~ Chapter Nineteen ~

AJ opened his eyes to daylight reflecting off the white walls of the hospital room.  He covered his eyes with one hand and winced.  If he didn't know better, he would think he had a hangover.  Sleeping in a chair with his head resting on the mattress of Felicia's bed hadn't done a thing to help him feel refreshed, in fact he felt worse than he had last night, and that took some doing. 

He lay still for a moment, not quite awake enough to sit up yet.  Right next to his head, Felicia was still sleeping.  AJ could still smell her perfume, even with the hospital odor permeating the room.  AJ had never been able to describe exactly what she smelled like, but he had thought about it before - several times, in fact.  The closest he had ever come to pinning anything down, was if the color yellow had a scent, it would smell exactly the same.

Straightening up, he ran his hands through his hair.  He was still wearing the navy blue sweatshirt that had been on under his game jersey, along with a pair of now rather wrinkled khakis and the suede jacket he had been favoring that week.  No wonder he felt like crap.  AJ propped his elbows on his knees and watched her for a few minutes.  Last night had just about sent him over the edge.  He wasn't going to go through that again, if he could ever help it, he didn't care how overprotective Felicia thought he was being.  He wasn't going to lose her.

AJ yawned and stood up, stretching as much as his knotted muscles would allow.  Maybe he'd head down to the cafeteria and get some coffee, probably have a cigarette too.  AJ didn't smoke very often, the team wasn't impressed with the idea, and rather than have the front office breathing down his neck, AJ went along with their rules, but this officially qualified as a stressful situation. 

He didn't even bother with the elevator, instead taking the stairs down the two floors to the cafeteria.  Hospital food was some of the oddest substances on the planet, and the coffee was usually just as bad, but it was going to be a long, long day.

"AJ!"

AJ turned towards the voice.  He might as well have worked here.  For some reason, everyone seemed to know him.  "Brian?"

"What are y'all doing here?"  Brian cut loose with a cheery smile as he jogged up behind AJ. 

"I could ask you the same thing."  AJ said levelly, not giving out any information. 

"I had an appointment."  Brian said logically.  "Everything okay?"

"No."  AJ pushed through the people counter into the cafeteria, knowing Brian would follow him anyway. He did.  That was just the way Brian was - a little too curious for AJ's liking. 

 "Kevin said y'all had a phone call last night..."  Brian continued.

"Did he?"  AJ snapped, paying for his cup of coffee.  "Did the entire f------ team discuss it?"  That was just what he needed - the entire team could talk about it, then the media would find out, and then there would be no stopping them. 

Brian raised his eyebrows.  "No!  No one said anything, and it really pissed Buddy off because he didn't know what was going on."  He stared at AJ's Styrofoam cup.  "I hope that's decaf, man.  Cause you seem a little stressed."

Stressed wasn't the right word.  Completely out of control might start to describe the situation, but that would be an understatement. 

"AJ, you're not okay, give me that."  Brian grabbed the coffee with one hand and shoved AJ towards a table on the side of the cafeteria with the other.  "C'mon, pull yourself together, buddy."  He sat down on the other side on the small square table and inspected the cup of coffee, carefully not looking at AJ.

AJ rested his head on his arms and tried to do as Brian said.   He needed to get everything out of his system, but now was not the time, what with the entire hospital maintenance crew sitting two tables away, caught up in a noisy discussion of stock car racing while they took their break.

"Brian,"  AJ said finally, raising his head.  "Her heart stopped."  His voice broke on the last word, and AJ stared down at the gray speckled tabletop, willing himself not to fly into a million little pieces in the middle of the cafeteria.  Two tables over, a loud argument broke out over the race taking place that weekend.

"Aw, AJ."  Brian said quietly.  "I'm sorry."

AJ stared over at Brian for a long moment.  Most people said ‘I'm sorry' out of habit.  Brian said it and really meant it.  AJ leaned back in the blue plastic chair.  "She's gonna be okay, though.  She'll be home in a couple days."

"Just scared the living daylights out of you?" 

"Oh, hell, yeah."  He paused for a minute, then decided he might as well jump in with both feet.  "Every time I go on the road, it scares me to death - I keep waiting for some day when I'm in Baltimore or Toronto and I get a phone call, and there isn't gonna be anything I can do.  And then last night - it was like this incredibly awful nightmare."  AJ stopped running at the mouth and stared back down at the patterned formica table, the lump rising in his throat again.

