He had enjoyed the day with Abby, but what now? He wasn’t attracted to her as a woman, just as a friend. He didn’t feel any physical response to her; he had no desire to kiss her. But at the moment, he had no desire to kiss anyone else either and she made a good buffer against the Marybeths of the world.
Nick knew that he could have invited Marybeth and Lisa over to his cottage and they would have gone. And they would have done anything he asked, separately or together. Because he was Nick Carter. Because he was a Backstreet Boy. Not because he was Nick, just a guy. Abby treated him like he was just a guy. He snickered to himself. He treated her like she was just a guy too, but she didn’t seem to mind.
Or did she? This was what he had to puzzle out. Because the one thing he knew about this week was that he didn’t want Abby to get hurt. After all, she had come here to kill herself, so she was obviously fragile and had some major issues. Nick didn’t want to lead her on and make her think he was interested in her as a woman. He had pulled her back from the edge the first time they met. He didn’t want to push her over it at the end.
Of course, Fathead, he told himself, you might just be letting your ego get in the way here. Maybe she’s not interested in you at all. But that is the question, he said, as he pulled himself out of the pool, that’s what you have to figure out. Because you still have a couple of days to go. And at the end of it all, you have a three-hour car ride together.
Nick toweled off and got dressed. He went back to Rose Cottage and picked up his guitar. The next three hours were lost ones for him. At the end of it, he had polished his Pain Song and had written bits of three others. When he looked up, he realized that it was dark out. He had missed dinner. He grinned to himself. He wasn’t even all that hungry, but he knew that if a meal had been placed in front of him, he would have eaten every scrap and licked the plate.
Not any more, he thought, standing up and stretching. Not any more. He felt good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Abby’s walk ended at the Rocks. She hadn’t meant to, but her feet had led her there. She had followed a meandering path on the other side of the hotel, but eventually the call of the water was just too loud. She sat in the “armchair” and stared out at the lake. The sun was beginning to set and it was a peaceful, glorious place.
She had come to Brookhaven to kill herself. She didn’t like to think of it in those terms. She preferred ‘end it all’ or ‘set herself free’. But when it came right down to it, it was ‘kill herself’. The first question she had to answer was, did she still want to do that? The answer at the moment was ‘no’, she had decided as she wandered along the path behind the hotel. Maybe it was the distance from her life…from her parents…and maybe when she went back, all the feelings would return, but…at the moment…no, she didn’t.
Okay, then, if you’re going to live…how are you going to live? ‘Suck it up and go on’ was all well and good, but it wasn’t enough. She had to have more than that if she were going to be able to tolerate her own existence. Nick seemed to think the answer lay in hairstyles and clothing. But she knew it went way deeper than that. She had to find a way to be content in her own skin. Part of life’s big mystery, she told herself philosophically, as she crossed the beach and climbed the rocks.
And what about Nick? Was he content in his skin? Yes and no, she thought. She thought about him for a moment. He was a mass of contradictions. On the one hand, you have a famous singer, who’s sold Lord only knew how many million records and you would think he would be cocky and arrogant and sure of himself. And he had that persona sometimes. But on the other hand, you had this shy man who thought he wasn’t very bright and that he didn’t have any class. He seemed diffident and willing to go along with things, but there was steel in his spine. She could see that. The look he had given her when he said, “Put your hair behind your ears,” had told her that. There was anger in him, but there was also a tenderness.
Abby shrugged and climbed down off the rocks. She smiled to herself as she made her way up to the hotel. She thought she might have a swim and a soak in the hot tub and then go to bed. She didn’t know what she would do the next day after her tennis match. Today had been a pleasant surprise. Maybe she would have another one tomorrow.
She passed through the lobby. The desk clerk waved her over and handed her a folded piece of paper. She knew what it was. It was a message from her mother. She received them twice a day. She hadn’t answered any of them. She had no interest in talking to her mother, who would only berate her and patronize her. She was sure the manager had received a separate phone call, checking on her behavior, not her welfare. Her mother had no idea what Abby had intended to do here. She saw her as a truculent child, stomping off to her room to pout, not a woman who had lost all hope.
What would her mother have to say if the manager reported that she had taken to driving off with blond superstars in the passenger seat? Abby stuck her tongue out at herself in the elevator mirror. She knew exactly what her mother would say. That she didn’t believe it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~They slept soundly and both awoke on Wednesday with a smile. Another day. Another mystery of life.
