Ben woke up at way too early o’clock, and couldn’t get back to sleep at all. Not wanting to wake Nick, he slid out of bed and shuffled into the living room, giggling at the snores pouring out of Tony’s open mouth. Money, status, fame, celebrity…none of it could strip away the goofiness of basic humanity sometimes.

He pulled a can of pop out of the refrigerator and peeked out in the hall for…nothing. Just…to see what else goes on in hallways of such places in the morning. Not a whole lot. Seeing a newspaper on the floor, he picked it up and headed back in, hoping he could read or something without waking anyone. He didn’t like mornings…especially alone.

“Hey, Ben…what are you doing up so early, honey?” Solana rubbed her eyes, squinting at the light peeking in the room.

“Oh…did I wake you?”

“Nah, I gotta make a pit stop. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine…just can’t sleep.”

“Well, give me a second…we’ll have a pajama party in my room, okay?”

“I’ll bring the nail polish.”

When Solana returned, she poured herself a drink and grabbed the paper, popping Ben in the behind as he walked ahead of her. “You have an odd preoccupation with nail polish, by the way.”

“It’s my sisters’ fault. They make me weird.” He stood by the door, unsure of what to do. Solana was in full girlie mode, and didn’t even consider the questions that would be racing through the boy’s head.

“Come on…get in here…let’s see what’s happening in the world.”

He hopped in beside her and flipped through the sections of the paper, looking for the sports page. She leaned into him, reading over his shoulder and both stopped cold when they got to the second section.

“Oh shit…”

“The Lost Boys: How a Pop Sensation Came Undone. Oh Ben…this is not good.” They both stared at the dated picture of the Backstreet Boys from a 1999 concert, flying over the crowd on surf boards, Nick looking so different than he did now…young, heavy…just…different. “Undone? God, I had no idea it was this bad.”

“You knew something was up?”

“Well, a little, but he just doesn’t talk about much.”

“Definitely not to me…does he know about this article?”

Solana shrugged and popped the paper open, resting it between them so they both could see. As they began to read, they had to giggle at the second picture in the article and AJ’s lack of hair. “He has less hair than me!”

“Hush…I said I was sorry.”

“Eh, it’s growing back…I’ll forgive you.” Ben rubbed his head, truly glad it was growing back. He didn’t like it at all, even though it was an innocent accident.

“Good…”

“Which one’s Kevin?”

“This one right here. The one who’s looking at Nick’s butt.”

“Ew…are you a fan?”

“A little. Nothing major. I’ve been to the Tampa shows. Have the albums. That’s about it.”

“My sister’s nuts over them.”

“Yeah…they’re a good group for kids, but I guess lots of adults like ‘em too.”

“Why not you?”

“More into rock, Latin stuff…I don’t like the over production on their albums too much. But it’s fun music.”

“Don’t let Nick hear you say that.”

“I’ll say it to his face…I have a feeling he feels the same way anyway…that’s why he’s doing this solo thing now. To get his own stuff out there, you know?”

“Yeah, that’s what I was guessing too…anyway…I’m ready for the next page.”

“Okay…pg. 24…” Solana flipped the paper open and they both gawked at the length of the article. “Dear God. Oooh…look at him singing here. I was at this show!”

“Are they fun, the shows?”

“Oh yeah…high energy. They’re lots of fun.”

“I’ve never been to any concert.”

“Some day. You’ll get to one.”

They started reading again, gasping, tsking, shaking their heads at the things they learned, the money being thrown around without any consideration for individuals. It was a lousy life to lead. And she began to understand some of the fear he spoke of on the beach. It was all making sense.

“Why did they put up with this crap?”

“I have no idea…the benefits must outweigh the cost. I can’t imagine this much stress, especially at his age.”

“He started when he was my age, Miss Romero. There’s no way I could deal with this. I don’t even understand it!”

“He probably didn’t either…god.” She went back to the article and finished it, falling quiet at the final words printed there. It cut her like a knife.

Mr. Azoff is unconcerned with the current debate over tensions between the band and Mr. Carter. "Whether Nick is in the band or not, it doesn't frighten me," Mr. Azoff said. "The Eagles changed members three times, and it didn't hurt their career."

How cold and callous. No wonder Nick was so afraid, although lately…he’d not been acting it. But, who did he have to talk to about it all? Did he have someone he could trust, that would understand, provide support and sound advice? From the sounds of this article, it was unlikely. And it infuriated her.

Just as Ben sat back, having finished reading, the door to her room creaked open, a tussled blonde head peeking in.

“Oh now, see…I’m jealous.”

“And why’s that? You got to sleep in!”

“You left me for another woman!” Nick put his hand on his hip and flipped his “hair” back in a sign of feminine jealousy.

