“Mamí, I need more tea. Nicky, um…come help me?”

“I’ve got it.” Lani stood and Rosalie shouted.

“NO!” Scaring herself at her own passion, she stopped and looked at the floor. “Lo siento, Mamí. I want Nicky, please.”

Nick waited for no one’s permission, he just got up to help his baby. He was so angry he couldn’t even see straight anyway. They should have talked. They should have discussed. This popping in and out with this man was messing up Ro and he knew it. Worse yet, he knew Lani knew it. He’d never seen her as irresponsible or unreasonable, but when it came to Neron…everything changed. And Nick was none too happy about it.

He scooped Rosalie up off the floor and she squirmed back down. “Don’t touch me right now.”

“Okay…”

They got to the counter and stood and stared at it. And then they stared at each other. “Don’t look at me.”

He reached for the pot and she pulled it away. He looked at her and she turned her back on him. Nick was losing his patience. “I can’t touch you. I can’t look at you and I can’t take the teapot. Why did you want my help?”

“Put me on the counter.”

“Without touching you?”

Rosalie stomped her foot and slammed the pot onto the counter, grimacing in fear that she’d cracked it already. “Just put me on the COUNTER!”

Nick squatted down to her and took hold of her shoulders, making her look at him square in the eye. “Rosalie, you’re angry. I get that, but you will not speak to me this way, you understand?”

“Please put me on the counter.” She never blinked. Just like her mother when she was mad. It was almost spooky. As he lifted her, she made one more demand. “…and then don’t touch me.”

He did as commanded and then leaned into her, both arms on either side of her small frame, both eyes trying to read the confusion that was pouring out of her every move, her every breath, her every attempt to speak and retreat in fear she’d fail. “I’m angry too, Ro.”

Regardless of her request to keep his hands off, he just couldn’t do it. He had to brush her arm, her cheek, something. Something to say, “I’m with you”, something to express the words that neither the English nor the Spanish language provided for the emotions they were both feeling. And then, he understood why he wasn’t to touch her.

She didn’t just cry. She sobbed. She fell apart. She snorted. She fussed. She tried to talk amongst her tears and hiccupped when her breath came faster than her words. She hated Neron. She hated Mamí. She hated tea. She hated everything.

He just let her go, hoping Lani could hear, praying she didn’t. He held her close, whispered in her ear, let her lead because for now anyway, her feelings were more important than his. She sniffed a few times, wiping her drippy nose on his sleeve and finally meeting her swollen brown eyes to his pained, darkening blue ones.

“’cept for Nicky. I dun hate Nicky.”

“You don’t hate Mamí either, Muñe.”

Ro had to consider that one for a moment, and sniffed and swiped her nose a few times to think it through. “No, I don’t hate Mamí. I just want him to go home now. He s’pposed to call first!”

“That’s what I thought too…”

Rosalie wrapped her chubby arms around Nick’s neck and snuggled in again. “I don’t want you to go to California.”

“I have to, baby. You’ll be okay.”

“Not if he keeps coming over. Nicky, she can’t make me like him!”

“No, and I don’t think she’s trying to do that.”

They stayed in the kitchen for a long time; Nick was surprised Lani didn’t come looking for them. He wasn’t surprised Neron didn’t have the decency to see what this was doing to his daughter and leave. Then again, why didn’t Lani make him leave? Why did she allow him to intrude again? As Nick pondered all of these questions and held onto his girl, Rosalie’s metered breathing became ragged again. He waited for her to talk, running his fingers through her curls, silently urging her on. “I scared.”

“What of?” He pulled back and took her face in his hands. He knew her answer. Somehow, he had to assure her.

“That…th…that…” Ro hiccupped again and growled in frustration. “That he’ll come over all the time when you’re gone and he’ll be my daddy. And…and then you’ll be gone. And not come back. And I’ll…and Mamí will…” Her tears started up again and she couldn’t finish. She just let him cup her face and wipe her tears away as quickly as he could.

“Muñe, I don’t know what will happen when I’m gone. I can’t tell you he won’t come over. That is totally Mamí’s decision.” She blinked and more tears poured out of her squinted eyes. “What I do know is this…” He took one of her hands and put it on his chest. “…my heart? Where you live in it? That won’t go away. You are a part me now, baby. Mamí, Neron, Ben, school, my job, time, nothing…nothing will ever change that.”

She continued crying quietly, only pulling her gaze out of his long enough to blink away more tears. “D…do you know how big your spot is in my heart, Nicky?”