Nick started the day by retrieving his messages. He had called Mary the night before when he hoped he wouldn’t get her and had left her a message telling her what was going on. He didn’t go into detail, just said that he and Ronni had split up and that all her things should be removed from his house by the time he got there on Friday evening. He mentioned a couple of other inconsequential business items to try and lessen the impact of the news in his own mind. He knew that Mary wouldn’t be upset by it. He just hoped that she wasn’t at the house at the same time as Ronni.
Mary’s return message was very business-like. She informed him that she had checked the house and that all of Ronni’s things were gone. Ronni had left a note on the dining room table. Mary hadn’t read it, but if Nick thought there was anything important in it, she would go back and get it.
If there was anything important in it. No, thought Nick, just goodbye. He opened his wallet and took out the picture of Ronni that he carried. Goodbye, he told it sadly. He carried it over to the garbage can. He thought about tearing it into pieces, but in the end, he just dropped it into the can whole. He didn’t feel anger, which surprised him. He felt sad, and regretful, but he wasn’t angry. He felt anxious…it had been comfortable having someone in his life. Someone who was the answer to the often-asked question about his relationship status. It was so much easier to say, “Yes, I’m seeing someone,” than “No, I’m still looking.” He heaved a deep sigh. Here we go again. He shook the feeling off. Let’s get this day started, he told himself. He dressed in workout clothes and headed off to the Lodge for breakfast.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Abby started the day by ignoring the ringing phone. She knew it was her mother. She dressed in her tennis gear. A look at the clock told her that she had slept in a bit and wouldn’t have time to come back to the room to change after breakfast. She wrapped a long cardigan around her. There was a rudimentary dress code in the dining room, but nothing was forbidden on the patio, so she headed there.
Nick had been watching for her. He stood up and waved her over. “There you are. I thought I’d missed you.”
He pulled out her chair for her and then sat across from her. Charles arrived almost immediately with orange juice and tea. “Would you like the usual, Miss Fremont?”
“Yes, thank you, Charles,” she smiled at him. Then she looked at Nick. “Did you sleep well?” She was careful not to ask him what he had done in the evening. She hadn’t seen him in the dining room when she came back from her walk. She hadn’t lingered there, just had a quick salad and gone to her room.
He answered her, but she wasn’t paying any attention to his words. She was trying to get a handle on the situation. God, she could get used to this, she thought. Having someone waiting for her, waiting to share her company, waiting to hold out her chair and talk about…anything. There you are…I thought I’d missed you. He’d been waiting. And she knew that the tiny trickle of anticipation swirling through her veins would have turned to an acid disappointment if he hadn’t been here.
“…what about you?”
She tuned back into his words. “Yes, I read my new book for awhile.” Oh what an exciting life you lead, she told herself. I read a book before I fell asleep.
“I played the guitar,” he answered. “I wrote a song on Monday and I worked on it…plus a couple of other…”
“Nick! There you are!” Marybeth and Lisa came up to the table. Abby’s head went down immediately, Nick noticed. This time, they didn’t wait for an invitation, but plopped down in the two empty chairs. Lisa waved to Charles and mouthed the word ‘coffee’.
“We missed you yesterday. You never made it to the beach,” said Marybeth with a pout. She leaned her head back and shook her long hair, running her fingers through it. Her ample breasts threatened to escape from her bikini top.
“And we’re going home today,” added Lisa, making a line on Nick’s forearm with her fingernail.
“But not until after lunch,” said Marybeth, brightening. “Why don’t you come to the beach with us this morning?”
Nick was astounded by their rudeness. Abby was invisible to them. Charles arrived with the breakfast. He set identical bowls of fruit in front of them. He placed the muffins carefully beside them. He was not so careful with the coffee that he poured into the two cups for the uninvited guests. He filled the cups barely half-full, sloshing some into Lisa’s saucer, and then he stalked away.
Nick used the break in the conversation to introduce Abby. “Um…this is Abby.”
Abby looked up at the girls and smiled. They gave her the barest of glances and dismissed her. “So, Nick, come on…” said Lisa in a wheedling voice. “You can’t let us go back home and say that we couldn’t get Nick Carter to come to the beach, now can you?”
“You’re supposed to love the beach,” said Marybeth in a little girl voice that made Abby want to throw up in her strawberries.
“I was going to work out,” said Nick.
“Well, you can run on the beach. We can play frisbee,” suggested Lisa. “Aggie won’t mind. She’s going to play tennis. You won’t mind, will you?”
