She focused on the white fluffy specs that were falling just outside the window and pulled the comforter up around her body, the room was by no means cold but it just felt good to know she could snuggle up when it was freezing outside. He lightly snored next to her and she wondered whether it was a good time to wake him from his slumber, to make him aware of the situation. She decided against it, she knew he was exhausted, after spending almost three hours at the hospital this time yesterday and then having to come home to take care of Matilda he had been exhausted, she could wait another hour. She did however decide to call someone else, even though it would only take them about ten minutes to get to their home. The words were whispered and short but the message was put across and the plan that had been set a few weeks back was now under way and so she sat and waited for another pang to hit.
It didn’t take very long.
She felt the pressure begin to build and almost instantly the pain rippled across her belly making squeeze the comforter until her knuckles turned white and a small moan escaped her lips and after a few seconds her breathing returned to normal. Shit five minutes apart, maybe she had left it a bit too long? Maybe she should have woken him earlier.
“Nick?” She whispered through the darkness but he didn’t even stir and she wondered why she was surprised, he could quite clearly sleep through a hurricane, he had adapted after so many years of travelling and catching zzz’s wherever he could. She tried again, lightly nudging his shoulder this time.
“Hmm?” He mumbled not moving from where he was laying, snuggling deeper into his pillow as though this would stop the annoyance of having to wake at such an ungodly hour in the night.
“It’s time,” she simply told him and he sighed as he pushed himself up into a sitting position.
“You sure this time?” He asked through a yawn and she wanted to smack him. Then again she had been adamant the previous two times and it had turned out that it was just Braxton hicks. She had felt so stupid surely she, already a mother of one, should have been able to tell the difference.
“Yeah,” she whispered closing her eyes quickly when he flicked on the light and it made her eyes sting. She opened them warily after a few seconds and adapted to the change in brightness looking over to him when he wiped the sleep from his eyes.
“You called your Mom?” He huskily asked as he got up and put on some clothes.
“Yeah she’s on th-shit,” she groaned as another one hit and he was instantly by her side, taking her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze, reassuring her as the contraction began to sub side.
“How far apart are they?” He questioned when he knew that it was over.
“About five minutes,” she said before bighting her lip, a nervous habit she had. He looked at her with wide eyes before shaking his head at her.
“Why didn’t you wake me sooner?” He gently scolded as he helped her up so she could change into some warmer clothes for the journey to the hospital.
“I didn’t want to wake you for a false alarm again,” she told him whimpering when she felt her waters break and the fluid hit her feet. No this was not a false alarm this time, she was defiantly in active labour now and if she wasn’t careful she was going to end up having this baby right here on the bedroom floor. She saw him try to hide the panic in his eyes when the same thought obviously ran through his head.
“How far away is your Mom?” he questioned, placing his hand on her stomach as if that were going to give him all the answers, or at least stop this until they made it to the hospital.
“She should be here any minute. You have the bag right?” She questioned as she made her way into the bathroom to clean herself up.
“Yep already in the car, hey I think she’s here, you okay if I got let her in?” He questioned.
“Yeah,” she called back to him.
***
It had only taken twenty minutes to get to the hospital but the contractions had become a lot more frequent and extremely more intense and as they reached the admit desk she felt the biggest one yet rip through her lower abdomen. He dropped the bag that he had been carrying and grabbed her arm to steady her as she tried to block out the pain by using the breathing techniques she had been taught in Lamaze.
“Nearly over,” He whispered to her as he rubbed his hand up and down her arm to try and provide some comfort. “Okay?” He asked her when she finally opened her eyes and she nodded her head in affirmation.
“Shannon McKenzie,” Nick told the receptionist.
“Are we sure this time?” The plump older women asked looking over to Shannon with questioning eyes. She had never really been a violent person, maybe it was just her snooty attitude or the hormones that were surging through her body right now, or the fact that for the past five hours she had been in pain, but whatever it was Shannon wanted to throttle her. Sensing her impending eruption Nick stepped in quickly.
“Pretty sure what with her water breaking,” he bit back.
“Take a seat over there and one of the nurses will be with you shortly,” she curtly remarked pointing to a small waiting area across from her desk.
“How you doing?” He asked as they sat.
