Chapter 29: Soldier Down
“I feel bad leaving him there Nick.”I said looking over at his goofy smile as we walked into the elevator of MTV studios in New York City.
“Caroline.”Nick said cutting his eyes over to me. “He’s been awake for a week now. There’s no need to keep staying in there. He’s fine.”
“I know he’s okay. It’s just I told him I’d come visit and I don’t like breaking promises.”I said and Nick huffed.
“Are you with me or with him?”Nick said as the elevator opened. “Because if you wanna go back to that damn hospital and be with him then that’s your choice.”
“I can’t even believe your acting like this.”I said rolling my eyes as the doors closed back to the elevator and we stood staring at each other. “I am trying to be there for him. I know it’s hard enough and I just wanna be supportive so he gets better. That’s all.” Nick grabbed me quickly and pressed his lips to mine. He wasn’t much of a talker. If he was going to apologize, this would be the way. His hand went up my shirt as the door to the elevator opened again.
“Hello lovebirds.”Brian said catching us. “Planning on coming out sometime soon?”He asked laughing as I pulled away from Nick.
“We’re coming.”Nick said giving me a sly smile as he put his hand in mine to pull me out into the hallway. “I’m sorry.”he said quietly as he kissed me on the cheek. I couldn’t stay mad at him. Not for one second.
“Can she sit in here?”Nick asked looking at the production assistant. He was talking about where I would sit during the show. “I want her to be able to watch.”
“Of course. She can sit anywhere she wants Mr. Carter.”she said looking the boys over. Nick looked over at me and snickered at the “Mr. Carter” thing. Kevin had to come today in AJ’s place for the finale of TRL. The last week hadn’t been easy. AJ had been in and out of consciousness until a day ago. He’s fully awake now and he is shipping off to rehab in a few days.
“You want to just be here?”Nick asked turning back to me. “You don’t mind staring at my ass the whole time right?” He was so cute it was hard to stand.
“Never.”I said laughing as I took a seat next to some of the people in the audience. These girls were freaking out that I was sitting next to them. Me of all people.
“Can we get a picture with you?”a younger blonde girl asked looking over at me.
“With me?”I asked almost choking as I looked over at Nick getting his hair styled.
“Yea we run a Backstreet fansite. We have a whole section for you and Nick.”she said and paused. “And you and AJ...you’re so lucky.”she said and I laughed as I smiled for her camera. Awkward but cool.
“Cool I will look around for it.”I said turning back to the stage where the music had already started for “I Want It That Way.”
-AJ -
What the hell does Nick keep turning around looking at? I hate that I am not there today. I am stuck in this God forsaken hospital bed that I have been in for three weeks.
“So you guys brought back Kevin today...”Carson said looking around. “Where’s AJ?” Please don’t say rehab I thought as I cringed.
“He’s just sick so instead of canceling I came.”Kevin said with a good save.
“And you guys are all in relationships and married now. Well Nick you’re not, but she’s right over there right?”Carson said as the camera panned to Caroline who’s face was a million shades of red. That would explain what Nick was so giddy about.
“Yea. She’s beautiful right?”Nick said as Caroline blushed even more and hid her face. PUKE!!!!! but God did I miss her face! “I luv ya baby.”Nick said winking.
“AJ there is some paper work we need for you to fill out real quick.”our manager said walking in with a stack of papers. He layed them down in front of me and handed me a pen. He was down right disgusted with me and that was fine. I was pretty disgusted with myself, but I mean...ugh
One Week Later:
----- January 28th ------
“Happy Birthday man.”I said extending my hand to Nick. I was trying to be civil. The label had insisted I come so that the fans wouldn’t think there was any kind of disrest between the group. More than a number had come out about “the cheating whore” aka Caroline who was trying to break up the Backstreet Boys with her super vagina. He took my hand slowly. He was more than completely sloshed.
“We’re cool right man?”he asked looking up at me from his seat at the DJ booth.
“Yea man.”I said pulling my hand away from him hoping he wouldn’t see me roll my eyes.
“Here baby.”Caroline said laughing as she sat down on Nick’s lap handing him a drink. I looked down at the floor as she looked up at me. Fear struck her as our eyes locked. She hadn’t expected me to come. No one did. The things I do for this damn job.
“Hey.”she said trying to avert her eyes from me.
“Hey.”I said watching her shift uncomfortably around as Nick rubbed his hand up her leg. She pushed his hand softly off of her leg and stood up. “I’m going to go find Leighanne.”she said and was gone before Nick could think of anything to say.
