Her lame attempt at strength deflated as she dumped a stirring spoon into the sink and turned the burner down on the stove. If anything edible came out of this meal, it’d be a miracle. She left the food to simmer and walked into the living room, not even looking at Nick as she passed him. She slipped into the overstuffed chair, wishing it would just swallow her up.

Nick waited for a response. A sound. A dismissal. Anything. But all she did was walk by him, turn her back on him and hide in the chair. She didn’t even open up enough to pull her hair out from her back as it got trapped against the chair. He approached her, not to touch her or offer support, but maybe…to somehow get on her level. Figure out where she was. Because as it was, he was lost.

“He doesn’t threaten me.”

“What?” She’d said it so softly, he wanted to be sure.

“I said,” she looked up to him as he sat on the couch and had to look away. “He doesn’t threaten me.” She curled her legs up to her chest and rested her forehead on her knees.

Nick continued to wait. He didn’t believe her. She didn’t believe her. So, he let her sit in silence.

And then, after sitting, he couldn’t stand it anymore. “Lani, all I’m saying is that I wish you’d face what this is doing to Ro. She’s scared and confused. He needs to either be in her life so she can adjust or he needs to be gone.”

Lani lifted her head and rested her cheek on her knee, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with exhaustion. “You come and go…”

Nick gaped. “Excuse me?”

“You’re not a consistent presence in her life either. Ever occur to you that that’s difficult on her as well?”

“Does she cry herself to sleep when I’m gone?”

“Well, no…but she is moodier.”

Nick raised an eyebrow at her lame attempt to turn this one around on him. “She knows I’ll be back, Lani. She knows. And so do you. Don’t pull this shit with me.”

“I’m sorry, Nick. But you seem to think this is so black and white and the truth is, you DO come and go…you’re leaving next week and will be gone for a month. I knew that going in, but it does cloud things for her.”

“It clouded nothing before that jackass showed back up.”

She turned her face back to her legs, closing off from the conversation and as far as Nick was concerned, from him entirely. He gave her a few more moments to say more, but when she didn’t, he got up and fetched his keys from where he’d tossed them on the counter.

“Know what, Lani…I’ve said what I needed to say. I’m goin’ home and tomorrow I’m goin’ out with Ben. If Ro wants me before Thursday night, you have my number.” He reached the door and turned the knob, amazed they had come to this point. “Otherwise…just…just let me be. I’ll come by Thursday to say good bye to her before my flight, okay?”

“You’re leaving?”

“Yeah, Lani. I’m leaving. I can’t compete with this. When you’ve got it all worked out, you let me know.”

The door clicked behind him and Lani was left in icy, frozen silence.

“Well, howdy stranger. I thought you’d forgotten about us.”

“Hi, Patty. I’d never forget about you!” Nick kissed Ben’s mom on the cheek and stepped inside, surveying the disaster that had already become their new home.

“Heh, yeah…house is a bit of a mess. Five kids, you know.” She nervously started tidying up and Nick tried to ignore her, catching Amy’s eye from around the corner of the hall.

“I see you…”

“No!” Her giggle echoed against the walls and her blonde wispy curls popped back around the corner.

“I’m comin’ to get you…”

“No!” Her bare feet padded across the wooden floor and he snuck around the corner just as her diapered bottom disappeared into one of the bedrooms, swiftly followed by a shriek.

“GOTCHA!” The diapered bottom led back out, followed by stubby legs and a big brother trying to carry her over his shoulder and avoid getting nailed by her flailing feet. “Alright, Nick…get her now…tickle her good.”

The tickle fest began and Nick’s guilt at ignoring this family for the problems at Lani’s washed over him. He stopped tickling Amy with a kiss to her belly and sat back on his feet. “Where’s everybody else?”

On cue, Jack stepped out of his room, having been interrupted in a smashing Game Boy game by all of the commotion in the hallway. “Could you all be any louder?”

“Probably, want me to try?” Nick went back at Amy’s belly and Jack stepped over the pile of people shaking his head all the way. “When’d he become Mr. Serious?”