“Well, hell…look at her, Nick…she’s prettier than you in the morning! What do you expect?”

Ignoring the look on Solana’s face, because it was too early to figure out, he played along with Ben. “Yes, you do have a point. Much prettier.”

Ben fell quiet and glanced down at the paper in front of him, wanting to continue playing, but suddenly not feeling capable.

“What’s the matter guys? You look like someone just killed your puppy dog.”

Solana plopped the paper on the table, keeping the section with the Backstreet article on top. “I’m taking a shower…I need to think.”

“Oh…kay…” Nick looked down at the newsprint in front of him, still unsure as to why he was suddenly the victim of a first class pity party. Ben had disappeared into their room to get dressed and now Solana was locking the bathroom door…what the hell was going on?

And then he saw it. “Lost boys? Oh Jesus.”

Nick blew on his coffee and sat down, reading over his mug, flinching as the hot liquid touched his lips. Why he liked this shit, he never knew. Had to have it though, or the day just didn’t start right.

Not that coffee was going to fix the funky start to this one. This article was…well, it was sadly dead on accurate. Nick read through it quickly, skimming over some of the details because he’d lived them for ten years. Why read about it? But, he finally got Ben and Lani’s mood. And as awful as it was to read these words, he was more moved at how it seemed to be hitting them.

He tossed the paper aside and leaned back in the chair, trying to ignore Tony’s snoring. That man could make more noise…

Finally, Ben and Lani unearthed from their caves at the same time. You’d have thought they choreographed it. Unfortunately, the pathetic looks they had left with were still there. Time to do some damage control.

Lani tried to busy herself by getting immersed in the room service menu. “Anyone hungry?”

“Yep…starving. We can go downstairs to eat. I’m sick of being holed up here.”

“Oh, yeah…okay. Should we wake Tony?”

“He’ll get up…lemme shower real quick and we’ll go.”

Solana kept looking at the newspaper and back at Nick, hoping he’d say something and sighing with frustration when he wouldn’t. Ben just pretended to play a video game on mute. He wasn’t doing very well.

“Guys, look. The article. It sucks, but…it’s my life. It’s really okay.”

“But Nick, what they said at the end…that manager dude…he doesn’t even care if you come back or not!” Lani, the woman who all these months had been nothing less than a pillar of strength was actually standing in the middle of the room in a bathrobe and tears. She was really worried…and it blew Nick away.

“Lani…come here.”

“No. You can’t sweet talk your way out of this. What’s going on?”

“I’m not trying to…why are you crying?”

“Because…because…” She plopped down in a chair across the table from Nick and wrapped her bathrobe more tightly around her. “Because I care about you, Nick. And it seems like these people who you’ve given your life to…well, it just sounds like they don’t.”

“I don’t think they don’t care. They’re just…angry with me.”

“Why? Because you’re following a dream?”

“Because they think my timing sucks. They think I undermined them with the management stuff.”

“Did you?”

“No, not intentionally anyway. I never though we’d leave our management…I really didn’t. Kevin wanted to stay and what he says usually goes.”

“That had to get old too.”

“Well, yeah…it did. But this time, I went with it. Kwatz came and talked to me, offered me a deal and hell, I’m not fool. I took it. Saved me a lot of grief, you know? Only…” He ran a hand through his hair and leaned forward to the table resting his head in his hand. “…only it added grief instead.”

“Why can’t they see that?”

“I have no idea. They knew I wanted to do this. I’ve never been quiet about it.”

“So you didn’t intentionally betray them?”

Nick’s eyes shot up to her, wanting to make sure she totally understood this. “Absolutely not, Lani. I love them.”

“And they love you?”

“Well, that’s what I’m not so sure about anymore. It was obviously a bit one sided.”

They sat quietly for a few moments, soaking in what he was saying. She took his hand in hers and gently rubbed his knuckles under her thumb. “And you’re okay with that, or just being cocky about it so it doesn’t hurt so much?”

Man, she didn’t pull any punches, did she? And at the moment, he was glad. He’d ignored this for too long. “Right now, I’m okay with it. I did the cocky route already. You know that. And…it doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

“You’re sure about that?”

“Yeah, I’m sure…it hurt like hell.”

“No, I mean that you’re okay now.”

“Lani, I’ve never been more sure about something. I’m doing the right thing. And if they’re going to piss and moan about it…then let them piss and moan. I gave them 10 years of my life and now…I just want a chance to have a voice, you know?”

“Yep. I know. I just…it just seems so hurtful. You guys pull off this brotherhood to the public…”

“And it’s not so brotherly, is it?”

“Obviously not.”