“Okay. I don’t think its going to be very long though,” she added as she felt another contraction start to build.
***
“Yeah…they all but stopped, they’re going to give her an half an hour and then if she still hasn’t had any there going to give her pitocin to try and start it up again,” he said down the phone.
“Has she been up and walking around?” Rebecca, Shannon’s mother, asked.
“Yeah I think we walked a dent in floor,” he chuckled. “She’s just got back into bed now for a bit, how’s Tilds?” He asked down the phone, stealing a quick glance back to Shan’s room. She was staring straight ahead probably at the TV as she absent mindlessly caressed her swollen stomach.
“Getting restless,” Rebecca sighed. He chuckled at the thought, he could totally relate to his daughter because he was the same. It had been almost nine hours since she had woken him and there was still no sign of their baby, the nurses had been so wrong when they said they would have their baby by morning. It was coming up on midday now and she was barely five centimetres dilated.
“Is she there? Can I speak to her?” He asked.
“Sure I’ll just get her.” He heard her walk into a different room, most likely the lounge and handed the phone to his seven year old.
“Daddy?” She asked and he smiled at her voice.
“Hey Prune you okay? Having fun with Grandma?” He asked.
“Kind of. Is the baby here yet?” She asked.
“Not yet but it shouldn’t be long now then you can come and visit,” he told her.
“It’s taking forever,” she whined down the phone, making him laugh at her exasperation.
“So did you,” he told her, “Can you put Grandma back on?” he asked.
“Uh huh, Bye,” she said quickly.
“Bye baby,” he echoed.
“Nick?” Rebecca asked.
“Hi. I’ll kee-”
“Mr Carter? Shannon is asking for you,” A nurse interrupted and he nodded to her.
“Look I have to go, she’s asking for me, I’ll call as soon as I know what’s happening.”
“Okay we’ll be waiting. Tell Shan good luck,” she replied before she hung up.
He placed his cell phone back in his pocket as he made his way towards her room, picking up the pace when he realised that the contractions must have started again. She was mid contraction, her face scrunched up in both pain and concentration as she focused on the breathing exercises she had been taught. She opened her eyes as she felt the bed dip under his weight and grabbed for his hand. “I’m here sweetie, just breathe, you’re doing so good,” he encouraged but it wasn’t long before he realised that she was holding her breath. This one seemed to be getting the better of her. “Baby you need to breathe deep breath in and release it slowly” he said trying to encourage her but she just shook her head no and moaned.
“Doesn’t work,” she gasped out increasing the pressure on his hand.
“Just try it,” he tried again but thankfully it had reached it’s peak and was now its decent and she began to relax again. “Back on track again huh?” He asked stroking her cheek lightly when she opened her eyes.
“Yeah,” she whispered before a few tears fell from her eyes.
“Hey,” he softly said as he brushed them away, “What’s wrong?”
“It’s been fourteen hours now I thought this time it would be quicker,” she sniffed.
“I know it’s hard but you’re doing so well. You don’t have to be strong you know, you can have the pain meds, you can make this easier,” he tried to tell her but she stood firm in her decision. She was adamant. She had delivered Matilda with only a small whiff of gas and air and that was all she was going to do with this one.
“No,” she told him.
“Shan-”
“I said no alright. Can you help me up? I’m going to give the birthing ball a try,” she said reaching her hand out to him.
***
“I feel stupid sat on this” she whined as looked down to the birthing ball she was sat on. “It’s too big.”
“Well you’d burst a regular sized one.” Nick replied before thinking, the colouring draining from his face when he realised what he had actually said.
“Thanks for the ego boost, I’m only having your baby here.”
“That’s not … I mean” he hesitated now flushing pink.
“I know babe,” she smiled, letting him know that he hadn’t upset her but the contraction came on suddenly, “oww oww oww.”
“Contraction?” He asked as he took her hands in his. She nodded her head and started to gently rock back and forth on the ball, and at moment it did seem to be helping, the motion taking pressure of her back. It subsided quickly and she opened her eyes to his worried blue ones.
“Nick, stop looking so worried, I’m fine. But I do think I need to get off this before I fall off,” she chuckled. He stood from his chair opposite and helped her up off the ball.
