was currently investigating. It seemed they were following two different trails, one of clues, the other of crimes. Was the purpose of the clues to lead them to the loot, or to distract them from the crimes? Jay was beginning to think it was the latter, that they were foolish for following this latest clue back to the Western Hemisphere, while all of the recent robberies had taken place in Europe. But he’d been overruled by Opal, who was desperate for answers, and Leo, who seemed to be enjoying their little treasure hunt. “It’s so Da Vinci Code!” he’d said enthusiastically, when they’d left Paris. Jay was starting to feel more like Dorothy Gale than Robert Langdon, stuck following the yellow brick road when all he wanted was to go home.
The way Opal suddenly sighed beside him made him think she was starting to feel the same way. “You okay?” he asked, turning to face her.
“I’m fine… just thinking about Brian.” Her unnaturally blue eyes were sad and beautiful. “I hate not being able to call him. We’re used to being apart, but I’ve never gone this long without talking to him. After he almost died in Toronto, I transferred back to the DC headquarters just so we could be together. And now we’re separated again. I know he’s got to be worried about me, just like I am about him. I just hope he doesn’t do anything stupid…”
“The Rok?” Jay offered her a reassuring smile. “I’m sure he won’t do anything too dumb. He seems pretty level-headed. He’s related to K, remember? Same genes. And K is anal and slow, not impulsive and stupid.”
Opal managed to smile back. “Thanks, Jay. I hope you’re right.”
“I’m always right, babe. And don’t you let K or Carter tell you any different.”
Leo snorted. “If Carter tells you any different, then you know Jay’s telling the truth.”
Opal laughed. “What is it with you and Nick, anyway?” she asked. “I don’t see why you two don’t get along; you’re so similar…”
“That’s exactly why they don’t get along,” put in Jay, before Leo could respond. “Haven’t you heard the phrase ‘opposites attract’? Well, the opposite is true, too. 00Carter just likes to think of himself as a ladies man and doesn’t want Vitruvian here mackin’ on his Carter girls and salting his game.”
“Carter girls!” spat Leo, rolling his eyes. “Half the girls at HimTak can’t stand Carter.”
“Not half,” Jay corrected. “Only Emerald. Which is fine with me. Emerald’s my girl.”
“I won’t steal your girl. But I think our little Diamond’s ready to be a Vitruvian vixen instead. And Pearl… she seems like she’d go for more of a ‘Renaissance man,’ if you know what I mean…” He waggled his eyebrows, a smirk tugging at his lips.
“Pearl?” Jay laughed. “Don’t think so, buddy.”
“Why not?” Leo looked offended.
“I’ve never seen Pearl go for anyone.”
“Why, is she a lesbian?”
“I don’t think so…” Jay considered this; what if she was? That would be pretty hot… “She’s usually just shut up in her lab, too involved with whatever project she’s working on to get involved with a guy. She’s basically a geek.”
“A hot geek,” Leo added quickly.
“Yeah…” Jay grinned. “Definitely a hot geek. I guess that’s why Carter likes her.”
“Carter likes her, too?”
“Well, sure. Carter likes all the ladies, but especially the ones he can’t have. And Pearl’s made it clear she’s ‘just friends’ with him. She won’t give it up.”
Leo continued to smirk. “I bet she’ll give it up to me.”
Opal rolled her eyes. “Ugh, you guys…”
They were still arguing about whether Pearl would go for Nick or Leo when they landed in Cartagena. “I just don’t really think she digs blonde guys,” said Jay, turning his cell phone back on. “Sorry, dude. She’s probably secretly got the hots for K or something. Or Emerald…” He kept imagining that lesbian fantasy, and it got hotter and steamier every time…
But no sooner had he put his phone back in his pocket than it suddenly rang, interrupting the conversation, as well as his vision of Pearl in her lab coat and nothing else, Emerald sprawled out before her on her work table, wearing only Diamond’s sexy new gun shoes… “I’ve gotta put you on standby,” purred Pearl, slinking closer to Emerald, “so I can tinker with your mainframe.” She reached out to cup one of Emerald’s breasts, then trailed her hand lower, lower, down across Emerald’s toned abs and below. “I need to enter my digits into your system…”
“You gonna get that?” Leo asked dryly. Startled, Jay flipped open the phone without even bothering to check who was calling.
“Hello?” he answered irritably.
“Yo, it’s 00Carter,” said Nick’s voice. “You guys landed yet?”
“We literally just did,” replied Jay, still annoyed about the timing of his call. “What’s up? Any luck in Italy?”
“A little bit. We missed her again, of course, but we got another picture of her off one of the security cameras. I just sent it to Pearl to clean up for us. Looks like a better angle than the crappy one we got in London.”
“That’s great, man,” said Jay, his mood improving. “Any other evidence? DNA, prints, anything?”
“Nothin’. The crime scene’s totally clean. I bet she’s been doing shit like this for years. She’s just upped her game enough to get us to take notice.”
