It had been six weeks since I had heard the allegations that evil bitch Barbie had made about my best friend. God best friend, could I even call him that now? What made someone your best friend? Was it how long you had known each other? How alike you were? The amount of time you spent together? Having the same interests? Being able to talk to each other? Because if it was the talking one, the actually being friends part, well we both sucked at that.

I had attempted calling him but every time I ended the call before he even picked up and he never once called me back because to Nick that would mean conceding, it would mean caving and caving meant losing. Nickolas Gene Carter was not and had never been a good loser. Usually it was me who did that, who apologised, don’t get me wrong he would apologise if he had been in the wrong too but always after I had done it first. I was just sick of that trait and yeah maybe he needed a friend right now, with all the shit that was being said about him but I was sick and tired of picking up the pieces. I had told him that too, just before I walked out of the studio, well actually more like stormed out of the studio so how would it look if I went back on that? I would look weak and he would continue to do it in the future, he would know I would always be there to tell him things were going to be okay when he screwed up.

I didn’t want to be that girl, I had never wanted to be that girl. He had made me into that person, always coming to me when things in his life turned crappy he turned up at my door for some sort of validation. It was getting boring now, I know, I know I’m supposed to be his best friend and that’s what best friends do right? They listen when things get rough, offer advice on how to make things better, reassure you that you are not a waste of space well yeah I had done that for him, just like he had for me. I was just sick of constantly repeating myself, of seeing him sabotage relationships of not taking the advice of others. I had enough problems in my life I didn’t need more.

I looked around the room and realised that it was totally empty, not a soul in sight it had obviously taken me a lot longer to set up my guitar with all these thoughts swirling around in my head so I took the opportunity to sit and strum a bit. It was timed like these were I always came up with some amazing rifts, some amazing lyrics and there had been a melody floating around in my head for weeks, all I needed were the lyrics. On the backstreet tour I would often find my way to the arena when no one was about, strum for a bit but I was usually interrupted by Kevin, or by Brian god that seemed like ages ago and that’s when I realised it had almost been four years since I had toured with them. I continued playing the melody but I knew I wasn’t going to find the lyrics today as the others would be arriving for sound check soon but I tried to utilise the time.

I heard someone clear their throat and opened my eyes to come face to face with Nick. The sight shocked me for two reasons, firstly I had no idea he was booked on the same show and had not been expecting it to be him at all and secondly because he looked so different. He had put on a bit of weight but that was not surprising it was well known that he was a big comfort eater when things got rough and what with everything between Paris and his Folks it wasn’t surprising. The thing that was the most shocking was his hair or lack there of. It was completely gone, nothing there at all, shaved completely off , it was strange to see him with a bald head, but it did suit him. Well sort of. We were silent for a while just sizing each other up, he was the first to speak.

“Sorry to interrupt, I just heard some music, wondered where it was coming from,” he said leaning against a set of speakers towards the side of the stage and putting his hands in his pockets.

“It’s okay, just got here a little early, how’ve you been?” I asked setting the guitar down into its stand beside me.

“You really need to ask? It’s been in the media enough,” he shrugged. He was still pissed at me, but then again I deserved it for leaving it how I did, this was the first time since we had argued that we had actually seen each other, and that had been three months ago. I stayed silent for a moment and he took the opportunity to apologise. “Sorry, it’s been a rough day, its all press can focus on right now, their not interested in the music just my private life,” he sighed.

“That’s ok, how’s the album coming?” I asked, man this was riveting conversation, avoid anything that may tell him how you really feel and I could tell he was doing the same.

“Yeah almost finished, just putting the finishing touches to some of the tracks over here, look I better go I got an interview and Kevin is already ridin my ass about punctuality today,” he said looking towards the exit.

“Okay, I’ll see you round,” I said as he began to walk towards the door. I sighed as I watched him walk through it and wondered when the next time would be that I would see him. Closing my eyes I let my fingers glide over the strings as I began to play a familiar melody.

“And when we meet which I’m sure we will

All that was there will be there still

I’ll let it pass and hold my tongue

And you will think that I’ve moved on,” I sang lightly, opening my eyes I looked to where Nick had been standing and moved off the stool towards the door but Robbie and the rest of the band walked through it and like it or not I was stuck in rehearsal.

White Flag - Dido