Nick needed to talk to someone. When he needed advice about business, he talked to Kevin. Spiritual guidance was sought from Brian. Howie was good with people and relationship questions. But when he needed to talk about sex, AJ was the man.
Nick wasn't sure how to bring it up. He didn't want to break Grace's confidence, but he knew he could trust AJ to keep the secret forever.
"Hey, Bone," he said after the meeting, "Do you want to get some lunch?"
“We don’t ‘do lunch’, Nick. What’s up?”
Nick looked over his shoulder at the others and lowered his voice. “I kinda need to talk to you. I need some advice.”
AJ nodded, "Cool. Is it about Grace?"
"Yeah," said Nick, "It's kinda private."
AJ nodded his head in understanding and invited Nick to follow him home. Sarah was out for the afternoon and they could do guy talk, uninterrupted. When they got there, AJ got them soft drinks and they went into the living room. AJ sank down on one of the leather sofas and motioned Nick to the other. But Nick remained standing. He paced up and down in front of AJ. He really wasn't sure how to begin.
AJ tried to help him out. "This is about Grace, right?"
Nick nodded.
"Did something happen? Is there a problem?"
Nick hemmed and hawed and started and stopped.
AJ couldn't make sense of anything his stammering friend was saying. Finally, he said loudly, "What's the problem, Nicky?"
"She got raped," Nick blurted out.
AJ came forward to the edge of the sofa. "Oh, my God! When?"
"When she was in college," replied Nick.
AJ looked at him over the top of his glasses. He held out his hands and crooked his fingers. More information, please. So Nick told him - all about the rape and the aftermath. And Matt. And what Matt had done to her. And how she was now. He paced back and forth while AJ sat and watched him.
"Fucking asshole rapist," said AJ, when Nick was finished. AJ was so angry he wanted to hurt someone.
"The college guy?" said Nick.
"No, the fiancé," said AJ.
Nick thought that maybe AJ hadn't understood the story and went to correct him.
But AJ held up his hand. "Every time he did it to her that she didn't want to, that was rape. And to make her think that he was doing her a favor, that he was helping her?" AJ's lips were white. Nick thought that maybe he'd introduce Matt to AJ some day. Matt deserved it.
"But what can I do?" said Nick. "I want to be with her, but I want her to want it too. And I know that she wants to be with me, but there's all this history and crap." He explained to AJ everything that he had tried so far. "We spend the night together. We mess around. We make each other..." AJ held up his hand. Way too many details, Bro.
Nick sighed. "She's only been with four guys in her life before now. Three of them raped her and the other one told her it was her fault and took control of her mind."
AJ leaned back with his arms along the back of the sofa. He looked at the ceiling and didn't say anything for awhile. Nick stopped his pacing and leaned against the mantel and watched him turning it over in his mind. Finally AJ nodded once to himself and looked over at Nick.
"Put her on top," he said. Nick wasn't sure he had heard right. He looked at AJ, frowning.
"Put her on top," AJ repeated. "Yeah, that's it," he nodded. The next time you're...uh...you know..." AJ made circles in the air with his hands, "...give her control. Put her on top, and let her decide how much, how far, if at all. Then she has to make the move, not just accept passively what someone does to her."
Nick nodded. It made sense, sort of.
******************************Nick took her out to dinner that night. They went to Antonio's. Antonio loved Nick. Here was a man who appreciated his cooking. Antonio kept trying to press more food on them. No, no, they said finally. Enough. We have to go. Nick took out his credit card. Grace excused herself to go to the ladies room.
"I think you are good for our Grace," said Antonio, handing Nick the receipt to sign.
"I am trying to be," said Nick seriously, picking up the pen and signing his name.
"I didn't like the other one," said Antonio. "He thought he owned her."
"No one owns Grace," said Nick. Antonio nodded in agreement.
"What about Grace?" she said as she returned to the table.
"Oh nothing," said Nick, standing. "Antonio was just saying how your appetite for pizza is putting his kids through college."
"Yes, yes," said Antonio. "Every day when Petey comes in, he wants to know, 'Did Grace call? Is there pizza for Grace?'"
They all laughed and Nick and Grace made their way out of the restaurant. They walked back to her place holding hands. When they got to the door, she hesitated, but he opened the door and ushered her through. He took her hand and walked straight to the elevator. He waved to Gary and pushed the 'Up' button.
When they got inside the elevator, Grace waited for him to do or say something. But he didn't, just hummed a little tune under his breath and held her hand. When they entered the apartment, he dropped his jacket on the back of the couch and stood looking at her. She wandered over to the computer and clicked a few buttons. Then she turned back to him. Nick hadn't moved from his position just inside the door.
"Did the world end?" he asked, motioning to the computer.
"No," replied Grace, moving toward him. He held out his arms. She stepped into them and he kissed her, long and slow and deep. She moaned deep in her throat and moved against him. He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her to him. She could feel his quickening response. She was determined not to move back. She knew this man was not a threat to her. He broke the kiss and took her by the hand, leading her back to the bedroom.
