Ronni sat back in her chair and smiled. Dear Nick, you dumb son of a bitch. Ronni stretched her arms up over her head and swiveled her neck. Men! The stupidest creatures on the planet. And so easily led. You just had to grab them by their dick. And that was certainly a handful in Nick’s case, remembered Ronni with a smile. James was well-endowed, but Nick was super-sized. James had more finesse, but that didn’t matter. Ronni really wasn’t after Nick for the sex. She might not even fuck him once she had him wanting her. She just wanted to win the game.
And the name of the game was Destroy Ducky.
Ronni didn’t even know why anymore. She just felt competitive with Abby. There had never been a time when Abby had won. Ronni knew that she was more beautiful…way, way, way more beautiful than Abby. She had more style and presence. She was on the same social footing now, and she had more friends. She didn’t have as much money, but she had more than she could ever spend and they’d get a whole lot more when James’ parents croaked. She had a better husband. Abby was married to Ronni’s castoff, after all, someone that wasn’t good enough for Ronni. So why was it, she wondered, that every time Abby walked into the room, Ronni felt inferior?
Ronni wasn’t much for introspection and chased the thoughts away quickly. She turned back to the keyboard.
Dear Nick,
She had done this very well, she thought. She had begun the correspondence on a business level. If Nick had been smart…she laughed to herself at that thought…he would have ignored her, he would have just not answered the email. But he did. Whether he was just being polite or stupid or horny, it didn’t matter. He had answered the email and Ronni answered back and that made it a correspondence. And when Ducky found out about it…
Ronni was keeping very quiet around Abby. She had stopped inviting her out because she was afraid she’d let something slip…and because she didn’t enjoy her company all that much anyway. She was pissed at Maggie and Clarice who had inquired after Abby and said that they had enjoyed having lunch with her. Well, go do it then, Ronni had told them nastily, but I’ve got better things to do.
Ronni’s first email to Nick had been very business-like. Ronni Fenton. Very formal. She’d signed the next one ‘Ronni’ and all the rest ‘Love, Ronni’. She had gone from all business to all personal in a very short time. She didn’t even mention the concert anymore, just talked about her daily life and threw in reminders of things they had done in California together. Not bad for ten days work!
Nick was bewildered by it, she could tell, but she didn’t care. He kept answering and that was all that counted. At one point, he’d tried to object, saying that maybe it wasn’t proper that they be doing this. She replied that she didn’t see what was improper, they were just old friends and besides, Abby had her correspondence with Philip Randall, didn’t she? She wondered if she’d gone too far with that one, but Nick had replied and had ignored the statement. Interesting, thought Ronni.
Ronni didn’t say anything too blatantly sexy. She wasn’t trying to seduce him over email, she just wanted him to keep her in his head, so that when she saw him again… She was proud of her behavior the night of the concert. She had been tempted to be a little more forceful, grind up against him or slip him the tongue, but she hadn’t because she thought it might frighten him off.
And he had kissed her back…no doubt about that, she thought with a smug smile. Yessir, when questioned, Mr. Carter would have to confess to his wife that he had kissed another woman while she lay sick in her bed…and then had carried on an email correspondence…and then… Ronni didn’t know what the ‘and then’ was going to be, but she was going to make something happen in Chicago, that was for damned sure!
Dear Nick,
Can you believe that tomorrow is June?...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dear Nick,
Well, I’m off to the Big Apple for the weekend. I’m a little nervous. You know me, I don’t like to be ‘front and center’. I hope I don’t say something silly.
Enjoy the concerts. I hope you aren’t hotel-bound. It’s been raining in Charlotte for three days.
Have a nice weekend. I’ll talk to you Monday.
Take care,
Abby
She looked at the message. I’ve been reduced to talking about the weather, she thought with a sigh. She rolled her eyes at herself. What? You think you should say what you’re really thinking…that you’re scared to death to put yourself out there…that you don’t know what you’ll do if they don’t like Princess Penelope…that you’re afraid you’ll be ridiculed as being a no-talent rich girl who is dabbling in the arts, trying to buy herself some celebrity…that you’re afraid you’re losing your husband, even just as a friend…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Nick was so hung over he could barely walk. It had been a long bus ride, all night and well into the afternoon of the next day. Nick had spent the evening getting hammered with Terence and AJ. Well, Terence and AJ weren’t getting drunk, but Nick sure was. And the other two encouraged it, because they were hoping he’d lose his inhibitions to the point where he’d talk about what was bothering him.
