I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
For I’m in love and always will be.
Couldn’t have put it better myself, looking out of the window of the tour bus I gazed mindlessly at the fast passing English scenery. I had never really been a Dido fan but this song wasn’t like her others and for some reason it struck a chord with me.
“It’s a great song, I wish I could take credit for it, but that goes to Willow Abrams, she an amazing upcoming songwri…”
Willow wrote it? Now I know why it jumped out at me, and remembering some of the lyrics I wondered whether it had been written about us. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel something more than friendship for her, it had been there since the first day I met her. She had been so shy and timid and so damn difficult to make conversation with but that is what intrigued me about her. Her musical ability had been astounding for a person of fifteen and we bonded over that and my inability to play guitar, but she had soon changed that, staying up till all hours of the morning teaching me.
I missed that.
That raw connection that we had, whenever I was down she would always call, like she knew and it was the same for me.
“Listened to the lyrics little bro?” Kevin asked, throwing a magazine at me to get my attention, I just looked at him as he continued. “If that’s not an open invitation, I don’t know what is.”
I felt the bus stop and nearly had my leg trampled on by A.J as he ran towards the door chanting “fresh air, fresh air, fresh air.”
“It’s not that simple,” I said looking back towards Kevin and even in my head that sounded lame.
He just scoffed but Kristin cut him off before he could say anything else.
“You cannot say anything, Mr I love you that’s why I’m breaking things off,” he tried to retaliate but she covered his mouth and continued making me smile, “No, don’t wana hear it, go and get me something to read and a soda and make sure Alex smokes no more than two cigarettes.” Kevin just rolled his eyes and did as he was told which made me laugh.
“Now Mr Advice has left, what is going on in that head of yours blondie, you’re too quiet, your either confused about something or planning a prank, and since Brian is at the other end of the bus I’m going for the first one,” she said sitting beside me.
“Why does life have to be so confusing?” I asked.
“Because life would be no fun if it wasn’t, if you love her tell her,” Kristin had a way with hitting things on the head and I must have looked at her funny. “Carter, suck it up, don’t pretend to me that you don’t love her, stop being a pussy and just admit it you love her,” she said matter of faculty.
“Okay.”
“Phw, you think okay is gona fly with me? Say it,” I kept quiet and she nudged me, “Say it or I’m gonna post on live daily that you secretly listen to Nsync records in your spare time,” she joked.
“I do have strong feelings for her, I’m not convinced that it is love yet, I can’t say I have ever really been in love,” I admitted and she smiled lightly at me taking my hand.
“I suppose that’s a start, but answer this do you want to be with her?”
“Yes.”
“Then screw the whole pride thing, call her and apologise for being a jerk,” she said.
“I wasn’t the one that was a jerk, it was her that started that fight,” I pointed out.
“And if I remember correctly wasn’t what she said right? She was looking out for you Nick, she didn’t want to see you get hurt, call her,” She said turning to A.J who had called her name. “What?”
“I understand that you may be tired of Kevin on ragging on your ass, but do you have to send him to rag on mine?” He said to her.
“You said you were going to cut down, and so far you haven’t.”
“Jeez woman, let me have one vice, I can’t drink no more, you gotta have some pleasures in life,” He joked.
“Yeah well I’m looking out for your health,” she said.
“Then maybe you should lecture Nicky too,” he said as he smirked at me.
“Your smoking?” she shrieked, snapping her head in my direction.
“Bastard,” I yelled at A.J, making him cackle.
“Penny for ‘em?” I glanced over to Robbie who had sat opposite me on the tour bus; guess I wasn’t the only one with insomnia.
“Can’t let you waste your money on my boring thoughts,” I said quietly as others were sleeping.
“Haven’t you heard? I’m rich beyond my widest dreams, Got money to burn!” He joked making me laugh. “C’mon I’m a nosey bastard, tell me.”
“Could you get a session guitarist for Live 8?” I asked timidly.
“Aha, avoiding someone are we? I wondered how long it would take you to ask, answers no, need to do my sexy dancing with you girlie, it’s a big venue you may actually not even see him,” he said whilst shuffling cards in his hands.
“Trust me I’m not that lucky,” I sighed.
“I’m gona be honest with you here, this whole mood you’re in, is only good for the amazing songs about heartbreak you’re writing at the moment, but you need to bite the bullet, shit or bust girl, you either want to be with him or you don’t, and I think we all know that answer to that.”
“Life sucks,” I sighed.
“Men enjoy the sucking,” he chuckled, dealing the cards.
“Your sick,” I laughed, throwing my book down and picking up the cards to look at them, great crap hand.
“Ahh, I know, do you think we could get a session singer for me? There are rumours take that are reforming for this,” he joked and I stuck my tongue out at him. “Can’t avoid him forever Will, like it or not you’re in the same industry so your gona bump into each other from time to time.” He said throwing a card down.
“I know, I know, it’s just hard, we didn’t leave, I didn’t leave on good terms and when we saw each other at top of the pops it was, I don’t know, we were both really guarded and it was awkward,” I said grinning when I threw two cards down in a row.
“Of course it was awkward, neither of you will be the first to admit how you feel, man I have seen you two together what, half a dozen times and I can tell how you feel about each other. I wish you would just tell him,” he said sighing when he had to pick up yet another card.
“It’s not that simple,” okay even in my head that sounded stupid.
“Bullshit, look this is how simple it has to be,” he picked up my magazine and opened it to the page with the backstreet article, “ Hi Nick, I’m sorry for being a bitch and leaving how I did, but it was only because I am in love with you,” he then turned his head and proceeded to play out Nick’s part of the conversation “That’s okay baby cause I feel the same about you, he will then proceed to pull you into his arms where you can have an amazing movie snog,” he said making me laugh.
“Yeah I think it’s a bit more complicated than that,” I said throwing another card onto the pile.
“It’s only as complicated as you make it, hell go in for it and give him a blow job, I’m sure he’d get the message,” he said throwing a card down.
“Yeah because that worked so well before,” I sighed and his eyes widened, shit Willow go and tell everyone that you screwed Nick.
“You and him did the dirty? And here I thought you were all sweet and innocent,” He laughed still a little shocked.
“See why is complicated? I asked.
“So you had sex, at least you know what your getting yourself into and he can’t be shit if you wana go back, just talk to him,” he said throwing down more cards.
“I…I was hoping he would have heard… that he would have called…” I stumbled.
“You do know he is less likely to know that you wrote it considering Dido is singing it.”
“Don’t even go there with the whole singing thing,” I rolled my eyes at him and threw down my last remaining card but he instead threw his last card down on top of mine and with a self assured smirk called “UNO.” Bastard I always forgot to call uno and so for the millionth time he had won.
“Fine I won’t, but you know I am right with the whole Backstreet Boy thing, tell him or I will publicly announce it at one of my concerts or at Live 8 where I am sure they will all be, now wouldn’t that be embarrassing.”
“Yeah and I’d sue you for all you were worth, rich man.”