“Not as big as yours is in mine.” He stood up full to show his assurance…and his smile.

“Nuh-huh…it’s bigger.”

“Yuh-huh.”

“Nuh-huh.”

“Yuh-huh.”

“Nuh-…Nicky. You being silly now.”

He grinned and kissed her forehead, taking her face in his hands again. “No matter what, Ro? I love you. Nothing will ever change that, you got it?”

She nodded and forced a shy smile. “The tea’s in the blue pitcher.” She kissed his lips softly and watched him pour the juice. “…but he still can’t sit at our table.”

“Our table’s closed, isn’t it?”

“To him? Sí, se cierra.”

“You know…I need to go.” Neron tossed back the last of his apple juice tea and got up to put his cup on the miniature table where everyone else was seated. He was not welcome here today.

“Bye!”

Nick gently kicked Rosalie’s foot under the table and tried to hide his smirk in a very ineffective glare. Lani ignored them both, knowing full well once Neron walked out the door World War III was going to break out in her home. Not that his presence had been all that pleasant either. “Let me walk you out.”

“Bye!” Rosalie repeated, beating Nick to the punch by kicking him under the table - just forgetting the gentle part.

“OW! Ro…”

With a giggle and a kiss to Nick’s cheek, she followed Neron and her mother out leaving Nick to sit alone in the pink and lavender room with Dora and the remains of an interrupted afternoon.

“Fun party, huh, Dora?” He heaved a sigh and took on the role of butler to his princess’s tea party.

Which wouldn’t have been so bad had Lani not returned with yet another visitor.

“Nick…dude…”

Nick stood up full, the small loaded tray balancing on his left hand as he tried to bend over and push the chairs in without tipping everything over. “Ben…jesus…take this for me. I’m about to pour juice everywhere.”

Ben cracked up and took the tray, quickly passing it off to Lani lest he get girl germs. He had acquired enough of those from his sisters. “Where’ve you been? I never see you anymore.”

“Here mostly…” Nick finished picking up Rosalie’s dumped papers and got them onto the table and wrapped his arms around Ben, thumping his back, realizing how much he missed the kid.

“I’m just down the street, man…you need to come over.”

“Yeah, I know…I’m sorry. I’m takin’ off next week for a month too.”

“Benny!!!” Rosalie ran in from god knew where and almost knocked Ben onto his backside. “You don’t come see me anymore.”

Nick raised an eyebrow at Ben, smug at the teen’s own point of neglect. “Uh-huh…talk to me about livin’ up the street…”

“Shut up.” He squatted down to Rosalie and made her an offer she couldn’t refuse. “Guess what, Ro…Amy and Liz have the castle stuff set up and they wanted you to come over and play.”

“The castle!!! Mamí? Can I go to Benny’s house?”

Lani had been standing in the doorway, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in her own home, unsure of much of anything. “Yeah, sure…you rode your bike here, didn’t you, Ben?”

“Yeah, I’ll walk her back then get the bike when I bring her home.”

Lani nodded her okay, silently wondering if these boys truly had that good of a connection or if luck was just on her side. Or the devil. She couldn’t decide which. She knew the conversation that awaited her and Nick was not going to be a pleasant one. She could feel it in the air, see it in his eyes and sense it in her heart. Not pleasant at all.

Ben picked up Rosalie and tossed her over his shoulder. “Wait! I need shoes!”

Nick found her tennis shoes and slipped them on, tying them upside down as Rosalie giggled and kicked, blood rushing to her head. “You be good, Muñe.” He tickled her sides and pushed them out of Rosalie’s room, stopping Ben for one more thing. “What’s up tomorrow? Got anything?”

“Nope…”

“I’ll pick you up for lunch. Just you and me, okay?”

“Yeah, man…yeah.” Ben put the wiggly worm down and told her he’d meet her outside taking a moment for rare sentimentality. “I miss you.”

“Yeah…I miss you, too. Tomorrow will just be us…like old times.”

Ben went for the hug first and this time no backs were slapped in manly discomfort. It was time to catch up with each other. Remind each other about being bad. About being good. About becoming men.

Lani clicked the front door closed and stood, staring at the knob, the grain of the wood of the door, the small layer of dust that had collected on top of the dead bolt lock. The urge to reopen it and run out, never stopping until her body gave out was an overwhelming one. Good thing she hated to run.

She finally heard Nick shift behind her and knew she couldn’t put this off one second longer. It would just be easier if she knew exactly what “this” was. Before turning to him, she took the first step at figuring it all out.