Terence was worried enough that he had gone to AJ. If Nick got pissed and fired him, well, so be it, but Terence felt he had to do something. He suggested to AJ that it was going to be a long, lonely bus ride. Maybe some company would be a good idea. AJ caught on immediately and said that Nick and Terence were more than welcome on his bus. Terence shook his head and said that AJ’s bus was ‘dry’ and he thought maybe Nick needed to let his hair down a little.
“He wouldn’t let his hair down in front of Marco, would he?” asked AJ, referring to his own bodyguard.
Terence shook his head.
“Why don’t I ride your bus, then? We’ll get him drunk and wring him dry.”
“You okay with that, AJ? I mean, I wouldn’t want to put you…” Terence wasn’t sure how close he was to stepping over a line.
“…in the path of temptation?” asked AJ. He laughed at Terence’s sheepish nod. “Nah, I’m cool. And watching someone drink himself stupid will be a reminder to me that staying sober is a good thing.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~“So it’s June tomorrow,” said AJ.
“Yeah,” said Nick. “Another month gone.”
“And another one to look forward to. There’s a lot happening this month…”
“Yeah, a lot,” said Nick, half to himself. Then he tipped up the bottle to his lips and drained it.
AJ looked over at Terence and raised his eyebrows. Terence held up his hands, six fingers showing. Nick was working on his sixth beer.
Nick set the bottle down and looked out into the night. There was nothing to see but his own reflection in the window. He wasn’t sure he wanted to look at that.
Nick had spent a lot of time thinking in the past of couple of days. Thinking about Abby. Thinking about Ronni. And he’d come to some conclusions.
His first conclusion was that he had to be the stupidest animal on the planet for even having these thoughts. He had something good going with Abby and he might be putting it in jeopardy. Not because he had any intentions of doing anything with Ronni…he didn’t…but because of what he had done so far and how it would look.
His second conclusion was that he really didn’t want Ronni. What he wanted…what he needed…was for her to want him. She had rejected him…cruelly, callously, indifferently. That was it, he thought. Indifferently. He hadn’t mattered at all. He remembered that phone call. I’m married. Please be happy for me. Nothing in there about Nick. No ‘sorry’, no ‘are you okay?’, no nothing… Nick recalled the conversation and realized that Ronni hadn’t even mentioned him…didn’t even ask where he was or what kind of vacation she was ruining with her betrayal.
So having her make a play for him…he was in no doubt that that was what she was doing…was flattering. It helped to take away some of the pain of rejection. He didn’t question why he was still feeling that pain a year later. He knew why. Because that’s who he was. He could still feel the pain and rejection from his first girlfriend in grade school. He could remember every hurtful thing that any woman had ever said or done to him. And Ronni’s betrayal had been the ultimate hurt. Because Nick had been standing there with a fucking engagement ring in his hand when she’d done it. He’d been ready to offer himself completely…to give her everything. And she didn’t want anything from him. She didn’t want him. Her words came back to him…all that California crap.
“…girl in Chicago, what’s her name…Ronni?” AJ’s voice broke into his thoughts.
Nick gave a guilty start. Could AJ read his mind?
“What?” Nick turned from the window. He accepted the beer that Terence was holding out to him.
“Howie said that was your last girlfriend…before Abby.”
Nick nodded. He wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about this. He took a swig from the bottle to give himself some time to organize his thoughts.
“Howie said you were practically living together,” continued AJ. “How come no one knew about her?”
“We weren’t doing anything…the group, I mean…you, me, the Boys…”
“I know who the group is, Nick,” said AJ, wondering if Nick was being deliberately evasive or just drunk.
“I mean that I wasn’t in the news, I wasn’t doing anything public. You were the only one out there. You were doing your solo tour. All the attention was focused on you.”
