“Every man needs a good woman behind them.”
“Or under them,” I whispered, obviously not quiet enough and Kevin nudged my elbow making it fall off the sound board and gave me a sly smile. Sighing I looked down towards the scrap piece of paper I had been writing on and began to mindlessly doodle around the words. I heard her stupid little laugh and looked over to them, jeez did they have to maul each other in public? Get a room for crying out loud.
I couldn’t believe how much he had changed since London, sure after that day we kind of lost contact for a while, him being busy with the tour, me mainly moping, writing a few crazy songs about heartbreak the most successful one being taken up by a new artist called JoJo. The song Leave (get out) had won her huge acclaim in numerous countries and for a girl of only thirteen she had a powerful set of lungs.
It had been two years since his solo album had been released and he had fallen on hard times, first the record didn’t do as well as he had planned or hoped, then there was the whole drama with his family, his folks divorcing and he didn’t even call me about it. I had to hear from Alex, a worried phone call about six months ago, asking whether or not I had heard from Nick. Apparently he had gone AWOL, hadn’t shown up for a recording session and no one could get hold of him. Turned out that his phone was on silent and he hadn’t heard it through all the noise Paris had been apparently making! That was when I found out all about the change in him, ever since he had met her.
Alex told me he was usually always late, unreliable, and scarily reminded him of himself when he had been in the drinking stage of the game. To hear those fears come out of his mouth was enough of an alert to me, I knew that in a subtle way Alex was asking me to call and check in on Nick. Well that had been a feat in itself and it had ended up taking me three days just to leave a message on his voicemail with him finally returning my call after a week. His excuse had been that he was so busy recording, something I knew was a total lie but I let it go, not wanting to cause a rift between us so soon. He updated me on everything that had been going on in his life, blew off the fact that his parents were getting divorced when I told him it was a big deal.
“Not like they’ve been in love these past few years,” he had told me, trying to sound like it hadn’t bothered him, but deep down I knew it had. It still did but he was trying to put on that bravado that nothing really bothered him. Then I got to hear all about the lovely Paris, that had been hard to take especially considering all the bad press I had read about her. He assured me she was nothing like how they portrayed her, that she was sweet, kind, caring, that we would get on like a house on fire. That was when he asked me to come to some writing sessions, to listen in on what they already had, maybe give a few creative ideas, that all the others were up for it as well.
So that’s were I was, sitting in the studio hoping to spend some quality time with one of my best friends on his birthday. Hadn’t really worked out how I wanted though, not since she gate crashed bringing a film crew with her, heightening my suspicions that she was only in this relationship for the press attention and I rolled my eyes at the pari when he leant in for another kiss, turning to Kevin laugh and looked over to him.
“Sweetie you go it bad,” he said rubbing my arm, to which I pouted. Kevin was the only one who I could never put up a false pretence to, he always knew how I was feeling, usually before I did, crazy hick. “You need to tell him,” he said more quietly, looking at me intently.
“Tell him what?“ I countered but I knew it was pointless.
“How you feel.”
What’s the point, he’s over there with Miss Hotel, nope I am doomed to a life of a singleton, the true life Bridget Jones,” I sighed.
“Oh man your so deafest, you have so much going for you girl and trust me he sees it,” Kev said looking toward the pair, “All that? Just a façade, he’s not happy with her, now with you…”
“He’s never been with me,” I replied sharply.
“Oh no? Not what I heard,” he raised his eyebrows at me with all knowing look that only he could hold and I had to avert my eyes.
“Once, and it was nothing,” I said looking back to him and he just lifted his huge caterpillar eyebrows even higher if that was possible, “Okay twice, but it was just sex, and I can’t believe he told you” I admitted.
“He’s my bro, he was confused so he came to me, stupid shit obviously didn’t listen to what I had to say though,” he said looking towards Nick, she was obviously leaving as he was once again all over her by the door.
“What did you tell him?” I asked curiosity getting the better of me.
