“Mmmhhm.” Next to her, Nick rolled over and sighed. She waited. Then she heard him wake up. She felt him look at her. She kept her eyes tightly closed.
“Abby.”
He whispered it softly, not wanting to wake her if she were asleep, not sure if he wanted her to be awake or asleep. He would feel like the world’s biggest coward if he slipped out of the room…out of her life…without waking her, but it would be the easiest way. He wasn’t sure he could handle a tearful farewell…and he wasn’t thinking of Abby, he was thinking of himself. He just wasn’t sure how he was going to say goodbye to her, how he was going to let her go. A tiny sound escaped him. He pressed his lips together, hoping she hadn’t heard.
He crept out of the bed, careful to tuck the covers around her so that the cool air couldn’t get in. He went and stood under the shower, willing the tears to stay back. He cursed Kevin for having taught him that it was okay for a man to cry. What did he have to do here? he asked himself. What was his job? He tried to push all the emotion out of the way and think rationally.
A deal is a deal.
That’s right. A deal is a deal.
So what was the deal? The deal was that they would get married and then live separate lives. Was that the deal? He wasn’t sure. The deal was that they would get married…that much he knew. So why did they do that again? He did it so he wouldn’t ever have to date again. And she did it…to get her mother off her back…so she wouldn’t ever have to date again. Okay. Okay. Okay. They were on the same page.
And they were going to live separate lives. Nick sighed. And then he brightened. But be friends forever…they were going to be friends forever…it said so, right inside his wedding ring. Aw shit, he thought, how fucked up is this? The deal is engraved inside my wedding ring.
Options, what are the options? Nick knew he was running out of time. Think faster, he told himself. Yeah, right, that would help. Focus, you idiot! Nick took two deep, calming breaths. Options. Keep her here or let her go. Nick sighed. Yes, he guessed it came down to those choices.
And so there was no option at all. He had to let her go. He had to let her get back to her life. And he knew that that meant he could get back to his life too. So he had to let her go. And he knew that. He just didn’t know how to do that.
Nick dried himself off and wrapped the towel around his waist. He wiped the steam from the mirror with a facecloth. He wasn’t going to bother to shave yet. He flexed his muscles and admired his physique. He’d come a long way in the last nine months. He still had to work at it and he still hated it, but he could see the payoff. He looked better and he felt better.
Nick knew he was stalling. He grabbed his toothbrush and the rest of his stuff and put them in his toiletry kit. He picked up his watch from the counter and looked at it. It was time to get going.
He opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom.
“Mornin’” said Abby, as she brushed past him into the bathroom, closing the door.
Nick pulled on sweatpants and a hooded shirt. He didn’t need to look good. He was just going to the bus. He shoved his kit into the suitcase and zipped it shut. He looked over at Abby’s suitcase, standing by the window, looking lonely.
Snap out of it, Carter, he told himself. Luggage does not get lonely. You’d better put a smile on your face and do this right. Think of her. You have to send her away thinking she did the right thing here. You can’t put any pressure on her, either negatively or positively. Friends forever, remember? Now suck it up. He turned as he heard the bathroom door open.
“Hey there,” he whispered, moving to her. He kissed her softly on the mouth. “Did you sleep well?”
No, thought Abby, I didn’t even try to sleep. I spent the night breathing you in.
She nodded and smiled. “How about you?”
Nick nodded back.
Abby had spent the time while Nick was in the shower having many of the same thoughts he had and reaching the same conclusion…that she had to let him go, she just didn’t know how. She’d raced into the bathroom because she at least wanted to do this with brushed hair and fresh breath. And while she was there, she discovered that her period had arrived. And in so doing, the hated monthly event saved her. Because it told her mind that she couldn’t stay. She couldn’t even begin to imagine being on that bus with those three men and having to deal with it and them. She had to go home.
Abby reached up and stroked Nick’s face. “You all packed?”
“Yeah, I think I got everything.” Nick ducked back into the bathroom for another check…and a deep breath.
“Abby,” he said when he came out, “about the Internet…”
“I’ll stay off it,” she said.
“No, no,” he said, shaking his head, “that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that…there’ll be rumors…there’ll always be rumors…”
Abby nodded. She knew what he meant.
“…and…” he continued, “I just want you to…not believe them. Check with me first. They say some mean things and they say some stupid things. And I don’t want either of us to get hurt because we believed something that wasn’t true.” Nick tried to shut himself up. He hadn’t meant to take the serious route.
Abby helped him out. “So that whole ‘you and Tammy are engaged’ thing, I can ignore that?”
Nick grinned at her and shook his head. Then he raised his eyebrows and pointed his finger at her, “Now that’s the kind of thing that makes me spit on my computer.”
A sharp knock made them both turn to the door. Nick went and opened it. Abby moved to the window. Terence stood in the hallway, looking like he wasn’t getting paid enough for what he had to do now.
“Ready, Boss?” he asked. He was glad to see that Nick was smiling. Terence looked past him into the room. Abby was standing by the window. She was smiling too. Good. Let’s keep that going for the next thirty seconds. Terence walked past Nick and picked up his suitcase. “This it?”
Nick nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He looked at Terence and a look of panic crossed his eyes. Help me!
Terence did. He nodded brusquely at the door. Come on, it’s time to go. He didn’t mind being the bad guy.
Nick couldn’t seem to make his feet move. He looked over at Abby. She raised a hand and waggled her fingers at him.
“Email me, Cupcake,” she whispered, drawing on strength she didn’t know she had.
“I will, Baby,” said Nick, waving back. Then he walked out the door.
“Bye, Abby,” whispered Terence, pulling the door shut.