AJ nodded. He had the timeline now. It was interesting how he could pinpoint every spot in his life by a reference to what they were doing musically. Someone would mention an event and he would try to remember. Then one of them would say, You remember, AJ, it was right after we released the video for The One. That would bring the time right into focus. The Black and Blue Tour, however, was one big, black hole of alcohol- and drug-induced amnesia.
“I met her at your launch party, in fact,” said Nick. “She was one of the waitresses.”
AJ nodded. Okay, now he had the exact date. “So you were together…?”
Nick shrugged. “A few months.” He swallowed some more beer. He tried to think of a way to change the subject. “We got anything to eat?” he asked Terence.
“I’ll take a look, Boss,” said Terence, rising to his feet. “You want another beer while I’m up?”
Nick looked at the bottle in his hand. It was nearly empty. “Sure,” he said. “What about you, Bone? I mean…”
“Yeah, bring me some more of this,” said AJ, holding up the can of iced tea.
Terence moved past them into the kitchenette. Nick followed him with his eyes. He glanced at his computer, sitting on the table. Abby, he thought, and then…Ronni.
“She’s a pretty hot-looking woman,” said AJ, dragging Nick’s attention back to him.
“Yeah, she’s gorgeous,” said Nick. “So what?”
“So nothing,” replied AJ. “I’m just surprised that you…you know, weren’t out there…getting noticed…”
Nick sighed. “It wasn’t from her lack of trying, that’s for sure.”
AJ raised his eyebrows. Nick explained that Ronni had come to California to break into acting. She had, of course, wanted to meet anyone that Nick knew in the business.
“She didn’t get it that I didn’t really know people in the acting business. She figured that since I was famous, everyone would know me and therefore, I would know everyone. You know what I mean?” Nick wasn’t sure he was explaining this very well, and he was pretty sure he’d slurred the word ‘famous’, making it sound like ‘famush’.
“Uh huh,” said AJ. “Been there, done that, got the scars…”
“No, I don’t mean that she was just using me.” Nick laughed. “It wouldn’t have done her any good anyway. She was a pretty lousy actress. I think she was coming to that realization by the time we got together. We didn’t do a lot of public shit, just mostly hung with Troy and Chelle, people like that. I was taking care of business business…money and shit…getting my life together…dealing with personal stuff…acting like a grownup.”
AJ nodded. He knew what Nick meant by ‘personal stuff’. He meant his mother. AJ had had some ‘personal stuff’ with his own mother over the years.
“Cleaning out your closet?” laughed AJ.
“Yeah,” said Nick. He tipped his head back and sang. “That’s my life. I’d like to welcome you all to the Nick Carter show.”
AJ took the next line. “I’m sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you…” he sang.
Nick laughed and went on, “I never meant to make you cry.”
Terence appeared from the kitchen area and the three men finished it together. “…but tonight I’m cleanin’ out my closet.”
They talked about music while Terence handed around sandwiches and potato chips. Nick was glad that the Ronni conversation was over. He’d lost count of the number of beers he’d had, but it was a lot. Seven or eight, at least, he guessed. He was having trouble putting sentences together. He figured he’d eat the sandwiches and if that didn’t sober him up a bit, he’d head for bed.
“So why’d you break up?”
Nick looked up. Determination was written on AJ’s face like it was one of his tattoos. He wanted to know.
Nick sighed. “She dumped me…went off and married her high school sweetheart…moved back to Chicago.” He shrugged, as if it were unimportant.
AJ pondered that for a moment. “How long before you met Abby?”
Nick grinned…a loose, drunken smile. “Coupla hours,” he said.
AJ’s eyes bugged out. “A couple of hours?”
Nick nodded, and the sudden spinning of the room made him decide not to do that any more. “Yeah,” he said. “We were at the same hotel.”
“The lodge in Michigan,” said AJ half to himself.
“Yeah.”
Nick closed his eyes. He saw Abby standing on the rocks, unbuttoning her blouse. He saw himself move to her and whisper softly. Don’t. He heard her pain-filled response. Go away. This is none of your business. And his reply. It is now.
“Nick?” AJ’s voice called him back. “What was Abby doing there?”
Nick sighed. “Waiting for me,” he whispered, and the tears began to fall.