“You want to sit on the bed?” He asked.
“I think I want to stand for a bit actually. I have a numb butt from being sat on that thing. Are you okay?” She asked noticing how he kept flexing his left hand and moving his shoulder.
“Yeah,” he sighed as he began to massage his shoulder.
“Nick?” She questioned.
“It’s just gone a bit dead is all, it’ll be fine,” he shrugged through a smile.
“C’mere,” she beckoned as she sat on the edge of the bed. He made his way across to her and sat down on the chair beside the bed just within he reach. She gently massaged his shoulder, relieving the tension that was there, it would be a short term fix, ever since his accident it had been giving him problems.
God the accident, she hadn’t thought about that in a while. Two years and one month ago she had told him that she was leaving, that she couldn’t be with him like he wanted, that she was taking their daughter and moving to another state, to this state in fact. To say he had been angry and confused had been an understatement, he had blown up at her told her that she was running from her problems, she had verbally denied this but on the inside she knew it was true. She had wanted nothing more to stay with him but she was venerable, to scared to start a relationship in fear of it crumbling, of it ruining their friendship. What she had failed to see at the time was that she was destroying it anyway.
In the end he had relented, decided to let her go, let them both go and she even made it as far as the airport. Then it had happened. Things could have turned out so differently, she definitely wouldn’t be here at this moment if they had that was for sure. Everyday she woke up and thanked her lucky stars, thanked God for giving him and, in a sense her, a second chance. He had followed them to the airport, to try one last ditch attempt at stopping her she had later found out, but it had almost cost him his life. She would never forgot the pain she felt, the pure anguish that twisted up her insides when his doctor solemnly told her and his Father that “It might be kinder to let him go.”
“Stop it,” he warned, snapping her from her thoughts.
“Stop what?” She questioned.
“Thinking about what ifs. I’m here, I’m fine and I love you,” he said leaning over so he could place a quick kiss to her lips.
“Good cause I don’t think I could get through this without you,” she admitted to him.
“Well you don’t have to. It’s all going to be different this time,” he said as he stroked her stomach.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered the guilt over the birth of their previous child and the circumstances over coming her. If she had just told him last time then everything they had gone through could have been avoided, they probably would have had more children by now, maybe they would have even been married, or maybe it would have all fallen apart long ago. Maybe all they had gone through, all the lying, all the pain, all the anger, maybe all that had made them stronger as a couple, as a family. She didn’t and probably never would know for sure but she knew that this pregnancy had been so much different from her first.
For a start he had been there the whole way through, had accompanied her to every doctors appointment, rubbed her feet when they had ached, shaved her legs when she had gotten to big to reach down, placated her every craving no matter what time in the morning it had been. She hadn’t had that last time, sure he had been there for her but only as a friend, he hadn’t even heard Matilda’s heartbeat nor did he see the grainey image of her at the first scan she went to. He had been amazed with it all this time round, reading the books, talking to her stomach, grinning widely for days after he heard the heartbeat, showing everyone possible the scan picture. She knew if she asked him about it now that he would whip out the crumbled photo from his wallet, it was like he was doing it all for the first time and it had hit her when she had been almost half way through her pregnancy that it was.
That was when the guilt had started to niggle its way in. All the precious moments that he had not shared with her during her first pregnancy, all the important moments in Matilda’s life that she had stolen from him. Sure he had been there when she was born, had been there when she took her first steps, taught her how to ride a bike, had been there when she lost her first tooth. All the major milestones he had managed to be at but it was the little things he had missed, all the little things that she would never forget but he would have no recollection of. He never got the chance to do a late night feed, to fall asleep with her on his chest, to watch her smile for the first time, to see her crawl, to watch her fall asleep in her own dinner. Sure she had told him about it but it wasn’t the same and she was the cause of that.
She didn’t get a chance to explain why she was sorry and he didn’t have time to question her though because the pain was so immense that she ended up screaming out, grabbing hold of his shirt, near on choking him when she pulled at it.
God why had she made that stupid comment about this being over quickly seventeen hours ago?
