Howie stumbled across his darkened room, mumbling quietly to himself under his breath as he grabbed a pair of sweats from the chair in the corner and a t-shirt from the stack his wife had left in the clothes basket by the closet just waiting to be packed for their big move to Florida. He hissed loudly when his foot made contact with the corner of the nightstand and held his breath briefly when he heard Cash stirring in the baby monitor. Tense moments passed and when no more noise was heard he continued getting dressed in a rush and as silently as possible (so as not to disturb any child) he slipped out of his room to the stairs, hoping to get to the door before who ever it was decided it would be a good idea to ring the doorbell and wake the entire household.

He'd just hit the bottom step when he heard the first loud knock. He bolted for the door quickly and flung it open just in time to catch a burly police officer on his front steps, finger poised and ready to ring the bell.

"Please don't!" He said rather more harshly then he'd meant to, and then added, "my children are asleep upstairs."

The cop gave him a knowing nod and for the first time since he'd opened the door Howie actually had the opportunity to take in the sight of the two individuals standing before him. The police officer was an older guy, probably around 50, with a grumpy look about him and a gut that stood out a few good feet. He honestly was the epitomy of the "donut eating cop" stereotype. The woman standing next to him was younger, around 30 maybe, and she wore a uniform Howie didn't recognize. A blue suit he was sure didn't belong to a law enforcement officer.

"What can I do for you?" Howie asked, still a little frustrated by the entire ordeal of being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night to answer the door at all.

The police officer gave him a solemn look and Howie watched as the man's face softened a bit before he finally spoke, "may we come in?"

Oh. Well it hadn't even occured to Howie until that moment to invite them in. Why would he really? Two strangers on his doorstep in the middle of the night, even if one of them WAS a police officer. Hell he couldn't know that for sure. For all he knew these could be two crazy fans just looking for a way to get deeper into his personal life. He'd certainly seen crazier. Fans stowing away on buses... trying to chase them down in their cars... buying rooms in hotels they thought the guys were staying at just so they could stake out the lobby for days. Nope, he wouldn't put it past anyone.

The officer seemed to be reading his mind at the very moment these thoughts were running through his mind. He quickly drew his ID badge from his pocket and offered it to Howie.

"Officer Andrew Minton of the Memphis Police," he introduced himself, "please Mr. Dorough, can we have a few moments of your time?"

Howie nodded, a little unnerved by the sudden change in demeanor of the man. He'd continued to soften, his voice, his expressions, everything about him had changed since Howie'd opened the door a few moments before. Finally convinced that the man was indeed an officer of the law, yet still a little wary of his sidekick, he opened the door a bit wider and motioned for the two of them to step inside. Watching closely as they entered his foyer and stood waiting for him to close the door.

Once in the living room he gestured towards the couch where the officer quickly took a seat, the woman stayed standing, an uneasiness radiating from her that made Howie himself feel unwelcome in his own home. He couldn't put a finger on the woman at all... and he was usually pretty good at reading human emotions -- he'd learned that from all the years of living in a cramped bus with Aj and Nick -- but not this time. This time he couldn't tell what the woman was feeling at all. She seemed somewhat sad to Howie. Or maybe it was a disturbed sort of emotion. Or even some anger. And finally, after he'd been looking at her long enough that she turned away, he stopped trying to guess at all.

"Can I ask why you're here?" Howie finally spoke after a few minutes of awkward silence during which the officer shifted about nervously in his chair and the woman stood staring at nothing at all.

Officer Minton looked down at his hands and then up towards the woman who shook her head slightly and turned away to look at the picture above the fireplace. "Mr. Dorough," the man finally spoke after watching the back of the woman's head for a few moments, "this isn't easy news to give... nor will it be easy news for you to hear..."

Howie looked at him questioningly. This, whatever it was, didn't sound good. He could only imagine the kind of trouble one of his brother's had gotten into this time. He only hoped to God they hadn't completely gone off the deep end this time and ended up dead. He said a silent pray in his mind that all his friends were safe and nodded towards the cop as he took the chair across from him. "Well, whatever it is, I guess I'm going to have to hear it huh?"

Minton nodded and Howie noticed that he was wringing his hands together in his lap. "There's been an accident Mr. Dourough."

Howie stared at the man sitting across from him. What kind of an accident he wondered? "What kind of accident?" He finally asked, his voice make it very noticable that he was on edge now.