“No idea…you ready to go?”

“Tickle more!!!” Amy yanked Nick back down by the hem of his shirt and he gave her a few more moments of his attention. She was getting so big so fast. Where had he been?

“Okay, sweetie…we gotta go. Go tickle Jack. He seems grouchy.”

The boys watched her take off and got up, brushing their knees of the grit from the floor while Ben avoided Nick’s glance as best as he could. “Lemme get my sketch pad. Wanna show you some stuff.”

Once on their way, Nick fell silent, mulling over his previous day, wondering what was going on in the Casey house to get it to such a disastrous state so quickly, worrying about leaving Lani and Rosalie in less than a week and yet not really wanting to go deal with what he’d left there. Maybe this month away was the best thing. Carrying everyone else’s burdens was for the birds.

“Where we goin’?”

“Huh? Oh, um…how ‘bout Gameworks? Haven’t been there in awhile.”

“Sounds good. I feel the need to shoot at some aliens or something anyway.”

“You and me both.”

They fell into a comfortable silence as Nick hit the highway, both of them happily leaving their cares back in Ruskin. Yeah, so they were only miles north. Tonight anyway, it felt like miles upon miles upon miles and they both welcomed it.

With a pizza on order, they sat back and soaked in the noises and sites around them. Ben shoved his sketch pad across the table, knocking Nick out of a strange trance as it hit his elbow. “Dude. Where are you?”

“Eh, sorry. I’m…” He opened the notebook and blinked in surprise. Someone had been honing their craft. “Christ, Ben…”

“Yeah…I’ve been drawin’ a lot lately. Ron got me into anime and manga and stuff. I love it.”

“You’re good at it too. Who are some of these people?”

Ben educated Nick on the fine details of his favorite new hobby. Drawing, manga, story telling through art. “I’m having trouble with hands tho’, so I have ‘em hidden in pockets or under big sleeves or something.”

“Hands are a bitch.”

“Yes, yes they are. Eyes can be too. I mean, EVERYthing is in the eyes, you know?” Ben let Nick flip through the pages, proud of his work, proud of how much he’d improved and happy he’d kept this little surprise from Nick until he had enough stuff he could confidently show off.

“Yeah, but body language says a lot too and you’ve got that down. Ben…this stuff is amazing.”

“Thanks. Will, um…will you look at something for me?” Ben took the book and flipped to the back of it, sliding it back across the table.

Nick looked down and blinked again, amazed at the emotion he saw jumping from the page. He didn’t know the characters, didn’t even care who they were, but it was a teenaged boy and a teenaged girl…obviously caring deeply for one another. He was comforting her, holding her, her hair blowing in a gentle breeze. Vague nuances of background scenery filled the page and lyrics to a song that Nick didn’t recognize decorated the top corner adding even more poignancy to the picture.

“I wanna finish it up, shading, maybe a little color, yanno…and then give it to Erin for Valentine’s Day. Is it…I mean…is it too much?”

“She’ll love it, Ben…get it framed up real nice.”

“Yeah…I suck at words, but…” Ben took back his sketch book and looked over his work, touching the drawn face of the girl as though it was Erin.

Nick just watched, missing Lani’s face at his fingertips. “I get that.” Her voice, her hair, her smile, her daughter. It hadn’t even been 24 hours, but he knew that when he saw her next, nothing would feel the same. “I can’t seem to find the right words myself lately.”

Ben pulled himself from his own thoughts and met Nick in the middle of his own. “Maybe words aren’t what you need right now.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Thanks for lettin’ me spend the night.”

“No problem. It’s been too long.” Nick tossed a bag of chips onto the couch and dug between the cushions for the remote.

“Will you be able to wake up enough to drive me to school?”

“Eh, my eyes will be open anyway.” Tossing himself onto the couch next, Nick kicked his shoes across the room and slammed his feet up on the coffee table. “Open those chips, dude.”

Ben fumbled with the bag and stopped, looking up at Nick with a snide smirk. “You do realize that I’ll be able to drive myself in less than a year.”

