Caroline - -
“Have you heard from AJ?”Brian asked walking up to me as I was sitting with Nick looking up videos of the show last night on Youtube. The guys had been performing the past few shows without AJ. “No. Why?”I asked turning around from my chair, something was different in his face. He was worried.
“He was supposed to fly in this morning with Kevin and I was going to pick them up, but they never showed. And I never get any damn service anywhere...”He said shaking his phone as if that was going to help. He rubbed his forehead as if he had a headache and began pacing the room. “Can you try and call him?”I hadn’t talked to AJ since that night, unless it was to mumble “asshole” to him the few times I had seen him.
“He is for sure not going to answer for us.”Nick said as he stood up to pull on a shirt. I figured the search was about to begin.
“Can you just try?”Brian asked frustrated as I pulled out my phone. I scrolled down to his number and dialed, surprisingly there was an answer. It was not AJ.
“Thank GOD!”I said hearing Kevin’s voice on the other end. “I have been trying to get in touch with all of you all freakin’ morning.” The tone of his voice was the same as Brian’s.
“What’s wrong?”I asked feeling a lump begin to form in my throat. “Shut up guys!”I said to Brian and Nick who were both talking to me as Kevin was trying to do the same. They were yelling actually.
“AJ OD’d this morning or last night. I don’t know, they haven’t told me much. They have him here in a hospital...”he paused for a second. “Caroline, it’s bad.”Kevin said and I felt the tears start to form as I loked up at the two boys in front of me. This was my fault. I had pushed him over the edge. “Are you there?”his voice echoed.
“Are you still in Orlando?”I asked. “Guys AJ OD’d.”Brian snatched the phone out of my hand and I just stood there. I guess in shock.
“What did he say?”NIck asked. “CAROLINE!”he said louder, pulling me out of my daze.
“That it was bad.”was all I could mutter.
“So should be go there? Are they still in Florida?”Nick asked walking over to me. He was about to freak. I couldn’t take anymore questions!
“I DON”T KNOW NICK!”I yelled not even meaning to, but the room was spinning and there was so much talking between Nick and Brian I was going to hyperventilate. Nick looked over at me shocked, I had yelled and walked over to Brian who had just hung up the phone.
“Kevin bought us tickets to Orlando, so we need to get Howie and get going. It should be about an hour and a half flight.”Brian said looking at us.
“Rok what is going on?”Nick asked putting his hand on Brian’s shoulder to get him to slow down.
“He OD’d that’s all I know, that’s all Kevin knows. He doesn’t even know if he’s stable. They won’t let him see him, and his mom is out of the country. Kev can’t even get in touch with her.”Brian said sliding his book-bag over his shoulder. I breathed out hard as I followed Nick and Brian out the door. We needed to stop by Howie’s to pick him up first and then get to the airport for our flight at three.
NICK - -
Trying to get somewhere, especially through an airport when you are a Backstreet Boy, is rough. It’s hard to tell a fan no for a picture or autograph when something like this has happened. This may be the only time that person ever sees you in their life and I still have to tell them no and see the disappointment on their faces.
“Thank you.”I said as the lady handed me back mine and Caroline’s licenses along with the tickets. She hadn’t said anything since her random yelling back at Brian’s house. I knew she was beyond worried. As we walked through the terminal surrounded by our blockade of security I tried to put my hand in hers. She just kept her face forward and her hand limp. I knew what she was thinking.
“It’s not your fault.” I said as we sat down in our first class seats. She was quiet as I nudged her. Her quietness was starting to freak me out. “Babe, its not your fault.”I said turning her head to look at me as the flight attendants started the safety speech.
“No it’s our fault.”she said quietly as one tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m trying to keep it together and not make a scene, if I talk about it I will cry so can we just not.”she said pulling her sunglasses over her face. I put my arm around her as I lifted up the arm rest and pulled her into me, holding onto her as she closed her eyes to sleep through the flight.
CAROLINE --
The plane ride had been uncomfortable and quiet. Everyone was trying to sleep, but no one could. The ride to the hospital from the airport had been worse, we were all exchanging weird glances between one another. Kevin and his wife Kristin were both sitting in a private waiting room trying to entertain themselves with the latest entertainment television.
“Hey cuz.”Brian said hugging both of them. “Any news?”
“Last we heard he was in and out of consciousness. That was probably an hour ago.” Kevin said yawning as he looked over at me.
“You okay sweetheart?”he asked pulling me into a hug. I shut my eyes and fell into his arms. Kevin was safe. He was my family. He was cover.
“When can we see him?”I asked pulling away from him, ignoring his question.
“Don’t know.”Kevin said shrugging. “Just have to wait it out.”
“There are a lot of press people outside.”NIck said coming to stand behind me. Kevin looked at us with a disapproving look. Actually, everyone was looking at us that way.
“I know, I saw it. We shouldn’t say anything until we know what AJ wants us to do.”Kevin said sitting back down.
“We’re going to get some coffee you wanna come?”NIck asked as I was leaned up against the wall.
“NO, I wanna be here when the doctor comes.”I said. There was no way I could stomach anything right now. NIck shrugged and walked away towards the elevator with Howie. I took a seat next to Kevin and we sat in silence for a good fifteen minutes with Brian sitting across from us before Kevin said anything.
“So how are you really?”he asked looking over at me. I jumped at his voice.
“Besides thinking this is all my fault I am just damn great, me and Nick shouldn’t even be here.”I said looking over at him. I was completely monotone. I had lost all feeling.