“You’re probably right,” Jay agreed. Suddenly, his phone beeped in his ear. “Hey, hang on a sec, bro, I got another call.” He glanced down and saw K’s name flashing at him. What now? he wondered. They weren’t even off the plane yet! He switched over to K’s call and answered, “Jay.”
“003,” K said curtly, “You’ll be pleased to see, we’ve ID’d the thief! Check your screen, and you’ll see what I mean; you can thank the other team for placing her at the scene.”
Jay frowned. Was K really speaking in rhyme? “Hold on a sec; I’ll check,” he told him, as his phone beeped again. Shit, now he’s got me doing it, too! There was a picture text from Pearl, but before he opened it, he switched back to Nick’s call. “Dude, you were right; K’s acting really trippy with this mission, talking in rhyme.”
Nick snickered. “You’ve noticed, too? Diamond says it’s more alliteration, what he’s doing, but yeah…”
“Nah, man, this was definitely more rhyme. What’s he on?”
“I dunno, but Pearl said he was actin’ weird in her lab the other day, too. She wouldn’t say what he was doing, though, said she was sworn to secrecy.”
K and Pearl, doing something secretive in her lab? Jay’s mind returned to his daydream, but this time, it was K stretched out on the work table… naked… Sick, dude! Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts! He pummeled the side of his head with his free hand, trying to make the image go away. “I bet he got laid,” was all he said to Nick.
“Laid? K?” Nick giggled. “By who?”
“I dunno. Pearl?”
“Pearl?! No way, dude. No way.”
“Just sayin’… maybe they’re having a secret affair.”
“Fuck no, Pearl’d never go for K, not even if she had the technology to remove the stick from his ass. I mean, would she??”
Jay laughed at the desperation in Nick’s voice. It would have been easy to keep razzing him about the possibility of Pearl hooking up with K, but then he remembered he had a text from Pearl, and that K was still waiting on the other line. “I dunno, dude. Hang on, I gotta check this text.”
“What on earth is going on?” asked Opal, as Jay lowered his phone again. “Why were you hitting yourself in the head?”
“Trust me,” said Jay, without looking up. “You don’t wanna know.” He pulled up the text from Pearl and waited for the image to load on the screen. It appeared, blurry and pixilated at first, but as the pixels loaded, it grew steadily clearer and clearer, revealing a still of a woman in a red trench coat and matching hat. The wide, floppy brim cast half her face in shadow, but he recognized the wavy, blonde hair flowing beneath it, and the oversized, red sunglasses peeking out from under it. “Holy shit!” he gasped loudly.
Heads turned, and he remembered he was still on a crowded plane. Luckily, as most of the other passengers were African or South American, their English probably wasn’t too great. “What??” Opal hissed again, but Jay ignored her and passed his phone across her to Leo.
“Dude, you have to see this! It’s a pic from the surveillance cameras at the library in Milan! Look familiar??”
Leo’s eyes widened. “Shit!” he echoed Jay. “The Louvre! That girl from Denmark! We talked to her!!”
Jay snickered. “You flirted with her!”
“That’s her?? She’s our crook?”
“Gee, let’s think – she’s dressed like Carmen Sandiego, wearing the same tacky shades we saw her in, and standing at the scene of the crime. I’d say so, Sherlock!”
“What?!” came a tinny voice from Jay’s phone. Jay quickly held it back up to his ear. “Did I just hear DoucheCrapio say you guys met this chick in Paris?!” Nick exploded.
Jay felt incredibly sheepish. “Uh… yeah… He talked to her a lot longer than I did, though.”
“Oh, thanks, way to throw me under the bus there, Jay,” he heard Leo grumble from his seat. All around them, people were starting to get up, retrieving their luggage from the overhead compartments. In the aisle seat, Jay stayed put, listening to Nick’s tirade.
“And he didn’t catch on to anything??” Nick asked incredulously. “I mean, how retarded do you have to be, to stand there with the crook right in front of you and not realize it?!”
“Well, to be fair, we hadn’t seen a good picture of her then…”
“Fuck that! She was right there! God, first I thought he was just sabotaging the mission so that he could catch her himself and get all the glory, but now I see he’s just a total idiot!”
“Chill out, Nick. You’re right, we could have caught her and we didn’t, but at least now we know what she looks like. We’ll get her,” Jay said confidently, tucking his elbow in as passengers filed past him to exit the plane. The worst thing a thief could do was show her face. K would see to it that that picture made it onto all the major news networks, worldwide. She wouldn’t get much further looking like that!
“Not with Leonardo Retardo around, we won’t!” Nick ranted.
Jay could tell he wasn’t going to let this blunder go anytime soon. “Alright, well, catch ya later, Carter. Good luck on your end,” he said, and disconnected the call with Nick. Switching back to K’s end, he said, “K, you’re not gonna believe this…”
± ± ±
