~ Chapter Eighty ~

"And the male sports star of the year - AJ McLean of the Seattle Mariners."  The reporter presenting the award stepped back from the podium, clapping along with the crowd as AJ bounced his way up the steps. 

"Cool."  AJ accepted the award and stood for a moment staring at it over his wire-rimmed glasses.  "Oh, um..."  He turned to the microphone.  "This is like the first thing I've ever won all by myself.  You know, I play a team sport, so I gotta share everything with 24 other guys.  But, I'll take it, and I gotta thank the rest of the team, because obviously, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them.  And you know, in spite of the fact that my wife voted for the 'cute swimmer'..."  AJ held his hands up in quotes and jerked at thumb at the young Olympic swimmer that had been one of the nominees.  "I still love you anyway, honey!"  He sat back down to a mild glare from Felicia and laughter from the rest of the room. 

"Okay, you two..."  The presenter for the female star award teased as he took the podium.  "How about a little kiss and makeup?  Just to show there's no hard feelings?"

"Gladly!" AJ called, and grabbed Felicia before she could block him.

~*~

Nick slumped down lower in the recliner, holding his face in his hands; half wishing he was dead at that very moment.  He hated losing control like this.  One minute he had been perfectly fine, and the next he was in serious danger of putting on a floor show that would have upstaged anything AJ would ever do without even trying.  He could see the reporters having a field day with that one right now. 

"Okay?"  Stacy was sitting next to him on the chair arm, one hand slowly rubbing his shoulder. 

"No, not okay."  Wasn't that obvious?

"What happened?"

"I don't..."  Nick broke off, swiping his hand across his eyes again.  "Everything."  He finished.  "I mean, you heard what he said." 

"Which part?"  Stacy wasn't giving up.

"What he said about me."  He took a deep breath, trying to calm down, even just a little.  There was a small, small chance he could still pull this off.  He might have been hanging from the metaphorical cliff by his fingernails, but at least he was still holding on. 

"That was very sweet of him."  Stacy said quietly. 

"Yeah, except it f----- wasn't true!"  Nick flung himself out of the chair and spun around to face her.  Anger worked.  He felt better already. 

"What do you mean?"  Stacy didn't move, still perched on the chair arm, wearing her coat and no shoes. 

"They did that interview before Game Four."  Nick explained; surprised at how calm he sounded.  "Which was the game that Brian got knocked out in, remember?"  She nodded, so he continued.  "And then, the next day before the game, we got in this huge fight.  Over exactly what he was talking about there - I kind of flipped out on him and wanted to know why he didn't tell me he was dying earlier."  Nick shoved his hands into his pockets.  He didn't want to think about that day. 

"And what did he say?"  Stacy prompted softly.

"He asked me if it would have made any difference if he had told." 

"Would it have?"

"Yes!  Yes, it would have!"  So much for calm, he was practically screaming now.  "God, of course it would have made a difference!  You think I'm going to purposely put myself in a situation where I'm going to end up getting hurt?"

"You told him that?"  Stacy said hesitantly.

"Hell yeah, I told him!  And then I told him to f--- off." He saw the look of shock on Stacy's face, and waved it away with one hand.  "That doesn't matter, I apologized for everything I said, it's not that... it's... if I had known, I wouldn't... I wouldn't have been friends with him... I would have opened myself up like that."

"So you're upset because you got hurt."

"Yeah... no!  I mean, what gets me is if it was switched around and I was the one that was sick, and it was Brian's choice, he wouldn't have changed a thing.  In spite of the fact that he would have known what was going to happen, he would have done it anyway."  Nick sank down onto the couch, that stupid lump rising back up in his throat.  "And I wouldn't have, 'cause I'm too scared to." 

Nick could feel everything he'd been ignoring and shoving back flooding out.  He could see it coming.  Stacy moved over to the couch, pulling him up against her and wrapping her arms around him tightly, right before he started crying again, and crying hard this time. 

He had lost one of his best friends.  Spring training was starting in less than a month, and this time, he wouldn't be standing on the golf course while Brian laughed hysterically at Nick's inane golf skills.  Brian wasn't ever going to tease him in the dugout about striking out or misplaying a ball.  Nick would never have the chance to tell Brian how much he had meant to him.  No one would.  They had just taken Brian for granted, until it was too late. 

"It wasn't fair to him."  Nick whispered finally.  His throat hurt - so did his stomach for that matter.  "I was always on the receiving end.  He was always the one putting out; he never got anything."

"That's not true."  Stacy shook him slightly.  "Look at it from his point of view for once.  Brian loved helping people.  He needed that.  He needed to be able to focus on someone other than himself.  Brian was one of those people that depending on others needing him.  Okay?  He said it himself at the end - he wanted to make a difference in someone's life."