“You do realize that I do not want to hear that?”

“Hey now…I thought you said you were gonna be there when I learned how to drive.”

“And I will. Never said I wanted to think about it tho’.” Chuckling at Ben’s inability to open the bag, Nick offered a smirk of his own. “Need some help?” The bag sprung open and chips flew out, some landing right on Nick’s lap. “Thanks…air mail.”

They ate in temporary silence, Nick finally flipping the stereo on not particularly wanting to hear every crunch, munch and lick coming from their salt-fest. Besides, the music could drown out his thoughts, Ben’s thoughts and make them feel smaller so nothing seemed quite as insurmountable as it always did in the silence.

“So, what’s up at home?”

Ben crunched down on a chip and shot a look of distaste to Nick. He didn’t want to think about home. “Same shit.”

“Like?”

“Like Mom’s never home and when she is, she’s just lumpin’ around. Kitty and I are doing everything…”

Nick raised an eyebrow at Ben, remembering how un-everything the living room had looked. “Everything, huh?”

“Okay, so not everything. How’s this? If it gets done? Kitty or I did it. Or Jack. He cooks sometimes, but Kitty has to help. We do laundry, bathe Amy, remind Liz to do it, make everyone do their homework…it’s like Mom has left the building.”

“Darren?”

Ben shrugged and found a skin snag to pick at around his finger nail. “Probably.”

“You think she’s druggin’ again?”

“I dunno, man. I don’t think so. I just think…” Ben sighed and got up to dig through Nick’s DVD collection. “I think she’s depressed again? But she’s supposed to be taking something for that…I just want my mom back.”

“I know the feeling…”

Ben pulled out some obscure slasher flick and finally looked up at Nick. The darkening blues in their eyes showing off the sadness there. “Yeah, it’s not good, is it?”

“I’m just stayin’ the hell away. You still goin’ down for spring break?”

“I’m supposed to, yeah. Why? You think I shouldn’t?”

“I dunno, man. I wouldn’t wanna be down there, but I’d get sucked into it. None of their games should touch you.” Nick took one last chip and wadded the bag closed. Closing the conversation he started would be nice, too.

“Aaron and I were just hoping to spend a lot of time out on the water. Maybe drive down to the Keys for a few days…”

“Sounds good. You need a getaway anyway. Just be careful, okay?” Nick got up and headed to the kitchen. “Drink?”

“Yeah.” Ben joined him and hiked himself up on the counter, opening the cabinet for Nick to toss the chips in. “Be careful?”

“Aaron knows lots of ways to get into trouble. I dunno if living with dad’s making it better or worse.”

“Can’t be any worse than home is now.”

“Yeah, Ben. It can be. Trust me. I don’t know what your mom’s doing or not doing, but whenever she gets her head back on straight, she loves you guys. She just gets messed up sometimes.”

Ben leaned his head back onto the cabinet and closed his eyes. Nick was right. It was just so hard to care about something when you didn’t see your mom caring about anything either. He was sick of being the token Dad in the house. The idea that he could go off and play and just be a 14 yr. old guy was more appealing than he could imagine. “I just need a break.”

“And you’ll get it.”

“I also want Darren to go away.”

“Is he hanging around all the time now?”

“All the time? Nah.” Ben hopped off the counter and grabbed his drink, heading back to the couch and hopefully a mindless movie. “But more, yeah. Wants Amy to call him ‘Daddy.’ Dickhead.”

“Jesus, what the fuck is in the water down here?”

“Neron?”

“Yep. Keeps poppin’ in whenever he feels like it. Ro’s all fucked up about it.”

“Miss Romero’s letting that go on?”

Nick took a swig of his pop and belched. “Yup. And I’m done playing games.”

“That’s not right, man. Doesn’t sound like her either.”

“She’s gotta do what she’s gotta do. But so do I. And tonight, I gotta watch a bad horror movie.” With another belch, he kicked his feet up onto the coffee table and knocked Ben in the arm with his can of pop. “Hit play.”