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Author's Chapter Notes:
AHH! this is my 3rd attempt to post this chapter! Just a reminder that we are now in first person. I hope you enjoy! And as always, thanks for reading!

If a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do.  Think up something appropriate and do it.  ~Edgar Watson Howe

 

 ~ 3 ~ 

 

That Special Bond    

I’ve always felt a special bond with Nick. Even at the very beginning of our career together. The very first time I met him and saw this tiny little kid, I knew either I’d end up killing him or loving him. Believe me many times the first feeling came into play much more than the second one.

 

He played a prank on me shortly after I signed my contract with Lou. He told me that after everyone became an official Backstreet Boy, that Lou would take them out to dinner and casually ask them to kiss him on the lips. If we didn’t say yes, it would kind of deter him from letting a member stay. Nick then went on to tell me about the other two guys that used to be Backstreet Boys and the only reason they were no longer Backstreet Boys was because they both refused to kiss Lou. Howie nodded the entire time which only made me believe what this child was telling me.

 

I went to Howie and asked him, “Did Lou actually make you kiss him?” Kind of horrified about the answer and that’s when he laughed. He couldn’t keep Nick’s secret any longer. He told me that Nick had been planning this whole kissing thing for weeks and that the look on my face was priceless.

 

I remember being more relived than anything else. I wasn’t even all that mad about it. The thought that I had just signed my life away to a pervert was much more disconcerting than a stupid prank played on me by a child.

 

Too bad as the first few years of our lives started to unfold as The Backstreet Boys, I started to see things in Lou that I did not like. In particular the way he’d look at Nick when he was sure no one was paying any attention. I pulled Howie aside once in the middle of a rehearsal and decided to bring up the kissing thing again.

 

“Remember that prank Nick played on me when I first joined?”

 

Howie, infamous for having a very crappy memory shook his head, “Which one?”

 

“The kissing Lou on the lips one.”

 

Howie nodded and laughed. “Oh yeah, he really was hoping you’d go in for a kiss.”

 

“Do you think that could be true?” I wasn’t in the mood to play games. This had been bothering me for weeks now and I needed someone else’s eyes to see what I was seeing.

 

He seemed a little surprised by my question. This was the point where we were all trying to size one another up. I found myself really connected to Howie, mainly because we were close in age. Most importantly, he enjoyed having what we liked to call ‘big boy’ fun. The others were too young to partake in this ‘big boy’ fun. But the two of us would enjoy going out on the town from time to time and hitting clubs. We never stayed out too late because the people at Trans-con watched us like hawks and only I was actually old enough to drink. We’d secretly high five each other after we managed to get into these clubs while Howie was under aged. We were such dorks back then.

 

During these outings with Howard, there were many times I wanted to bring my unease of our sixth Backstreet Boy up in casual conversation, but how does one do that exactly? Especially when you aren’t quite sure of the reaction you might get.

 

“He was only kidding Kev, it was a joke.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Why? Did he actually ask you for a kiss or something?” Howie seemed perplexed which made me think I was overreacting. I almost dropped it, but I’m glad I didn’t.

 

“The way he looks at him,” I said as I pointed at Nick, “it bothers me.”

 

When Howie didn’t say anything I continued, “Maybe I’m just over exaggerating but whenever Lou is around, have you ever noticed how he always goes over and hugs Nick? He always pulls him close and pats his back. I don’t know…I was just wondering if you noticed that as well.”

 

Howie wiped himself off with a towel as he thought about what I had just said. We were on our ten minute break and at any second, we were going to have to resume our dance moves. “I never thought about it, but yeah I know what you mean.”

 

“Does he do that with AJ and Brian as well?” I asked hoping against hope that my cousin wasn’t being molested by this creepy guy. 

 

“I haven’t noticed, but now I’ll keep my eye out. Maybe we shouldn’t let Nicky be alone with him, you know? Just in case.” Howie said glancing over at the young blond who stuck his tongue out when he saw us both staring at him.

 

“Take a picture, it lasts longer.” He said in that squeaky baby voice he used to have.

 

To this day, the one question Howie asked next occasionally haunted me from time to time. “Are you going to ask Nick?” He had said just as we were summoned to take our spots once again.