“If he felt as strongly as he did then he needed to fight for you, advice I am going to repeat to you, and hopefully you will listen, I mean you are the more sensible one aren’t you?” he said his piercing green eyes looking into mine leaving me contemplating what he had just said.
***
I watched as she walked down the hallway along with the camera crew and then disappear through the door, thanking god that was over, I was going to get so much flack from the guys for that. I couldn’t believe she showed up with a camera crew, I knew it was my birthday but still that had been embarrassing. I didn’t want the world to see me when I was least expecting it, if she had shown up to surprise me by herself then that would have been different, hell even welcomed but I didn’t miss the looks the guys threw each other when the camera man followed her in. Hell Willow hadn’t even said two words to her the entire time and we had been getting on so well before, just like old times.
That got me thinking then. Maybe it was the publicity? Was that the only reason we were really together? Sighing I turned back into the room, A.J was studying sheet music, Brian and Howie were nowhere in sight and Kevin and Willow were in deep conversation, so I decided to make my way over to them, knowing that I would end up in an argument again with Jay like I had so many times recently. His excuse was that he was concerned, that he could see a lot of the traits he had suffered with the alcohol abuse starting to show in me. I told him he was crazy, what was a few drinks every now and then, he hadn’t bought it though and I wasn’t sure why I was surprised, every time we went out, which was a lot, the paparazzi where always hounding us.
“Miss psycho whore is just after him for the public....” she stopped dead in her tracks when she knew that I could hear what she was saying and her eyes growing as wide as saucers, a crimson blush flooding her cheeks before she looked away from me.
“No carry on, what was it you were saying?” I said trying to keep my cool, but it obviously wasn’t working and I could feel the anger rising, my nostrils flaring.
“It’s nothing,” she lied sinking into her chair as Kevin moved away trying to give us privacy.
“Didn’t sound like nothing, come on if you’ve got something to say, then say it, I wanna’ hear it,” I snarled and she looked scared but at this point I didn’t care.
“Okay, she’s no good for you; you really think that she loves you for who you are?” She asked standing up so she was in line with me and I just kept quiet waiting for her to continue. She always did this, would keep quiet about stuff for ages, let it all build but eventually she would blow up, speak her mind and then stalk off and I knew today was going to be no different. “If you were to go back to where you came from, she wouldn’t look twice at you Nick,” she hissed, her true feelings coming to light.
“I see what this is, you’re jealous,” I said placing my hands on my hips and something inside her snapped.
“Jealous? Fucking jealous of her? You are kidding right? I’m twice the woman she is, I actually work for a living, and not as a porn star,” she yelled making the others turn and look.
“You’re jealous that I’m happy and this is about you wanting what you can’t have. You had your chance Willow and you blew it. This ship had sailed, I’m happy now, I’m sorry you’re not but you had your chance, you can’t expect me to sit around and wait for you forever, that’s not how it works,” I yelled back.
“You know what? You’re an egotistical asshole Nick, just like the rest of them, fame has changed you, you’re not the guy I used to know,” she hissed jabbing her finger at me.
“Then fucking leave, go on there’s the door, if I’m such an asshole, go and don’t let the door hit you on ass on your way out,” I snarled, she glared at me for a moment, and then violently threw her bag over her shoulder and stormed towards the door.
“Fine, I’ll go, but don’t expect me to pick up the pieces of your broken heart when this goes to shit, I’m through Nick,” and with that she was going with A.J calling after her. I sank into the chair and rubbed my eyes, sighing. Way to go Nick, alientate someone else.
“Go on, say it,” I didn’t even have to move my hands to know that Kevin was sat beside me ready to offer up something, whether it was going to be advice or an insult I didn’t yet know.
“You’re an idiot.”
***
Who in the hell did he think he was? Little prick, I knew I was right about her and that she would eventually leave him just like all the rest. This always happened, he went for the pretty girls who didn’t have half a brain cell to rub together, they were there to feed his fuckin’ ego but when someone bigger came along they’d tag on to them. That’s where I always came in, to pick up the pieces of his broken heart, to tell him it wasn’t him it was them but maybe I was wrong, he did seem to seek these girls out all on his won. Well I wasn’t going to sit back and watch him ruin his life, he had shown me he could do that all on his own, he was grown up now, and I wasn’t his mother if he choose to continue down this path he was on his own.