~*~

AJ propped his chin on his hand, staring at Felicia.  This was a test.  She wouldn't put up with this for long, before turning and demanding to know what he was doing.  The party was still in full swing, the awards given out, and the dinner finished, but the music had started back up and alcohol was still available.  It wasn't the coolest party AJ had ever been to, but when a third of the crowd consisted of sports reporters, it was to be expected.

"What are you doing?"  Felicia glared at him, not really mad.

"Why is it that you get more beautiful the longer I know you?"  He wondered.

Felicia stared for a full eight seconds, her mouth dropping open slightly.  "Are you drunk, Alex?"

"No!"  AJ leaned back in his chair.  It hadn't really been a question, it was more of a statement.  "I meant it."

She just shook her head, smiling.  "Thank you, then."

"No problem."  He turned his attention to the milling group of people in the middle of the room for a minute.  "Damn, I bet I'd be fun drunk." 

"Hello, you two!"  Kevin, and a rather inebriated Kevin at that, placed himself firmly in the chair on the opposite side of the table. "Wassup?"

AJ smiled.  On second thought, a drunk Kevin was always fun too.  "Nothing exciting."

"Where's Nick?"  Kevin tilted to the side, for a brief moment AJ thought Kevin was planning on checking underneath the table. 

"They left."  AJ stole a quick glance over at Felicia.  She had just reached over to grab his hand under the table.  "Apparently didn't feel good."

Kevin straightened in his chair, weaving back and forth slightly, before carefully resting his elbows on the table and leaning forward.  "Both of 'em?"

"Uh, no." 

"Good."  Kevin wagged one finger at the couple across from him.  "'Cause if both weren't feelin' well, then you know it's just an excuse 'cause they left to go have sex."  He nodded, convinced of his logic.

Felicia stifled a laugh and AJ debated if he really wanted to pursue that topic or not.  He didn't.  "So, Kevin, that was a excellent presentation for the Hutch Award, with the interview and everything."

Kevin stared blankly.  "What interview?"

"Brian."

"Oh yes, my cousin Brian... the angel."  Kevin was now smoothing out imaginary wrinkles in the tablecloth.  He sighed and shoved his hair away from his face.   "This would have meant a lot to him tonight."

~*~

"Come on, lay down.  You look like you're about ready to collapse."  Stacy patted Nick's pillow with her hand. 

Nick hadn't said a word for the last hour.  He didn't seem particularly upset anymore, just tired, so Stacy wasn't too worried about him, to be truthful, she was very proud of him for what had happened earlier that night.   The events of the evening had been a long time in coming.  Nick had just taken a big step.  It might take him a while, but he was on his way.  

"You okay?"  She reached over to run her finger along his jaw line as he finally unfolded his legs and lay down next to her.

"Mmm-hmm."  He rolled over next to her, draping one arm across her and nestling his head against her shoulder, his hair tickling her chin. 

"Good.  I love you."

"Why?"  Nick's voice was muffled against her shoulder.

Stacy sighed.  "Because I do.  Go to bed."

He was quiet for a while, but she could tell he wasn't sleeping.  She could feel his hand still playing with her hair. 

The phone on the bedside table rang cheerfully.  Nick jumped halfway across the bed, taking most of the blankets with him.

Stacy bit her tongue as she reached for the phone.  She wasn't going to laugh, no matter how disgusted he looked.  "Hello?"

"Hi! You're speaking to this year's PI Sports Star!"  AJ said cheerfully.

"Congratulations.  I knew it was you.  You're the only person stupid enough to call this late."

"Aww, did I wake someone up?"  AJ's voice was dripping with fake sympathy.  "Just calling to see if everything's okay." 

"No, you didn't, and everything's fine." 

"Nick's okay?" 

"He's fine."  Stacy glanced over at him; still glowering at the receiver, his lower lip sticking out like he was six years old.  "Why are you still awake?"

"Oh, we just got back."  AJ explained.  "Kevin and Karen seem to have intoxication down to an art form, so I was designated driver."  He paused.  "Do you think I'd be fun drunk?"

Stacy rolled her eyes.  "AJ, I'm not talking to you anymore tonight.  Bye."  She hung up the phone and flipped it over to turn off the ringer.  "If you're going to sit and glare at the phone all night, will you at least give the blankets back?"  She added. 

One side of Nick's mouth quirked upwards.  "Well, what'll you give me?"

"You're going to bargain?"  Stacy raised her eyebrows.

Nick yawned and shook his head.  "No... I changed my mind.  I'm too tired to talk."  He rolled back over, wrapped one arm around her waist and rested his head on her chest.  "You're my pillow tonight, kay?"  

"Okay."  She smiled, hugging him with the one arm she could reach him with. 

"'Night."  Nick added sleepily.  "Love you."