 

I shook my head, “It’s not my place.” I said naively, not realizing the people who were supposed to be taking care of him really were not. Back then, I foolishly thought his parents were just like mine. Caring and always there when needed.

 

By the time I realized how wrong I was, it was too late.

 

“I think the burgers are burning.” My thoughts came out of the past as the smell of burning meat hit my nostrils. Quickly I grabbed the spatula and flipped our burgers which had suddenly gone from red to black.

 

“You know, you could have flipped them if you knew they were burning.”

 

“No way man, I learned not to mess with the grill when you are cooking and besides, I kind of like my meat very dead.”

 

“You could have flipped mine at least.”

 

“Where were you anyway? You keep drifting in and out, I feel like I’m with me.”

 

Nick made me laugh as he so often does. “And how does that make you feel?” I asked him, hoping for an amusing answer.

 

“Confused.” He said, as he opened up a bag of chips and passed them my way.

 

“I was thinking about Lou.” I confessed as I placed a Salt and Vinegar chip into my mouth.

 

“Why?”

 

“I have no idea.”

 

“He’s gonna be in jail for a long ass time! He deserves it too, jerk!” He grumbled the words under his breath which is what Nick seemed to do whenever Lou was mentioned.

 

I remember just getting out of the shower when Kris called me over to the living room to see what was on the news one day shortly before Halloween. We already knew Lou was going to jail for a good long time due to his questionable finances. I admit when I heard about it, I had mixed emotions. Part of me owed this man everything for getting us to where we were. The other part of me though, hoped he would rot in hell for the things he did.

 

“They just mentioned Nick.”

 

“Oh great, what did he do now?” I started to rub my damp hair with my towel.

 

“Nothing, they mentioned his name in a story about Lou. It’s coming up after the break. I thought you’d want to hear whatever it is that’s going to be said.” I felt bad that my mind went automatically to Nick screwing up. He’s been a good boy for quite a while now.

 

“I wonder if they asked him to comment on the conviction or something.” I sat down next to my wife and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

 

The news report started off innocent enough, explaining the details of Lou’s arrest and all the bands he had helped while a ‘mogul’ but then it took an interesting turn. The lady doing the reporting spoke about a Vanity Fair article where some of the members of the bands he helped, started speaking out on how inappropriate Lou was with them. The biggest name mentioned was Nick. He didn’t speak to Vanity Fair personally but several witnesses admitted to seeing Lou act in improper ways which supposedly sent Jane Carter into a tizzy.

 

“Is that true?” My wife asked me with a horrified look on her face.

 

The saddest part of that question was that still after all this time, I wasn’t sure of the answer.

 

I looked over at Nick as he grabbed his burger and placed it in a bun, “Did he ever touch you?” I decided to just be blunt. Why not?

 

He stopped what he was doing as if he had just been hit in the face, “What?” He asked as if he hadn’t heard correctly or maybe he was hoping that upon him saying that, I would have second thoughts and change my mind to say never mind, which I almost did…almost.

 

“Did Lou ever touch you?”

 

“Did he ever touch you?” He asked me almost immediately.

 

“No.” I answered before taking a bite of my well done hamburger.

 

“Me either.”

 

“Really?”

 

“I didn’t say that to you.” He got defensive, which broke my heart a little bit. It told me he was lying, not that I was surprised because I was pretty certain it happened, but still, a part of me was hoping that it didn’t.

 

Howie and I watched carefully whenever Lou made his way over to Nick. He usually did it when he thought we were all distracted and his parents were out of the room. He’d slowly waddle over to our youngest member and place his arms around him.

 

No matter what we were doing, even if I was in the middle of a conversation, I would make my way over to them and interrupt. I’d call Nick over and say he needed to be a part of what we were doing. Most of the time Nick seemed relieved for the interruption, even displaying a sigh of relief as we walked away from Pearlman. I still never got up the nerve to ask him flat out if Lou had ever touched him inappropriately.

 

When I didn’t get a chance to watch Nick with Lou, Howie would be there. The two of us always making sure nothing happened to that kid on our watch. At first we made sure Lou didn’t single out any of the others but it seemed that his main attention was always on Nick.