"Remember, Grace," he whispered huskily. "What you want and no more."
Grace nodded and disappeared into the bathroom. She avoided her eyes in the mirror. She didn't know how long this could go on. The more understanding Nick was, the more she hated herself. She brushed her teeth and finally looked at herself. Crazy Grace, she said to herself. Can't even make love with the guy you love. Couldn't with Matt, can't with...Didn't love Matt, came a thought shooting out the back of her head. She sat down on the edge of the bathtub and played with the thought.
Grace came back out a few minutes later wearing a short bathrobe. She saw that Nick was already in bed. He had the pillows propped up behind him and was leaning back against them. He was in the middle of the bed. The sheet was pulled up to his waist. He looked very sexy. Grace turned off the bedside light, took off the robe and slipped in beside him. She moved to lay down with her head on his chest.
“Uh, uh,” murmured Nick. “Come here.” And he pulled her by the hips until she was sitting astride him. He leaned back and grinned. “I’m feeling lazy tonight.” He put his hands behind his head. “You make love to me.”
Grace looked at him for a moment and then rose up on her knees toward him. She ran her fingers lightly over his face and through his hair. She took a long time. She leaned forward and kissed his forehead and his eyes and his cheeks. They were simple gestures, but powerfully erotic and Nick began to respond physically. But he kept perfectly still. Finally, she placed her mouth over his. It took all his willpower not to open his mouth to her until he felt her tongue along his lips. He took his hands from behind his head and gently stroked her face as they kissed.
Grace moved her mouth away from him and kissed her way down his throat to his collarbone. Her hands drifted over his chest, tracing thrilling little lines with her fingernails. He moaned as her lips moved further down and her teeth teased his nipple. As she moved her head down, her hips rose. She reached beneath her and pulled the sheet down away from him. She reached down and wrapped her hand around him. He bit his lip and remained still. She lowered herself so that she was sitting along the length of his shaft. He could feel her wetness and it turned him on even more. She slid back and forth along him. Nick willed himself to be strong. He reached for her, moving his fingers down her neck, fondling her breasts.
Suddenly, Grace stopped moving. Nick looked up at her face, but could not read her eyes. She took both his hands in hers and placed them on his stomach. She held them down and raised herself up. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Nick held his breath. Slowly, Grace lowered herself until the tip of his penis was at her opening. She hesitated. Nick told himself not to move. It had to be her. She hovered there for a moment and then slowly, ever so slowly, she lowered herself around him. Her wetness enveloped him. Nick's instinct was to thrust upward but he fought against it.
It seemed to take forever for her to sink completely down upon him. Then she became still. Her head tipped back, tilted slightly to one side. Her eyes remained closed. Her mouth was partly open and she was breathing heavily. Nick wasn't breathing at all. This was a major step. If this was all she could do, it was still a huge advance for her. He waited, watching her face closely.
Suddenly, he felt her muscles contract around him. He moaned. He couldn't help it. It was an overpowering sensation. Grace leaned slightly forward balancing her weight on her knees and her hands, which were still holding his firmly against his stomach. She tipped her head back again and continuing squeezing her muscles around him. Then she started moving up off him. When she had almost left him, she stopped and then sank back down. Nick made a sound in his throat that was not quite human.
Grace leaned forward and opened her eyes. She looked at Nick and nodded so slightly he wasn’t sure he hadn’t imagined it. She nodded again and he raised his hips, moving with her. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes again. They built a rhythm together and it came to the boiling point. Nick was concentrating so hard on not finishing that it took him awhile to realize that that was what Grace wanted. She wanted him to be satisfied. So he leaned his head back on the pillows and gave himself up to it. He thrust upward – once, twice, three times. Each time, she ground down around him. Then he came inside her, his juices pouring forth. She pressed her hips down and contracted her muscles over and over. He opened his eyes to see her looking at him, but he wasn’t really sure she saw him.
Grace started to tremble. Nick could feel it in her hands. He took his hands out from under hers and placed them at her waist to steady her. He reached one hand down to stroke her to the point of madness he was at, then realized that it wasn’t necessary. She was there. She leaned her head back and looked at the ceiling. The moan started low in her throat and came out of her sounding half like anguish and half like ecstasy.
Nick held her quivering body until the spasms stopped. Slowly, Grace came back to earth. She looked down at him and gave a tremulous smile. She traced the outline of his jaw with one finger and then ran it across his lips. Nick opened his mouth and pulled her finger in, sucking on it lightly. Grace leaned forward and replaced it with her mouth. They kissed for a long time. Then she raised her hips slightly and he slipped out of her. He held her hips as she moved off him. When she was beside him, she laid her head on his chest, tracing lazy patterns over his stomach with her fingernails.
They had not spoken one intelligible word since Nick had said, "You make love to me." But they had said everything in the world to each other.