***
“That’s it, it’s almost over, almost over, there,” he said as she let the death grip on his hand go. He glanced at the clock and couldn’t believe where the time had gone, couldn’t believe that she was still doing this, that she still had any energy left within her. The contractions had been coming faster and stronger over the past four hours but there was still no sign of their baby and he was beginning to wonder whether it would ever make an appearance or whether this was going to end up as groundhog day. He didn’t get much more time to contemplate that because once again she was gripping at his hand and once again he was trying to comfort her.
“Alright okay think about something else. Lets think about….” he trailed off not knowing exactly where he was going with this but she didn’t seem to even notice. Her face was scrunched up in pain, she was flushed and sweaty, her hair falling out of the ponytail she had swept it into a few hours ago but to him she had never looked more perfect and he smiled at her when she finally let her death grip on his hand go and opened her eyes as it subsided.
“I’m just going to check your progress Shannon,” the midwife said as she lifted the blanket and he prayed that she was almost there because she was fading fast before him. “Okay eight centimetres,” she said as she pulled off her gloves and threw them in the trash.
“You’ve got to be kidding right?” She panted as her eyes filled up with tears.
“It shouldn’t be long now,” The midwife tried to comfort.
“You said that three hours ago,” she whispered as the tears began to fall.
“Baby you’re doing so well, we’re in the home stretch now,” he encouraged wiping her tears away. He felt so helpless, she was in pain and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it, nothing he could say was going to make this any easier and it was killing him.
“I want the pain meds,” she whimpered.
“Okay if you want them we’ll get them, you want the epidural?” He asked.
“No the pethadine, I want to be able to feel when it comes out,” she told him clamping her eyes shut and calling out when another one hit. He looked at his watch, that one had only been ninety seconds apart.
“Breathe through it,” he encouraged.
“FUCK YOU AND YOUR BREATHING!” She yelled before she cried out again and he just kept his mouth shut for the rest of the contraction. He wanted to laugh at her sudden outburst, it was unlike her to just blow up like that and he knew it was because of the pain and the fact that she was exhausted, but still he didn’t think he would be the most popular person if he laughed.
In the following ten minutes she had no less then eight contractions, each being that more intense then the previous and he was wondering whether he was ever going to get the feeling back in his hand, or whether it would come out looking as flat as a pancake. He kept glancing to the door wondering when this midwife was going to return with something to stop or even reduce the pain she was feeling and when she uttered her next words he definitely wanted the midwife to waltz through the door.
“Oh Jesus I can feel the head. I gotta push, NICK I HAVE TO PUSH,” she moaned yelling the final part.
“No there’s no one here,” he said panicked.
“I don’t care I want it out,” she told him as she started to bear down.
“Shit,” he muttered under his breath his head going back and forth between her and the door and just as he was about to leave her to go and grab someone it opened.
“Shannon?” The midwife asked, hurrying to the side of her patients bed. “Honey if you push now your going to tear and it’s going to be very painful.”
“No this happened last time,” she panted, “I can feel it, I can feel the head,” she said before she started pushing again. The midwife frowned before snapping on some gloves.
“Stop pushing for a second so I can che- oh,” she said quickly before looking up to both of them. “Okay Shannon, you’re right the baby’s crowing so I need you to stop pushing and just pant through this bit for me,” she said as she gathered the items she would need to welcome this baby into the world. Once everything was in situ she stuck her head out of the door and yelled “Crowning in room four.”
Nick had never seen two people come bursting through a door so quickly but he instantly felt relief when he realised that there was now more then enough people to safely help Shannon deliver this baby. This part he remembered.
“Nick would you like to see?” The Doctor asked and he turned his gaze amazed at what he saw, that was his child’s head, his child’s face, he was watching it come into this world right before his own eyes. The person right there, well he had helped to make that, it made the breath catch in his throat for a second.
“Baby it’s beautiful just a few more pushes and you can see too,” he said turning his attention back to Shannon. Her face scrunched up the same way it had seven years ago when she had been pushing Matilda out. She was concentrating so hard on pushing she wanted this baby out now and she was done with waiting around.
“That’s it, keep going,” he encouraged as he squeezed her hand and began counting back from ten.
“Count faster!” She yelled through gritted teeth, falling back against the pillows when he finished. “I just want it out,” she moaned as another contraction hit.
“It’s coming Shannon, I promise,” the Doctor called to her.