 

One time, I overheard a conversation between Nick and his mother just as we were finishing up rehearsals for the day. They were arguing about something and me being as nosy as I was, made sure I got just close enough to hear what was being said.

 

Nick was crying because he didn’t want to go to Lou’s. Apparently he was invited over for dinner. Supposedly Lou had a little nephew just Nick’s age and he was desperate for the two to meet. Our manager was sure they would hit it off.

 

Jane couldn’t understand why on earth Nick would pass up a chance to get his foot even further inside the Pearlman Empire but I knew all too well. She was going to force him to go and that thought made me nauseous. “I’ll go with you Nick. I mean if it’s okay with your mom?” I glanced over at Jane, not even realizing that I had pushed into something that was none of my business.

 

Jane however quickly reminded me of that, “Excuse me…” She said with so much disgust in her voice I thought she was going to spit on me, “but this is a private conversation.”

 

“I’d love it if you came with me Kevin! Mom, can Kevin come too?” Nick ignored his mother and immediately smiled.

 

“I wasn’t even invited.” She said looking at her son but talking directly to me. This was the first time I knew that Mrs. Carter and I would not be friends.

 

“I’m sure he’ll make an exception for Kevin! This is awesome! Kevin we’ll have so much fun!” Nick had all but forgotten how upset he was before. He took my wanting to go to Lou’s with him as me becoming his new best friend. I of course was annoyed because that meant canceling plans I had made with a very impatient Kristin.

 

How strange it was that once Lou found out that I had invited myself over, suddenly his nephew got a stomach virus and ended up not coming. He bent down to Nick and said, “Maybe some other time kiddo.” And then gave me a smile.

 

Nick went from dreading going over to Lou’s to being downright disappointed when he cancelled. “Maybe we can still hang out.” He had said to me but I shrugged him off.

 

“I am going out with Kris.”

 

I’m sure that left him confused. One second I wanted nothing more than to hang out with my buddy, almost 10 years younger than me, and the next I was back to not wanting to be around him at all. I remember seeing his face as I turned around and waved goodbye to him. He was crushed.

 

Now glancing over at him, I decided I wouldn’t drop the issue. “Remember when Lou’s nephew was supposed to visit?”

 

He let out a frustrated sigh, “Why are we still talking about this?”

 

“Do you remember that?”

 

“I guess.”

 

“I invited myself along with you.”

 

“Yeah and then you ditched me.”

 

“I invited myself over there because I didn’t want you alone with Lou.”

 

When he looked over at me, I widened my eyes as a gesture of understanding. I just felt like it was important for him to know he could talk about it if he wanted to. That I wasn’t going to sit here in judgment of him. “Howie and I always tried to watch your back and make sure that bastard never got too close.”

 

“He still got close.”

 

“I know and I’m sorry.”

 

“Kevin, is this some kind of weird trip where you feel the need to apologize to me about all you’ve done wrong in the past?”

 

“No, I mean I just wanted to, you know…”

 

“Because, don’t get me wrong. I love all the apologies from you and I wish I had a way of getting them all on tape but we haven’t even been here one whole night yet.

 

I laughed, “I have been saying I’m sorry a lot haven’t I?”

 

“Uh, yeah? It’s making me uneasy, like you’re going to tell me you have nineteen minutes to live or something.”

 

“Nineteen minutes?”

 

“I picked a random number.”

 

“I see that.”

 

“You do have more than nineteen minutes to live, right?” He looked up at me with a very serious look on his face.

 

“I have about twenty.”

 

He let out a fake sigh of relief. “Thanks for looking out for me back then.” He said after a few minutes of trying to figure out in his head if he wanted to drop it or say what he was thinking. “You always looked out for me when I was a kid, you and Howie both. Hell, you still look out for me now.”

 

“That’s because I care.”

 

“Just for the record, he never did anything more than grope me.” He bit his bottom lip. I could tell this was something he didn’t want to talk about anymore. “He felt me up a couple of times but when I threatened to tell on him, he stopped.”

 

“Did you threaten to tell your parents?”

 

“No. I told him I’d tell you.” He smiled, “In some ways I think he was more afraid of what you would do than my parents.”

 

I handed him a beer, “I wish you had.”

 

“I do too.” He confessed as he took the beer and saluted me.