Minton turned towards the woman who was now standing by the fireplace. She seemed frozen to the spot, unable to move and Howie was almost certain she was holding her breath. She turned her head away everytime one of them looked her direction, carefully eyeing the photos hanging from the walls, the family portraits and the snapshots from the years gone by. "This is Lauren Graham," he finally spoke as she turned her head toward the two of them once more, still unable to make any sort of eye contact, "she works with AmerInternational Airlines."

Howie's breath suddenly caught in his throat at the word 'airline'. He wracked his brain momentarily trying to figure out which one of his friends might be flying this week, who it could be... what the hell might have happened. An accident? An airplane? It certainly didn't sound good. He looked at the man again and nodded for him to continue, "what happened?"

Officer Minton took a deep breath as if trying to ponder his words very carefully before he spoke, "AmerInternational flight 2137 went down early this morning at around 3:30 am -- 12:30 am pacific time," he continued, a concern showing on his face.

Howie shook his head, still not understanding, still not even really fully awake enough to completely comprehend what was going on around him, "I don't understand... what does this have to do with me?"

"Mr Durough," the officer continued, the expression on his face changing rapidly from one of concern to one of grim defeat, "we have confirmed that your wife, a Mrs. Maria Jane Durough, was on board the plane.

Howie felt a chill run down his spine. He couldn't have heard what he thought he'd just heard. What the man said... it was all in his imagination, right? He shook his head in disbelief. "Wha? How... where?" He spoke the words, but had no real idea what he was saying. He watched as the officer stood and came beside him, placing a heavy hand gently on his shoulder before he said the words that ripped his very heart from his chest, "The plane went down shortly after takeoff," the man began, "it landed in a wooded area a few miles from the airport. Our crews have searched the scene for over an hour now... there are no survivors."

Howie sat in shocked silence. The room felt as if it were spinning, the walls were closing in and the lights were growing dim around him. He felt alternately hot and cold, sweaty and shivery, and a strange taste found it's way to his mouth. He repeatedly shook his head in disbelief.

"No." He spoke after a few moments... "no."

Officer Minton sat beside him, not speaking, not comforting, just being there. Nothing he could have said at that moment could have made the situation any better. Nothing he could have done would have changed the outcome. Howie's silence quickly turned into deep gasping breaths, the sure sign of a man in shock. Lauren rushed to the kitchen quickly and filled up a cup of water, bringing it back to the living room with a shaking hand, watching as Howie took a few small sips, still shaking his head in confusion. The water had no sooner passed his throat and made it to his stomach than Howie jumped from his chair and bolted towards the hall bathroom, flinging the door open wide and retching loudly as he vomited repeatedly into the toilet.

This could not be happening. This could just not be happening.

The officer and the woman were behind him all the while, the officer grabbing a tissue from the box and handing it to him when he finally came up for a breath of air in between sobs and gasps and wretchs, but only for a moment before he was hovering above the toilet again. Howie felt the man's hand on his shoulder as he vomited the last of what was left in his stomach, praying this would end soon. That he would wake up from this nightmare... the kind of nightmare that you jolt awake from in fear of it being true and even when you do wake up you still think it really happened... this had to be that kind of nightmare. Someone should pinch him... or maybe punch him. At the very least someone should knock him out cold so these feelings of hopelessness and cofusion and disbelief that flooded his mind would be gone. Gone.

But no. The man's hand was still there on his shoulder when he finally finished. The woman he could see in the mirror on the wall, standing a few feet outside the bathroom with a look of sheer terror on her face. One that could only echo the way he was feeling on the inside. The room began to spin again and Howie found himself sitting on the floor, his head between his knees, the officer pulling his phone from the waist of his pants.

"Is there someone we can call for you? You shouldn't be alone right now. You should have someone here with you... for you, who can help you more than we can."

Who would he call in a time like this? Who could he call? She was always the one he went to for everything. For years now she had been his one true source of strength and hope, of life and love in this world. Who the hell could he turn to when the entire reason for his life today was gone... just gone. Just like that and how unfair. And this couldn't be right. He looked into the officer's eyes in search of any sign that this was all just some sick, sick prank. A prank gone horribly wrong. But there was no sign there.

This was real. This was happening.

"Nick," Howie finally whispered as he leaned his head back down between his knees, hoping the feelings of utter despair would pass, "please call Nick... tell him I need him to get over here right now."