“Willow, stop,” A.J said as he put his hand up against the door to my car, stopping me from opening it, sighing I turned to him. “Just chill out, take a few minutes and we can go back in and straighten this out.”
“No, I meant what I said, I’m through J.”
“No you aren’t, you guys have been friends too long, you’re just angry,” he said.
“That’s why I can’t do this anymore; I love him to much to keep seeing him get hurt, I can‘t be there to pick up the pieces time and time again I really don’t have the patience’s,” I whispered, not meeting his gaze.
“That’s why you need to tell him how you feel, make him understand, plus if you leave our album will suck and you will have nothing to do, all spring” he said and I avoided looking at him, trying to conceal the truth. “What? Why aren’t you looking at me?” He asked when he realised I was unsuccessfully trying to hide something.
It had been one of the hardest decisions, hell I had been offered the gig before Nick even called me back and asked me to go into the studio with them. Of course working with him and the guys would usually always take precedence over anything else, it meant spending time with my best friend, spending time with his “Family.” That was before I saw the drastic change in him and I still hadn’t said no to this other offer.
“I’ve been offered a gig for the spring, touring Europe, playing keyboard or guitar choice is mine,” I said bringing my head up slowly to look into his shocked brown eyes. I knew he hadn’t been expecting that at all.
“Take it your gona say yes.”
“I wasn’t going to, you know you guys always come first, but…but I just can’t be around him at the moment, it’s too difficult, and this is an amazing opportunity for me,” I said leaning against the hood of the car.
“Who’s it for?” he asked the curiosity getting the better of him.
“Robbie Williams, he sent me an email a month ago, deadline is tomorrow, I’m gona get a flight out tonight hopefully, so I can start rehearsals on Wednesday,” I rooted round in my bag till I found what I was looking for and handed him the pack of cigarettes with a lighter which he gladly accepted.
“You have to tell him,” he said after taking a long drag, and I sighed.
“I can’t go back in there J, you saw how it was, I just need to leave. He‘s a big boy, he‘ll get over it.”
He shook his head at me in disagreement before telling me, “I know you’re both pissed but you can’t leave things like this, at least say goodbye and tell him that you’re leaving.”
***
I heard the door creak as it opened and wasn’t surprised when I just saw A.J walk through it, she had always been stubborn and I knew that she wasn’t going to come back no matter what anyone said, hell she wouldn’t show for the rest of the week now. That was fine by me, Willow always needed time to cool off and figure out her next move, she wouldn’t be forced into anything especially admitting she was wrong, although in this case she was probably right.
I still couldn’t understand why I got so angry, what’s that saying? Truth hurts? I knew she was right, I knew it would all come tumbling down but right now I was enjoying being with somebody and was that so wrong? I didn’t need her coming in her pointing out all the flaws in my relationship, hell in my life. She wasn’t a perfect as she thought because if she was she wouldn’t constantly feel the need to go back to guys who cheated on her. Damn it why didn’t I think of that earlier, when I could have thrown it at her, hurt her how she’d hurt me? I shook my head at my own bitter twisted thoughts, how petty was that? To try and hurt one of your so called best friends. My life truly was screwed up.
I thought that on the black and blue tour it had bad, what with the whole Alex mess, my parents constantly feeling to put Me and Aaron in the middle of their fights, the late night partying. When the shit hit the fan and Alex went to rehab it hit home, I knew I was doing some messed up shit and that’s why I decided that I needed to change, that was where the solo stuff had come in. But that in itself caused major issues, Brian hadn’t been happy, hadn’t spoken to me until after it was released, even when I called to congratulate him on Baylee’s birth. I ended up hearing from Howie and when I called I got Leighanne making some excuse that he was busy changing the baby, that he would call me back, and he did, it just happened to be six months later.