“Just a few more pushes gorgeous,” said as he kissed her sweaty forehead before he wrapped his arm around her shoulder so he could pull her forward into a comfier position to try pushing again. She turned so red this time he thought she was going to rupture a blood vessel but this push seemed to be what their child needed. It only took her two more pushes before the newest edition was making his presence known with a loud shriek as he was pulled from the warmth of his mother’s womb and into the cold bright world.
He watched in awe as his child was lifted up so that they could both see him. He was covered in amniotic fluid, his tiny hands balled into fists, his skin wrinkly and he was quite clearly angry about being pulled into this cold harsh environment if his shrill cry was anything to go by.
“He’s here,” He whispered to her as she fell back against the pillows exhausted.
“He?” She questioned opening her eyes to look at him.
“Yeah it’s a boy,” he told her getting slightly choked up, his vision clouding with tears as he watched them dry his son and take a few measurements over on the baby warmer.
“Go be with him,” she said pushing him towards where their son lay.
“You sure? You’ll be okay?” He asked, kissing her on the cheek as she nodded at him.
“Oh you would think it was the end of the world,” The midwife said as she roughly dried the newborn. “Look here’s Daddy,” she said smiling brightly when she spotted Nick.
“What’s all that noise for huh?” He asked reaching out to stoke his tiny head. Whether it was the deeper voice or that fact that he recognised the tone the baby instantly began to settle and he watched as he was placed on the scale.
“Wow Good job Mama, you got a chunky boy here he’s nine pound seven,” she announced before wrapping him up and before Nick knew it he was walking towards Shannon with the newest edition of the family safely nested in the crook of his arm.
***
He walked back into the room after calling everyone and smiled back at her when she looked up to him from across the room. She looked radiant, motherhood definitely suited her, she was just a natural.
“Hey beautiful,” he said leaning down to kiss her before he sat next to her on the bed. “You feeling okay?” He asked as his gaze fell to his new son who was happily feeding.
“Apart from being utterly exhausted?” She joked, “I’m fine. Starting to see why this little guy is such a chunk,” she laughed.
“Has he been feeding the whole time I’ve been gone?” he questioned.
“Yeah, I don’t think he’s going to be stopping anytime soon either,” she smiled. “You call everybody?” She asked and he nodded.
“They all send their love and kisses and hugs. Your Mom’s gona bring Tild’s in when it’s light out. She was a bit miffed that we didn’t have a name ready for him,” he told her.
“Well what names do you like?” She asked. “I mean I named Matty so…”
“What about James?” He said and immediately she scrunched her nose up at it. “What’s wrong with James?” He asked.
“I had a horrible patient called James.”
“Okay so James is a no go, what about Rudy? No?” He questioned when she did the same again. “Little guy what’s your name huh?” He asked stroking the newborns cheek as he thought for a few moments. “What about Charlie?” Nick asked.
“Charlie,” she said out loud. “Charlie,” she repeated again as if she were trying it out for size, “ I like it,” she said smiling to him.
“So Charlie Carter it is,” he said.
“Well he’s Charlie McKenzie until we get out of here,” she stated.
“Yeah about that,” he started. It was now or never, and it felt totally right, he was going to wait until Christmas, ask her then but this just seemed perfect, just the two of them, well three actually but…okay just get on with it he thought to himself. “I uh wasted so much time hiding from how I felt about you…I…you know how much I love you don’t you? How much you mean to me?”
“Yeah,” she said her head starting to swim, a set of butterflies in her stomach starting to flap. He was finally going to do it, finally going to ask, she had been dreaming of this moment for what seemed like forever and yet she still didn’t know whether or not she was going to say yes.
“You stood by me when probably not a lot of others would, I know at some points during the rehab I wasn’t the nicest person to be around.”
“You were frustrated Nick, anyone would have been.”
“You’re the most amazing person I know, no you are,” he continued after she scoffed at him. “I’ve known you forever and I’ve watched you grow from this insecure teenager into this amazing women, amazing mother and I want to be with you forever. I want to be there when your holding our first grandchild like your holding him right now,” he said looking down at the baby in her arms. “I guess I…well…Marry me Shan,” he said rather than asked.
Chapter End Notes:
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