“That’s why I’ve clung to Ben and…”

She looked up to him, hair still dripping from her shower and skin glowing from the sun shining in the room. She was radiant. “…and?”

“…and you. I’m finding a new family now, and really…I’m okay, Lani.”

“You weren’t so sure just a few months ago on the beach.”

“Things change. Priorities change. I’m doing this for me and I’ve never felt better.”

And somehow she believed it. His eyes didn’t lie and all she saw there was peace. She didn’t quite understand it, but figured it really wasn’t for her to understand. She had just been a fan…a cursory one at that. So all of the public image of brotherly love and unity was all she knew with these five guys. Now…now she could see it was just that. A public image. And as much as it sucked…she liked the man sitting in front of her too.

He was okay.

He stood and offered his hand to her, asking her to stand, wanting nothing more than to yank that fool robe off of her, carry her into the bedroom and have his way with her, make all the achiness go away. But, alas…that wasn’t going to happen. Ben was here, Tony was snoring and they still had that…court thing…hanging over their heads. Her concern moved him though and he didn’t know how to show his appreciation.

Then, it hit him.

“You guys wanna come to the studio today?”

“Yeah, Ben’s been looking forward to it.”

“And you?”

“Of course…I want to see you work.”

“Well, we might be able to arrange that. I’m done recording, but maybe we can set up some tracks or something…just fool around.”

“I’d like that. Go shower and we’ll go, huh?”

“Yeah…go kick Tony’s couch. Tell him I sent ya’.”

“Okay, you guys sit here. I’m goin’ inside the booth. I want you to hear something.”

Nick was like a little boy at Christmas, showing the visiting grandparents all of his treasures. He had taken Solana and Ben on a full studio tour, introducing them to anyone who showed the least bit of interest, pointing out equipment he’d used, rooms he’d worked in. He even showed them broom closets and bathrooms.

But now, he was getting downright jittery. He made sure they were seated and eyeballed the gentleman sitting at the soundboard. “You have it ready?”

“Yep…we’re ready to roll. Get in there.”

Nick stepped in the booth and smacked on the headphones, disappearing behind the large microphone. He flicked it with his fingers, looking to the tech for an okay on sound.

The large, bearded man pushed a button and leaned into a small microphone on the board. “You’re good, Nick. You ready?”

“Yeah…guys…maybe this will explain things a bit from this morning, okay?”

Knowing he couldn’t hear them from inside, they gave him two thumbs up and the music began. A nice, almost Fleetwood Mac feel. And then he opened his mouth and his heart and sang.

I want to thank you
For all the things you’ve done.
But most for choosing me to be the one.

Ben and Solana looked at each other and questioned with their eyes. “You or me?”

It’s funny how life can take new meaning
You came and changed what I believe in.

Solana shrugged and they looked back to Nick, holding each other’s hand, touched at this expression of his feelings. Nick saw the exchange and made sure they understood with eye contact and the standard hand gestures that it was for both of them.

The world on the outside’s trying to pull me in,
But they can’t touch me
Cuz I got you.

If the song continued, and it did, Solana and Ben didn’t hear it. They were stunned into their own private place where only the rhythm of the music continued in their heads. Finally, as the song ended, silence became louder than their thoughts and their trance was broken. Solana tapped the gentleman on the shoulder. “How do we talk to him?”

“Push this button right here and talk into the mic.”

“May I?”

He got up and gave her a seat at the huge board. It was overwhelming, but she kept her eyes on the one button he’d shown her. Nick was busy putting the headphones back, and snooping around the small room for something.

“Nick?”

He heard her quiet voice in the headphones and put them back on, turning to the window. “Yeah?” He was noticeably nervous, afraid maybe he’d stepped over a line by sharing how much these two people really meant to him. Every time he’d sung this song for recording purposes, he had visions of Solana and Ben. They had changed his life…and he hopefully had impacted theirs. It was their song to each other. At least in his heart, anyway.

“Thank you. Very much.”

He looked to her and glanced back at Ben who was looking down at the floor, unable to pick his gaze from where it landed as the depth of the words hit him. Someone really cared about him. Someone who didn’t need to, who wasn’t required to. Ben knew it all along, but now…he knew it.

“You’re welcome. I meant every word, Lani.”

“I know…and uh, so did we. Now get out here. I need a hug.”

He was going to let Ben play around on the drums for awhile, finally finding a decent pair of sticks back in the corner. But a hug? Okay, plans can change. He tossed the headphones onto the stool and ran out of the room, wrapping his arms around Solana and then Ben as he joined the huddle.

“You get it now? It just doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, I get it. And it does, but…it matters differently.”

“Okay. I’ll buy that.” Nick kissed the top of both of their heads and pulled back to look at them. “You ready to see New York City?”

“Yes…let’s go.”