“I’m sorry, Nick.”

“Tell that to Ro.”

His anger was so stinging cold, it burned through her back straight to her heart. Had she looked down, she could have sworn she’d see singed threads of fabric at her chest. With a deep breath, she finally turned to meet her accuser. “I’m telling you.”

Nick dug into his pocket and jingled his keys. Now he was the one fighting the urge to walk out, but he knew if he did, he’d be doing more damage than good. Leaning his backside against the back of the overstuffed chair, he finally resigned himself to be as honest as he could be…to take the risk of hurting Lani. Of saying things he shouldn’t. He just knew that things couldn’t continue on this way. “Thank you, but she needs to be your concern now.”

“You don’t think I know that?”

“Honestly, I’m not so sure.”

“What!? How dare you!?”

Nick stood and pulled the keys he’d never released out of his pocket and flipped them around to hold onto the remote lock. “Just forget it, Lani. You do what you have to do.” He brushed past her to leave, but her hand made it to the door knob first, knocking his away, the thought of seeing him disappear right now actually worse than the thought of having this conversation.

“No. You are not going to shut this down, Nick. Talk to me.”

His eyes fired rage into hers. “You really have no idea, do you?”

She knew. Somewhere inside of her she knew. She just didn’t expect Nick to know. Didn’t like the idea that he was as tuned in to Rosalie as he was…that she suddenly felt like an outcast in her own family. “I’m not stupid, Nick. I know. But I want to hear what you have to say to me.”

“Will it make any difference?”

Not having an answer for that, Lani headed into the kitchen and started loading the dishes from their tea party into the dishwasher. Some party. It was crashed, ruined and basically destroyed. “So, what took you guys so long out here?”

Nick came in to help, but Lani yanked a cup from his hand and loaded things up herself. “Ro was upset.” He tried again and was met with the same resistance. With a growl, he walked around the counter and planted himself on a bar stool. “Lani, don’t you see!?”

“I just don’t know what else to do.”

“You always know what to do with the kids at the center – why can’t you see what’s going on with your own child?”

She slammed the last mug onto the counter. “I can see fine.” And what she saw was that she was going in this blindly. As a parent, she had no clue. It wasn’t the same as being a social worker. “It’s just that…pat, book-learned answers aren’t so easy when it’s your own kid.”

“That shouldn’t be news to you, Lani…”

“Then maybe I’m just a big fool.” She angrily grabbed the mug and slammed it into the dishwasher, slamming the door closed, slamming everything she could.

“Oh, give me a break.” He watched her slam and crash around, amazed at the woman before his eyes. This was not the Lani he fell in love with. She always knew what to do, how to handle a situation, especially where her daughter was concerned.

“So, since you seem to have all the answers, Mr. Carter…how ‘bout filling me in.”

“Fine, here’s a thought. How ‘bout just quit giving Neron free reign over your life, huh? There are legal ways to take care of this.”

“How do you just tell a man he can’t see his child?” She continued slamming around, getting meat out of the freezer, tossing it into the microwave to defrost, opening and closing cabinets for no reason…at least to Nick’s eyes for no reason.

“I don’t know, Lan… I don’t see how this is any different from any other unfit parent you deal with.”

“Unfit? Who’s to say he’s unfit?”

“HE FUCKING LEFT YOU!!!” Nick’s voice echoed through the house and he got up from the stool fighting every urge within himself to go over and shake Lani. Instead, he paced.

“But now, he’s back.”

Her calm angered him more. Was he jealous? Was he truly concerned for Rosalie? Why did she seem so flippantly okay with this when just weeks ago she seemed ready to tell the man to buzz off? “Maybe he’s not back for Rosalie.”

“Oh, you think you got this all figured out, huh?”

“Lani…dammit, no I don’t. I haven’t a fucking clue, but it just seems to make sense. He sees you on TV with me, comes and warns you…disappears for a few months, hangs around downright stalking us, and then BAM. Shows up to be the sweet little Christmas Elf. He can’t even respect your simple request that he call first so Rosalie can be prepared. He’s obviously not in this for her.”

Lani finally stopped her frantic work of dinner and watched the man she loved, the man she trusted more than any man on the planet, pace and fret and worry and steam. But now, he’d questioned her mothering skills and while he might have had a point, she couldn’t overcome her pride. Not yet anyway. “Why does he threaten you so much?”

Nick stopped in mid-step and spun around, feeling like he was looking at Lani for the first time in his life. This had to be a stranger standing in front of him.

“The question is, Lani…why does he threaten you?”