The friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away.  ~Barbara Kingsolver

13 

*sings* Peanut… peanut butter…and jellied fish!     

I woke up long before everyone else for some reason. My eyes were wide open by 6 in the morning. That like never happens, seriously. Even on days when we’re supposed to be up that early I practically have to be pulled out of bed kicking and screaming. Maybe it was because of the fresh air or the smell of pine? I have always loved that smell. Maybe I’ll make my own perfume one day, Ode de Pine because for some reason I find the smell of fresh pine sexy.

I have issues.

I probably should go back to sleep for at least a little while because today we are going to go on a hike. Not just any hike but a Kevin controlled one. That means a lot of walking up hill, gawking at trees and eating strange berries. If I’m lucky maybe I can rub some pine on me.

“Good morning!”

Ah well, so much for going back to sleep.

“Morning Kev.”

“You are up early.”

“Tell me about it.”

“I just did.” He walked over to our fire and started preparing some coffee. “You hungry?”

“A little.”

“I plan on making us some fish and jelly before we leave.”

“Did you just say fish and jelly?”

“Uh huh…hand me that stick would you please?” I gave him the stick while also giving him my best what the fuck are you talking about look. When he saw me glancing at him he laughed at me, “What? Tell me the boy who would eat a piece of dog crap on a dare, has never had fish and jelly.”

“I can’t say that I have. I can’t even believe that YOU have.”

“It’s a standard Richardson breakfast when camping.”

“Does your wife know of this disgusting habit of yours?”

“She condones it and also participates.”

“Right, I find that hard to believe!”

“Ask her for yourself.” He shook his head and moved to our cooler where he really did take out some fish. He was serious. We were going to partake in something mega disgusting.

“How do you think AJ will feel about this?”

“I don’t know and I don’t particularly care. I know Brian won’t mind. He has had it too.”

“You guys are weird.” I smiled in spite of myself, mainly because the look on AJ’s face when he saw a stinky fish covered with jelly would be priceless. “Well, I’m adventurous and up for the challenge. Bring on jellied fish!”

“Now, there’s my Nickolas talking! Maybe you should go wake up Brian and AJ.”

“I’m not up for that, besides I’m sure once they smell the enticing aroma of coffee and fish they’ll be out here in no time.”

He laughed once again. It was nice seeing Kevin so relaxed, happy and laid back. This is the guy I loved to be around and missed more than anything else sometimes. “Are you having a good time so far?”

I nodded at him, “What about you?”

“I am. I’m kind of sad it’s almost over. It’s been nice being out here with you.”

“It doesn’t have to be over you know, we can always make a shack out here and live among nature. Make our own tribe, shed the clothes, walk around naked and call ourselves Nimbuto and *click click click* Ahahaha.”

 “Yeah, or we could just try to do this more often?” He slightly leaned his head sideways and shrugged at me much the same way an old Jewish Grandmother might as she made a point that should have been obvious to everyone else.

“I like my plan better, but okay, maybe yours is more practical…so, can we discuss your odd, fish for breakfast issues again?” We were about to have a ‘moment’ and for some reason having a ‘moment’ this early in the morning made everything seem gayer, so I felt I needed to go back to the fish thing.

“Nope, not open for debate. Besides, you enjoyed the fish last time, didn’t you?”

“Well, yeah but…”

“So, most likely you’ll enjoy it again. Don’t be so quick to shoot down new things Nick. Haven’t I taught you anything?”

“You have taught me that you are one weird mofo!”

Kevin rolled his eyes at me as he placed a few fish into the frying pan. “How are you feeling by the way?” He asked taking a cup and pouring some coffee into it.

“Peachy, why are you asking?”

“You want some of this?” When I nodded he took the cup he originally poured for himself and handed it to me instead, “Because when I talked to Howie he mentioned you haven’t been feeling like yourself.”

“He did?”

“Yeah, said that you are always sleeping and tired.”

“Touring takes a lot out of a person Kevin.”

“So does nonstop partying.”

I shook my head at him. “I don’t do that anymore.”

I’m trying not to anyway. It’s been rough. I party pretty damn hard and to stop cold turkey isn’t easy, especially while we’re on tour. Howie always volunteers to come out with me. At first I thought it was because he was into the partying as much as I am, but now I realize it’s more to baby-sit me and make sure I don’t do anything too dumb.

“I hope not, because you are looking great. I’d hate for you to go back to your old ways.”

“My old ways are long behind me now, no need to worry.”

“That’s good, but still…if you are always as tired as Howie claims you are, maybe you should consider a physical exam.”

I can’t believe with all that’s going on in Howie’s life at the moment, he still felt it necessary to rat on me to Kevin! I know it’s out of concern, but really? I don’t complain that much do I? I mean I know I’m tired a lot more than I should be but I usually don’t bitch about it. That’s AJ’s job. That boy bitches about everything. Speaking of which, as I was just thinking his name, out popped his head from the tent. Cool…now I shall think about lots of hot chicks!

“What the fuck smells like chocolate ass out here?”

Ah, I guess that’s what coffee and fish smell like together, who knew?

“Good morning sunshine, want some coffee?” Kevin asked as he flipped the fish and smiled widely.

“Why are you both up so freaking early in the morning?”