Abby nodded goodbye to Terence because she couldn’t speak. All she could do was breathe. In and out. In and out. Breathe. In and out. Then the door closed. Her hands flew up to her mouth to stifle the sob.
She turned to face the window, taking great gulps of air as she tried to push down the pain. She shook her head…once…twice. Stop it, stop it, she told the tears. Stay back. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, holding herself together, holding her heart in her chest. She stood that way for five long minutes, gathering herself together, getting ready to go on with her life. Finally, with a deep sigh, she knew she was okay.
Abby went to the bed and picked up the phone. She dialed the concierge and told him to get her on the first flight to Chicago.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Terence followed Nick up the hall to the elevators. The set of the younger man’s shoulders told the bodyguard that conversation would not be welcome. Nick stabbed at the elevator button. He moved from one foot to the other and then back. He poked the button again. Terence stood silently behind him with the suitcase.
The elevator arrived and they got on. Both breathed a sigh of relief. Almost there! But then the elevator stopped at the fifth floor. Terence went into defensive mode, ready to block entry to anyone who looked like a fan. Two elderly ladies, one of whom was cradling a miniature poodle wearing a tartan vest and a matching tam, stood waiting to board. Terence’s intimidating presence in the doorway made them back up a step. “Ladies,” he said with a smile, holding the door and motioning them aboard. They entered with trepidation but relaxed a little when they saw the young, blond man in the back corner. Terence hit the button and the door closed. The ladies sent sideways glances at each other and huddled together as far away from the large black man as they could.
Terence sighed inwardly. His size was intimating enough to most people…and he hoped that some day his color wouldn’t be such a fear factor to mainstream American society…but until then he was at least happy he had a profession where his size was an asset. When he shadowed the Backstreet Boys, he was treated like a bodyguard by the local police. When he guarded black performers, he was treated like a pimp and a drug dealer. Terence smiled at the two ladies and nodded at the dog, who wagged its tail and seemed to nod back. Apparently, dogs were colorblind.
“Cute dog,” said Terence softly.
”Thank you,” said one of the ladies. “Her name is Fifi.”
The other lady edged closer to her friend and gave her a warning glance, as if Terence could somehow use the dog’s name to ferret out their home address and then come and rape and rob them in the night.
Nick noticed none of this. He stared at the control panel as if he were trying to memorize it. His brain was functioning on a flat line, sending a loud humming signal out with the overlaid refrain, AbbyAbbyAbbyAbby…
The bounce of the elevator halting at the ground floor brought him out of his reverie. The doors slid open and the two old ladies got off. Where had they come from, wondered Nick.
“The guys are in the dining room having breakfast before we leave,” said Terence, motioning Nick forward. “I’ll just get this on the bus and then I’ll join you.”
Nick stood in the center of the lobby. He didn’t move. Terence gave him a small push in the middle of his back and propelled him forward. Without a word, Nick’s body obeyed and moved into the dining room. Terence followed him until he was sure Nick would go the right way.
“Yo. Nick, over here!” AJ called from a table by the window.
Nick moved like a robot. Kevin raised his bushy eyebrows at Terence in question. Behind Nick, Terence shook his head slowly.
“Sit down, L’il Bro,” said Kevin, sending out a telepathic signal to the others. They had all seen Terence’s silent comment and they could see Nick…so they were already on the same page as Kevin.
“Would you like a menu, Sir?” A waitress glided up to the table. Nick looked at her blankly, as if trying to identify the species. He didn’t reach for the menu.
“He’ll have two eggs, over easy, with ham and home fries,” said Brian who had spent over a decade on the road with the silent, blond man.
“Whole wheat toast,” threw in Howie.
“Orange juice,” added Kevin.
“And coffee,” finished AJ. “You better bring that now.”
The waitress departed and there was silence for a moment. Nick didn’t seem to notice. He stared at the cutlery in front of him. He picked up a spoon and played with it idly.
“So…Montreal,” said Kevin.
“Yeah,” said Howie. “Going back to Canada.” The Boys loved going to Canada. They had hit it big there, way back in the early days…long before they’d become popular in their own country. And every single had become a hit there! Hell, they’d even made I Promise You a hit there and it had never been released as a single. The Boys knew that this time around they’d sold out every Canadian city they were going to visit, two in Montreal…and three in Toronto!
“I wonder if it will take longer at the border these days,” mused Brian. New security regulations had made the tour organizers factor in a couple of extra hours to every leg of the journey that crossed the border.
The waitress reappeared and set a glass of juice and a cup of coffee in front of Nick.
“Thank you,” said AJ, when he saw that his friend wasn’t going to respond, wasn’t even aware that she was there.
The four men looked at each other. They knew that Nick had a very tenuous hold on his emotions right now. These men had heart. They were creative spirits and laid their feelings out in their music. They bared their souls to the world and they weren’t afraid to show honest emotion. Brian and Howie were more reserved, or maybe just less inclined to cry. All of AJ’s emotions were intense, whether it be joy, anger, sadness or despair. Kevin believed that the ability to cry made him more of a man, not less, and he had passed that lesson on to his youngest brother. If Nick lost it here, the others would hold him together and they would certainly not think less of him.
“Drink your juice, Nicky,” said Kevin in an even voice. “I don’t think the border will be a problem,” he added to the others.
They all breathed a sigh of relief as Nick picked up the glass and drained it in one swallow. He set down the glass and reached for the cream pitcher. Howie shoved the rack of sugar packets over to him.
Nick looked up at them and blinked twice, almost as if he’d just realized they were in the room. He looked from one to the next and then he nodded. I’ll be okay. Then he nodded again. Really. He picked up the pitcher and poured some cream into his coffee.
