With one last glance back to the bed where he was splayed out, snoring lightly, I made myself quietly push open the door and walk out into the hallway, sighing in relief when I managed it without him waking up. Then again why was I so surprised? It was only eight am, we had been out partying till at least one and then with the uh…extra curricula activities that happened after there was no way he was going to wake up before ten.
I walked the few feet down the hall to my own room, not that it had gotten much use in the three days that I had been here, I don’t think the bed had actually been slept in, maybe that’s why it smelt so fresh when I walked in. I slumped down on the bed and closed my eyes, trying to block out the pounding that was situated in my temples, but the more I thought back to the night before the more the pain increased. My stomach growled but the thought of eating anything was enough to make me want to hurl and I knew that if I feel back to sleep it would be the kiss of death, I needed to get moving, we had a performance later anyway. So after a few failed attempts I managed to pull myself up off the comfy bed, and shuffle in the direction of the bathroom.
The warm water trailing down my back was soothing, enough to wake me up a bit more, but it did nothing to ease to confusion in my head, didn’t make the situation any easier to analyse. We had done this before, two years ago, same sort of circumstances went out, got drunk and ended up in bed together, only difference was I knew I wanted it back then. He hadn’t. To say I had been a bit crushed would have been an understatement, he had seriously hurt me, to the point where we didn’t really talk for a while but I got past it eventually.
Last night wasn’t like before, sure I had wanted it but the feelings I had for him previously weren’t as strong, I think it was more about getting laid then anything, I just needed a one night stand to make myself feel good again, to know that I was still attractive after what dick head had done to me.
I took a deep breath in before rinsing the shampoo out of my hair, it was still going to be awkward today, we even had four weeks of this promotional tour left, if we couldn’t get past this, if it made things difficult I had no clue how we were going to deal with it. Yeah there was the option of leaving but then he would be screwed without a bassist, and I would be left to go back to a mundane job while I waited for college to start up again in the fall. Maybe walking out had been the wrong thing to do, it gave the wrong impression, if I had stayed maybe we could have talked about it, now when we saw each other it was going to be difficult.
***
“So where did you get to last night?” Dan asked when I walked into the green room of Top of the Pops. I sat down across from him, opening my can of soda making sure to take a sip before I answered him so I had time to contemplate my answer.
“Went back to the hotel around one,” I answered honestly. What? I did leave around one, just not alone and I never made it make to my own room, it was a complete lie! He looked at me about to say something else but then Nick walked in, trailing Mary behind him, she was reeling off his schedule and as usual he wasn’t paying any attention. Once again he looked like he was nursing a sore head, the obligatory sunglasses were in position and you could guarantee that Ron had been beating down on his door for a good ten minutes to wake him up. I tried sinking into my seat, hoping that he wouldn’t see me quite so soon, that he would have more of an opportunity to wake up.
It didn’t work.
He looked at me questioningly as Mary continued to talk at him and then went to get a soda. I took that as my opportunity to vacate the area and took off in search of the ladies hoping to avoid him for a bit longer, we were going to be so busy today I hoped that we actually wouldn’t get the chance to sit and talk about it, after all if it was anything like last time he wouldn’t find that a problem, he hadn’t wanted a relationship then and I knew what with the tour approaching he probably wouldn’t now.
“Just walk right past me then!” I heard someone say and looked back to who I had past, smiling when I realised who it was.
“ROB!!!!” I called back to him as I backtracked and threw my arms around him.
“No it’s too late now, your hanging out with some American big wig, you’ve quite clearly gotten too big for your boots!” He joked squeezing back.
“Sorry I was stuck in my head,” I explained.
“No doubt in the middle of some amazing melody your concocting. How you been?” he asked.
“Good and your fine self?” I asked leaning against the wall of the narrow corridor.
“Not bad,” he told me and continued to tell me about the stuff he had been getting up to since I had last seen him. It still amazed me that here I was, talking to none other then Robbie Williams. Robbie Williams of none other then Take That, quite possibly one of the biggest boy bands in Europe, I had met him the year before last, came to visit Nick while he was recording in London, had of course been dragged along and who was in the next studio? Robbie! We had hit it off almost instantaneously, even had a slight writing session in the kitchen, the song he was promoting now, the result.
“It’s a cool song, thanks for letting me have it,” he said and I smiled back, sighing internally when I glanced over Robbie’s shoulder and saw Nick approaching. There was no escape now.
“No problem, it really suits your voice, just don’t expect it to top Angels, that is writing genius,” I replied looking back to him as he laughed.
“Yeah well all great things must come to an end I guess,” he shrugged.
“So the rumours are true?” I asked. He glanced back to me and screwed up his nose slightly.
“Connections not there anymore, good news for you though I’m going to need someone else to help me write hit songs,” he joked nudging me slightly
“Stop targeting my girl Williams, I saw her first,” Nick joked making Robbie turn round.
“Hey man, I haven’t seen you in forever, liking the new song,” Robbie replied, shaking Nick’s hand.
“Thanks, I love the new video, how long the make up take for that?”
“Ohh forever, well I better get going, Top of the Pops waits for no one. Good to see you guys,” he said before kissing me on the cheek.