“Is that a yes, I would love some coffee Kevin so thanks for asking?”

“Sure.”

Kevin leaned over me and handed AJ a fresh cup of coffee. “Why are you frying fish?” AJ asked in return.

“Because we need a good breakfast before our long hike today.”

“We are having fish for breakfast? Who the hell eats fish for breakfast?”

“AJ, this is an argument you are not going to win, trust me. We have been through this already. Wait until you hear what we’re having on top of it…go ahead and tell him Kevin!”

“I’ll let you do the honors. I have to go pee. Watch the fish and make sure it doesn’t burn.” He said to me. He was leaving me in charge. Did everyone catch that?

I looked over at AJ and he shrugged at me, taking out a cigarette and lighting up. He was trying to quit but nothing seemed to be working for him, poor guy. I had no trouble when it came to smoking, probably because I only did it casually and not out of necessity. Every habit AJ had was out of necessity though. I think that is the main difference between us. How he ended up in rehab and I didn’t. Not to say that his problems were much worse than mine because in all honestly at one point, I think I might have even been doing more shit than he was, but for some reason, at the end of the day, it’s always been easier for me to just drop it when I wanted to. I think sometimes he really resents me for that.

“Howie actually told Kevin that I’m tired all the time.” I felt the need to say. I had to complain to someone, right?

“Well, you are tired all the time.”

“Why tell Kevin?”

“Why not?”

“Don’t you think Howie has enough crap to worry about right now?”

“That tells you something then, doesn’t it?” He yawned and smashed his cigarette into a rock. “It’s too early to even friggin smoke.”

“What is that supposed to tell me?”

“That he’s worried about you maybe?”

“Why?”

“Because you are tired all the time…this isn’t rocket science Carter.”

“Are you worried?”

“Not particularly, but you really are tired all the time and are always sick… all the time.”

“It’s our schedule man!”

“Hey, don’t get all defensive with me, you asked me a question…I’m answering it.”

He was right. I was getting all bent out of shape. Truth is, I’m kind of worried about my own health. Not that I’d ever admit it to anyone within earshot but even though I am starting to eat better and take care of myself, I am also feeling like crap all the time.

“Sorry, maybe I will get checked out one of these days.”

“Better late than never because if anything happens to you, then who would be left to actually make me look good?”

“Shut the hell up Bone.”

“It’s Jizzle.”

“How are you feeling then…Jizzle?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I am up at fucking before God o’clock in the morning, how the hell do you think I’m feeling? And I have to fart like no one’s business.”

“If it’s no one business than why the hell are you telling me?”

He looked over at me and took another cigarette out of his pocket, “Because you asked.” He shook his head at me as if I was an idiot or something.

“Didn’t you just say it was too early to smoke? And aren’t you supposed to be quitting?” Now I just felt the need to be annoying.

“Carter, shut the hell up.” And mission accomplished!

“Are you ready for this hike?” I took a sip of my own coffee which had considerably cooled since it was handed to me. I guess that’s what I get for talking too much.

“I am hoping he’ll just let me stay here while you guys go.”

I laughed at that, “And you really think he’d let you do that?”

“Not that he has to let me do anything. He’s not the boss of me.” The way he said that you almost heard, ‘but I wish he was,’ after it. AJ missed Kevin that much. I mean I did too, we all kind of did, but poor AJ just can’t get over the fact that Kevin left us.

“The whole point of us coming out here was to do stuff together. Stop isolating yourself!”

He threw down his second barely touched cigarette and glared at me, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what I mean.” I answered sharply.

AJ has been drinking again for a while now. I still think Brian refuses to see it, but Howie and I know for a fact the guy is getting drunk more and more these days. At first it started with one or two drinks, now it’s become more than that.

“I can handle it Nick.”

“I hope so.”

Kevin started walking back towards us from peeing hill USA. “Drop it now though.” AJ warned and judging by the look on his face, he wasn’t joking. Part of my plan this trip was to let Kevin know about AJ. I wanted to the very first night but for some reason I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I know it would break Kevin’s heart if he found out, but maybe deep down inside, that jealousy would come back for me too. I’m such a horrible person sometimes. Besides, knowing Kevin, I bet he has his suspicions already, if not I’m sure Howie has mentioned it to him. I mean he told Kevin I was tired all the time.

Kevin plopped down beside me and looked at the fish. He seemed pleased that they weren’t destroyed. “Thanks.” He said to me as he grabbed plates, “Someone want to go wake up Brian?”

“I think it’s kind of funny that he’s the only one not awake.” I said with a smile on my face.

“It’s probably the only time the poor guy can sleep in. No Baylee jumping on his back and wanting him to play.” AJ coughed as he grabbed for the plate of fish Kevin was handing him and then promptly recoiled when the jar of strawberry jam was passed along. “What the fuck is this for?” He asked in his very AJ way.

“For fish slathering!” I answered as I used AJ’s shoulder to help me get up off the ground.

Kevin gave us both one of his old school looks. The kind we used to get when we were growing up and doing all kinds of dumb things. “Now I’ll go wake up Rok.” I said, winking at Kevin as he slathered jelly all over his fish to the disgusted sounds of AJ who had finally let go of that long awaited fart.