“It’s his downfall Caroline. It’s not all your fault. Deep down I know you know that.”Brian said. I didn’t know if even he believed that. Brian’s eyes were always telling and right now they were saying he was lying to me.
“I guess.”I said shrugging.
“It would have happened with or with out you is what he is trying to say.”Kevin corrected.
“What happened exactly?”Brian asked.
“Pretty much he was supposed to meet me this morning at the airport so when he didn’t show I went ot his apartment and he was laying unconscious. There were two bottles of Jack Daniels and an empty pill bottle. I brought him here and that’s where we are now.”Kevin said looking up as a woman in a white labcoat walked up. We all looked at her waiting on her to speak.
“We have his stomach pumped and we are just waiting to see how everything pans out. He is stable for the moment.”she said and I was somewhat relieved. “We’re not in the clear yet, but hopefully tomorrow morning that will change.”
“Can we see him?”I asked walking towards her.
“Probably best for one or two to go at a time. He won’t be able to say much so don’t expect to much.”she said waiting on someone to follow her.
“Want me to go with you?”Brian said looking up at me as I stood up.
“If you want to.”I said as he stood up behind me. This whole hospital smelled like a band-aid. I followed the nurse towards his intensive care room.
“Only like twenty minutes at most okay?”she said opening the curtain so we could see him. If I wasn’t in shock before, I sure as hell was now. He looked like he had been in a car wreck. He was hooked up to all of these beeping machines and had breathing tubes up his nose. It was to horrible to even explain. Brian had stayed outside looking at us through the glass. I pulled up a chair beside the bed and just stared at him. I didn’t know if he knew I was there, but after a few minutes I felt his fingers brush up against mine. I looked up to see his eyes barely open.
“Hey.”I choked out as all of the tears rushed to stream down my face.
“Hey.”he whispered. His voice was more raspy than normal.
“Come here.”he said trying to hold his arms out for me. I felt his arms around me as mine slowly slid under his back.
“I’m sorry I made you do this.”I said feeling his pillow get wet where my tears were falling.
“It wasn’t you.”he said beginning to cough so I pulled up off of him.
“It was me. You don’t have to lie.”I said. His fingers ran underneath my eyes to wipe away the tears.
“I should be saying sorry.”he said closing his eyes.
“We can talk about this later. Just rest.”I said starting to stand, but his grip tightened telling me not to leave.
“I love you.”he said reopening his eyes as Nick and Kevin walked in behind me. He looked up at Nick who was behind me rubbing my shoulders and AJ just rolled his eyes.
“Ready to listen now.”Kevin asked and I sighed. Nick shouldn’t have come in here. I shrugged him off of me and he looked down at me with a weird look.
“No.”AJ said shutting his eyes again. “Just everybody leave! I’m tired!”he took his hand away from mine and turned away from us. I looked up at Kevin and he shrugged and I stood up slowly following him back into the waiting area.
NICK --
“Babe stop!”I called after he. “Wait up!”
“Nick please not now.”she said holding her hand up to stop me.
“Then when? We have hours to sit around and wait. Why not now?”I said grabbing her arm turning her towards me.
“I can’t do this.”she said looking up at me with red eyes.
“Do what?”I asked confused.
“This! US! I just can’t!”she said throwing her arms out by her sides.
“Stop it! Now you’re just overreacting.”I said putting my arm around her waist pulling her into me. “You need me right now.”
“And what happens in five years? Ten years Nick?”she yelled.
“What do you mean? I don’t think that far ahead.”I said putting my forehead up to hers.
“You don’t and that’s your problem.”she said, but a smile cracked and she couldn’t keep a straight face.
“That’s what you like about me through right? I’m spontaneous.”I said kissing her quickly.
“That’s what I hate that I like about you.”she said barely smiling. “I just want you committed Nick that’s all.”
“I don’t know how much more I can show that.”I said frustrated. And it’s true, I didn’t. I mean for God’s sake, I am Nick fucking Carter I could have any girl I wanted any night of the week, but I didn’t. I had her. How much more did she need to see?
“This is so not important right now.”she said pulling away from me. “We just need to tone it down in front of him for now okay?”
“Okay yes ma’m.”I said slapping her on her butt as she turned around. She glared back at me over her shoudler and I put my hands up to surrender. “Last thing I swear.” I felt a hand on my arm and turned back to see Kevin as Caroline walked back on into the waiting area.
“You need to let her go.”Kevin said as I stood in front of him like a little boy.
“What?”I asked stunned.
“You’re killing him Nick don’t you see that?”he said narrowing his eyes.
“No way man this is not getting blamed on me.”I said throwing my arms up in defense.
“But it’s your fault Nick, AJ is your brother you stole her from him.”Kevin said and I looked away from his furious glare.
“I didn’t fucking steal anything. He pushed her away with all of this bullshit and she came running to me.”I said.
“Even so, you let her in, a brother wouldn’t do that. Keep your dick out of your decisions next time.”he said with a disapproving look.
“Dude it’s not even like that. I love her.”I said seeing a mere second of the side of her shirt from the corner. She had been listening from the side.
“Sure you do.”Kevin said and walked away from me.
“Having fun ease dropping?”I said as she jumped as I rounded the corner.
“No. Kevin’s right.”she said and shook her head as she moved away from me.
“Oh what the fuck Caroline!”I yelled as she rounded the corner away from me.
Author's Chapter Notes:
WOW...so its been a pretty long time since I updated and I suppose its about time for AJ to have his breakdown.
