Those had been the first fairy tale thoughts that Nick had had when the five men had indulged in a group hug last Sunday. It hadn’t been quite so easy or angelic, of course. There were issues. But time and distance had blurred the edges of the angst and the anger.
They were meeting in Atlanta because Brian didn’t want to be away from his wife and son and he also didn’t want to drag them around the country. None of the others cared where they met, so Atlanta was cool with them. And since Brian was the one with the most ‘issues’, it made sense to let him have his way on this. And it helped that there was a great recording studio there.
Brian had invited each one individually and privately to stay at his house, and each one of them had thanked him politely and turned him down. Which is what he was hoping they would do. But he had to make the offer.
Nick arrived on Saturday. Brian met him at the airport and took him to the hotel. Then they went to Brian’s house for dinner and an evening with Leighanne and the kid. What a cutie-pie that was! Nick didn’t really like being around babies, but Brian’s son was getting out of that stage now, turning into a real person.
Nick steered the conversation away from his social life. It wasn’t difficult. All Brian and Leighanne wanted to talk about were the joys and perils of parenthood, what wonderful and hilarious things their son had done in recent days and how they were thinking about having another one. Any attempt to ask Nick about his love life was easily deflected by him pointing at the baby and saying, “Aw, look at that, he’s so cute.” And they’d be off on another round of cootchy-coo baby talk.
Sunday, the others arrived throughout the day. Nick hung around his hotel. He worked out in the morning and then played some guitar in his room. The others dropped by when they arrived and soon the four were there laughing and hugging and having a beer. Not AJ, of course. Not the beer. He was still hanging in there with the sobriety.
Nick was happy about that. He thought it was only now that they were away from it that they realized how close they had come to losing AJ, how truly far down the ladder into Hell he had ventured. And, thought Nick, with a shudder, how close I was to following him.
Nick had been “babysat” for all the years that he was a minor. He was the Golden Child, the cute one, the kid. No hint of controversy could come near him. So he wasn’t even allowed out of the hotel when they were on tour. It was no big deal to him. He didn’t even like the taste of beer then and he didn’t mind staying behind to play Nintendo. Brian wasn’t into the club scene and was happy to stay back with him.
AJ was the Wild Child. He was only two years older than Nick, but somehow he just always seemed older. You could look at pictures of AJ when he was sixteen and pictures of him when he was twenty-two and there wasn’t any difference. He looked twenty-five in all of them. So he had no trouble getting into bars and wild behavior was almost expected.
As AJ got further and further along the road to alcoholism and drug addiction, Howie and Kevin got away from the scene. They were mature men and were tired of his antics. And Nick got older. Reached the age of majority. And wanted to party. He sucked at meeting girls, even though there was always a lineup of them who wanted to meet him. But he was shy and when he got nervous, he said truly stupid things. Having a couple of beers under his belt made it easier to talk to them…or at least gave him an excuse for the silly things he said. So he went drinking with AJ.
AJ also wasn’t opposed to having sex with strangers…anyone, anywhere, anytime. And the girls usually had a friend. So Nick got sucked into the vortex and was spiraling down with him. He reached his own personal nadir the night he stumbled into the back room of a club and found AJ sprawled on a chair with his pants down and a girl on her knees with her mouth over him. He muttered, ‘sorry’ and the girl looked up from what she was doing. “I can do you too if you want,” she said. Nick declined and left the room. The shameful part for him was that he was tempted and the only reason he said ‘no’ was because he thought he was too drunk to get it up.
When Nick cried throughout the TRL interview announcing AJ’s admission to rehab, only half the tears were for AJ.
Monday, they hit the studio. All five of them. Together again. They had all brought music and there was a bunch of stuff that they had started before…some songs with tracks laid down by everyone but Nick that they had done when he was doing Now or Never. Did they still want to use those songs? They had come so far individually in the past years that they didn’t know what their group style was anymore.
They couldn’t seem to get organized. They all talked at once and then they all shut up and there was a long silence. Finally, Brian got exasperated. For goodness sake, Kevin, he blurted, get us organized. They all started to laugh. Ya, Kev, what’s your problem? Come on, Train, what’s the matter?
Kevin smiled sweetly. I wasn’t sure that was still my job, he said. The others all nodded. Of course, it was.
Kevin reached into his briefcase and pulled out a pad of lined yellow paper and a pen. Okay then, he said. Let’s start with you, Howie… and away they went.