“Little sketch.”Nick said looking up at me. I shook my head and walked towards the bar. I know I just got out of the hospital, but I can’t take staring at them. I just...I can’t take it.
“Jack and Coke man.”I said holding my hand up for the bartender. He shifted his eyes a little bit. I think he was weary, but he poured the drink and gave it to me. All of these people were around me that knew I shouldn’t be drinking. I just don’t a give a fuck. Really. I just don’t.
CAROLINE --
“LEIGH!”I said grabbing her from dancing with Brian. I pulled her off to the side of the club where she could hear me.
“Damn you REEK of alcohol.”she said pulling away from me.
“I know. Nick has been feeding me his birthday shots that people are bringing him. He’s such a pussy.”I said smiling.
“So what’s so important that you had to drag me away from the one night that I get with my husband without my child?”she asked and I actually kinda felt bad.
“AJ’s here.”I said and her mouth dropped.
“Oh...hmmm.”she said putting her hands on her hips. “Interesting. Brian said he wouldn’t be here. Packing for rehab.”
“Well he’s here.”I said trying to hold my vomit down.
“So? It’s gonna be fine. Don’t you dare do anything to ruin Nick’s birthday.”she said narrowing her eyes. “Promise me? Just keep the drama out of this one night.”she said holding her pinky finger up.
“But what do i do? I mean what in the hell do I say to him? I just - “she put her finger up to stop me.
“You do nothing. Promise? Just for tonight - just do this for Nick.”she said and I finally put my finger in hers. I took a deep breath and walked back over to Nick who of course had a group of girls around him.
“Come here! Hey ya’ll let her through.”Nick yelled pulling my hand through the circle around him. “Where you been?”
“Talking to Leigh...just girl stuff.”I said with a tiny smile.
“Wanna show me some girl stuff?”Nick said pressing his forehead to mine.
“It is your birthday.”I said and he laughed keeping his eyes locked with mine.
“I love you.”he said kissing me slowly. I kept my lips to his that way I wouldn’t have to answer back and distracted him by running my hand between his legs. He broke our kiss to smile and I backed away to return back to the bar.
--- AJ ---
“Wanna dance?”I was more than half way gone at this point, but I don’t think she’ll notice. Sometimes i could be good at disguising for my own benefit. She hesitated to turn around, but grabbed her drink and met my eyes anyways.
“Can you keep your hands to yourself?”Well obviously I wasn’t the only person who had been drinking. Her eyes shifted to Nick who was fully engrossed in the rest of his guests.
“No promises.”I said holding out my hand. She brushed past me, leaving my hand to fall to my side, and looked back slyly for me to follow her. She didn’t need to look twice, my hands were on her waist before the slow song even began. The silence between us seemed louder than Rhianna’s “Cry” playing behind us.
“You look beautiful.”I said breathing in her hair as her head was layed on my chest. I missed the smell. It was intoxicating. I could feel her cheek rise and knew she was smiling.
“I’m glad your better.”she said looking up at me as the song sped up and she turned around so her back was to my chest. Her hips were grinding into mine and I was having a hard time keeping my hands under control. What was she doing? I could see her eyes were closed and she was enjoying this just as much as I was.
“Stop.”I whispered letting my hand run up her back as my lips touched the tip of her right ear. “Stop babe.” I think we were both drunkenly lost in this song. I have to admit it was perfect for us.
“It’s okay.”she said as my lips went to her neck and I was met by Nick’s angry glare as I reopened my eyes.
“I can’t let you go for one fucking second can I?”Nick said shaking his head at both of us.
“Don’t make this bigger than it has to be man.”I said trying to touch him on the shoulder. “We’re all pretty wasted here.” Caroline’s eyes shot over to me, as did Nick’s.
“Just go.”Nick said looking away as he put a heavy arm around Caroline.
“You know whatever man. I’m done with this shit.”I said throwing my empty bottle of beer at the wall behind Nick. It shattered onto the table where his cake was. I knew Caroline had spent a long time on making it for him and now it was covered in brown glass. I was out of the door before anyone had time to stop me. I could feel some girls arm around my arm pulling me in different directions and I realized after a few seconds it was one of my friends I had came with. My alcohol was really starting to hit me and I was having trouble walking. This sure wasn’t going to look good.
“Don’t say anything to the cameras okay.”I heard my friend say as she dragged me away from the TMZ guy who was yelling my name. “Tracy is going to take you back to your house so you can get some rest okay?”she said as a heavier girl grabbed my hand and started to pull me. I stumbled almost falling off the curb as the paparazzi were laughing. My friends steadied me.