"I have one question."  Brian raised his index finger.  "Who is ‘she?'"

AJ almost laughed, the question was so absurd in a way.  "My wife - Felicia."

"Y'all are married."  Brian said it as a statement, not a question.  AJ usually received a response similar to Brian's whenever the subject came up.  People looked at him as the ‘hard partying, willing to sleep with anything female' type, which was understandable, since that was the image AJ usually went for.

"Well..."  Brian smacked his hand on the table.  "You're never safe from surprise until you're dead.  You know," he added, "Now that I look back, I have heard about her.  Becky told me all about the red lipstick.  She was quite impressed."  Brian said this with such solemnity it was funny. 

AJ did smile now.  Red lipstick - Felicia had more tubes of it than AJ could even begin to count.  They appeared everywhere, except at the exact place she was looking for one.  He had found them under the seat of his car, in the laundry - which was never a pretty sight - there was even one in his coat pocket at that moment in the cafeteria.  He couldn't even remember how it had ended up there.  His hand tightened around it, his thumb rubbing across the smooth surface of the case.

"How long have you two been married?"  Brian asked.

"Two and a half years."

"Does she get sick a lot?"  Brian fired another question across the table.

AJ sighed.  "Every few months.  You ever heard of chronic fatigue?"

"Yeah."  Brian said slowly. That didn't surprise AJ in the slightest.  Brian was one of those people who knew just enough about everything to be familiar with it all, but not an expert on any of it.  The same could be said for his play on the field.  Brian could play anywhere in the infield, or in a pinch - the outfield - he could hit anywhere in the lineup, except the power  spots, in short, Brian was the player that managers loved to have on their team, because they knew they could use him almost anywhere and he'd get the job done.

"It's their way of saying they don't know what's wrong with her."  AJ gave Brian a wry smile.  "That's what's so annoying about all of this.  I mean, they've said mono, they've said cancer, now it's this..."  AJ was running at the mouth now, but he didn't really care, and Brian didn't seem to mind either, so he kept talking. 

"She gets sick when she's stresses out... what with moving up here and all... and then she won't back off once she gets tired."  AJ shifted around in his chair, trying to get comfortable, and finding it impossible on the hard plastic.  "I keep telling her... and she never does."  That didn't surprise AJ too much.  No one ever listened to him.  He didn't even listen to himself.  If he had listened to himself, last night wouldn't have happened.  He had known what was about to happen, but he hadn't done anything about it. 

"Wow."  Brian said firmly, nodding his head to punctuate his point.  "If that doesn't make you step up to the plate and live in the moment, I don't know what does."

AJ nodded.  "Yeah."  What else could he say?  He checked his watch, for the first time since before the game last night.  It did him very little good as far as disclosing how long he had been sitting with Brian.  It was almost 9:30 in the morning.  "You know what?  I'm gonna head back up there."

Brian rocked his chair back onto all four legs.  "You probably should.  And seeing as how I'm late anyway, I should get on with my day." 

"Geez, Brian, if you were late, why didn't you say so?"  AJ felt just the slightest bit guilty.

Brian waved his hand in dismissal.  "I spend most of my life being late.  Kevin got me one of those day planner thingies, and I lost the dumb thing."  He stood up, ready to leave, before pausing, his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans.  "AJ?  I'll be praying for both of you, okay?"

AJ raised his eyebrows.  That was one he hadn't heard before.   "Yeah, thanks."  He appreciated the thought, but that was all. 

"AJ!"  Brian said sharply as AJ prepared to leave the cafeteria.

"What?"

"Your coffee?"  Brian pointed at the untouched cup on the table.

"Oh yeah.  Thanks."  AJ retrieved the Styrofoam cup.

"Well, we'd hate to have that high quality sludge go to waste."  Brian quipped.

"Nah, I meant... everything else."  AJ said quietly.

"No problem."  Brian smiled.  AJ wondered if Brian ever hurt his face smiling like that.  "I'll cover for y'all with Buddy, okay?"

"No..."  AJ started. 

"Don't worry."  Brian assured him.  "I'll be discreet."

Discreet wasn't the first word that popped into AJ's head when he thought of Brian. 

"Y'all let me know if you need anything, okay?"  Brian said in parting.

AJ stood by the door of the cafeteria and watched Brian weave his way down the hallway to the elevators to the parking garage.  He held the elevator door open for a little white haired-lady in a bright purple polyester suit, a big smile on his face, mouth moving the entire time.  She patted him on the arm.