It was all business and getting the feel of being together on Monday. No one brought up Nick’s love life until Tuesday. Howie had asked after Ronni on Sunday when he first saw Nick and Nick had told him that they’d split up. He’d said it with a wave of his hand like it was no big deal. Fortunately, AJ had blown into the room right then and they didn’t talk about it any more.
Brian had them all to dinner on Monday evening and while they were there, Nick asked if he could use Brian’s computer to check his email. There were only a couple of messages, nothing important. He almost clicked out of it and then he thought of Abby. He really should send her a thank you, he guessed. So he did.
Tuesday, he gave the guys the jam. They, of course, wanted to know where he got it. Jam was not a gift they expected from Nick. He told them that he had stayed at this lodge place in Michigan the week before and there was a jam shop in the little town near the lodge. The other four slipped sideways glances at each other. Nick had spent a week at a lodge in Michigan and had gone shopping for jam…?
“Why did you ever go there?” asked AJ, finally. “I thought you were more of an ocean kind of guy.”
“This place is on the water. It’s a pretty nice place. I just wanted somewhere quiet to…I don’t know, get my head together for this.”
They all nodded at that. They had all found some time for quiet reflection in the preceding week, to lock their doubts and anxieties firmly in the closet and chase the butterflies out of their stomach.
Okay, cool. But jam? What kind of hotel was this that had a jam shop?
“No, the jam shop was in the little town, Braywood…it had a bunch of neat stores. And afternoon tea at a hotel. Not the Lodge, it was a different hotel.”
The words weren’t out of his mouth before Nick regretted them. Dammit! Why oh why oh why didn’t he ever think before he spoke?
“Afternoon tea?” said AJ. He used a very British accent, or at least what Americans think is a very British accent. It sounded like ‘oftanoon tay’.
“It was kinda cool,” said Nick. “Little sandwiches and carrot sticks that were curly and little squares…the lemon ones were amazing…and of course…” His voice faltered as he saw the look on the others’ faces. “…there was tea,” he finished lamely.
Kevin snorted and that was the cue for the rest of them to crack up completely. If ever there was a guy on the planet who they would not associate with afternoon tea, it was Nick Carter.
Nick blushed and said, “Fine, I’ll take back the jam!” This brought more laughter.
Oh, it was so good to laugh with them again. Each man had exactly the same thought.
After a moment, Kevin brought them back. “Written any new stuff, Nick? Stuff for us, I mean.”
Nick was glad to drop the whole ‘jam and afternoon tea’ conversation. “Yeah. A new one, actually. I don’t even know how good it is. It hasn’t…” He rotated his hands in front of his head. The others nodded. They knew what he meant.
“Percolated yet?” suggested Kevin.
“Yeah,” said Nick.
“Sing it,” said Howie, picking up a guitar from the corner. He was sick of talking. He wanted some music.
So Nick sang Ribbons of Light. When he finished, he looked up at them. Well?
“Did you mean that for a solo thing or for us?” asked AJ.
“I dunno,” said Nick. “It just came out of me. Why?”
Brian laughed. “’Cause that is so Backstreet.”
“Really?” asked Nick. The others nodded.
“Oh, yeah,” said Kevin. “Can’t you just hear Howie singing…do it again, Nick, the part with the…”
And they were off!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Wednesday, the subject of the jam came up again. Brian and Leighanne had sampled their jar at breakfast that morning. According to Brian, it was the best jam they’d ever tasted. Nick was unsure whether Brian was making fun of it. “It’s just jam,” he said.
“Did they serve jam at the afternoon tea?” asked AJ in mock innocence.
“Yeah,” said Nick, “with scones and clotted cream. Now, fuck off!”
They had moved so close together in the previous twenty-four hours that Brian didn’t even object to the language, just joined in the laughter with the rest of them.
“What’s clotted cream?” he asked, wrinkling his nose.
“It’s whipped cream,” said Nick, “…or pummeled…or spanked…” He giggled to himself.
And suddenly, his eyes went far away. Not one of the others missed it.
“So Nick,” said Kevin, “did you find this little town by yourself or did someone take you?”
“Oh, I…um…there was…it was…there was a girl…”
Of course, there was a girl, Nick, they all thought. Of course, there was.
“Abby,” he said, almost to himself. “Her name was Abby.”