Abby raised her head and looked at them. She shook her head. No, she didn’t mind. It had nothing to do with her. She just wanted to escape. Now. Before they got up and left her all alone at the table, the pathetic tennis-playing, not part of the in-crowd loser.
“Miss Fremont?” Charles rode to her rescue in a white apron. “If you don’t want to be late…” He motioned at his watch.
“Thank you, Charles,” said Abby. “No, I wouldn’t want to be late for Dennis.” Charles held her chair as she stood up. Nick stood up out of courtesy. “Enjoy the beach,” she said to the table and then walked away.
“Have a good match,” called Nick, but he was talking to her back. He sat down and turned to the women. “Well, then…the beach… I’ll have to go change. I’ll meet you there in fifteen minutes.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dennis hit the ball back to Abby and wondered what was the matter. This was a completely different person than the one who had run him all over the court the day before. She was listless and her head wasn’t in the game. After she missed a passing shot because she just couldn’t be bothered to run after it, Dennis walked over to the bench beside the net and sat down.
“What’s the matter?” asked Abby. “Is it your leg?”
“No,” said Dennis. “But you don’t seem interested in playing, so I thought I’d take a rest.”
Abby looked at the ground. “Sorry,” she said.
“I can play duffers every day,” he said. “In fact, I do. I enjoyed our match yesterday and was looking forward to today. But if you don’t want to play, that’s okay. Just say so. You don’t have to.”
“No, no,” said Abby with a sigh. “Come on, I’ll get my killer instinct back. I promise.” She walked back out onto the court. Come on, Abby. Snap out of it, she told herself. What did you think, that he was going to tell those girls to go away? Just because he had yesterday. Because he’d come to watch you play tennis instead of going to the beach with them. She stopped in her tracks. She repeated the words to herself. Yesterday he had come to watch her play tennis instead of going to the beach with them. And then had spent the rest of the day with her. Not them.
“Ready, Dennis?” said Abby, and he knew by the change in her body language that she had accepted the challenge. She served Marybeth over the net.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Nick had a great time at the beach, playing frisbee and cavorting in the water. It was still pretty chilly, so it was more of a run-in-and-out kind of thing, not actually swimming…just cooling off after they got too hot from running.
Nick had changed into a bathing suit and a t-shirt. He didn’t take the shirt off, said that he’d gotten a sunburn and didn’t want to get any more. Conversation was light. They asked him about future plans for himself, without mentioning the group. He muttered something about stuff being in development and that he really didn’t want to say until it was closer to a deal. He hinted that it was a movie.
He asked them about their plans. Marybeth was going to be a receptionist in her dad’s law office and Lisa was going to be a management trainee at a hotel in Lansing.
Both girls gave broad hints and thinly-veiled suggestions about leaving the beach and having some fun elsewhere. Nick ignored them, pretended he didn’t understand what they were getting at. It wasn’t easy, what with them rubbing up against him every chance they got, falling into his arms trying to “catch” the frisbee.
And when they were sitting on the towels taking a break and Lisa threw her arm around Marybeth and put her head on her shoulder and said something about ‘every man’s fantasy’, he was almost tempted. But then they threw cold water on his libido by mentioning Abby.
“So that girl, Aggie, is she like a cousin or a relation or something?” asked Lisa.
“Abby,” corrected Nick. “No, she’s just a girl staying here. I met her the other day.”
The glance exchanged by the two girls spoke volumes. Why in the world would he want to have breakfast across from that? Especially when they were on the premises.
“You know, Nick,” said Lisa in a sultry voice. “We’re driving back and we don’t really have to go until later today. Or maybe even tomorrow if we found someplace to spend the night.” She fluttered her eyelashes at him.
Nick considered the possibility. A ménage a trois with two pretty, well-built girls in Rose Cottage. He looked from one to the other and then surprised all of them. “Actually, I’m leaving today too. I have a flight out from Chicago this evening.” He rose to his feet. “But this has been a great way to end my vacation here. Thanks, girls.”
Marybeth fumbled in her beach bag. “Um…Nick, we didn’t like to ask, but…” If she wasn’t going to get to have sex with him, she at least wanted a picture. She pulled out a single-use camera.
“Sure,” said Nick with a grin. He posed with Marybeth and then with Lisa. He wondered if they would have enough class not to ask for an autograph. They didn’t, so he signed their books, made his excuses and headed back to Rose Cottage to “pack”.