“You too,” I replied. I watched as he walked away and then looked to Nick’s questioning eyes. So much for trying to avoid him. “I need to pee,” I said as I tried to walk in to ladies room but he put his arm up and blocked my path.
“That’s it? You have to pee? Aren’t we gona’ talk about last night?” He asked not moving his arm, frowning at me.
“What about last night? It happened, it’s over right? That’s what happened before, why should this be any different?” I asked finally meeting his gaze.
“If it’s so much like last time, why are you avoiding me?” He asked.
“I’m not,” I tried to suggest. Such a lie, such a lie.
“Don’t give me that shit, you weren’t there when I woke up, you got a separate ride from me, and you bolted out of the room as soon as I got here. What‘s going on Will?” he asked confused.
“Nick look this isn’t the time ok, it was just sex” I said trying to get out of the situation, he looked at me and sighed running his hand through his hair.
“Fine, ok maybe I read it wrong, you could have just said instead of avoiding me though tree,” he said and I could see the hurt in his eyes. This had to be some huge joke, first he wasn’t ready and now I’m not? Were we ever going to get it right or were we doomed to just be fuck buddies for life?
“Look you’re right we do need to talk about this but not here, after we perform lets go to dinner or something,” I said lightly.
“Okay, I need to go and get ready; Mary said something about an interview before the show.”
With that he took off in the opposite direction and left me standing on my own. I could feel the tears starting to collect in my eyes and pushed the door to the toilets open and walked inside.
Why? Why did I do that? Because I don’t want to get hurt again, it wouldn’t last and I’d of ended up hurt and lonely and we could never be friends again, that’s why. Yeah the sex was great but sex with others had been great, but there was a connection last night, I felt like he could see inside my soul it wasn’t just sex it was making love. He knew me and not just in the physical sense where he knew what to do to make me feel good it was more then that, there was something deeper, something I couldn’t explain. No Willow, no, it’s to complicated just explain that to him tonight and he’ll understand. Looking into the mirror I dried my eyes and fussed with my hair before heading into the stall.
***
“I’ll have the fish,” that little noise must have been me as he looked to me with a smile.
“I’ll have the sausage.”
“Any salt and vinegar on the chips?” the short round man, with the cockney accent asked from behind the counter.
“Yes and I’ll have a sprite as well please,” I asked.
With our order in hand we walked out of the fish and chip shop and over to a bench by the Thames, where we sat in silence for a few minutes. I could tell he was basking in his animosity, that he very rarely got to do things as simple as sitting on a bench watching a few boats sail down the river and eat a meal. He was enjoying it and I didn’t want to ruin that for him so I remained quiet, eating on the slightly over salted “chips” they were fries for crying out loud. I wanted to ask him why he thought they were called chips and what they actually called potato chips over here. I had a feeling it was crisps but I couldn’t quite remember. I was just about to voice this when he beat me to it.
“What was that noise you made in there when I ordered the fish,” Nick asked out of curiosity, looking to me.
“You’re eating a flounder, whose going to be Ariel’s side kick?” I joked and he laughed.
“Is that why you don’t eat fish? Because of the little mermaid?” He was in full hysterics now.
“Not the only reason,” I said as I threw a chip at him as he continued to laugh at me.
“You have to have fish and chips,” he said in a crappy fake English accent, “It’s the law when you come to England, the Queen will look you in the tower,” he giggled at his own joke.
“Ehh the views quite nice and I wouldn’t have to put up with your stinky ass,” I joked.
“Jeez I’m feeling the love today,” he said only half jokingly and I sighed. “Sorry I didn’t mean it like that,” he quickly said and then stuck a chip in his mouth.
“No I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left it like I did,” she said quietly and I let her continue. “Last night…I don’t want to use the whole excuse of I was so drunk…hell I would have dionked you if had have been sober,” she shrugged making me laugh at the word dionk. “I…it meant a lot Nick and I don’t want you to think that it was just meaningless sex, like a one night stand cause we cant call it that now anyway because it happened twice,” She waffled just like she always did when she was uncomfortable. “Anyways I need some time for me at the moment, I need to figure out what I want and I can’t do that if I jump right into another relationship.”
She was being completely honest which I admired, she was quiet for a moment contemplating what to say and just staring out watching the boats on the water. I knew she wasn’t quite finished and so I just kept quiet.
“After this promotional tour you’re going to be crazy busy with the tour and I should do something for me in that time,” she silenced me as I began to say something began to try and change her mind about coming on the full tour with me. “I know I said I would go on tour with you, but I don’t think that would be wise at the moment, I don’t know what I want and I don’t want to loose you as a friend. I need to go home and write some crazy sad love songs about heartbreak how the guy was shit and get it all out of my system,” She said looking over to me, here eyes were sad and I knew then that she really did have some things to work through.
I stuck the small wooden spork into a chip, wiped my greasy hand down my jeans before wrapping my arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to me.
“Okay sweetie, I totally respect that, and I’m here if you need to talk ok? I do have one question though?”
“Shoot,” she replied smiling up at me
“Did last night make you feel a bit better?”
She rolled her eyes, giggled and I even think I caught a hint of a blush, “Last night was amazing, and I felt good all three times, Stud,” she laughed.
Chapter End Notes:
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