That record was supposed to change me, make me into a better person, give me more credibility, something else to aim for in life, instead it tanked, big style and I was back to square one. God my personal life was talked about more then my professional, first with my parents divorcing, then when my Mom was arrested, I tried to stay away from it as much as possible but I still occasionally heard from Aaron, he would beg me to go down to Florida to visit but I always made the excuse that I was too busy, I was as shit as a brother as I was as a friend.
I felt something land in my lap and jar me from my thoughts. When I looked down to a folded piece of paper that A.J had thrown to me, opening it I realised it was her handwriting.
Nick,
I’m still pissed but A.J convinced me that I needed to tell you this. I’ve been offered a tour with Robbie for the spring and possibly the summer. I have thought long and hard about whether to take it but today told me all I needed to know. We’re different people than when we first met and I think we have come to a point where life has screwed us over and we need some time apart.
I’ll always be here for you, whenever you need to talk, but this is something I have to do, sorry I had to leave like this,
Tree
X
I scrunched the paper up in my hand and threw it towards the trashcan but missed. Sighing I went back to studying lyrics but saw A.J still standing, staring at me.
“What?” I asked glancing to him.
“You’re just going to let her leave? You’re more of a stubborn stupid bastard than I thought,” he said rolling his eyes and falling into the empty chair at the soundboard.
“You know what? Fuck you, fuck all of you for that matter,” I said my voice increasing, Brian tried to interrupt me but I held my had up to him. “No Brian I’m fucking sick of you guys all telling me how I need to live my life, I’m fucking twenty four in case you all forgot. She wants to leave then let her leave, you now what I’m gona’ leave,” I said and I walked toward the door of the studio.
***
“You might need these,” Brian said softly as he threw the keys at my feet, I realised I had left my car keys along with my wallet in the studio about five seconds after I had stormed out and I wasn’t about to go back, it kinda’ defeated the object really. “Mind if I sit?” he asked but I just shrugged my shoulders still not making eye contact and he lowered himself to sit beside me but he remained quiet.
“Sorry,” I said as I watched the traffic pass by on the road ahead of us.
“No you’re not, but we probably deserved it.”
“Do you ever feel like your being pulled in a hundred different directions?” I asked looking to him for the first time; he just turned his head and considered me for a few seconds but said nothing. “ It’s so hard to please everyone Bri, my whole family situation sucks, my love life sucks, I’m always fighting with you guys, I’m getting more advice than I can take and I’m still no closer to knowing what I want.”
“You mean who you want,” I just looked at him and he smiled, “You’ve just said you’re getting to much advice Nick so I don’t know what you want me to say, the only person who can make the decision about what they want is you,” he said making me even more frustrated.
“That’s the thing I don’t… I don’t know what I want, I don’t even know who I am. I used to be so sure of myself but lately I just feel as though I’m failing at everything, making so many wrong choices.”
“Then change them, don’t sit her and whine about things, fix them,” he offered.
“You know things are good with Paris but I know she’s not the one is it wrong to keep her around when I know that. I mean she’s funny, and caring and I love spending time with her but she’s not…she’s…” I hesitated almost giving too much away.
He looked at me with a small smirk on his face, trying to edge me to continue but when I didn’t he finished for me anyway, “She’s not Willow?”
“She doesn’t understand me like Willow,” I tried but I knew he hadn’t bought it even if he didn’t question me on it. “But with Willow, we’ve tried it and she’s too good of a friend or I should say was to good of a friend,” I said sounding more confused with each word that passed from my lips.
“Whoa hold up there you’ve the sex not the relationship side of things from what I remember, there’s a big difference Nick.”
“You know you’re really not helping,” I said becoming more agitated by his presence to which he just smiled.
“You said yourself your sick of the advice, you need to talk and I’m here to listen, but I will say this, you need to do what makes you happy, screw everyone else Nick. I think she has the right idea though, you guys need some time apart to figure out what you both want.”
I knew he was right in what he was saying, that we needed some time apart I was just pissed off that this was going to be the way I would be ending my twenty forth birthday, depressed, confused and with one friend less.
Chapter End Notes:
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