“AJ! AJ!”I heard from behind me. I stumbled around to see Caroline standing at the bottom of the hill with her hands on her hips.
---CAROLINE ---
AJ teetered down towards me, so close that his nose was almost touching mine. He was slumped over with his hands held together and his head down. He looked like a little boy who was in big trouble.
“What the hell are you doing?!?”I practically yelled as I threw my hands up in astonishment.
“Babe it’s okay. Calm down.”I said trying to get a word in.
“Don’t call me babe. This is ridiculous.”I said as we were in a stare off. He kept stumbling closer to me as I stood rigid in front of him. “How could you do this to Nick on his birthday?”
“I don’t owe Nick shit. He took everything away from me.”I said in a hushed, but firm whisper so the cameras could not pick up what I was saying.
“No YOU took everything away from yourself.”she said pointing her finger in my face.
“AJ come on.”a girl said trying to hook her hand in his as he was pulling away. “AJ! Come on!”
“Can you just give us a second?”I said pushing her back away from us as I turned back to him. His eyes were turning red and tearing up, as were mine.
“You’re destroying yourself and I won’t be a part of it.”I said watching the two girls he came from huff away in their taxi cab.
“I was destroyed long before you honey. And I am not going to sit in that God damn club and watch you basically fuck Nick all night. No thanks.”he said pushing away from me. I was having a hard time myself standing up and thinking about how to censor myself so that this wouldn’t end up all over the internet tomorrow.
“AJ you alright man?”the camera guy said as AJ opened the door to the cab that was stopped by the curb.
--- AJ ---
“I’m fine.”I said shutting the door behind me. It was open faster than I thought as I laid my head up against the window.
“Move over.”Caroline said huffing as she climbed in beside me. “You can barely even talk. I’m not going to let you go back to your place alone. 54th and Vine please.”I smiled, satisfied with how this was going.
“Nick I’ve got to go with him! No one else is!...no it’s not letting him get what he wants. I’m going to drop him off and come back Nick! CHILL! I’ll be back before you know it!”she yelled into her phone. I was drifting in and out of consciousness. All I could focus on was how hard she was crying beside me. We were back at my house before I knew it and she was helping me stumble into our old LA home. She stopped for a minute at the front step and looked over everything. She took a deep breath and helped me down the hallway to what use to be our bedroom. Everything was the same. I hadn’t changed anything. The room was spinning quickly as I fell to the bed. Nick was calling her off the hook. The ringtone was being played one after the other. She sat down next to where I was laying and sighed.
“Do you still love me?”I choked out. I waited...nothing but silence.
“Of course I still love you.”she said turning to look at me.
“And do you love him?”I asked sitting up next to her.
“Yea.”she said looking away from me.
“Are you in love with him?”I pressed.
“That’s not fair.”she said as I put my hand on top of hers. “It’s to complicated now.”
“It’s not complicated. I love you. You love me. Fuck the band.”I said as her head shot back up. “All I want is you.”
“It’s not that easy.”she said letting the tears fall from her eyes. I put my finger on her cheek following her tear until it fell from her cheek.
“I’m to drunk for this shit right now.”she said and we both laughed.
“You shouldn’t be drunk at all. AT ALL!”she said her voice getting louder at the end.
“I’m sorry.”I said truthfully. “I go to rehab in the morning. I just...I wanted to see you before I left.”
“Wrong way for me to see you off.”she said rolling her eyes.
“I’m sorry. I can’t control it anymore.”I said putting my head in my hands as she pulled me into her.
“It’s gonna be okay.”she kept repeating as she rubbed her hand up my back. I had a firm grip on her arm with both hands. I didn’t want to let her go, so we just sat that way for close to twenty minutes. I broke away from her and immediately pressed my lips to hers. A rush from my toes to the top of my head as she laid back and I hovered over her running my fingers from her boobs to her stomach.
“I can’t -”she stuttered as we were still kissing. I had missed this so much. I slowly moved my hand up her thigh, moving towards her panties. “I can’t!”she said pushing me off of her. “I can’t!!” Her breathing had gotten extremely heavy as I pushed her up against my bedroom wall.
“You want this just as much as I do.”I said in between kisses as I slid her panties off.
“We’re to drunk.”she whispered.
“You’re good.”I said as I let some of my fingers inside her. Her breathing was so fast as I moved inside her and she lifted one of her legs around me. Her ringtone blared louder it seemed then before and we both snapped out of whatever had just made us start doing this and she rushed to answer it.
Author's Chapter Notes:
jumbling up the mess between the three of them a little bit more...
