I pulled the covers tighter over my head and snuggled deeper into my pillow. What the hell was that annoying noise anyway?

"BRIIIIIIIINNNNNNGG"

I squinted my eyes shut and tried to ignore the sound. I'd had enough trouble falling asleep in the first place and I really didn't want some irritating racket pulling me further away from the marvelous dream I'd been having about being the last woman alive on a deserted island with Dane Cook.

"BRIIIIIIIINNNNNNGG"

Okay seriously... what the hell was that?

I removed the pillow that had been covering my head and glanced over at the clock... 3:00 am. What the frickin' frick?

I listened for a few seconds more. At last the noise seemed to have stopped. I laid my head back down on the pillow and pulled the sheets up closer, shutting my eyes and hoping beyond hope that I'd be able to return to my glorious dream.

"BRIIIIIIIINNNNNNGG"

There it was again.

This time I shot up out of bed. The phone!

I stumbled across the room, tripping over the cat who hissed and took a swipe at my leg with her front paw. I ignored her as I ran quickly into the hallway and down the stairs. Why the hell my phone was all the way downstairs I couldn't tell you, but that's exactly where it was at 3 freaking am on this particular morning. I quickly retrieved it off of the table by the front door and answered it without even checking the caller id... I mean, it was 3:00 in the morning afterall, no one calls you at 3:00 in the morning unless they're dead or dying... and if they aren't dead or dying... well let's just say I'd remedy that pretty damn quickly.

"Hello," I answered, out of breath from my quick jog down the flight of stairs.

"HEY HEY CUZ!"

Kevin Scott Richardson -- didn't sound like he was dying either.

"Kevin," I said in a rather harsh fashion after sitting in silence for a few moments, "Whatever you called me for... it better be life-altering!"

I heard mumbling and fumbling from the other end of the line, it sounded as if there was a major party going on. Not what I wanted to hear at 3 am when I should be snoring peacefully! I started making bets in my mind on just how many shots of Maker's Mark Kevin had downed to bring on this phone call.

"I can barely hear you Emily!" Kevin finally shouted above the crowd, "Hold on, your other cousin wants to say hello."

Oh dear lord. "Kevin no," I said hoping he could hear, "I don't want to talk to Brian I want to go back to..."

"EMILY?! Is that you!" Another voice shouting in my ear now. Brian this time.

I sighed, "Yeah it's me. And could you please stop shouting."

"Sorry babe! What are you up to?"

What are you up to? For real? More like why am I up? I held the phone back away from my ear for a second and shook my head.

"Well now Brian, I can tell you what I'm NOT up to. I'm not on a deserted island making sweet sweet love to Dane Cook!"

He laughed, "Uh... okay. What's that about?"

I ignored him.

"Where are you guys anyway?" I asked sinking onto the sofa in the living room and fighting to stay awake.

"Um... somewhere in LA."

I sighed again. That explained things.

"Brian," I said, trying my best not to sound completely and totally annoyed, "Hand the phone back to our Estill County cousin please, I have a bone to pick with him!"

Again he laughed -- my god! Who had the time or the energy to laugh at 3 am.

I heard more mumbling and fumbling on the other end, some laughing and what sounded like Nick in the background encouraging Howie to take another shot. Nice.

"Hey hey!" Kevin came back on the line using the same chipper tone and the same greeting he'd used only minutes before.

"Kevin... what's this about?" I could barely keep my eyes open now and I wanted so badly to crawl back into bed and get back to that dream.

"Don't you know what day it is???" He asked eagerly.

"Umm... Kevin," I responded, now pretty much half out of it, "I can barely keep track of the days anymore. I know it's Tuesday and that means that I have to be up for work in four -- no LESS than four hours now! So whatever you called me for, just spit it out already!"

Seriously. Now this shithead was laughing. What was with them anyway?

"It's your BIRTHDAY you numbnuts!" His voice finally came over the line, strong and LOUD, jarring me from my thoughts along with a chorus of "HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILY'S" in the background.

Numbnuts? Really now?

"Numbnuts Kevin?" I heard snickering in the background... I'd be damned if the boy hadn't placed me on speakerphone! "First of all, that would be a little difficult considering I don't HAVE nuts," more snickering, "and secondly, why in the hell would you call me at 3 am to wish me a Happy Birthday when a birthday has 24 hours in it... a good 14 of those hours when I'm NOT sleeping!!?"

The laughter grew to a roar and I rolled my eyes.

"Because!" He said sounding even more chipper than he had before, if that was possible, "exactly 25 years ago, on May 15th, at 3:01 am I remember sitting in the waiting room at Central Baptist Hospital when my uncle came out and told me I had my first ever baby girl cousin! And I remember how excited we all were and because I wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday right on your exact birthday! So..."

Another huge round of "Happy Birthday's" shouted in the background.

"Aww." I had to admit that was pretty sweet.

"Thank you Kev. And thank you Brian," I hollered out hoping Brian would hear me. He did obviously as he called back, "Love ya Em!"

"That was a super sweet gesture and all Kevin, but..." and I paused for a moment until he told me to go on... "If you ever call me at 3 am again and it's not an emergency... I will hunt you down and personally strangle your ass!"

More laughter. More eye rolling.

"Love you chick! Happy Birthday!" Kevin said one last time as he hung up the phone.

I headed back up the stairs and curled back into bed. When I closed my eyes Dane Cook was sitting there in the sand... waiting just for me.

Hell yeah! Happy Birthday to me!!