~ Chapter Seventy Eight ~

Stacy checked her watch, barely compressing an audible groan upon seeing that the hands had only moved forward another eleven minutes.  Nick's flight had landed and he was on his way home.  At this rate, she wasn't going to be back until the mall closed.  As near as she could tell, neither AJ or Felicia had found anything they liked, and since Stacy wasn't really looking, the search went on. 

AJ was happily wandering through the clothing racks, sunglasses shoved up on top of his head, Natalie encased in a Snugli against his chest, his head bobbing to the music playing over the store PA system.  So far, he had elicited several looks of concern from the sales staff, and most followed up with an inquiry as to whether he needed help finding anything.  If Felicia was standing there, AJ politely declined.  If she wasn't, he had more than just a little fun leading the salesperson into believing he was shopping for himself. 

"You lost your short little friend."  AJ pointed out as Stacy joined him. 

"Yes... she was distracted by underwear."  Stacy nodded.  The land of satin panties and push up bras was not one that Stacy had any desire to get involved with, so she had left Felicia sorting through clothing racks and found AJ. 

"Oh..."  AJ raised his eyebrows.  "Felicia is to lingerie what I am to sunglasses."  He tapped the glasses on top of his head to illustrate.  It may have been forty degrees outside and raining, without a hint of sunshine in sight, but the sunglasses were still there. 

"That's... nice to know."  Stacy leaned against one of the clothing racks, the hangers catching on her sweater.  "How much longer?  Nick's almost home now."  Was she really whining?  That had to be Nick's influence. 

"How much longer?"  AJ repeated incredulously.  "Felicia's looking at bras and you ask me how much longer?"  He shook his head in amusement as he inspected the next clothes rack.  "You poor thing..."  He paused and glanced from the rack to Stacy and back again.  "Nope, yellow is NOT your color.  But, to finish my sentence, you're a shopping wimp."

"And that makes you a what?"

"A... connoisseur, perhaps an aficionado.  Either way, it sounds a hell of a lot better than a wimp."  Satisfied with this retort, AJ turned his back and moved on. 

"AJ..."  Stacy followed after him.  "How's Felicia... is she really okay?"  It was something that Stacy had been wondering ever since Felicia and AJ had come back home.  Felicia seemed fine, but then again, she had seemed fine to Stacy before.  Maybe she wasn't one to judge. 

"I think she's okay."  AJ said slowly, after standing quietly for a moment.

"Things are back to normal?"

"Hell, no."  AJ laughed at the thought.  "Well, okay - but different, you know?  There's a bunch of weird little stuff that's different now.  Lissie was always very... independent in a way.  She'd get pissed off at me if I worried over her too much... and now, she's almost clingy, in a way.  It's kinda weird.  But, we're cool so far." 

Stacy couldn't quite grasp how AJ just kept marching through life without anything really seeming to faze him.  She supposed it was an advantage on the field, when he was standing on the mound with the game on the line, but it carried on off the field as well.  So far, she hadn't seen anything that he didn't handle with that same slightly neurotic logic that only he could pull off. 

"Oh, look."  He interrupted her train of thought, to pull a black dress from the rack and hand the hanger over.  "Hot damn, I am SO good.  There it is, buy it." 

"What?  No!"  Stacy's mouth dropped open.  "Do you think I have money to burn?"

"Fine."  AJ shrugged.  "Try it on first." 

~*~

It had been dark for a couple hours by the time Stacy made it across Lake Washington and home.  Nick's car was there, but when she stepped in the front door the house was completely dark.  There was no way he could be in bed already, even Stacy didn't go to bed this early. 

She was heading over to flip on the lights when she saw him sitting curled up in the corner of the couch.  "Nick?"

"Hey."  His response was barely audible. 

"Are you okay?"  She gave up on the lights and circled around to sit down next to him. 

Nick didn't answer, he just stared at her. 

Stacy found herself biting her lower lip.  He wasn't okay.  "What happened?"

He shook his head, staring down at his hands.  "Look, I'm shaking."  He said absently, holding up one hand, fingers outstretched.  "You think I'm having some kind of breakdown?"

"No."  Stacy said patiently.  "What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Why?"  She reached over for his hand, trying to calm him down, even a little. 

"'Cause I don't want to fall apart."  Nick was staring fixedly at a spot behind her head.

"And what if you did?  What would be so wrong about that?"

"I think it'd send me off the deep end." 

"And maybe it wouldn't."  She countered.  "I don't think it would.  Sometimes it helps if you tell someone else, Nick."

He pulled his hand back, thinking about what she had just said.  "You know the Make-a-Wish foundation?"  He said finally.

"I've heard of it, yes."  Stacy hadn't been aware she was holding her breath. 

"There was this little girl in Chicago, she's like nine, and she's dying from cancer, and she wanted to meet me.  So, when all the Nike stuff was done yesterday, I spent the afternoon with her, and it turned out she wanted to meet me cause ever since it broke that Brian was dying, she'd been following that entire story, and she wanted to meet me cause I was his friend." 

Stacy didn't say anything.  There had to be more to the story than that, and if she said something, she was afraid he'd clam up on her. 

Nick ran his hand through his hair.  "This is so wrong... it's not fair.  He meant so much to so many different people... it's not right!"

She didn't really have an answer for that one. 

"You know..." He continued quietly.  "I felt like this right after Brian died, and then after a couple weeks, I just... stopped." 

She remembered that.  Everything had seemed to come to a head all at once, and Brian had more or less been left behind with everything about his parents. 

"I mean, I still thought about it, but it didn't mean anything.  It didn't hurt.  And then today on the plane, it's like everything just started up again and I picked up right where I left off."  He unfolded his legs so he could move over next to Stacy, resting his head on her shoulder.  "Why now?"

"Maybe you're ready to deal with it now?" 

The noise that came out of Nick's mouth could have passed for a laugh.  "Do I look like I'm ready to deal with anything?"

Stacy pulled him in tighter.  "Nick, maybe it's time to let go."

~*~

"Betcha I see tennis shoes before you do."  AJ said cheerfully as he and Felicia entered the Sheraton hotel.  It was a standard bet any event requiring athletes to dress up.  There was always one guy, somewhere, still wearing his Nikes. 

"I bet you do too."  Felicia retorted.  She always lost.  AJ couldn't help it.  He just had a knack for seeking out the athletic shoes in the room.  It was one of his many varied talents.

"You okay?"  He added before they entered the room.

"Fine."  She tipped her head, making her hair swing, and smiled at him.  "Why?"

"You're kind of quiet.  You're usually more into parties." 

Felicia rolled her eyes.  "No, that's YOU.  I'm fine.  Really."

"Okay."  He slipped his arm around her waist.  "Hey, there's Nick."  He pointed over at the left side of the room, where Nick was talking to one of the college head coaches, his best PR smile firmly in place, holding onto Stacy's hand firmly.

"I think we can count Stacy as a success."  Felicia added happily.

"We?"  AJ choked.  "Lissie, you weren't even THERE!"  He paused at the look she gave him.  "Hell yeah, we did a great job." 

~*~

"At this time we'd like to present this years Hutch Award winner."  The man at the podium looked vaguely familiar to Stacy, but she had no idea who he was.  "The Hutch Award is presented by the Fred Hutchison Cancer Research Center, and is given annually to a baseball player who has shown great courage and integrity in overcoming adversity.  Previous winners have included Mickey Mantle, Al Kaline and Eric Davis.  This years award goes to Seattle Mariners second baseman Brian Littrell."